Hi, I guess I’m on tumblr again.
A lot’s changed since the last time I posted on here, but in a many ways, things have stayed the same. I’m 40 now but I still don’t feel any closer to having a clue about what I’m doing. Being alive still feels like wandering through a house with the lights off, feeling around, trying to get your bearings about who you are and why you’re here. Maybe that never changes. Or maybe that changes at 41 and I just need to be a little more patient. Who knows.
I’m definitely more aware of time and the limited years I have left. And all the things I ever wanted to do and dreamt of doing but haven’t done. Regrets are more numerous, but because there’s so many, they bother you less, if that makes sense.
Every day feels like drop in the bucket. And the bucket’s already half full. Or half empty, depending how you look at it. My brain defaults to negativity, so for me that’s most days. There are good days of course, but as anyone who suffers from depression knows, it never really goes away. You just become good enough friends with it to not let it scare you.
Anyways, tomorrow’s another Monday. A new week, in a new year. Things change and stay the same.
