Making A Murderer Hairstyles

The Bald Lieutenant: a no-frills style for when you don’t want a hair transplant because the only plant you’re into is planting evidence. 

The Shoestring Ponytail: a tight pony with two thin strands set free (like innocent people should be) and framed (like innocent people can be) around the face. 

The Gimmie That Confession Goatee: the neatly manicured facial hair helps hide your emotions as you pressure a teenager to confess murder. This is a perfect pairing with the Forehead Garden hairdo: when you grown a tiny patch of grass in the front of your head hoping it distracts from the wide open field on the back of your head.

The Lab Swoop with Stash: this classic side part paired with an eye-catching mustache offers a “take me seriously” vibe as make-up magical FBI lab tests. 

The Upside Down Afro: this style lets your face have some fun. However this one is expensive, it will cost you about 18 years of freedom.

The Eye Tickler: A long bang you hope will blind you from seeing any more injustice. 

The Graduated Top Of His Communications Class Reporter: a spiky style that looks good on camera. Be careful though, these spikes can be as sharp as the invisible knife cops claim was used in this case.

The Greek Pizza Shop Owner: A great do for making cheesy pies and feta filled salads. Also a great do for doodling police sketches that send an innocent man to jail for rape. 

The “Ah Hell No” Reporter Bangs: A a sassy style to match the look on your face every time someone says something asinine as fuck.

The Dassey Do: similar to the Avery Pageboy but harder to maintain, just like a false confession story is hard to maintain when it is fed to you by police officers. 

The Jodi: simple and sweet. A low maintenance style great for getting run out of town by the cops.

The Manitowoc Mullet: party in the back, sitting in court listening to lies in the front. 

The Lucious Lawyer: a thick gorgeous mane that makes ladies melt. 

The Nancy Grace’s Sister: a cut with as many layers as this case.

The Perv Part: a side parted combover you hope abused women will be attracted to when you sexually harass them. Goes well with a panty sniffer stash.

The Avery Pageboy: the trick to this gorgeous thick hip style is using a prison shower for many unfair years. Luckily haircare developers are crafting a new artisan shampoo made of jail water, so expect to see this do on skinny-jean wearing bass musicians at this year’s SxSW festival. 

The Free Spirited Scientist: a long gorgeous look that flows well on weekdays when you’re gracefully disproving DNA results, and flows even nicer on the weekends you’re swaying to sweet sounds of your local Grateful Dead cover band.