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DEAR READER
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@maliciousgod
After they get together Casās answerphone message gets changed to Dean saying "this is Casās phone. He can't make it to the phone because he's too busy having hot sex with his sexy boyfriend" and then there's laughter and sounds of a scuffle and Casās voice says "How do I change it-" BEEP
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hey I wonder what happens if I put powdered milk into carbonated water
my cereal is loud and it's demanding to know why I would sin against both nature and god so thoughtlessly
...how does it taste?
the fizz comes from carbonic acid in the water splitting up into COā and HāO over time. And carbonic acid is ā as an acid ā sour.
By adding milk to sour water you've created a very convincing emulation of spoiled milk, so I'll believe in a heartbeat that the taste is Not Greatā¢.
I have mastered the potion: Instant Spoiled Milk, therefore earning the rank of shittiest alchemist currently alive.
top 3 hobbies for young adults:
1. borrowing misery from future
2. carrying grief of the past
3. agonizing over the present
the thing about phone in bed is that it's so awesome. almost makes you feel like betraying & destroying yourself for nothing isn't all so bad
they should invent a body that feels normal to be inside of
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[looking at people younger than me] you have your whole life ahead of you [looking at people older than me] you have your whole life ahead of you [looking at myself] its over
some horny dean / destiel memes that have been clinically proven to brighten your most boring day
destiel!!! yay
Today, Dean forgets to put on sunscreen before doing lawn work and is punished with a light burn on his forearm and a slight farmer's tan.
When he asks castiel to get rid of the tan cass replies he is low on grace (he isn't he can probably heal such a thing from ten foot distance but just wants to see Dean with the for longer
btw it's so fucking stupid you can be anxious physically in your body even after you've decided mentally you don't care. I'm supposed to be in charge here
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gabriel doing god's work in changing channels by making dean confused (sexually) by pressing him against the wall & whispering threats in that low sex growl voice, and sam giving him heart eyes the entire time (he's mildly annoyed it's dean being manhandled and not him) will never not be funny to me
Castiel is preparing another one of his special holy oil molotov not because he saw this but sensed that someone beside him is manhandling Dean
(emerges 3 hours later covered in blood) i figured out what emotion i was feeling
Jack: Can I have a cookie?
Dean: What did Sam say?
Jack: He said no.
Dean: So why would I say yes?
Jack: Because he's not the boss of you.
Dean, already taking out the cookie jar: You can have two.
Cas and Dean acting like a couple in moments where itās convenient. Free meal in an expensive restaurant? āWe just got engaged!ā, Jackās in trouble? āWeāre his dadsā, and if one of them is in the hospital, it inevitably goes like this;
Dean: *inconsolable and not leaving Casā side as his angel is carted into the emergency room with a stab wound to the chest.* Cas? Cas just hold on okay? Weāre almost there.
Cas: *slipping in and out of consciousness, currently human much to his dismay* Deanā¦
Dean: Yeah itās me. Iām here, always gonna be here.
Nurse: Sir? We need to take him into surgery.
Dean: Yeah, okay yeah, letās uh, letās go to surgery.
Nurse: Iām sorry, but I canāt allow you any further than this point.
Dean: Fuck- right. Of course. Just, god take care of him yeah?
Cas: *barely awake eyes closed* Want Dean toā¦ stay.
Dean: Iāll be right outside angel. Right here. *he kisses Cas on the forehead right before they cart him away*
Nurse: Itāll take a few hours, but weāll do everything we can for him. Would you like to move to the waiting room?
Dean: *eyes not moving from the door Cas just went through* No I uh, I promised him Iād stay here.
Nurse: ā¦.alright i probably shouldnāt let you just hang around here but since youāre the boyfriend-
Dean: -Husband yeah.
Nurse: since youāre the husband, if you move out of the immediate path of the door Iāll let you sit here.
Dean: Thank you. I want to be here the second heās out.
*5 hours later*
Cas: *waking up in a hospital bed with wires in his arms and a numbed pain in his chest* ā¦Deanā¦
Dean: *sitting in the chair right beside him holding his hand* Cas? Cas! Oh thank god, you had me scared for a minute there buddy.
Cas: You didnāt leave.
Dean: Course not. Iāll never leave you again.
Cas: Did you have to pretend to be my boyfriend again?
Dean: *laughing* actually they assumed boyfriend, I corrected them.
Cas: *suddenly sad* you told then we were friends.
Dean: No, I-
Nurse: *walking in* Oh good, youāre awake. Your husband here hasnāt left your side for one minute. I bet heās overjoyed to see you alert again.
Cas: *whispering to no one really* Husband.
Dean: *whispering to Cas* Husband. Sounds right doesnāt it?
*nurse checks a few things then leaves*
Cas: It does sound right.
Dean: we could, you know.
Cas: What? Get married?
Dean: Yeah, I mean, like, as friends obviously. Just friend-husbands, nothing gay-
Cas: *grabbing Dean by the face and pulling him in for a slow, gentle kiss* Yes. Iāll marry you.
Dean: *stunned* Good. And, maybe it can be a little bit gay.
Dean saying things to Cas he doesnāt realise are the angelic equivalent of āI love youā;
*Dean working on the impala, Cas sitting closely and watching*
Cas: How did you learn to fix engines?
Dean: Oh, my dad taught be the basics but it was Bobby who really showed me the ropes. Itās easy once you get the hang of it. Hey, you wanna try?
Cas: Try what?
Dean: Well sheās due some fresh tyres. I could show you how to change āem?
Cas: *blushing madly* You- you want to teach me a skill of your lineage?
Dean: ā¦weird fucking way of putting it, but yeah pretty much.
Cas: :0
*Dean and Cas outside a bar at 2am leaning on the impala, Dean a little tipsy*
Dean: hey look! You can see the stars out here!
Cas: Oh, yes, theyāre one of my favourite angelic creations.
Dean: You know when you properly ādiedā for the first time I saw the North Star that night and named it Cas then when I missed you I could go out and pray to the star as if you were listening.
Cas: Dean, are you saying you- Dean did you worship me as a false idol?!
Dean: Huh, yeah technically I guess I did.
Cas: : O
*Sam Dean and almost human Cas having a movie night, Dean making them watch Dogma to critique the angel lore*
Sam: Okay, Iām turning in.
Cas: The film isnāt over for another twenty seven minutes Sam.
Sam: Donāt care, too tired.
Dean: Cas itās okay, let him leave. Although you look tired too buddy, you wanna call it?
Cas: Iām fine. I want to see the end of the story, if I am asleep at the end you may wake me and tell me to move.
Dean: Or maybe Iāll just be the one watching over you for once.
Cas: Why would you do that? I am not your charge Dean, it is not your responsibility to-
Dean: Dude I wasnāt saying that out of responsibility, Iām happy to make sure youāre safe just whenever.
Cas: *teary eyed* Youā¦ are offering me safe rest, freely and without expectation??
Dean: *so confused* Yup, again gotta work on your phrasing but still. Yes.
Cas: I love you too.
Dean: *stunned but secretly overjoyed* Not the way I thought that would happen but alright then. I love you Cas.
*he kisses Cas until theyāre both to tired to continue. The second they wake up in each others arms the next morning they continue. Sam almost kills himself when he walks in on them naked together cuddling*
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Johnās voicemail: If this is an emergency, call my son.
Samās voicemail: If this is an emergency, call my brother.
Deanās voicemail: If this is an emergency, leave a message or try my other phone.
Bro is his own emergency contact on top of being everyone elseās Iām going to throw myself under a jet ski
