TRIGGER WARNING: character death, cancer
I paced outside the hallway of Mensah's bedroom, inside of which her children and partners were gathered. I couldn't handle the crowd, even with drones. The few I had brought with me flew around my head in a defensive pattern.
Out of all the ways for Mensah to die, I'd have never anticipated this. I had expected old age to take her. And frankly, I hadn't expected to see her die at all. The chances of me dying before her were statistically higher, with my job. But it would have been old age, for sure. A very long time from now.
No one expected pancreatic cancer.
By the time she'd complained of stomach pain, it was too late. Most cancers could be treated. It wasn't easy, but it was managable. If you caught it before stage four, anyway.
I kept pacing. I couldn't meet anyone's eyes. Ratthi and Gurathin were waiting outside with me, sitting on chairs dragged in from the living room for this purpose. Arada and Overse were murmuring to each other as they gripped hands, and Pin-Lee stared at the floor. I didn't care.
I wanted to fight something. I want to tear something's spine out. But you can't rip out cancer's lungs. You can just wait and watch as your favorite human leaves the hospital because the treatments didn't work, watch as she went home, watch as she climbed into her bed like it was a mountain and lay down to be comfortable. You can't rip cancer limb from limb as you watch your favorite human die by inches.
Farai and the rest slowly filtered out of the room.
"Not long now," she murmured. Ratthi ran a hand over his face. Gurathin stared holes into the carpet. Overse and Arada stopped whispering, and Pin-Lee finally looked up, tears in her eyes. They started to get up. Farai raised a hand.
"She wants SecUnit," she said. "You can go in after."
I stopped pacing. Farai waved at me, but I couldn't move.
"SecUnit? We don't have much time."
I stared at the door. It was rectangular, made of a smooth brown wood with a golden knob. No entryway had scared me more.
"Me?" I whispered. Farai nodded. I took a deep, shuddering breath and forced myself to open the door and step inside. The door shut behind me.
Mensah lay on the bed, surrounded by pillows, propped up to be as comfortable as possible. Her children had left little stuffed animals around her, and the tables were covered with flowers. She was pale, sickly, but her eyes still had the determined sheen I'd seen when she'd killed a SecUnit with a mining drill to protect me.
"Murderbot," I corrected. She smiled and nodded weakly.
I sat in a chair next to her bed.
"Can I....?" She raised her hand. I hesitated, then gripped it tightly. She sighed.
"I remember the last time you held my hand."
I said nothing, just stared. She smiled at me and continued.
"I had no hope when they held me. Then you were there, and--and I knew there was a chance. You fought so hard to save me, and you almost died. Several times. You risked everything to protect me. And when you went on that survey with Amena...you did everything you could for her, too. When I learned about that, you have no idea how...upset I was. That you'd almost died." She coughed. I tightened my grip. "I want you to promise me something," she said.
"You throw yourself into danger, all the time. You don't care if you die. I do." She coughed again. "I want you to live a long, happy life. Understand?" She cocked her head, then gently lifted her free hand and brushed it against my face. It was wet.
"That's too hard," I whispered.
She nodded. "You're tough. You'll figure it out."
"I don't want to. I don't want you to die."
"We don't always get what we want, Murderbot." She sighed. "I wanted more time, too." She winced. "Promise me, Murderbot."
I was quiet for a whole four minutes and thirty seven seconds. "Okay," I said finally. "I promise."
She gave a relieved sigh. "Send in the others," she said. She smiled and released my hand. "And don't forget your promise. Live. For me."
I nodded, and quietly slipped away.
"She wants you," I said thickly at my humans outside, jerking my head as I closed the door. Ratthi jumped up. He stared at me, his expression soft.
"I'll be downstairs," I said, and fled.