but in ourselves

“She is… certainly something else. I’m sort of glad, that I’m here, too,” Micha nodded, though his cheeks flushed when Toby admitted to selfishly wanting company. “I know, what you mean, that is.” His eyes traveled down to the ground for a moment, staring at his feet as they walked. “Both, I suppose. Wonderland is *under* England. So, while I wouldn’t… necessarily say that I-I’ve been to England, I had to pass through it, to come here.” Micha rose his gaze as they entered the garden, smiling softly as they looked around, admiring the flowers. “They really seemed to have gathered a wide variety of them. I do have a favorite, though.” Heading toward the area where he knew that his favorite would be, he motioned for Tobias to follow. He reached forward, picking one of the beautiful white flowers from the bunch, turning to the male. “Canterbury Bells.” He placed the flower delicately behind his ear, fingers gently brushing against his cheek. Hesitating for a moment, Micha realized he probably seemed weird, pulling away. “Sorry,” he whispered, ringing his hands.

“It’s, very hard, to explain. Unless you go there, that is… Imagine, perhaps… a dream. Like, when you’re dreaming, everything makes sense to you, but when you wake up, and think about it, things in the dream wouldn’t make sense if they actually happened. You know?” Micha could tell he was doing a terrible job at explaining, so he was glad to have a question he could answer. “W-well, you see… um.. both? She’s very dangerous, and er— known for r-rather, barbaric punishment.” He shivered just thinking about it, rubbing his arm. “I haven’t heard of much, other than Wonderland. It’s sort of like only we exist, down there… but, I’ve always been curious, about other places. I know of England, and that’s about it.” They approached a rather fancy gate to enter the deeper section of the garden, and Micha held it open for them. “It’s lovely, isn’t it?”

Toby tried imagining it, and he found that Wonderland must have been a really interesting kind of place. “Yes, that makes sense. I mean, only in the way that I can imagine it.” Maybe one day he would get to go to Wonderland and see it for himself, though he wasn’t really sure if that would be possible. “She sounds like a nightmare, really. It’s a good thing you’re here now, I suppose. I mean, I’m really glad you’re here so I can have some company, though that does sound a bit more selfish than it did in my head.” He figured he should stop going on about it or else he would talk himself into the ground. “Interesting. Have you ever been to England or have you just heard about it?” He asked, following him through the garden. “It really is lovely... There’s so many flowers, I don’t even recognize some of them.”

“Hmm… I wouldn’t say it’s a country at all, really. But, for starters… it’s a, um… rather peculiar place. We celebrate unbirthdays, and just about everyone there is a bit… well, crazy, I guess you could say. The best kind, of crazy. We all get along, for the most part, except for with the queen of hearts. Think of, Wonderland, as… a place without logic. Nothing really makes sense, there, but that’s why it does, at the same time. Anything, could happen.” His cheeks flushed when Toby said he looked normal, unsure if the boy knew how much that had actually meant to him, when everyone in Wonderland thought he might be going as crazy as his father. Even in a place without logic, his father was deemed quite too peculiar. “Thanks… So where are you from?” he asked, leading him to the gardens out back.

“Oh, okay...” Tobias nodded his head, still not sure if he really understood what Wonderland was. “So, this Queen of Hearts lady... Is she evil? Or do you all just not like her?” He wondered if maybe the Queen of Hearts was the reason Micha was here. Perhaps she was the one who was after him and his family. He figured everyone here had to have someone they were running away from. They walked towards the garden and he was impressed by just have vast they were. “I’m from a little country called Monaco. I guess you probably haven’t heard of it, right?”

“Well, I think it’s rather wonderful,” Micha shrugged, though he wasn’t sure if everyone would. There didn’t seem to be anyone back home who disliked Wonderland, other than what the Queen of Hears had been making of it. “I don’t think… it’s always been called that, Wonderland, but that’s what I have known it as,” he explained. “People tend to, wonder about it, I believe that’s why. Things are, very different, there.” Micha led Toby to the back of the palace, pushing the door open and letting him walk through first. 

“Then that’s all that matters, right?” Tobias figured that as long as Micha liked Wonderland, then that was a good thing. When he mentioned that things were different in Wonderland, he wasn’t really sure what he was getting at. “So exactly how different is Wonderland? It’s certainly not a country I’ve heard of, and I’m certain I’ve heard of them all.” He walked through the door. “Thank you,” he said, stepping outside. “You look pretty normal to be from a place called Wonderland.”

“O-Oh… Okay, um.. yeah, sure. I can do that,” Micha nodded, giving a weak smile. Fidgeting with his hands to stop the anxiousness rising in his chest, Micha hesitated. “Oh, right. It’s a pretty, er— strange place, I must admit. Much different, probably, than you’re… used to. But I don’t mind, telling you.” Micha awkwardly gestured toward the exit of the library, heading in that direction before they got yelled at by the librarian for talking so much. They weren’t being loud, per say, but he was still worried. “For starters, it’s called Wonderland.”

“Great, thanks.” Tobias wasn’t sure if this was the best idea, but he was certain that Micha would be able to warm up to him soon. At least, he hoped he would. “I think I can handle strange,” he replied, following Micha out of the library before they managed to make more of a mess. “Wonderland? I’ve never heard of a place like that. Is it called that in a good way? Like it’s wonderful? Or is it the opposite?” He asked, truly wanting to know more.

“Compared to the weather here? Very…” Micha laughed, nodding his head. He wouldn’t describe Wonderland as a necessarily boring place, but the weather was certainly lackluster compared to this. “Change can be nice.” Though it was a little anxiety provoking, Micha was slowly starting to get used to change, particularly with living at the palace. “No,” he shook his head. “Not much. I um… I’ve really only seen the garden, and kitchen, other than here. What about you?”

“You’ve already seen the garden? Then maybe you can be my tour guide. I was going to head outside anyway,” Tobias replied, figuring that a walk outside might do them both good. Micha probably needed some fresh air. “And you can tell me a bit more about where you’re from, I’m pretty intrigued.”

Micha knew it was probably not something people heard every day, and it wasn’t exactly like everyone got to pick their own names, since that was a parent’s job. But for him, names had meanings, and they were significant. In a way, Toby did have a choice, to go by his full name, or his shortened, which were the same, but very different. “Nice to meet you,” he reciprocated, though quieter than the other male. A small laugh fell from his lips, shifting his gaze down for a moment. “Yes, I s’ppose it is. I have to admit, I’m.. n-not really used to weather, like this, where I’m from. It’s sort of just… er, the same, year round. I um.. won’t bother you, any more, if you want to go read.”

Toby didn’t really mind that Micha was being a bit quiet or awkward, it just meant that he would have to do more of the talking. He wasn’t really a stranger to being direct. “The weather’s not good where you’re from?” He asked, wanting to know more about him. “I’ve lived by the ocean all my life, so our weather is pretty much always nice.” When he said that he wouldn’t bother him anymore, he put a hand on his arm. “You’re not bothering me. If I had to choose between reading and talking to someone, it’s definitely going to be the latter. That is, unless you have something you’d rather be doing.”

“Um…” Micha hesitated, quietly laughing to himself. “Actually, a bit, but, it’s not… it’s not your fault. I um…” He paused, shaking his head. “I’m, pretty easy, to scare, I mean,” he quickly recovered. Micha carefully pushed each book back onto it’s respective shelf and arranged them so that they were all in line, neat and proper. “Toby,” he repeated, smiling softly to himself, now that he wasn’t facing the other, and rather reading the titles along the spines of the books. “That’s a nice name.” Realizing he hadn’t yet mentioned his own, he panicked slightly, turning back to face him. “My uh… I mean, I’m… Micha.” After a brief moment he continued. “You didn’t, you know… have to help me, or anything, but… I— I appreciate it. Do you normally like reading?”

“Sorry about that, then.” He knew it wasn’t technically his fault, but still he felt a little responsible for having scared him. When he said that Tobias had a nice name, he shrugged his shoulders. “Thanks. I guess it’s not so bad.” He didn’t really have any opinion one way or the other about his name. It just was. “It’s nice to meet you, Micha. And I know I didn’t have to help, but I wasn’t just going to leave you here.” He quirked his lips. “I’m not a huge reader, but I figured it would be nice to find a book to take outside. It’s a really nice day.”

Micha wasn’t used to people being this nice to him, let alone cracking jokes and acting so casual. That was one thing he was sure that he didn’t know how to do, act casual. “I um… I’m fine, really… just, a bit flustered, that’s… that’s all.” Frantically reaching once again for the books that he had dropped, Micha had hardly been paying attention as they both reached for the same one, their fingers touching. “Sorry…” he instantly retracted his hand, his gaze flashing up quickly and offering a small hint of a smile. “Thanks…” His voice was quieter now, as he slowly stood this time, starting to place the books back. 

“That’s alright. I didn’t scare you, did I?” Tobias figured that might have been why he had accidentally knocked down the books in the first place, but he wasn’t quite sure. When their fingers touched as they went for the same book, he couldn’t help smiling. “It’s fine, really. No problem.” He helped him put the books back up on the shelf, hoping they were in the right order. “I’m Tobias, by the way. You can call me Toby if you want.”

Micha had spent so many years with his anxiety that it was very common to react first, think later, and that was exactly what he had did. His natural reaction to seeing someone he hadn’t known was there was to get spooked. He hadn’t even realized until the boy was talking to him that he didn’t see Micha at all when Micha saw him. If he had remained calm, he probably could have just walked away and nothing more would have happened, and he could have escaped to some corner of the library alone and unbothered. Now, he had to deal with the fact that this boy knew he was there, and was talking to him. “No! I-I mean… I’m, fine… I just- books- feel over- sorry…” As he scrambled to pick up the books, he happened to glance up at the male in front of him, properly looking at him for the first time. His eyes widened slightly, cheeks flushing uncontrollably. He was cute, and, realizing he was probably staring, Micha dropped his gaze and rose too quickly, hitting his head on one of the shelves, the books spilling out of his hands once again. “Ow…”

Tobias usually knew what to do when people were acting awkward around him, and he had meant to help the poor guy with the fallen books, but he couldn’t help chuckling to himself about it. “Don’t apologize to me. You should be glad the librarian isn’t around here to kick you out for disturbing the books,” he replied jokingly. The books fell out of the boy’s hands again when he looked up and hit his head, Tobias running a hand through his hair before crouching down to help him with the books. “Are you alright? You seem to be having a bit of trouble.”