crazy, stupid, love sentence starters:
“ you were right, i shouldn’t have eaten all that bread. ”
“ no puppy eyes, you little maniac. ”
“ you’re not talking, and that only makes me talk more. ”
“ if you keep talking i’m gonna’ get out of the car. ”
“ just for the record, i think about you… while i do it. ”
“ i’m pretty sure you’re my soulmate. ”
“ i did, i jumped out of a moving car. ”
“ i don’t care, i love him. and given the opportunity, yes, i would have his babies. ”
“ friend to friend, ew. ”
“ your life is so pg-13. ”
“ don’t you think you’re a little old to be using cheesy pick-up lines? ”
“ i can’t take my eyes off of you. that’s a fact, not a line. ”
“ you’re a double negative. ”
“ i hope this doesn’t make you uncomfortable, i’ve developed like a little… crush. ”
“ i just wanted to say… shit. ”
“ i don’t know when you and i stopped being us. ”
“ i’m a total stranger, how would i know something so intimate about your life? ”
“ you’re getting drunk on watered down vodka like a fourteen year old girl. ”
“ i don’t know if i should help you or if i should euthanize you. ”
“ i’m gonna’ help you rediscover your manhood. ”
“ what happened to your feet? ”
“ are you steve jobs? are you the billionaire owner of apple computers? ”
“ you have a mom butt. is that what you want? ”
“ stop slapping me. really. ”
“ i wouldn’t touch you. if my life depended on it. ”
“ how you are doing this wildly sexy, yet unbelievably cute thing that you’re doing? ”
“ you ran in the other direction when you saw me coming the other day. ”
“ love is for stupid assholes. ”
“ god, would you put on some clothes, please? ”
“ my schwanz is in your face, if it’s not bothering you we gotta’ bigger problem. ”
“ you want me to fight someone? ”
“ go away. please don’t come back ever. ”
“ you are the perfect combination of sexy and cute. ”
“ you’ll learn to love me, i promise. ”
“ you know i’ll kill him if he hurts you. ”
“ i’m glad we switched babies at the hospital. ”
“ i’m so mad at you for what you did. but i’m mad at myself too. ”
“ you fight for your soulmates. ”
“ he scares the shit out of me. ”
“ i was trying to move on. but i don’t want to. you’ve always been the only one. ”
“ i thought that you were gonna’ propose. ”
“ do you still find me attractive? still wanna’ take me home? ”
“ no. i am sexy. i am r-rated sexy. ”
“ i am here to bang. we are gonna’ bang. ”
“ take off your shirt. ”
“ fuck! seriously? it’s like your photoshopped! ”
“ thank god i’m drunk. ”
“ i don’t want your slutty money. ”
“ no way. break up right now. ”
“ i will mess you up! ”
“ go big or go home, right bud? ”
“ i’m sorry for being a dick. ”
“ i’m in love with her. i love her. ”
“ i think it’s fantastic that you’re a better man. ”
“ there is no such thing as one true love. ”
“ i met my soulmate when i was fifteen years old. ”
“ because when you find the one, you never give up. ”
“ i brought a firearm from a shitty site. i’m prepared to shoot you in the face with it. ”
