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Sweetness part 1 part 2 by @upsidedownwithsteve - I am a huge fan of anything and everything you write but GAWDDDD this ruined my life. (18+)

You deserve each other by @bimrwolf - Could not stop thinking about this AU for a few days. Literally PLAGUED my brain. (18+)

Fix it by @lovebugism - IT'S ABOUT THE KIND OF ANGST THAT KILLS YOU AND YOU LET IT🤌🏻🤌🏻🤌🏻

Don't call me baby by @katyswrites - this is actively ruining my life as we speak. Modern Steve and you add sugar daddy au to that KILL ME. (18+)

Nine facts, one lie by @stevebabey - the amount of times I have read this should be a record…but god I am IN LOVE with this!

Love as sweet as honey (and lover I’m hungry) by @stevebabey - when I tell you the praise kink in me was THRIVING! (18+)

She drives me crazy by @upsidedownwithsteve - I don’t think I can ever say in words how much I LOVE this AU so plz take this keysmash jskskskskskskskdkzjdjzhchxhxjchxhcnmdnxnxjsjdidieidisjcjsndmsnfndndkfj (18+)

Do you think I have forgotten (about you) by @keeryshouse - the exes to lovers buildup is fucking CRAZY! The slow falling in love again makes me dizzy (18+)

Not like this by @makeadealwithme - Friends to lovers but make it more complex and realistic and angsty jsksjsjzjsjcjdjfj I LOVEEEEEE

Of monsters and mistletoes by @ficsilike-reblogged - I am SUCH a sucker for 5+1 things but with Steve and Christmas and goddamn mistletoes I just 😭😭😭

Call it what you want & So it goes by @maelialuv - INSANITY! Absolutely fucking insane. (18+)

‘Tis the damn season by @katyswrites - The range of emotions this series put me through lmao because I DISTINCTLY remember going from horny to straight up bawling this is SO GOOD 🤌🏻 (18+)

I'll put us together back at heart by @sanguineterrain - Just...wow. The ex-friends angst was so DELICIOUS oml! LOVE LOVE LOVE

“Hm, did I say that? Doesn’t sound like me,” he responds sarcastically before taking a breath. “I’m sorry you’ve had such a shit day," he said turning into you a little bit more, temple resting on the top of your head, voice going soft. "Ready to tell me about it?" He knows that now is the right time to ask, when your defenses are down and when your lips are a little loose.  

It practically spills out of you as you proceed to tell him about the shitty customers at work, how your coworkers were all out so it was understaffed, how Robin ditched your lunch plans and didn’t answer when you called her, quickly skating over the fact that when you called Steve too it also went to voicemail. You tell him that when you went home, your dinner was cold and half eaten on the counter with a note left by your brother that he was sorry but he was just so hungry and had no time to get his own food and he just couldn't save it for you. To top it off, Jackson Peters rejected you about two hours ago, and proceeded to make out with another girl over on the couch, even though he swore he wanted to take you out next week. You kept rambling, talking about how you felt alone, you felt pretty unloved, and now you were at a party full of people who barely acknowledged you so you decided to drink it away (per Steve’s suggestion, you remind him), which lead to you sitting on the curb outside with him (which you thank him for) and you tell him you'll be over it by tomorrow but if you could both just sit there a little longer that would be much appreciated. Steve stays silent for a moment, unsure if you were finished talking or planning to continue, but once he's sure he wraps his arm around your back, pulling and shifting your body into him, your legs half coming over his, and he just hugs you. You feel his hands glide over your back, warming you gently.  

"I'm sorry about today. I'm sorry the party didn't help. I'm sorry I didn't pick up when you called..." he trails off and you feel him take in a deep breath, you do the same, albeit yours a little shakier "I swear I'm always here for you, I want to be, I swear." 

 "It's ok Steve. You are. It was just a lot today, I’m fine, really," you breathe out, trying to add a little laugh to your voice. He nods and you feel his hands go to rest on your shoulders. 

“Ok but seriously, you’re upset about Jackson Peters? Haven’t we been over this before - you could do so much better; you know that right?” Steve’s voice sounds pitched but he follows it with a cheeky grin and laugh that causes your chest to swell.  

“Ugh Steve c’mon that’s not true,” you couldn’t stop it from coming out whiny, a small giggle escaping along with it.  

“It totally is true! The kid failed his driver's test three times y/n, did you know that?” 

“What! No way, Steve, you’re being mean” you tease him.  

“I’m just telling the truth y/n! I'm never letting you get you get in car with him.” 

“That would’ve been years ago!” 

“I don’t even know how you do that, even Max can drive better.”  

You turn to look him in the eye, an incredulous look on your face.  

“...Three times?”  

“Three times.” 

You think for a moment, Steve swears he can hear the cogs turning in your head. “Alright... I guess I’m not too upset about that then.”  

“That's my girl!” Steve beams. As he says it, he goes to tickle your sides, causing you to squeal and squirm in his arms. Both of you erupt into drunken laughter, so much so your eyes are watering. You mutter 'unbelievable’ to him, with an extra playful hit to Steve’s chest for good measure as you both settle back down. You’re closer than before, almost in his lap, with his head resting on top of yours and arms wrapping around you. The closeness, the warmth, the comfort, is going straight to your head and making it feel fuzzy. You know your inhibitions were lowered, judgement a little off, but you just couldn't help it as you turned your head upward, eyes on his neck. You press a gentle kiss to the bottom of his throat, pausing for a second. He doesn't turn away. It emboldens you as you move higher and press another one to his neck, this time a bit firmer, more noticeable. Feeling courageous, you let your lips trail up to his jaw and you tentatively place one there. You're surprised again when he still doesn't move. You two have never kissed before, not like this, nothing more than a kiss of the cheek goodbye as friends would. You don't dare open your eyes as you bring your hand to the other side of his face, lightly pushing his chin towards you as you kiss along his jaw, nearing so close to his lips. You never look at him but you swear you can hear him sigh a little in your ear, throat swallowing roughly, jaw opening slightly. You shift your body into him as you place a final kiss near the side of his chin before you feel him grip your hips and abruptly push you off him, firm but kind, and he quickly leaps up off the curb. You're struck by surprise, brain still working a little slow and your hands still held like they were on him. However, the realization hits you like a wave as your eyes widen in shock and words start tumbling out of your mouth "oh...fuck, shit, oh my god Steve... I - " 

 Steve looks just as panicked as you and starts spewing words out at the same time, reaching out to you. "No, no! Oh my god, shit it's fine I'm not upset or anything I just can't, I'm sorry... I just - " you stand up, the humiliation burning, all you want to do is run away from him.  

"Steve I'm so sorry I didn't mean to... I just... I just – shit! I'm sorry I'll go, I'll go," you say, pushing past him and walking back towards the house. Steve follows after you for a few steps, his long legs quickly catching up to you as he clutches your arm and turns you to look at him  

"No y/n you don't have to go, please. I didn't mean to push you off like that, I liked it – fuck! -I mean, I just meant..." 

 "No Steve stop. I swear I didn't mean to cross a line."  

"N- no you didn't, I want to, I do, just not like this - I won't let it - it can't happen like this." He's weaving around you trying to look you in the eye and make you hear him, but you’re already turned away and wrenching your arm from his grip, rushing to the house to disappear and be swallowed by people. You feel hot in the face as a dose of shame and embarrassment come over your body "god I'm so stupid oh my god" you chant to yourself in your head, how could you let your feelings come to the surface like that? Steve was your best friend, your best fucking friend, and now you've gone and screwed it all up.  

 As you make your way back into the party you head straight for the drinks, picking up whatever shooter was left over and downing it. You snag a can of beer in your hand too, thinking it might prolong a buzz to stave off the guilt. You quickly glance around the party, looking for Robin or Nancy or anyone else that you knew, but your eyes fixated on the tuft of long brown hair peeking through the crowd frantically making its way closer to you. "Shit" you mutter, you can't face him yet, and you quickly turn and make your way out the back door, through the garden, to the side gate and slipping through before anyone noticed. Your pace is fast as you make your way down the alley, out on to the street and you start in the direction towards your house, knowing you'll have to walk fast if you plan on making it home anytime soon. You're thankful the night wasn't chilly, you're thankful Hawkins was (generally) safe and quiet, and you stuck to the shadows of the main roads hoping that Steve wouldn’t pull up behind you. The entire walk home images flashed in your head of Steve, you felt his warm neck against your lips, his strong hands on your back, the coldness when he separated you. You shudder in shame. You couldn't help but feel some tears prick in your eyes, but you quickly blinked them away. It was frustrating, the way your thoughts seemed to drag through your mind. You settle for woefully drinking the stolen beer as you kept walking home, hoping it would put out the burn in your gut.   

It wasn't much later after you got to your house that Steve drove down your street, sober and stressed about you. He spent the whole drive home searching the sidewalks, hoping you weren't still walking, hoping you were safe. He felt so stupid for pushing you off - he admits to himself he almost didn't. Your lips felt like hot fire against his neck, he swore he could still feel the lingering heat. He never expected this from you, thinking you were content with your friendship. So, he never made a move even though he knew he wanted to - he certainly planned it out in his head all the time. He felt like a teenager daydreaming about his first crush. He thought about sweeping you off your feet, some simple but meaningful declaration of love on his lips, he thought about you saying it back too. It didn’t matter where to him - on his front porch, your backyard, the front seat of his car, or on your couch late at night after a movie – it just mattered that it was you and that it was a place you both shared. He certainly didn't envision it happening on curb, you a little too drunk and pissed off after a bad day, and him, not quite with it himself outside of a stranger's house, cigarette smoke on his breath and a waft of some other girl’s perfume on his clothes from earlier in the night. He never saw it like that, and it caught him off guard. The guilt bubbled in him, he never wanted to upset you.   

As he neared your house, he peered out his car window and saw the light in your bedroom and the singular shadow moving through the curtain. He let out a breath he didn't realize he was holding, just glad that you made it home ok. He sits for a moment, debating if he should go up to the door. In the midst of his battle, he sees the light flicker off. His lips purse together, slightly cursing himself for being a coward as he starts to quietly roll down your street, time for him to go home as well. I'll talk to her tomorrow, he thinks to himself, he sees you every day anyways.  

The next morning.  

It's early. Maybe a little too early after last night when Steve rings your doorbell, nervously mussing with his hair. To be honest, he probably should've thought more about what he was going to say but it didn't matter, he just knew he had to see you. Maybe take you out for breakfast and help cure the hangover he was sure you had. He stands there expectantly but his face falls to a frown after about a minute passes, so he rings the doorbell again. He listens intently, not hearing any movement. Checking his watch, he silently curses to himself for being an early riser (he knew you weren't) and waits another minute. There’s a fleeting thought that you might be avoiding him, but he runs it off with the hope that you’re just sleeping. Debating whether to ring the bell one more time, his watch catches his eye again. Maybe he should wait an hour? His brain was having a hard time being logical, only driven by wanting to see you. He stood at your door and convinced himself that maybe breakfast after a night out probably wasn't such a good idea, and that he probably should let you sleep, and that you'll probably come visit him at work later (like you always do) and maybe you two can grab dinner after or something. Yeah, sounds like a plan, he thinks. So, he leaves, drives off, and tries to push out the gnawing feeling in his stomach that something feels off "probably just the hangover” he mutters.   

It's the afternoon as Steve and Robin putter about the video store, putting away movies and recounting the stories from last night. "Steve, where were you? I was totally making a fool of myself right in front of Vickie, I told you I couldn't be left alone at parties." Robin groans, sticking her head around one of the shelves she was stacking. 

"Uh yeah sorry, must've been outside with y/n, needed to sober up," his apology was flat, his mind still caught somewhere else. Robin stops for a minute, choosing her next words carefully. 

 "You two were alone?"  

“Mhm” Steve nods his head, eyes avoiding Robin’s.  

“And...did anything happen?” 

"What? No! ...No" 

 "You sure about that? You’re sounding pretty defensive Stevie" 

“Jesus Robs what’s with the interrogation huh?” He turns to fiddle with the stapler at the desk. 

“Steve cut it out. You’ve been acting on edge all day, there’s clearly something you’re not telling me.” 

Steve breaks. Honestly - he can't hide anything from Robin. He recounts the whole moment, albeit keeping some of the details a little loose, and how he drove around last night for you, and how he stopped by this morning to see you and there was no answer, and finished by pointing out the fact that you would’ve stopped in by this point in the day and you haven’t yet. “Don’t you think that’s weird? Like, she’s definitely avoiding me, right?”  

Robin takes a second to internally sort out her feelings. Part of her was exploding, because she’s been rooting for the two of you to get together for what felt like forever, and part of her was restraining herself from smacking Steve upside the head for fumbling so hard. She knew you as well, knew how sensitive you could be and knew that yes, you were definitely avoiding him right now.  

“You absolute idiot.” Robin would admit later that no, that probably wasn’t the right choice of words for this exact moment. The smack on the head that she couldn’t stop herself from delivering with it maybe wasn’t the best choice either. 

“Seriously?! What did I do to warrant that?” Steve exclaims. 

“Steve, she made a move on you. That takes a lot of guts alright? You could’ve at least tried to let her down easier.” Steve’s face contorts in confusion at her words but when he goes to speak Robin cuts him off again, “Plus you’ve literally been crushing on her for forever, I thought you wanted this. I don’t get it!” She doesn’t realize how loud her voice is getting.  

“I do Robin! I do! Just not like that, y’know? And I didn’t mean to let her down badly, ok? I didn’t mean to let her down at all. It’s just, well you know how bad I am with words Robin and I was caught off guard. I didn’t think it would happen like that. You get that right?”  

“‘Just not like that.’ Since when did you get so precious about how you kissed girls Steve? She was literally right there on top of you... Are you feeling alright?” Robin lurches forward to Steve, trying to feel his forehead in a half joking, half concerned way. He swats her hand down.  

Robin takes a step back, shit eating grin on her face. “Dude, you’re like...in deep huh?” Robin's eyebrows are practically in her hairline. Steve thinks she looks far too amused for her own good. He groans in frustration practically collapsing on the counter in front of him. Forehead against the cool surface, he grumbles, “what the hell am I going to do.”  

“I don’t know what you’re waiting for Steve. You gotta apologize, and tell her how you feel. In full sentences this time. Don’t let her get the wrong idea again,” Robin tries to soften her tone as best as she could but she’s not sure she achieved it. “Dingus” she mutters as she saunters off to help the customers that walked in. Steve wallows the rest of his shift.  

He drives home in a daze after work, his thoughts a jumbled mess and still reeling from his conversation with Robin. He decides not to stop by your house again, being careful not to bother you too much and make things even more awkward, and tried to call instead. He reaches for his phone in the kitchen, dials your number automatically and waits, leaning against his counter. He hears it ring over and over again. No answer. His frown deepens ever so slightly. Maybe he typed the number wrong? So he tries you again with no luck. He feels a slight ache in his chest, some small upset feeling that sure reminds him of being homesick. 

Pushing the thoughts aside he tries to keep himself busy for the rest of the night until he sleeps, repeating over and over to himself that you were probably just tired, didn’t want to leave the house today, were working late, hanging with some other friends, something, anything to explain your absence. Steve barely slept that night, hearing phantom phone rings in his sleep. This was weird; even in your worst arguments you would still talk to him, still pick up when he called. Any day you didn’t see each other you would both end up saying goodnight over the phone anyways, and he’s reluctant to admit how much he loved it. He loved hearing you wish him goodnight, soft and sweet; he swore he slept better those nights than any others. 

The second day was even worse. 

It's nearing the end of another shift at Family Video and you still haven't shown. Steve can't help but let a frown slowly settle into his face with each passing minute. He would feel that gnawing feeling in his stomach creep in, anxiety filling his mind, as he replays the scene over and over again. Steve was restless all shift and it pissed Robin off, watching him pace around the store, tap his foot while waiting behind the desk. He kept looking at the clock and snapping his head every time the door opened.  

“Steve cut it out, seriously,” Robin whined at him.  

“I can’t Robin, I won’t stop thinking about it. What if she’s really not ok? For Christ’s sake, she won’t even answer the phone.” He’s almost spitting the words at her, sick of having to explain himself over and over.  

“Why don’t you try calling her from here? She might pick up since she knows you're at work?” Robin has been trying to help all morning. First it was helping Steve write a speech (before he tore it all up), then it was running him around the store to burn off energy (he was still agitated afterwards), and now Robin seems to have found a suggestion that might actually stick. 

Steve mulls it over in his head, “why don’t you call? She might talk to you more than me.” Robin wordlessly picks up the phone and dials as Steve recites your phone number to her. There is a tense few moments, Steve pressed up close to Robin’s face listening for the rings of the phone. After about 4 times through he is about to pull away before he hears a faint ‘hello?’ come from the other end. 

“Y/N! Hey, it’s Robin...”    

“Hey Robs, what’s going on, thought you were at work?” Steve was practically suffocating Robin at this point to hear your voice. He couldn’t tell how you sounded through the phone. Robin shot him an annoyed glance and tried to take a step back.  

“Yeah, yeah I am. Just got bored, was wondering if you wanted to stop by? Haven’t seen you in a few days...” Robin keeps her voice light as she shares a look with Steve, he practically freezes in place, holding his breath so to not make a sound.  

“Oh... Right, yeah...” he hears you pause over the line, “listen I'm sorry but I don’t think I’ll be able to make it in... busy today.” You trail off for a second, guilt creeping up in your throat for brushing your friend off. But you knew that if you went to see Robin, you’d also see Steve, and that made your stomach turn with anxiety.  

It was at that point that Steve couldn’t contain himself any longer, snatching the phone out of Robin’s hand and turning away from her as she yelped out a short, “Hey! Give that back Steve!”  

He presses the phone to his ear, half expecting you to have hung up by now before he gives a breathy “Y/N, hey, it’s me, Steve, can we talk?” The question comes out awkward and he mentally curses at himself. It’s silent on the other end before the line clicks and goes dead. He stares at the phone in surprise. “She - She just hung up on me,” he turns to face Robin again, “didn’t even say a word she just hung up!” 

“Ok look,” she grabs Steve by the shoulders, “she’s definitely avoiding you but she didn’t sound too chipper on the phone with me either so like... She's just having a bad day?” Robin really is trying her best to convince him. 

“No no this isn’t like her Robin you know that! God, she’s probably so pissed at me. What if we’re not even friends anymore!” Steve is breaking into a full on panic, hands coming up to roughly drag over his face in agony.  

“Steve, it’s fine, she’s not just going to stop being friends with you. You just have to talk. She probably thinks that you don’t want to be friends with her anymore. Got it?” Robin starts nodding her head, hoping Steve will mirror her and do the same, making him believe it too. She releases his shoulders, turning to start sorting through the stack of videos piled up on the counter. Steve just stares off into space, mind racing about you.  

As soon as the clock hits the hour, he tore out the door, driving straight to your house. He walks a little too hastily to your doorstep, ringing the doorbell rapidly a few times and then knocking the door for good measure. He waited for a minute (ok, 30 seconds) before trying again. He saw the lights on in your house, he knew you were there.  

"Hey listen it's just me, are you in there? I really think we should talk, please?" he called out, desperate, nose buried against the door. No answer still. “I’m not leaving until you answer Y/N, please!” He pleads again, waiting. He paces outside for (actually) 5 minutes, before huffing to himself and starting to walk around the side of your house. He knows your house well, from games of hide and seek as kids to sneaking in and out of it when you were teenagers. He also knows that you’re terrible in remembering to lock the back door. He peeks through the front windows, checking for you before opening the side gate and passing through the backyard. With one last look through the back he goes to turn the back door handle, it giving way and popping open immediately. A gratified huff leaves his chest as he sticks his head in the door, eyes searching the kitchen. “Y/N? Are you here? I’m coming in the back door,” he warns, stepping over the threshold. At that moment he hears rapid footsteps over the top floor and descending the stairs.   

“Steve! What the hell, you can’t just break in to my house!” You yell at him, feet flying fast across the main floor. Your eyes meet and you stop abruptly, leaving your kitchen island between the two of you. He takes you in for the first time since the party, dressed in comfortable sweats and hair loose and messed from your bed’s pillow. He thought the skin around your eyes looked a little red and raw but he wasn’t sure. He didn’t expect his heart to skip a beat at the sight of you.  

“I know I know, but you weren’t answering the door!” He says defensively arms gesturing wildly, “And I’m sick of you avoiding me - and don’t say you aren’t because I know you are.” His voice is more raised than he intended, but he felt like he was bursting at the seams, overwhelmed from not seeing you for days.   

“That doesn’t give you a right to break in Steve! I wasn’t answering the door because I don’t want to see you. I thought I was making that pretty clear.” You didn’t mean to sound so harsh, but you still felt awkward around him, the shame causing you to lash out. You were both circling the island as if you were playing a game – him, taking a step closer to you and you taking a step back each time he did.  

“Listen, please, I’m sorry about the other night, I’m not mad at you or anything ok...you know I’m not mad right?” it all comes out more stuttered than Steve intended, but he figured if he didn’t start talking the words might never come out. You cut him off quickly, wanting to end whatever conversation he was trying to force.  

“You don’t have to apologize for anything, seriously. I’m the one who’s sorry ok, I’m so sorry,” you change your direction and start moving towards him, slowly herding him out the kitchen and towards the front door while you keep speaking. “I shouldn’t have done that. I don’t know what I was thinking, I think it was just the end of a bad day and you were there and so close and it was so shitty of me Steve.” He sees the tears welling in your eyes and tries to interrupt you but you carry on, “I had a few drinks in me and wasn’t thinking straight. It’s not an excuse it’s just what happened and my head got all confused. Really, I crossed a line and I’m so sorry Steve.” He noticed you reach around him towards the front doorhandle, he almost goes to stop you but couldn’t find the courage to do it. “I’m just not ready to talk about it ok? I need some space, just to sort my head out a bit, figure out if I can keep being friends with you.” It sounded more mournful than you intended, part of you already believing that your friendship has ended. He watches you take a shaky breath and open the door. He tries to fight you, put up some sort of protest, but the tears in your eyes made him weak. 

“I didn’t want to upset you,” he gets out as your shaking your head at him, crowding him out the doorway. “You don’t have to apologize for anything, you don’t, I- I just couldn’t, but I do -” 

 “Please just go, I’ll talk to you when I’m ready, I promise – just need time to think, please don’t call me anymore,” you cut him off, shutting the door on him and pressing your back against it. Steve stands dumbfounded on your porch, staring at your door as if he could burn holes through it. That could not have gone any worse. In defeat, he trudges back to his car, absentmindedly swinging his keys around his fingers. His drive home was quiet, his head in another world still reeling. The loss of his best friend, and a girl he really loved, it weighed heavier on him by the minute.  

The days passed and Steve didn’t call. He didn’t drive by your house. He would ask Robin about you at work, knowing that she had hung out with you the night before, asked if you said anything about him. Robin would just shake her head, tell him no and not to worry, you were fine. He hated how he felt. He was moody, off balance, like he was going through withdrawal from you. It agitated Robin too, having to see Steve that way.  

It was about a week later when Steve was sat alone at home one night. Rain starting to bucket down, making Hawkins far gloomier than usual. He was eating a poor dinner of cereal and a bag of chips, sitting on the couch and watching a late-night show. He saw the flash of car lights outside his front window before he heard the car pull in, setting his heartbeat a little faster. He makes out the sound of a car door slamming and jumps up from the couch, peeking through the window to see who the late-night visitor could be. He notes your signature yellow raincoat dashing for the cover of his front porch, his eyes going wide as he rushes to open the front door for you.  

It catches you off guard, the warm draft of air from his doorway hitting you while the cold drops of rain slide down your jacket hood and on your face. You turn your head up to him, planting yourself a few feet from the door, just far enough to turn around and run back if you decided you couldn’t be brave. You stare at each other for a second before Steve breaks the silence. “What are you doing here? Come inside it’s bucketing out there,” he moves to turn inside, open his doorway to you more but you stay put. He looks back, taking in your face, contorted with uncertainty. Hell, he thought you almost looked nervous. “Y/N? What’s going on?”  

You fiddle with your jacket sleeves, dropping your gaze to your feet for second before gaining the courage to look up at him again. “Not like this... that’s what you said,” it was practically a mumble. Steve looks at you in confusion, mouth poised to speak again but you repeat yourself, a little louder, little bit braver. “I remember it. You said, ‘it can’t happen like this’, when I tried kissing you...what did you mean by that?” You’re tense, unblinking, staring him down. It’s like you could see the memory play back in his head, a soft oh leaving his lips. He steps outside, slightly closing the gap between you two, hands in his pockets.  

It was his turn to look nervous, pausing to try to get his brain to catch up so he wouldn’t stumble his words again. “I guess I just meant...” he pauses again, taking a frustrated huff at himself, his eyes follow the toe of his sock, tracing in a half circle along the ground.  

You stay patient. You knew Steve only struggled with his words when they were important, when they meant something, when he wanted to get them right. In the past week you had been mulling over the night of the party incessantly, berating yourself for every move. But as you uncovered memories of the night you found one that you couldn’t let go, a picture of Steve, bending down to meet you at eye level, a spew of words coming from his mouth but your ears only catching “it can’t happen like this.” The words stayed ringing in your head for days, and you had enough of it. It drove you crazy enough to speed over to his house late at night, in the pouring rain, skipping the courteous welcome and jumping straight to the point – you had to know what he meant by it.  

Steve starts speaking again, slow at first, “Y/N, I wasn’t expecting it. We were outside a party, tipsy, on a curb, that rotten cigarette between us. Jesus I think I had just shot gunned two beers before taking you outside...” he looks up at you, sees you open your mouth to speak but he quickly cuts you off, “Would you just listen please? It’s not like those things matter that much, we were having have a fun night and I, I -,” you see him take a step closer to you, another huff of frustration and as he tries to get the words together. “I wanted to kiss you. I couldn’t believe that you were kissing me first. But if I was going to kiss you I sure as shit didn’t want it to be a drunken mess. So that’s what I meant. I couldn’t let our first kiss happen like that. I wanted it to be different, I wanted to tell you how I felt, well feel, first. I wanted that kiss to mean something.”  

You stand in shock, head tilted up a little now that Steve had gotten closer. He took in your face, the way your brows were knit in confusion, or was it frustration? Were you just thinking? He couldn’t quite read the expression. But he thought he saw a light click on behind your eyes when it seemed like you caught up to everything he said, a bit of warmth returning to your face as your features relaxed. When you spoke it was soft, gentle. 

 “So tell me how you feel Steve.”  

Steve had a new found confidence, something only you could give him, as he stepped forward, hands coming to yours, one of them going to your waist as he got close to you. “You’re my best friend y/n, and I think I’m love with you. Wait no, I know I’m in love with you,” he pulls you in close by the waist, looking deep into your eyes waiting for a response. You scan his face, looking for any sign of uncertainty but you can’t find it. “Can I kiss you?” he asks, face close, noses almost touching.  

You give a slight nod and a breathy “yes” before he crashes his lips on to you. He holds you tight, his wide hand pressing against the small of you back as the other cradles the back of your head. You bend backwards, almost collapsing under the weight of the kiss. Your body felt like hot fire, lips melting into each other. You hear a soft whine come from the back of Steve’s throat, or maybe it was yours, as he pulls you upright again. When you break apart for air, he doesn’t let you go, resting his forehead against yours, breathing in sync with you. 

“No, I don't like the idea of it. What if something happens?"  To you, he means to add, but decides against it, suddenly very aware of the peeping eyes from the passenger windows. He faces you, hands going to his hips in an exasperated stance that was becoming all too familiar.  

"Nothing will happen, and if so then there’ll be two of us." 

 "And if Jason and his crew decide come to look around? This place isn’t exactly a fortress." Steve looks at you like were making a ridiculous request. His voice was stern, sounding like he was speaking to a five-year-old asking for the last piece of chocolate. He hates when he gets like this, it reminds him too much of his father.  

 You huff in frustration again, not wanting to get into an argument right now. "It'll be fine, they don’t even know this place exists. I'm staying Steve." 

 "At least let me drop the kids off, then I’ll come back and stay too." 

"No, that’ll bring more attention if you’re driving in and out of here. What if someone sees your car?" 

“I’m not leaving you alone.”  

“I’m not alone, I’ll have Eddie.”  

He’s looking around, eyes everywhere but you as he tries to figure out a winning argument. You see his mouth open and close, wanting to start a sentence. The problem is he knows you’re right, but the thought of you staying with Eddie made his chest feel tight.   

"Hey guys, loving whatever this is but my mom's gonna freak if I'm not home soon so we really need to get going,” Dustin butts in. You give Steve a pointed look and he's standing stiff, jaw tense, you're sure he has a thousand things running through his head. 

"Alright, but I'm coming back to check on you." 

You let a dry laugh escape, knowing he’s being ridiculous, overbearing. "No Steve, it'll be fine, we have a radio now so how about you just go home and you can call us later, ok?” You’re trying to make your voice kinder; you can see the anxiety in Steve’s face. You were confident it would be fine; Eddie had survived out here long enough just by himself after all. “I promise it’ll be ok Steve,” you say definitively. You give his shoulder a quick squeeze before you start to make your way back the boathouse, watching Steve reluctantly take off in his car. You can hear Dustin chiding him halfway down the road.  

You head back inside, Eddie snapping his head to you in confusion when you enter. “Thought I heard the car leave, what’re you still doing here?” He’s tucked himself in the darkest corner of the room, knees bent and forearms resting over them, trying to give the illusion of relaxation but failing miserably.  

“I’m keeping you company; figured we can have a sleepover tonight.” You answer, lightening your voice and shooting him a smile to try and hide your nervousness.  

Eddie gives you a weak smile back, he couldn’t help but let some relief wash over his face. “Hope you know what you’re in for sweetheart, it’s not exactly 5-star digs.”  

You go to pick up the rucksack you brought and settle into one of the old boats in the room, gesturing with your head for Eddie to come over as you start digging through it. You’re muttering to yourself “...here, brought some things,” as you lay out a sweatshirt for you, the blow-up sleeping pad you packed for him, a small pillow too. Eddie’s eyes light up in amusement as he sits across from you, watching you with all your things – a Walkman and cassette tapes, two packets of his favorite chips, a candy bar, fresh t-shirt, a bottle of soda. He almost laughed at the random array of gifts, because yes – he really did want that candy bar as much as the sleeping pad – and his heart warmed at the fact that you knew that too.   

“You’re too good me,” he teased you and you just held up a hand to him, telling him to wait and that you had one more thing for him but you just couldn’t find it... 

“Ah! Here!” Your hand comes whipping out of the bottom of the bag, holding two perfect joints in the tips of your fingers.  

Eddie's eyes go wide, staring at the grin slapped across your face, a cheeky and devilish look that made his heart skip a beat. "Holy shit," he springs forward to you, "my god you're an angel" he says as he plucks one of them from your hand, leaping out of the boat and twirling around all dramatic and cartoonish before landing on his knees beside you, gripping your head and roughly kissing your temple with delight. The display of joy made you belly laugh, something that neither of you had done in while. "Alright! Let’s get this party going yeah?" He scrambles around trying to find his lighter, the excitement almost too much to wait any longer.  

It had been a while since you and Eddie had done this, and certainly a lot of things are different in your lives these days. Usually, the two of you would be sprawled out on his couch or bed (some comfy surface), music playing in the background, indulging yourselves in conversation without barriers. It was usually a time for you both to connect, enjoy each other’s company, be best friends. This time was different, sitting on the now blown-up sleeping pad with backs against a wall, you’re folding a makeshift ashtray out of tin foil, and Eddie is trying to light the damn thing in his mouth. You don't mind him taking the first hit, he deserved it after all. You watch him tilt his head back in pure pleasure as he inhales, eyes fluttering closed and neck exposed. "Fuck, you're too good to me,” he repeats, “I've been needing this," smoke leaving his mouth as he speaks. You giggle a little next to him as he passes you the joint. 

 “Yeah, figured we could use some stress relief," you say, smoke making your voice raspy. You both sit in silence, waiting for the high to come as you pass the joint between each other. It’s a routine you’ve had down since early high school - when Eddie first took you out to a picnic table in the woods, a spot the “older kids” had shown him that he now claimed as his. You feel as though you're sinking into the floor with each hit you take. Eddie has his eyes closed, one hand pinching the fading joint and the other one fallen down to his side between you two, fingers stretching close to your thigh.  

The next time he passes to you he turns his head as well, dopey smile in your direction. "I feel good, how are you feeling?" It’s as though his eyes are staring deep into you, an intense gaze that only Eddie could give. He watches your lips wrap around the end of the joint, the rise of your chest as you breath in and the pout your face pulls into when you exhale, smoke coming out of your nose and your mouth. The sight was as intoxicating as the drug itself. You turn to him as well, eyes almost going cross from how close you were, same dopey smile on your face. 

 "Yeah, I'm there." You both laugh a little and you twist your body towards him, resting on your hip and shoulder against the wall. He mirrors you, playing a silly game of copycat that he’d done since you were kids. You let your eyes fall closed again, just for a second. You're sleepy but you don't want to give in yet - knowing that this is probably the most time you'll spend alone with Eddie for a while. You let Eddie finish the joint off before tossing the butt aside and you move to fully sit up, hands coming to your knees. "Do you want snacks?" You say, standing up with a wobble. He reaches forward to try to steady you but fails, not quite being able to reach your hips before you step away towards your bag.  

"Brilliant idea" Eddie replies, also sitting up and trying to push off the sleepiness. You chuck the bag of chips and soda at him and come back with the Walkman. Eddie tears open the bag as you sit criss cross in front of him, fiddling with the tapes. He giggles to himself a little bit, a telltale sign of his state of mind and you smile too, all dopey and lazy. All warm and happy. "What's the selection for tonight?" he says, nodding towards the tapes and shoving a handful of chips into his mouth. 

"Oh, you know...thought some Madonna would be fun." You don’t dare look at him, knowing you’d burst into giggles at your terrible joke the moment you see his face. That was your tell, and Eddie caught it right away. 

He doesn’t miss a beat.  

“Sweetheart, it’s cute you think I don’t know what an Iron Maiden tape looks like.” He watches the laughter break across your face, accompanied by a pink blush that made you look so sweet.  

You’re about to speak again when the sharp crackle of the radio breaks through. You both snap your heads towards it before hearing Steve’s voice come over. 

“Guys? It’s Steve, can you hear me?” His voice is warbled by the static. Eddie looks over in confusion but you don’t see as you head for the walkie, taking a breath before answering.  

“Hey Steve, we’re here.”  

“Jesus, took you long enough. Everything ok?” You can hear him practically panting over the line.  

You look over at Eddie with a sly smile, bringing a finger up to your lips to swear Eddie to secrecy about your current states before answering, “oh yeah Steve, everything is reallll good.” You’re basically drawing out every syllable. You forget to let go of the button as you and Eddie erupt into a fit of giggles, like schoolkids up to no good. 

If you could see Steve’s face on the other end you would laugh even more. The poor boy’s features drawn in confusion, a thousand thoughts running through his head about what could possibly be so funny at a time like this.  

Eddie comes over to snatch the radio from you, a whiny ‘hey’ leaving your lips as he brings it up close to his mouth to talk. “Yeah Harrington, we’re just peachy. My girl is spoiling me rotten over here.” You go to slap Eddie’s arm, maybe hitting a little too hard, at his teasing comment. He yelps a little as you snatch the radio back from him. Steve felt his stomach turn.   

“Ignore him, he’s just messing around. Everything’s fine Steve, no issues, I promise.” You’re trying your best to sound serious, promising over and over to Steve. He huffs over the radio; you sounded so calm he had no other choice than to believe you.  

“Oh...ok, well I can still come out there if you need me to?” He offered although he knew it would fall on deaf ears.  

Eddie snorts in the background, muttering something to himself that you couldn’t hear. You roll your eyes at him before trying to let Steve down gently. “No please don’t worry about it, we’re all ok. I’ll radio over if we need anything alright?” 

“Ok, yeah that works.” He sounds a little defeated. The next sentence comes over a little softer, you needing to bring the walkie closer to your ear to catch it. “I’ll miss you.”  

You don’t know how but you swore Eddie heard it too, his head twisting over to you with curious eyes. You avert your gaze to the floor, not being able to control the warm smile that creeps in. “Get some sleep, Harrington,” you say softly before shutting off the radio for the night. You stay still for a second, willing the heat in your cheeks to go away before you look at Eddie.  

“’I’ll miss you’” Eddies says in a mocking voice, “something you’re not telling me about sweetheart?”  

You go to sit next to him again, picking up the Walkman to fiddle with tape, using it to channel your nervous energy. “Didn’t realize you two were so close?” Eddies presses, hoping to get an answer from you.  

“Well... ever since this all happened...he’ll come over sometimes at night, and then sometimes he’ll drop into work during the day.” The words were coming out mindlessly as you worked on the tape, it being more difficult than usual.  

“Oooo” Eddie gives a mock girlish giggle, "sounds like Stevie has found something he likes." You look up just in time to catch Eddie wiggling his eyebrows at you. You scoff at him, mind sharpening little at the taunt. 

 "Knock it off! He's just looking out for everyone, the guy is a Grade A worrier" you say, trying to brush Eddie off. You give up on the tape and shuffle back to lean against the wall.  

"Does he stay every night?" Eddies continues, missing your cue to stop. You stuff chips in your mouth to delay answering, but again, you can't quite control the smile that forms "Oh my god he does! Tell me sweetheart - how is he?” Eddie says in a tease. You reach over and playfully smack his shoulder. 

"That's enough Munson, nothing has happened." You go back to the bag of chips, using it as a buffer between the two of you.  

"Yet.” Eddie says with a smirk. You look over at him for a moment, not sure if you really want to continue, but your impulse control is low and you suspect Eddie's is too. 

 "Fine, we share the same bed sometimes but we haven’t even kissed. I swear. It’s just better than both of us sleeping in our houses all alone... can we be done talking about this now?" You're looking into the chip bag again, not really wanting to meet Eddie's eyes. Eddie is silent for a bit; you think he's trying to process. 

"So I was right, he has found something he likes" he says, a little softer than you expected as you see him melt back into the wall.  

"Eddie I'm not a thing." You shot back at him, giving him a comical glare.  

"No of course you aren't!” He becomes animated again, worried he might’ve actually offended you. “Well, I don't think so, but a guy like him might."  

You feel a burn in your chest at that comment. You knew Eddie had a jealous streak in him but he usually kept it under wraps, it only occasionally rearing its head when he met the boys you brought around – little things like getting their name wrong on purpose, or a backhanded compliment or two. But that joint was stronger than it seemed, and you were both feeling the effects. 

"He doesn't,” you sound a little biting, "you don't know Steve that well Eds, he's not what he seems." You’re not really sure why you came to Steve’s defense so quickly, but your head was too fuzzy to figure it out. 

 "I do know he’s a strung-out player, King Steve." Eddie's getting looser with his words. You huff a little bit, feeling frustration rise. 

"He’s not like that anymore Eddie. It doesn’t even matter because it’s not anything right now, can you just leave it alone?" 

"He just doesn’t seem like your type sweetheart."  

Your face feels hot, irritated, so you shot back. "Well, I don’t know Eds, I think he could be."  

You swore you saw hurt flash across Eddie’s face, but maybe you were seeing things. “You do?” he responds, voice quiet. 

No I don’t, I didn’t mean it, you wanted to say, but you yield to a different impulse. "It’s just nice to have somebody Eds. It's just nice." You sigh, pushing back against the wall with crossed arms.  

You have me, when have you not had me? Eddie thinks. He decides not to respond but shuffles against the wall, putting some space between you two. It feels so much emptier. You move to sit next to him again, trying to restore it. "Can we talk about something else? What do you want to do over the summer Eddie? You know, after you graduate?" You nudge him a little bit on the side.  

He perks up a little bit, "fuck I’m gonna need that other joint" and stands up to go find it. You're not gonna tell him no, but there was no way this was a good idea. He plops down next you, a little bit closer than before, as your shoulders are pressed up against each other. He lights up again, with a deep inhale. He offers it to you and you pause for a second, he brings his hand a little bit closer and you give in. Your high was starting to fade anyways. "I can't even think about graduating with everything going on right now," he admits.  

"C'mon indulge me, I want to celebrate with you. So what should we do?" you whine a little, putting on a tone in your voice that you know he could never say no to. He ponders for a second. 

"How big are we talkin’? We could take a trip somewhere? Get out of this shit town..." he leans his head towards you, passing the blunt back over. You feel him getting lighter after the tense conversation before, a smile across his features, you start to relax again. 

“Road trip out west? Follow the bands around for the summer?" you say. Your voice is dreamy, trying to pull Eddie along into it.  

“Hah, yeah sorry but I’m not gonna drive you around so you can be some groupie and fuck every drummer you meet sweetheart.” Eddie’s teasing side always came out when he was high, sarcastic and quick witted and absolutely unrelentless. Something about the way he could never predict your reactions made it an irresistible game to him, pushing buttons to figure out which ones made you tick.   

“That’s NOT what I meant you asshole...besides I’m more into guitar players anyway.” You said it so casually, with that sly grin on again. He practically chokes on the smoke in his throat, perhaps he wasn’t quite prepared for the button he hit this time.  

“Jesus Christ, behave yourself,” he sputtered out, turning it into a laugh to cover his surprise.  

You let out a satisfied huff before breezing into your next statement. “Two can play at your game, sweetheart.” He hums in agreement, clearly better at it than me too, he thinks to himself. He looks over at you with a fond smile.   

"We won't last a week in my beat-up van, we'll get stranded in Utah or some shit."  

"Come on, we'll last at least two" you say, and you both burst into a fit of giggles, the second joint hitting a little stronger than the first.  

"We could go to Cali? I hear the music scene is pretty big out there," he says and you nod along with him. 

"My god Eds, we could actually spend the day at a beach for once," you laugh, taking another hit and collapsing over his lap, head on his thighs and smiling up at the underside of his jaw.  

 “You know I won’t pass up the gift of seeing you in a teeny tiny bikini,” he tickles your sides, watching your face scrunch up as you try to fight him off.  

“Hey, behave yourself” you mock back at him, stopping your squirming. You feel the warmth from Eddie’s hands radiate around your hips.  

"We could stop at the Grand Canyon on the way, would be pretty cool."  Eddie continues, looking down at you, admiring you, you nod in agreeance again. 

"I like this plan." you say, sitting up again and turning to him with a serious pout. "Although, you better not get sick of me after spending days on end in a van together." You give him puppy dog eyes, hoping he would indulge you with the compliment you were fishing for.  

"Oi, I'll never get sick of you," he quips back with a grin, another pinch to your arm to make you squeal. "You better not get sick of me...and you better let me pick the music.” He was waving his pointer finger around between the two of you, a light prod to your chest and back on his. He couldn’t take his eyes off your beaming face as you let out a gasp, unable to contain all your giddiness.  

"No no no. No way Munson, there's only so much metal I can handle." You settled back next to him, temples touching as you rest on each other. Hearty laughter turning into soft sighs. Your head is feeling fuzzier than before, mouth a little looser, it felt like you were wrapped in a warm hazy glow.  

"Fine we'll take turns." He's all smiles. You can feel the cheek muscles move against yours. You paused for a second, basking in how joyful you feel. His familiar scent wraps around you as you tuck your head down onto his shoulder, side of your body pressed into his. You missed this, missed having him close all the time. It was different than with Steve. Eddie was all grit and wit and smoke. He was cheap soap and old cotton and worn leather and that god awful musky cologne he stole from the mall when he was sixteen. You loved it.  

"Road trip would be nice Eds, make up for all the time I can't spend with you now." You feel the heavy weight of his head folding on top of yours, stray curls falling in your face. You didn't mean to make it sound so sad, but everything was like that these days. He makes a small sound of agreement. 

"I know, I know. It'll be fun. I'll buy you all the gas station snacks you love" he coos, arm coming around your shoulder, trying to keep it light. 

You bring a hand up and pat his chest with an "aw so good to me Munson" and you both smile again. His hand falls to your thigh, spreading wide and open over it and your hand curls around his bicep. You two were used to this, Eddie had always been touchy and loved having you close to him. You felt dizzy but you chalked it up to the high. Holding on to Eddie, it felt like you and him against the world. 

 "Fuck, this shit is strong," Eddie says to fill the silence. 

You hum in agreement. “I got it from your stash after all” you murmur.  

He shifts to get even closer to you, head coming down heavier, hand sliding to the underside of your thigh to bring your leg half on top of his. It didn’t feel close enough for you so you snuggled in, hand coming around his torso, head against his heart. You can feel his exhale tickle your eyelashes. "Thanks for this. Thanks for staying with me" he mumbles into your hair. 

 "Of course, Eds" you say, both of you are slumped and relaxed, sleepy, calm. 

 "Sweetheart?" he asks, raising his head a little. You hum in response. You register the brief inhale, the twitch of his hand before he speaks. 

"Don't you think it's about time we gave us a shot?"  

He sounds light, confident, but he can feel you tense under him. You've had reiterations of this conversation before, in the past. You're not sure what possessed Eddie to bring it up again, now of all times.  

"Eds.." you begin to say, but then you lose the words and nothing followed. You think that you're maybe too high to have this conversation right now, your brain working overtime to try to think at a normal speed. 

"Come on, don’t say no again," he says - half pleading, half joking - "I can't keep asking you out like this." You laugh a little on his chest but Eddie continues on, a theatrical tone entering his voice, laying out the story of your friendship. "Seriously - you remember the first time I did this? The fall of two years ago, you told me to wait until spring because you wanted to go to the Snow Ball with Peter -” you can’t see it but he rolls his eyes at you - “then I asked you over spring break, you said we should both focus on school, that we'd be too distracted by each other - although, I think we still hung out about every night anyways.” You can feel him giving you a guilty side eye, “- and then summer rolls around a boom" he smacks his hands together, causing you to jump a little, "you get moved out of Hawkins for who knows how long." You nod to acknowledge his story, soft sound coming from your throat as you remember the tears you both shed when you said goodbye that day, remembering how young you both felt. 

 "You know I didn't want to go Eds," you say. 

"Of course I know that, but you were gone. And then we spent the next year and half talking over the phone - and I was patient, and I would listen to you cry about those guys you dated, all them being such dickheads and -” 

“Hey, you dated around too,” you say, cutting him off with a warning tone to your voice. 

 "Yeah, fuck, I know, that's not the point. It's just that we've had all this time apart and then you came back to Hawkins and, and I thought I’d be over it, chalk it all up to puppy love or some shit and that things would be different. And they are - but we’re even better friends now and I just like you so so much. And I thought I could wait, but now we’re in this deep shit together and I keep thinking about how we could have had this thing going years ago and I just want it to happen and just want to move on with it and start it because I can't keep thinking about this and- "  

"Eddie" you say gently, and it stops him in his tracks, but only for a second. 

 "Just know I'm being serious about this, ok?" he finishes. You push off his shoulder and turn to look at him, his eyes little wide but is gaze is unfaltering.  

"You think now is a good time to get into all of this?" He wasn't really expecting that to be your first comment and blinked his eyes to process. 

"I don't want to wait anymore." 

"But it's shit timing, and you have to finish school first, you have to graduate, and now we have a murder charge to tackle, and a supernatural underworld to fight." You almost laugh, knowing how ridiculous it sounded. 

“I know, I know. But I think the whole end of the world thing is more reason not to wait huh?" He cocks an eyebrow at you, you roll your eyes. 

"The world won't end Eddie."  

"You don't know that." 

You purse your lips together for a second. "I don't, I just..." you huff in frustration, words not coming out right. "It's all so fucked up!" you exclaimed, like he knew you would. "Listen, if this is about Steve then you're wasting your time." It's not what you meant to say, not at all. Eddie brings his hand up to his forehead with a loud scoff of amusement.  

“You’ve got to be joking, fuck no this isn’t about Steve.”  

“Alright fine! Fine. I just – well I don’t know...” You were trying to find the next words, brain working frustratingly slow. "Can you wait until summer? I want to wait until summer" you say, definitively. Eddie brings his hands to cover his face groaning, and does a dramatic slide down the wall until his head hits the floor. You quietly smile, you loved this side of him.  

With an exasperated tone he says "did you not hear the part where I said I don't want to wait?" He peeks out from behind his fingers. You shift down to join him, and slowly move to lift his hands off his face. You're both now laying face to face, very close together.  

"Eddie come on," you say gently, almost a whisper, you feel tears prick your eyes. It came on so suddenly you weren't even sure why. You think you just hated breaking his heart, hated that you always said no. Concern crosses Eddie's face, he never meant to make you cry. He reaches out and brushes your cheek. 

"Hey I'm sorry, I'm just messing around, I don't want to push you, I just..."  

"It's not that Eddie. I don't know, I'm just so fucking high" you huff a little bit, more tears coming out, "I can't think straight". He brings his sleeve up to wipe away your tears more. "It's too much right now Eds, you can't even go outside." He looks a little sad, he doesn't want to say anything to make you more upset. "Summer will be better, please Eddie can you wait until then? I’m not ready to stop being friends. I’m not. We've got all the time in the world, no?" you were begging at this point, pleading that he understood. His heart felt like it was breaking. 

"Of course, of course we do. I can wait. I’m sorry, just had all this time and got too excited thinking about it.” He pets your hair, brushing it away from your face. You close your eyes, trying to steady your breathing, trying to regain some sobriety. “Just want to know every part of you, all of you, y’know?" 

"You're my closest friend Eds," you say softly, after some time. You were intentional about your words. He brought your hands up to his lips and kissed your knuckles gently, a silent, I know, me too from him.  

"Sweetheart?" he says, voice quiet and sweet "I'm in love you, really, you know that right?" Your brow scrunches a bit, almost like you were in pain. He knows he shouldn't have added the question at the end but he couldn’t help himself. He just wanted you to know, and to make sure of it. You could feel your face get hot again, water behind your eyes. You know this was different than all the times before. This was serious, this was deeper than that. 

"I know Eddie, I do." You force your eyes open to look at him, silently pleading that it would be enough, that he wouldn't make you say it too. Your gaze is intense, one he thinks that only you could give as he leans into you, chin jutting up to kiss your forehead. He lingers for just second but you notice. You tilt you chin up as well. To be honest, you were still reeling, acting on impulse - a hazy one. Real feelings were there but you didn't know how to say them just yet. A whimper comes from your throat, unintentionally, your voice having a mind of its own, trying to get the words out. 

"It’s ok, I know." Eddie says to soothe you. He did know. He knew you better than anyone. He holds your face tilted up to him. You flash your eyes to his lips, and you're moving faster than you can process before you crash into him. You feel him tense as he inhales but only for a second before you both melt into each other, kissing slow and deep and with purpose, years of pining and friendship and love behind it. His hands wrap around the back of your head into your hair, pulling you as close as he can. Your hands are on his chest and neck, his soft black curls falling over them. You kiss for a while. Indulging in how good it felt, how he seemed to already know his way with you. You finally pull away from him and quickly blink catching a glimpse of his face - eyes still closed and lips still pursed, holding himself there as if you would come back. When he opens his eyes, he looks dazed, but my god they were practically shining. "Woah" he says softly and giggles erupt form the both of you, the tension breaking. He wraps you in his long arms and pulls you right up into his chest in a bear hug, pecking you one time on the top of your head. "Can we sleep like this?" he asks and you nod into his chest, squirming slightly to get more comfortable. 

"Just don't smother me Eds" you say, laughing a little. 

"I'll try not to, I promise.”  

“Sweet dreams Eddie.”