a derp that dreams

You know I promised my parahusband to take better care of myself and what do I do? Yeah I don’t... you would think I could get it done if I actually love him as much as I always claim to do... I’m mad at myself...

mmhhh, another day.... got nothing done. again.

I’m not sure if MaDD made IRL problems and conflicts worse or better for me. On one hand, if something bad happens, it feels less bad for me because I know I can ‘‘fix’‘ it later in my daydreams. My brain doesn’t recognise those negative moments as negative because I rewrite them later. Again and again. The same situation all over again... until I can’t even remember what was true or not. I’m not hallucinating, I don’t see these things that I imagine but I purposefully create false memories? It’s good and also bad... I don’t have the negative impact from the bad events but I have negative impact from sometimes not being able to tell what happened. Sometimes it also happens with normal conversations I imagine but that’s less bad because it’s more trivial. Most of the time I prepare myself for IRL conversations with my daydreams and they actually say those things that I imagined... and that makes my memories even foggier I guess. Does anyone else have that?