CMLove

like everyone else bill has ever dated has known him as the dream demon and king of nightmares and dimensional authority's most wanted. he can never be given a chance to be more than his reputation, not without putting his reputation in jeopardy and he's not gonna do that

but ford is ignorant to who bill is. yes he believes bill is a powerful being, but he doesn't understand how powerful or what that truly means. he lacks the context to see bill as anything more than as he presents himself

ok im glad my tags ☝️ hurted everyone because i have more to say on this

ford traveling the multiverse and it doesn't take long, in fact it takes a frighteningly short amount of time, for him to learn that he wasn't messing with one of your run of the mill demons. he was messing with the demon, arguably one of the oldest and most powerful beings in reality.

ford finally finding a quiet and safe space to rest, and the moment his mind and body feel he doesn't have to be on alert, that they have a second to process, he shuts down and breaks down, shaking and sobbing not because of how bill tricked or used him, but because he knows now just how much danger he'd been in for the last two years.

he thought he was safe and taken care of, but he was on the only piece of dry land in the mouth of an active volcano, he was in a half inflated dingy in shark infested water, he was doing a space walk ignorant to the fact his tether had snapped, he was playing russian roulette with only one empty chamber and he just got lucky every spin.

it could have been bad. it could have been so, so much worse than what bill actually did to him. ford realizing that bill had been going easy on him back in the cabin, had been pulling his punches. ford realizing bill had barely even given him a slap on the wrist. and rather than being filled with complex emotions about their relationship, he's swallowed up with pure terror. how could he have gotten himself in so deep into something so terrible? without any suspicion at all.

he'd spent two years skirting his finger tips just above molten magma, he had been making love to a shark, he had been embracing the never ending void, he had been kissing the barrel of a gun.

and he'd had no idea. he hadn't seen anything wrong, he'd been deaf to any warnings, he had accepted all the red flags.

AAA YES YES ugh ford seeing all the wanted posters bill's put up for him, all of them saying wanted alive alive alive alive and he has no other choice but to tell himself it's because bill wants to torture him again, because the pain he gets in his gut thinking about going home to bill, thinking about bill waiting up for him, thinking about bill worried about him is too much. he doesn't have the emotion regulation skills or self-insight to navigate it

because he can't imagine bill would love him for anything other than his mind, and he has nothing to offer bill in this world. he can't build him the portal and bill is at full power, he doesn't need weapons. he can't conceptualize a world where bill loves him for his creativity, his humor, his inventiveness, his passion, his mean streak, his child-like wonder. because ford doesn't see any good qualities in himself, and bill only ever complimented him on his intelligence. ford can't imagine bill did that because he knew it would be the only compliment ford would accept without resistance, would actually believe

i love a portal ford who is still telepathic with bill. bill begging and pleading and screaming and threatening and warning him to not leave, do not leave the asteroid belt, do not leave the nightmare realm, but of course ford does and bill is helpless to stop him. over time bill giving ford more and more space because trying to control stanford pines only serves to drive him further away. bill switching tactics, only chiming in from time to time, giving him tips and advice and little nudges, things ford does not want to ask for but desperately needs. bill keeping eyes on his location to gauge if he has influence or sway in this region, how close are his nearest bounty hunters, any goons on-planet? but more often than not ford is dark, radio silent except the worm in his head. and it's only on the worst nights, when ford is cold and tired and hungry and knows he can't go to sleep or he won't wake up that bill whispers in his ear to come home, he misses him, please fordsy it hurts to see you like this

ford sewing metal into the hood of his coat because it sounds so wonderful, it sounds so perfect, bill sounds truly remorseful and has done so much to help him and protect him and he wants him alive and its hurts. it hurts too bad to think about bill still loving him, thinking about them having a life and a home and a future together.

Hi I’m new here