Davey Ventura

He liked that sigh he felt more than heard. That feeling of Davey being happy here in his arms. It was all he wanted. It didn’t matter that Davey was wearing a shirt. That things weren’t exactly how they were. Rich just wanted the chance to make Davy happy again. Succeed this time. He hoped anyway. There was a slight fear that he might screw it all up again. The same one he felt with Timmy. Things were so good there it was throwing him off kilter a little. Still waiting to do something stupid and piss Timmy off. Only this time he wasn’t giving in to what felt inevitable. It also helped that Timmy knew the truth. Maybe that would help with Davey too. Or maybe Davey would remember that he wasn’t who Davey had thought he was. For now it was enough that Davey was pulling him closer instead of pushing him away. It wasn’t hard to just enjoy their kisses and let himself hope. “Hmm,” he asked when Davey asked him about knowing it’s not a dream. His words surpsirsd Rich enough that he laughed. Given that Davey hadn’t wanted to be naked around him it was maybe something he shouldn’t admit to. Only he couldn’t lie. He also didn’t want to lie to Davey. “It’s no secret I’ve always liked you naked. Particularly naked in my bed. So you may have a point.” Never mind that his dreams of Davey did not involve Davey naked. Except for those awful few of him and Georgie that Rich did not want to think about ever. Because the problem with seeing your ex with someone else, taunting you with their relationship, was that you knew exactly how your ex would look enjoying himself so it wasn’t hard to picture a realistic version of things. “And what about you? Would you have dreamed me naked,” he asked instead of dwelling on things.

Davey grinned when his words pulled a surprised laugh out of Rich, exactly the reaction he’d been hoping for. Though Davey did suspect that if Rich had dreamed of him at all—which it seemed like he had, just like Davey dreamed of Rich—at least some of them involved Davey naked in his bed. Even if they didn’t involve sex. All the soft moments they’d shared in Rich’s bed Davey had been naked for. Clothes weren’t something they spent a lot of time in at Rich’s apartment. Which had been nice, if not embarrassing for poor Timmy. He’d seemed to have gotten over it, though. Davey let out a soft chuckle at Rich’s answer. His smile softening at Rich’s question. “Sometimes,” he murmured. He’d dreamed about Rich a lot of different ways since the last time they were together. Sometimes naked and cuddling in Rich’s bed, Rich smiling at him in the morning light. Sometimes it was more heated than that. “Other times I’d dream I was naked and you were painting me.” They had plenty of memories of that too; Rich loved painting Davey and Davey loved posing for him, mostly because he liked watching Rich paint and being his model gave Davey the best view of all the ways Rich’s expression would change when he was concentrating. The way he’d get lost in the work but then catch Davey’s eyes and look at him like he was something worth painting. “In my favorite dream,” he continued, his fingers tracing gently over the skin on Rich’s lower back, “You’re wearing a Prides shirt and that Prides hat Jenny got you, and you’re sitting between her and Timmy in those matching hats and you’re all waving at me,” he said with a soft smile that faded just a touch. It was a bittersweet memory. All of his favorite people together at his favorite place, smiling at him and at each other, just a couple months before Davey lost all of it. But not all of it. He was back in Richie’s arm. 

Richie’s smile grew at that happy noise Davey made. He chuckled softly when Davey kissed his chin. “I can’t believe you’re really here,’ he answered. Davey nuzzling into him like he always did. Richie had thought about that too. How much he missed the little touches not just the sex stuff. The snuggling and the way Davey seemed to just love being close to him. He loved it too. All things he never thought he’d have again. It didnt’ matter that Davey was wearing a shirt and boxers or that he’d slept in boxers too. Davey was in his arms. Kissing him. Richie made a happy noise against Davey’s lips. His fingers on Davey’s back curled around the shirt he was wearing. “Morning, love,” he whispered softly, lips brushing against Davey’s after the kiss. He couldn’t resist leaning in for another kiss. “If this is a dream I hope I don’t wake up,” he whispered after that kiss ended. At least not till it turned. But his dreams about Davey weren’t like this. Soft and sweet. Davey looking at him like he still loved hm instead of that look of betrayal he’d gotten. It was a look that had stayed with him, haunting him. Seeing Davey smile at him again was like the first day of spring after a long, cold winter. He wanted to bottle it up.

Davey smiled against Rich’s lips at that happy noise he made when Davey kissed him. A soft, contented sigh lost against Rich’s lips as Davey felt his fingers curling into his shirt. Wearing a shirt in Rich’s bed was new, not at all their norm, but Rich didn’t seem to mind it. A silent sort of indication that it was okay that Davey wasn’t exactly the same as he’d been the last time they were together. The scars hiding under the shirt were proof of that, but they were also the least of the differences in Davey. There was still a small part of him that worried maybe he was too different. Too damaged from the Veela. Maybe it was selfish of him to show up in Rich’s life again. Only Davey noticed the changes in Rich, too. Not just the physical, though Rich was a little more muscular probably from all the times Davey saw him training with Nik. But Rich also seemed more settled, somehow. Steadier, even though he was apparently involved in something that could save Timmy but might hurt him. Steadier in a way Davey needed now, maybe, and maybe in a way that meant he wouldn’t mind if Davey didn’t wake up happy every morning like he used to. He was happy this morning, though. Mostly. There was a tinge of sadness underneath it; maybe that would always be there, the empty space Jenny left. But with Rich back, the empty space in Davey’s heart was filled halfway back up. A little more, maybe, when Rich spoke, calling him love in a way Davey didn’t think he’d hear again and kissing him again. Davey moved his hand on Rich’s side around to his back, pulling Rich as close as he could get him. “Me too,” he murmured softly at Rich’s whispered words, stealing another soft kiss. “Know how I know it’s not a dream?” He said afterwards, kissing Rich once more then pulling back so he could smile at him. "I betcha would have dreamed me naked.” 

Davey in his bed had always been something special. Even that first morning. Richie just hadn’t realized how special. Not till later. It’s why there were so many drawings and paintings of Davey in bed. It had always been something he wanted to capture. Something that felt so beautiful it should hang on a wall somewhere taking breaths away. His always was. Even more so this morning after so many empty mornings. Richie hadn’t thought he’d ever see this again. So he watched Davey, took it all in. The sleepy softness about him. The way his eyes fluttered open. The sun spilling over his body, adding to the divinity of the sight. Love itself waking up in his bed. He felt a mix of things as Davey spoke. Davey’s thumb against his skin, such a light touch that still had a rush of heat going through him. Richie had never been touched by anyone the way Davey touched him. He’d been deprived of it so long that just that slight touch brought heat. His words brought warmth to Richie’s broken heart. A glimmer of hope that maybe it would be healed. And more heat with that addition of not sleeping. There was also a sadness and guilt tickling at the edges like annoying gnats that wouldn’t go away. It was his fault that Davey had missed this. His fault that he’d missed it too. But Richie did his best to push those away. He didn’t want to ruin this moment with anything. “We did do a lot of not sleeping,” he said with a slight smirk. But it softened. “I missed it all too. Missed you so much.” It was all he could do to stop himself from holding Davey tighter like he was afraid the other might melt away. He was a little but he settled for placing another kiss on Davey’s nose, intentionally this time. “I can’t believe you’re really here, smiling at me.” Something he didn’t thin he’d ever see again.

Davey grinned when he got that small smirk from Rich, the very same one he’d been hoping to get with his comment about all the not sleeping they’d done in Rich’s bed. He liked that look. But he also liked that softer look Rich gave him. Davey had seen glimpses of Rich’s softness from the beginning. It was one of the things that drew him in. So he’d been surprised, as he got to know Rich better, to discover that Rich didn’t show that soft part of him to many other people. Just Timmy. It made Davey love that softness even more, knowing that it was something special that Rich chose to let him see. Now, he thought, maybe it was another sign everything really had been real. Not just Veela magic. Rich may know how to put on that sort of facade, but that wasn’t what Davey ever got from him. Davey wasn’t entirely sure why that was, what about him had made Rich decide to let his guard down and let Davey in like that, but it was precious and special and Davey loved him for it. Davey let out a soft, happy noise when Rich kissed his nose again. “Me either,” he answered, leaning up to kiss Rich’s chin. “I can’t believe you’re real,” he kissed Rich on the chin again then scooted up a little bit so he could rub his nose against Rich’s, nuzzling into him. There was so much outside of this room that made everything far from perfect, but right now Davey let himself shut all that out and exist in this perfect warmth, just him and Rich snuggled up in Rich’s bed. The rest of the world could wait. With that in mind, he leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to Rich’s lips. 

Rich hadn’t had anyone in his bed since Davey. He’d tried a few times to drown himself not just in potions and drugs but also meaningless sex but that did not involve bringing anyone home. So waking up with his arms wrapped around someone and that someone tightening their arms around him, snuggling into him was a feeling he hadn’t had in some time. Except in dreams. He’d dreamed of Davey plenty of times. Usually they turned into nightmares. Some nights he couldn’t escape his mistakes even in sleep. But they never involved Davey’s soft, sleepy voice saying that. His lips curled into a smile. Richie. For so long it was a name that was reserved for Timmy. Rich couldn’t even remember when Davey had started calling him Richie. By that time Davey had already buried himself in Richie’s heart so it wasn’t even noteworthy that he was calling him Richie. It just was. He really had been  in deep with Davey before he even knew it. “I think so. Hope so,” he whispered back sleepily. “Hope you are too.” Without opening his eyes  he placed a soft kiss on the first bit of Davey his lips landed on. Even half asleep he could’t believe that he had Davey n his bed again, in his arms. It was far from perfect but it was Davey so it was also perfect. Richie blinked his eyes open, smiling wider at Davey. There. Real. Had to be. “You’re so beautiful in the morning.”  Davey was beautiful always. He was beautiful and in  Riche’s bed.  Maybe this was a dream. But if it was he wanted to look at Davey before it turned or he woke. Feel happiness for a few moments.

A soft smile pulled at Davey’s lips when he heard Rich’s voice answer him, sounding about as unsure as Davey was that this was real. And as hopeful as he was, too. Maybe that meant this wasn’t a dream after all. That kiss on his nose certainly felt real. Davey was also pretty sure that whenever he dreamed about Rich, he didn’t question whether it was a dream; he just woke up disappointed. But he was scared to open his eyes, to let himself wake up and feel that disappointment again. Davey didn’t think he could handle that disappointment on top of knowing that Jenny was gone. Then again, if this was a dream, Jenny wouldn’t be gone. And he wouldn’t feel sort from all the running he did the night before. So Davey let his eyes flutter open, blinking in the sunlight coming through Rich’s windows, his own soft smile widening a touch as he was met with the sight of Rich smiling at him. His heart—bruised and broken as it was from everything he’d learned yesterday—beat a little faster, reminding him that it was still there, that it could still function. He smiled again at Rich’s words. “You are too,” he murmured back, almost surprised that this dream didn’t fall apart the moment he spoke. It really was real. “I missed waking up with you,” he said, his thumb brushing lightly against Rich’s skin where it sat on his side. “And sleeping with you.” He added, and then, “And not sleeping with you.” He smiled again at that. 

Rich had never been one to look away on purpose when someone was undressing. He either looked or he didn’t. And he’d always looked when Davey undressed. But Davey had never changed into pajamas before bed with him either. Did he look away, offer to leave, what did he do here? Thankfully Davey was talking which made some of the weirdness he was feeling soften. “Feels weird to offer them. Pretty sure that was the first time I asked someone if they wanted clothes to put on.” Maybe reminding Davey what a playboy, as the tabloids so nicely termed it, he’d been was not a great idea. “But I really like seeing you in my shirt,” he added smiling at Davey when the other opted for just boxers. He hadn’t got a good look at Davey shirtless, he’d been too busy trying to decide if it was okay to look or not, but it had seemed like it wasn’t exactly like he remembered. He had seen plenty of scars on Nik during training and wondered if that’s what had happened to Davey.  But now didn’t seem like the time to ask. Instead he took off his hastily tossed on shirt and started pulling off his jeans. Rich had always been fit, thanks to genetics and boxing. Giving up partying every night and all those drinks and potions that hadn’t done much anyway, on top of the fighting lessons from Nik had given him more muscle definition. Rich stripped down to his boxers before pausing. “Er would you be more comfortable if I wore a shirt? Or I can put on the pants,” he offered. Something else he’d never bothered to offer before. Rich walked around nude with no care, even disgusting Timmy plenty of times. He’d just never felt like being naked was anything to be a prude about. But here he was in his boxers unsure if he should put on clothes or not. As much as there was that felt right and normal, it was also very new and fragile feeling for Rich. He didn’t want to mess this up, again. It felt like he knew all the dance moves but the music had been changed and now he was not certain of what steps went where. He wasn’t sure he could survive messing up again. And he didn’t want to put Davey through it either. Davey who looked absolutely perfect sitting on his bed, wearing his shirt. He really didn’t want to mess this up.

Davey let out a soft chuckle at Rich’s words. He’d been surprised when he first learned about Rich’s reputation while they were dating. Even now it didn’t seem to fit with the Rich he knew, but that was something that made even more sense in light of everything he’d said about his public life. Maybe that was part of it. And now more than ever Davey could understand the need for a distraction, for the warmth of another person. Granted he’d sought that comfort in just one person instead of a string of one-night stands, but truthfully it didn’t feel all that different. Davey took the fact Rich wasn’t asking about his choice to sleep clothed as a silent reassurance that it wasn’t something they needed to talk about tonight, that there would be time later to figure out all the things that might make picking up exactly where they’d left off difficult. Davey was okay with that. Everything felt difficult now, but being with Rich wasn’t. Even if they had to make some adjustments and pick up someplace slightly different, it was still him and Rich. There was still that worry that Davey was different, too different for Rich, but it was easy enough to brush it aside for now when Rich was saying he liked Davey in his shirt. “I like wearing your shirt. It smells like you,” he added with a grin. Davey watch unabashedly as Rich took off his own clothes. He’d always been fit and now he looked even more so, his muscles more defined than they’d been before. Davey wondered if that was from all the times he’d seen Rich in the training arena with Nik, or if it was something else. It was a surprise when Rich offered to put pajamas on. Davey wasn’t sure if he’d even seen Rich sleep in boxers before. The offer was for him, and he appreciated it. But he shook his head. “No, you’re perfect,” he said with a soft smile. It was his own new scars he was worried about; he had no complaints about Rich lacking clothing. “Now get in here.” Davey crawled under Rich’s covers and then pulled the blanket back so Rich could join him, his heart racing at just how close he was to being snuggled up with Rich again. 

Rich felt the furthest thing to Davey’s hero as possible. But he sure loved hearing that laugh. “I missed your laugh,” he confessed leaning down to give Davey a kiss before getting the pajamas. Davey’s laugh was something that wasn’t the same in memories. Then nothing was. Tonight wasn’t really the same either. But there was still so much of it that was. Rich was tempted to just pretend it was all the same. He’d done things like that for so long. But that was one of his old habits he’d been working on to break. And the last thing he needed was to fall into old habits now that he had Davey back. That’s what had wrecked everything the first time. Rich wondered what Davey thought about the confession about the photos as the other’s smile fell. Did it bother him that Rich had taken it all and put it away in a vain effort to not hurt so much? He still had everything from their previous relationship, most of it was just carefully placed away though he’d looked at it plenty of times. Nights when he couldn’t sleep for wanting Davey. Especially once he’d stopped going out nights to clubs with Stubby. Davey’s answer did nothing to answer what Davey might be upset about. But that kiss was enough to wipe the worry from his mind. “Yeah, it does,”  he agreed leaning in for another kiss. “I’m glad you’re staying.” Rich leaned into Davey’s hand enjoying the feel of the other.

Davey’s smile softened at Rich’s words and that quick kiss that followed. Truthfully, Davey had missed laughing like that. It had been too long.He wondered if Rich knew that. He wondered if Rich realized just how much had changed for Davey. What if Rich had been wrong, and he wasn’t still the same beneath the fear and confusion? If there was any chance he was, though, being with Rich felt like the best way to get back to who he was before. But what if he couldn’t? Would Rich be disappointed? Davey’s eyes flickered back to the pictures of him on the walls. What if Rich missed someone who didn’t exist anymore? Those were heavier thoughts than Davey was used to thinking. Maybe that was something else that had changed. Or maybe he’d just gotten some life-shattering news and then gotten back with his ex a few hours later. That felt like something that would do it. Kissing Rich helped quiet some of those thoughts. “Me too,” he said quietly, brushing his thumb over Rich’s cheek. Nights were always the hardest. They’d been a little easier when he spent them with Georgi, though Davey felt guilty about all that now. And nights spent with Georgi never felt like they did with Rich. Even tonight, with too much else weighing on Davey’s mind, being with Rich soothed some of that pain in a way nothing else could. Davey leaned in for another soft kiss and then pulled back, giving Rich a soft smile as he did so. This was nice, but snuggling up under the covers would be even nicer. 

Rich smiled at Davey’s words, the kiss making him even happier. It was a familiar little gesture, one he’d missed a lot. He cheekily picked Davey up to take him the few steps to the bed. “Wasn’t much but saved you a few steps,” he told Davey as he gently placed him no the bed. It was hard to believe Davey was actually going to stay tonight. Nights were when the missing got the worst. Nothing to fill his mind with to drown them out. But tonight he didn’t have to miss Davey. It felt unreal after a year of missing. Rich had a feeling he wasn’t going to be sleeping much. He smiled when Davey gave him another kiss, thrilled at how right it all felt. Even if it was odd to be going to get Davey something to sleep in. “Alright, let me just get that.” He reluctantly left Davey’s side to go and get a pair of pajama pants and a t shirt. While he wouldn’t mind if Davey chose not to wear both he was also fine with it. Either way he got Davey beside him. He didn’t want to rush things. Especially after the way Davey had looked, still sort of looked, like he’d been through more than he should today. He got back to Davey’s side in time for the other to mention the paintings. “I put everything in the closet at first,”  he admitted handing Davey the clothes. “But I put the paintings back up a few weeks later. There’s one in the living room too. I didn’t finish it till a few months after and when I decided to put some of my paintings up I wanted that one too.” He might have broken up with Davey but there had never been a time when he wasn’t thinking about Davey, missing him. “The flat didn’t feel right without you,” he added softly.

Davey let out a surprised laugh when Rich picked him up and carried him the last few steps to his bed. “My hero,” he said with another laugh, though the words felt as truthful as they were teasing. Davey didn’t remember the last time he’d laughed like that, or the last time he’d felt as at home as he did when Rich set him down on his bed. Toward the end of their relationship Davey had spent at least as many nights here as he had in his own flat -- and those nights Rich was usually with him, too. He’d been thinking about asking if Rich wanted to live together. Tonight he was just happy to be spending the night with Rich again, even if he wasn’t quite ready to spend tonight they way they’d spent most of their nights together. He appreciated that Rich had offered the pajamas before Davey even had to ask. Though even Rich getting up to get clothes was too far for Davey’s liking, and he smiled when Rich returned to his side. His smile fell, though, when Rich explained he’d taken the paintings down and then put them back up. Even finished one he’d started. It hurt to know Rich had been missing him as long as Davey had been missing him; how easily they could have stayed together all that time. But they were together now. “Nothing felt right without you,” Davey answered Rich in a soft voice. But now Rich was here, close to him, and Davey leaned in for another kiss, lingering this time, his hand finding its way to Rich’s cheek. “That feels very right,” he breathed. 

Rich was surprised to find he wasn’t that upset when Davey pulled away. All the worries and fears he’d expected to rush back in once there was space between them hadn’t. Against all odds it looked as though he had Davey back. The wonder of that didn’t stop him from looking on with concern as Davey stood, clearly in pain. He smiled at Davey’s words, he’d missed Davey so much, every moment together just showing how much he’d missed him. Rich wondered if Davey had run all the way here. “Happy to help. And not just because I get to be close to you,” he added because he was happy to be close to Davey. Ecstatic actually. Rich put his arm around Davey and helped support the other’s weight as they made their way to his bedroom. He didn’t think about how he’d hung two of his favorite paintings of Davey in his bedroom despite their painful memories. Or maybe because of, a way to further torture himself over the loss of Davey. All he could think about was Davey being here. “Fuck, I should have offered to carry you, I didn’t think about that. Sorry,” he smiled sheepishly over at Davey as they got to the door of his room. He’d been too busy thinking about how amazing it was that Davey was staying.  “Do you want something to change into,” he asked once they got into his room. This was the first time in his life he’d ever asked an attractive person if they wanted to put clothes on in his room instead of just taking clothes off.  It felt weird, especially asking Davey that. Rich wasn’t sure how to act yet. He didn’t want Davey to be uncomfortable or for things to move too fast. He was perfectly happy to have Davey just here with him.

Davey was grateful when Rich didn’t ask him why he’d been running so much. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to tell Rich, but more that he didn’t want to think about all that anymore than he had today. Right now, he just wanted to be happy to have Rich back. Everything else he’d found out today was still weighing on him heavily, but it would all still be there tomorrow. And Rich would also be there to help him carry that weight, just as he was helping Davey to his bedroom. Even like this it was nice just to be close to Rich. His grimace as they walked gave way to a small smile once they reached Rich’s room and Rich mentioned carrying him. “You can make it up to me,” he said, leaning over to give Rich a kiss on the cheek. He rather liked the idea of Rich carrying him to bed. Mostly he just liked the idea of sleeping here, in Rich’s bed, with Rich snuggled up next to him. Maybe he’d finally get through a night without a nightmare. He looked around Rich’s room with a small smile; it looked familiar, inviting, though he was surprised to see two paintings of himself still on the walls. Or maybe it shouldn’t have been a surprise now. Rich really had missed him. He smiled when Rich offered him something to sleep in. Most of Davey’s nights here had been spent in little to no clothing. He hoped there would be more nights like that in the future. Tonight, though, he was physically and emotionally exhausted, and the thought of something of Rich’s to sleep in while he curled up next to the other sounded wonderfully inviting. He nodded. “Yeah, I’d like that. Thanks,” he added, stealing another kiss, thrilled that was something he could do again. 

After he’d broken up with Davey he’d realized very quickly that kissing anyone else just wouldn’t do. He’d tried halfheartedly a few times but there was nothing there. Before Davey he hadn’t realized what all a kiss could hold. All the varied ways a simple kiss could make you feel. The physical feelings from a kiss, empty as all that was, had been enough before Davey but could never be after him. Maybe that was more to do with his still being in love with Davey, he didn’t know. What he did know was that nothing had ever been empty with Davey. Not even their first meeting. It had been easy as the months piled on to think he’d romanticized some, if not all, of their relationship. A way to punish himself for what he’d done to such a wonderful man. This kiss proved it hadn’t been romanticized but real. He felt so many things kissing Davey. Including a feeling of belonging as Davey pulled him closer. The familiar way he feathered his fingers into Rich’s hair was amazing to feel again. He let his hand slide over Davey’s shoulder and down his other arm. If this really was a dream he never wanted it to end. He looked at Davey with concern despite the smile because of the tears in Davey’s eyes. While the concern stayed, he remembered all to well how exhausted Davey had looked when he’d opened the door, he smiled at Davey’s question. Rich never would have believed he’d have found the idea of going to bed and actually sleeping beside one another to be any kind of intimacy before Davey. But now it made his heart soar. This even more than the kissing seemed to indicate that Davey wasn’t going to just walk away. “Yeah, we can. Can you make it,” he asked, concern mingling with his happiness again.

Rich’s hand felt so familiar on Davey’s shoulder, sliding down his arm. Even the tingles that came with that touch felt familiar -- only better, just like everything was, in comparison to the faded memories he’d been clinging too. Davey hadn’t realized until now just how much the memories had faded, or maybe he’d tried to forget just how much Rich made him feel. Not that trying to forget had done anything to soften just how much he’d missed Rich. Nothing could have. Except for being here now, back in Rich’s arms, no more room to wonder why Rich didn’t want him or whether what they’d had was all in Davey’s head. It was real. They were real. Davey wasn’t alone anymore. He smiled at Rich’s agreement, despite the concern in his face. If any part of him had still been worried this was just one moment, one night, one kiss despite all the indications that it wasn’t, those worries faded away at just how quickly Rich agreed that Davey could stay here with him. “I think so,” he said with a slight nod. Reluctantly he pulled away from Rich grimacing as he tried to stand and his stiff muscles protested the action. “I’m okay,” he told Rich despite letting out a groan as he stood slowly. “Just sore.” He leaned against the wall once he was finally on his feet; his legs felt a little like jelly, but fortunately Rich’s bedroom wasn’t far away. “Maybe a little help?” He asked Rich with a tired, slightly sheepish smile. “Turns out it is possible to run too much.” And adrenaline -- and heartbreak, horror, fear, and every other ugly emotion that was still bubbling under the warmth of having Rich back -- was a hell of a drug, but now it had worn off.

There had never been any hope that he and Davey might get back together, not after the way he’d broken up with the other. It had been callous and cruel, calculated to be that because Rich couldn’t be like that in person to Davey and felt it was the only way to really end it. He’d thought doing that would have been enough for Davey to move on from him, neither of them holding out hope for a reunion. Even in his dreams there was no hope, just pain that he’d caused both himself and Davey. It was even worse when he’d found out Davey had been lured. The betrayal in Davey’s eyes after learning Rich was a Vila haunted him. He tortured himself with thoughts of Davey hating him, Davey’s death, even of Georgi and Davey together. In his nightmares Timmy and Davey left with Georgi, leaving Rich alone with the Queen and the Minister. Even tonight when he’d opened the door and Davey had been standing there he hadn’t thought it would lead to this. But as much as he wanted it, Davey his again, he felt like he had to be honest like he was trying with Timmy. He hadn’t told Timmy everything or Davey but it was as honest as he could be with both. He owed them both that. Rich thought maybe it might be too much. That Davey would decide he couldn’t do that. Or worse would be angry, thinking Rich hadn’t tried for Davey. He hadn’t known there was any other option for Davey but to not be in his life. But would that be good enough? Rich couldn’t help seeing his efforts as not good enough. He’d failed so many times in the past, in so many ways. Failed both Davey and Timmy. He’d even failed Beck by caring that he’d failed both the humans he wasn’t supposed to love. So Rich braced himself for Davey to decide it wasn’t enough, that he couldn’t do it after all. He really thought that’s where Davey was going all the way up to the forehead touch. It was over, he’d lost him again, if the brief time Davey had been in his arms tonight could be considered having him again. ‘…we should make the most of the time we have left..’ Rich was surprised, his heart beat increasing. And before he could agree or comment about being a distraction Davey was kissing him.

The soft, gentle kiss felt like a dream. But Davey was real, solid. His lips warm and inviting. Rich didn’t hesitate to kiss the other back. Soft and gentle and then more insistent. “I never stopped thinking about you, missing you.” The words were said between kisses, his lips brushing against Davey’s even as he said them because he didn’t want to pull away, didn’t want this not to be real somehow. They very well might not have much time left but Rich wasn’t kissing Davey like a man running out of time. He kissed him like he was trying to make up for lost time. That’s all Rich was thinking about in the moment. All the lost moments he’d given up, missed kisses, hugs, even shared looks across a table or room. There’d been a Davey size hole in both his heart and life for so long. Kissing Davey felt familiar but it also felt better than it had before. He wasn’t sure if that was because he’d wanted ti for so long or because there was no nagging worry in the back of his mind from all the lies he’d kept. Davey knew he was Vila, not the Minister’s son but a replacement, and he was kissing him regardless. Something Rich could never have dreamed happening.

Davey didn’t have a moment to wonder if Rich had changed his mind before the other was kissing him back. If it weren’t for the miserable day leading up to this or the painful truths they’d shared, Davey might have thought it was a dream. A small part of him still felt like it could be, like maybe he’d fallen and hit his head while he was running or he’d passed out waiting outside Rich’s flat. Only this felt too good to be a dream. Familiar in so many ways, but also so much more intense than the memories he’d played over and over again in his head. Rich was real, solid, kissing him back more insistently now and murmuring sweet words against his lips. Davey breathed out a stuttered exhale against Rich’s lips, the other kissing him before he could answer. 

Rather than trying to speak Davey slid his hand around to the back of Rich’s neck and pulled him closer, fingers feathering up into Rich’s hair. How many times had he dreamed of doing that again? It felt even better now than he remembered, with the fleeting thought that now he might have the chance to do everything he thought he’d never get to again. All the kisses -- on the lips, on the cheek, on the forehead -- all the small, affectionate touches he’d missed, the looks from across a room, Rich’s hand in his own. For now he just kissed Rich until he couldn’t breathe anymore, committing those sweet lips to memory all over again. Davey found himself breathless far more quickly would have liked given how very thoroughly he’d exhausted himself today. Or maybe it was more to do with the fact that it felt like his heart was restarting, coming back to life in a way it hadn’t been since Rich broke up with him and then Jenny disappeared too soon after. He felt more like himself than he had in ages. He felt tethered to something, finally -- or rather, to someone. Finally he was with someone who knew him, really knew him, and loved him for it. 

Rich looked ashamed when Davey reminded him that he hadn’t been the one to leave. That was Rich. Maybe it was Davey who should be afraid. Only there were so many reasons to be afraid with Davey. He didn’t know how to explain them. How there had only been three people who knew him before recently. That he felt vulnerable and exposed with Davey.  How he loved Davey even after a year of missing the other. Even after seeing him with Georgi. None of that seemed fair to say. Especially since he was the one that lied and broke up with Davey with no explanation, through owl. It wasn’t Davey’s fault he could break Rich so easily. Davey wasn’t the type to do it on purpose either. Had he not had so many secrets. So much fear. He knew Davey’s words would be true. He wouldn’t have had any reason to be afraid with Davey. It was all on him and his poor handling of his life in general really. Rich made bad choices.

This one felt like another one as he leaned in close to Davey. The wanting blocking out everything. But Rich could’t just take what he wanted from Davey. He didn’t want to hurt Davey again. Rich couldn’t help the small smile when Davey used Richie. He and Timmy were the only ones Rich liked using that. He tolerated it from Benjy for Timmy, mostly because it meant that Timmy referred to him as Richie even when he wasn’t around. It was possibly stupid to have such an emotional connection to a nickname. But when you stripped away the lies, secrets, the fact that he was Vila and looked at who Rich was at the core it was Richie. Or maybe that was just the person he wanted to get back to. Richie, the big brother who looked after his little brother. Who secretly drew things behind his father’s back to make his little brother smile. He’d known who he was back then. He wasn’t perfect but Timmy had looked up to him and that had been enough to make Richie try harder. Rich wasn’t even sure there was a part of Richie left or just a faded memory he and Timmy clung to. But Davey using it made it feel almost like Richie might still exist somewhere.

There was so much to process in Davey’s words. But it was that final addition, the soft, scared whisper it came with that got him the most. Instead of leaning in for the kiss he really wanted he pulled Davey in close again, holding him tightly as if he might be able to keep death itself away. “I know,” he replied, voice full of emotion. “It’s all I’ve thought about since I found out you were a player. I wanted to protect you. I wanted you to be safe and happy. I thought if I wasn’t in the picture you would be. That you’d move on to someone who deserved you and live the wonderful life you deserve. And it hurt but it was worth it if you were safe. Only you’re not and I did all of that for nothing. I hurt both of us and they still got you. I’m so sorry.” Rich was crying now because it was so unfair. “When you quit the team I thought you and Jenny had moved back to New York. I thought it meant you’d have the space and time to move on. And then I saw you and…” And he wasn’t happy, Davey was angry and hurt, and worst of all, a player. “I don’t know what’s allowed or not either and I don’t care about the lies, there’s so many now. I just want you to be happy. But I don’t want to be a distraction. I want you to win. I don’t want you to die.” He held Davey a little tighter, the reality of how close Davey was to that was too much.

But there was another problem too. It wasn’t just Davey that had that possibility now. Rich had gotten involved in something that might end very badly for him. He didn’t regret that, he had to protect Timmy whatever the cost. But was it fair to Davey to just let him think that the only risk Rich had was potentially being with Davey? He pulled back so that he could see Davey. “I have to tell you something. I can’t tell you details but I’ve found a way to save Timmy from them. If it fails I’m pretty sure something bad will happen to me. But I have to try or they’re just going to get him too. I can’t promise you won’t lose me because I don’t know, she might kill me.” Rich had no idea how disposable he was to the queen. Or if he’d even survive whatever punishment she deemed worthy instead of killing him.

Davey wanted so badly for Rich to kiss him, or to close the distance between them and kiss Rich himself. That question felt like an invitation to do so. But while Davey was normally one to listen to his heart over his head -- probably why he was in such a mess in the first place -- his heart and head both were still reelings from Rich’s quiet, scared confession. Was it fair to Rich for Davey to seek out his comfort when the odds were good he wouldn’t be around much longer? As much as he wanted that kiss, giving Rich that reminder felt right. He leaned into Rich again, nestling his head against Rich’s neck and holding Rich just as tight in return. 

For so long he’d wondered why Rich broke up with him, wondered what he’d done wrong or what Rich had decided wasn’t working when everything felt so perfect to Davey. Rich had done it to protect him. To protect him from the very situation he was in now anyways. It was sinking in to Davey even more that Rich had been missing him just as much as Davey had missed Rich. Part of him was glad for that; it would have hurt even more to know Rich hadn’t missed him, and Davey had thought for the longest time that was the case. But it also hurt to know how much they’d both been suffering, and to know how easily it could have been avoided. If Rich had just told him the truth... But Davey understood better now why Rich hadn’t told him the truth, even if he didn’t necessarily think it had been the right choice. And another hurt was soothed upon hearing that Rich had noticed when Davey stopped playing baseball. He’d just thought it was because Davey went back to America. If only that’s what he had done, Jenny would still be alive. Or maybe there were Veela in New York, too. Davey felt a shred of hope when Rich said he didn’t care about the lies. He knew Davey might die. He didn’t care about the lies. If Rich knew all that and still wanted Davey…

Davey was surprised when Rich spoke again after pulling back to look at him, his eyes widening at what Rich was saying. There was a way to save Timmy. That was fantastic news. But it was dangerous. Dangerous enough it might get Rich killed if he was caught. Davey was more surprised there was any possible way to keep Timmy out of danger than he was by the fact that Rich would risk death to take that chance to save his brother. But still his heart ached to hear Rich say he couldn’t promise Davey wouldn’t lose him. Davey had lost so much already. When he’d told Rich he couldn’t lose him again, he’d been thinking about losing Rich because them being together ended up being too hard again. It hadn’t occurred to him Rich could end up dead too. Could he really bear to get Rich back only to lose him like that? Could he bear to let Rich go when there was a possibility he could save Timmy and end up fine? 

“Richie…” Davey whispered his name, his voice thick with emotion as he reached out and wiped a tear from Rich’s cheek. “Please be careful.” Davey wasn’t going to ask Rich not to do whatever it took to save Timmy from whatever fate the Vila might have in mind for him. It wouldn’t do any good, and Timmy deserved better than the Vila. He leaned forward and pressed his forehead against Rich’s, his breath stuttering with how close he was. “If we both might die….” his voice was a breathy whisper. “Then we should make the most of the time we have left, right? You’re always a distraction anyways,” Davey added with a slight, sad smile. It was true; Rich had been in his thoughts even before he knew Rich was a Vila, and even more so after. He’d been in Davey’s thoughts when he was with Georgi. He’d been in Davey’s thoughts when Arnet was telling him how awful the Vila were. When Davey was back at his flat trying to sleep. In his dreams. And now Rich was here. Real. And Davey couldn’t resist him anymore. He closed the distance between them and pressed his lips to Rich’s in a gentle kiss.

‘What are you afraid of?’

Where did Rich even start? He didn’t want to answer that question. Especially not with Davey looking at him. Couldn’t. He closed his eyes and sighed before answering. “I’m afraid I’m going to get lost in the pain again. That I’m going to fuck up, again. I’m afraid I’m never going to be good enough.” That one had been a fear even before he’d found out his real parents had just tossed him to a new set of parents and fucked off courtesy of the Minster. “I’m afraid of what might happen to Timmy if they ever find out he knows. What might happen to me if more people do.” Those were thanks to the Vila. He opened his eyes and looked sadly over at Davey. “I’m afraid of a lot. The truth is a fearful thing when you’ve got so much to hide.” Now he was sounding like fucking Beck. “I’m afraid of how much it’s going to hurt when you leave,” he added after a moments hesitation.

Rich had lived through his fear once with both Davey and Timmy looking as if they hated him and walking away, he didn’t think he could do it again. Maybe it would hurt less if Davey didn’t look that way when he left. It felt very much like Davey to tell him that Timmy hadn’t hated him. But the addition felt more like something Davey knew from experience. He’d given Davey that experience. Rich felt ashamed of that. He wished he could take it away. Apologize again. Instead he was telling Davey he missed him. Unfair he knew. He’d deserved to miss Davey because he’d been the one to do this to the both of them. Rich held his breath waiting for Davey to show that anger at him again. Instead the answer he got made it hard to remember he had to breathe. Was he dreaming? Had he got to the point of missing Davey that he didn’t even know when a dream was a dream now? “I still don’t understand why you’re here,” he confessed. As he talked he moved one of his hands from around Davey and cupped the other’s face. If this was a dream it was his most realistic one ever. This was Davey. Rich dared to lean in a little closer, his thumb rubbing against Davey’s cheek. “I missed you so much,” he said again,  his voice even more emotional now. “You still feel the same.” Rich leaned in even closer, he wanted to kiss Davey but this still didn’t feel real. At any moment Davey was going to stop him. “Are you sure?”

Maybe Davey’s question was unfair. Or maybe looking at Rich while he asked it was unfair. But Rich had lied to him for so long, Davey wanted to understand why. His heart ached when Rich started to answer him. He didn’t know what Rich meant about getting lost in the pain again, but he didn’t like the sound of it. He didn’t like the sound of any of the things Rich was afraid of. Especially not when those fears shifted to what might happen to Timmy or Rich if anyone found out who knew about him. Even Davey knew enough about the Veela and Vila to know that probably wouldn’t be good. Not if they’d told Rich not to tell anyone. And suddenly Davey could understand a little better why Rich had lied to him. It made his heart ache, but he could understand it. Davey met Rich’s eyes when he opened them, surprised by that quiet addition. I’m afraid of how much it’s going to hurt when you leave. That was another fear Davey could understand. It was one he’d lived through when Rich left him. “I never left you,” he said quietly, not an accusation but a reminder that maybe that wasn’t something Rich should be afraid of. “You don’t have to be afraid with me.” Maybe Rich had good reasons to be afraid -- though some of them, like fucking up or not being good enough were no such thing -- but Davey knew who he was now. Even if Rich needed to lie to other people, maybe he didn’t need to lie to Davey. Or maybe it was too late for that, because Davey was a player for the Veela now, and he was an idiot who kept getting fooled, and while he hadn’t been the one to leave Rich there was a very good probability he would be dead in the next year or two.

Maybe it wasn’t just stupid for Davey to still want Rich; maybe it was also unfair. Maybe Rich would be better off without Davey even if he’d missed him, maybe more so because he’d missed him, because what good was Davey for him now? But still his breath caught and his eyes fluttered closed at the still-familiar feeling of Rich’s hand on his face, his thumb on his cheek. Davey leaned into Rich’s touch, opening his eyes to find Rich even closer as he spoke again, the words and the emotion in his voice making Davey’s heart beat faster. He let out a stuttered exhale at Rich’s addition as he leaned in even closer. Rich felt the same too. Better than any of his dreams and better than the memories he’d replayed over and over when he felt alone. He wanted Rich to close the distance between them, but instead Rich asked a question. Was he sure? 

Davey didn’t pull back but he didn’t move in closer. He’d been so focused on what he wanted, how he missed Rich and Rich had missed him and how everything between them had been real -- he hadn’t thought about what was best for Rich here. And now he couldn’t stop hearing those soft, scared words: I’m afraid of how much it’s going to hurt when you leave. “I’ve missed you so much, Richie,” he said, his voice matching Rich’s for emotion as the nickname he’d picked up from Rich’s brother slipped out. “I never stopped wanting you. But I don’t -- I can’t lose you again. I can’t. And I don’t know what’s allowed and what’s not and I don’t want to be another reason you have to have more lies in your life,” he said, his voice quavering with emotion. Maybe Davey was getting ahead of himself, but he didn’t feel like he was. This couldn’t just be one night, one kiss. Davey would never put himself back together if that was all it was. He needed it to be more or he needed to leave before his heart broke even further. But he wasn’t sure if more was something that would be good for Rich. Especially because even if he wanted it -- “And I might die, Rich,” he added in a soft, scared whisper, tears pooling in his eyes again. “Are you sure?” 

It pained Rich to hear Davey say that. He understood that feeling all too well. But it was less because he understood it and more because it was Davey feeling it that hurt. Davey had been so completely himself more than anyone he’d ever met. No lies. No facade. Just Davey. Davey seemed to like himself enough that it didn’t matter what anyone else thought and yet he’d done it without any of the cockiness that someone else with that level of self love would have. “Maybe you’re just scared and confused, but still you,”  Rich replied softly. Rich had no idea what it meant to be a player beyond just knowing what it involved. But he couldn’t’t help but be hopeful that it hadn’t changed Davey as much as that.  He didn’t seem all that different. Just sadder. “The truth feels very scary,” he admitted softly. Davey had no idea how much it had killed a part of Rich to break up with him. How badly that still hurt him. Or how scared he was right now that he was just opening himself back up to all of that pain. He couldn’t tell him either because it was Rich’s own fault he felt all of that. He’d hurt Davey but he’d hurt himself too. Rich couldn’t help but be scared of what Davey could do to him.

Davey hadn’t just been good for Rich. He’d been great for Rich’s relationship with Timmy. Not just helping the brothers not be stressed around each other but also helping Rich’s anxiety over Timmy. He’d tried to hide his anxiety over how Timmy hated him, because it felt like it, and justified too, with sarcastic statements and truth masquerading as a joke. Davey always had a way of seeing past it, reassuring Rich, just like he was now. “I think he might have there at first, when he found out,” Rich admitted. That had been horrible. Rich really thought he’d lost Timmy. He wasn’t surprised to hear Davey had missed Timmy. They’d gotten on so well. Before Rich could tell Davey any more about Timmy, Davey was speaking again. Rich couldn’t believe Davey still felt that way despite what he’d said about him and Georgi. It was’t a question. He didn’t have to reply. It would be better for both of them probably, but especially Davey, if he didn’t. “I’ve missed you too,” he said softly. He didn’t add anything. The truth was always easier to see in short, direct answers. No room for misdirection.

“Maybe,” Davey answered in a whisper. That thought was a nice one, that he was still himself underneath all the fear and confusion. Maybe he was; he hoped he was. It was just that there was still so much fear and confusion and even anger that he didn’t know how to tell what was left underneath it. Except that he felt more like himself here in Rich’s arms than he had in a long time; since Jenny disappeared, maybe. Maybe that was because Rich knew him better than anyone else who was still alive. If Rich thought Davey was still Davey, maybe he was right. Davey pulled back a touch so he could look at Rich when the other said the truth was scary. That wasn’t something Davey could ever relate to. Until now, maybe, when he’d learned so many awful truths in one day part of him almost wished he could go back to not knowing. Almost. But really he just wished he’d known the truth from the beginning. That would have been scary, but a lot less scary than where he found himself now. “Why?” He asked softly, the words not a challenge but a question that Davey wanted to understand the answer to. “What are you afraid of?” 

Maybe he was afraid Davey would get angry again. Like Timmy had too, apparently. Davey shook his head softly. “Even if he seemed like it, I don’t think he ever did. You can be angry at someone, and hurt by someone, and not hate them.” It was how Davey had felt about Rich when he learned the truth. He’d wanted to hate him, something he’d already confessed to, but he hadn’t been capable. He hadn’t been capable of hating Rich and he hadn’t been able to stop missing him, either. And apparently Rich missed him too. It was hard to figure out where a lie could be when Rich put it so simply. He’d missed Davey too. Davey felt like an idiot all over for the way his heart reacted to those words. He wanted to reach out and put a hand on Rich’s cheek. He wanted to press their foreheads together. He really wanted to kiss Rich. But something stopped him. 

Rich had dumped Davey; he’d made the decision for both of them to end things. And even though Rich missed him, and even though what they’d had was real, and even though Rich was here now comforting Davey as his world fell apart for a second time -- or maybe a third time, really, he was starting to lose count -- maybe that didn’t change anything.Or maybe things had changed too much. Even if Rich had said breaking up with him was a mistake, that was a year ago. Davey was a Veela player now. Maybe it was too late. “I’m here now,” he said whispered, his eyes holding Rich’s, an unspoke question lingering in the space between them. So what are you going to do about it?

“I dunno that I’m a good judge on what is weird or not. But it feels very you.” Rich felt a mix of fondness and longing when he told Davey it felt like him. He’d missed Davey so much. Not just his physical presence but the way he saw things. No one Rich had ever known saw the world the way Davey did. Rich loved it. Like he loved everything about Davey. Maybe that hadn’t been completely taken away from Davey, he hoped not. “It was the lying to you that was hard,” he answered Davey. Everything he’d lied about had been to protect the secret Davey now knew. And every lie had made it worse. “I’m not lying to you now and it’s kind of hard because I’m scared. I dunno know which is harder.” Telling the truth, facing up to his own feelings and what he’d lost, opening up to the possibility of being rejected, it was all new and still changeling  to him. He wanted to protect himself, all the progress he’d made with Timmy and in keeping Timmy safe. But he hadn’t been lying when said lying to Davey was hard.

Rich felt Davey holding him tighter but he didn’t relax until he heard Davey agree that Timmy was his brother. Timmy was Rich’s family no matter what anyone thought. But it was nice to know Davey understood that. He was surprised by the next question. “Yes. Now.” Rich added the now because he’d told Davey he’d be honest and it felt like he shouldn’t let Davey decide how long Timmy knew. He hesitated for a moment before elaborating even more than he’d like to. “Georgi told him.” Rich hated to admit that but it was the truth. He managed not to add how Georgi had just told him half the truth and left it. How he’d given Timmy just enough to make Timmy’s life come crashing down without any care about who might help Timmy when that happened. Georgi didn’t know Timmy had Benjy. And yet Nik thought he could taunt Rich with the idea that Georgi was Timmy’s real brother. That wasn’t a brother. That was a Vila. Because it was the same thing they’d done to Rich, destroy his life and leave him with no one to help him not drown in the pieces. At least Timmy hadn’t, instead the opposite. “If he hates me he’s hiding it better than he’s ever done before.” Rich had wanted that to come out lighthearted instead of revealing the anxiety he felt a little of still. “He misses you,” Rich added both because it was true and because he felt like he didn’t get to say he missed Davey. Even saying Timmy did felt unfair to Davey.

It feels very you. That felt like a compliment when Rich said it, or maybe Davey just wanted it to be. Rich had always made Davey feel seen, understood, and appreciated for who he was. That was part of why his sudden and impersonal breakup had been all the more jarring. And why Davey hadn’t stopped missing Rich. Especially now. “I’m not sure I know who I am anymore,” he admitted with a quiet sigh. Jenny was gone. Baseball was gone. Rich was more or less gone. And somehow he’d found himself in a situation where he would have to kill or be killed, not at all sure how he was supposed to commit to killing anyone now he’d lost his reason for doing so in the first place. He’d questioned if it was the right thing so many times even when he’d thought he could bring Jenny back. He’d told himself that it was a game Jenny had signed up for herself, a bargain she was willing to make, and so he could do the same to bring her back. Now that he knew it wouldn’t bring her back...Davey wasn’t sure where he went from here. Everything felt more hopeless, except for the fact of Rich’s arms still wrapped tightly around him and telling him it had been hard lying to him. Maybe that shouldn’t have meant as much as it did. But it was better than Rich saying lying to him was easy. “You don’t have to be scared,” Davey said softly. “Not of me.” 

In spite of everything Davey felt a slight smile tug at his lips when he felt Rich relax again, glad he didn’t feel like Davey was questioning how much he cared about Timmy. If anything that was just confirming how much he cared. Though it was a surprise to hear that Timmy knew. Now. So he hadn’t known for long, then. And -- Georgi told him? Shit. A lot of questions popped into Davey’s head at that. How did Georgi know Timmy? Had he told Timmy for a reason? It didn’t seem like Georgi to suddenly want a little brother, but Davey admittedly didn’t know him all that well and also knew enough to suspect a lot of his insistence on not having close relationships was probably done to protect himself. The situation Georgi and Rich had been placed in was tough on both sides. And then there was Timmy. How had he taken that news? It was a relief to hear Rich’s addition, that Timmy didn’t seem to be holding the news against him however badly he might have reacted to it. “He’s never hated you,” Davey pointed out quietly. The next thing Rich said made his heart ache all over again. “I miss him too,” Davey said. He’d wondered how Timmy was doing on more than one occasion, wondered how he and Rich were getting along. “Not as much as I’ve missed you,” he added after a long moment. It was stupid. But being here at all, in Rich’s arms, was stupid. Davey was stupid. And when else would he have a chance to tell Rich he’d missed him?

Davey made a good point. But Rich thought he had a good point too. It was just both points were at odds with each other. Weren’t they? He thought for a moment trying to sort things out. Every thing was so complicated. Everything hurt too. This was why he’d spent so much of his life avoiding the truth, avoiding real. Holding everything that he wanted to keep at arm’s length because he was too scared to let Timmy in closer and couldn’t harden his heart enough to push him away entirely. Davey had somehow got in unnoticed till it was too late, he’d slipped past arm’s length. For a while Rich had thought maybe he could have it all. Davey and Timmy while doing just enough to keep Tempest appeased. But reality came crashing in and he knew from his experience with Timmy that he wouldn’t be able to face Davey and do what needed to be done. Everything was still painful and complicated but he’d settled into it in a way, now that he had some hope for once. Davey being here without a shred of hope made it more complicated and painful. He wanted to retreat like he used to when things got this way. But he’d told Davey he’d answer his questions. “I don’t know. I just know my life has way too many lies for me to feel trustworthy, even when I’m telling the truth. And I know things are bad for you right now but I’m scared that if you trust any of us it’ll somehow be worse. I don’t want that.” Except it was too late to protect him from the lies now. “I’m so sorry, Davey,” he added. He felt that helpless feeling again.

And like a monster even if Davey somehow couldn’t see it. Did he tell Davey what he did, did Davey even want to know? Rich wasn’t sure. With the mess with Stubby he wasn’t even sure if he could actually say he didn’t hurt anyone. Who was to say what Tempset did with his information.He didn’t even know what Juni did with it, but at least he cold honestly say he didn’t think innocent people were  being hurt by Juni. It should have felt nice to hear Davey say he hadn’t fallen for a monster but Rich was still confused about how real that could be when Davey hadn’t known what he was. Would Davey had still fallen for him? Maybe not. Despite that  thought he chuckled sadly at Davey’s words about his public life. “Me either. It’s not much better now.” He’d traded in vapid parties and one night stands for political parties, the company wasn’t better either way. Just people using each other albeit in different ways. There were a few things better now. He was helping Timmy instead of hurting him. Thanks to his checkered past he didn’t have to deal with his parents’s telling him he needed to settle down with a nice bird and introducing him to any. There were a few people at those parties he could tell who wished they were bold enough to give the Marchbanks rollercoaster a ride but thankfully none were. But those were the only good things, the rest were just as bad as before. Rich tensed a little at the mention of Timmy. For Rich he heard the implication in the question, knew that no one seemed to think Timmy could be his real brother if there was no blood shared. Except for Timmy, though Rich was still a little insecure about how much of that was real. A worry in the back of his mind that if Georgi ever decided to pretend to be a decent person that Timmy might be happy to have the real thing and not the Vila imitation. “No,” he answered softly. It was a truth that pained him to admit, he wanted him to be Vila, it would have solved so many things. Rich stayed tensed and upset, knowing that Davey was probably thinking what everyone seemed to, that Timmy was Georgi’s rightful brother and not his. “But he’s my brother,” he couldn’t stop himself from adding. He couldn’t say it if it wasn’t true.

My life has too many lies for me to feel trustworthy even when I’m telling the truth. That was a hard notion for Davey to wrap his head around, but one thing he knew was that it was an awfully sad one. As was the one that followed, that Rich was scared that Davey trusting any of them -- trusting him -- might make things even worse. Maybe Rich was right. Trusting Veela and Vila had only led to pain for him; he shouldn’t even be here right now, he should know better. But he couldn’t help wondering if things could even get worse. And there was something so painfully truthful in Rich’s words that Davey couldn’t help but whisper, “Is it weird that hearing you say that just makes me feel like I can trust you more?” It was surely weird. And stupid. Davey only seemed capable of stupid lately. “Would it really be so hard to not lie to me?” He added on, feeling even more stupid and pathetic just for asking. Even thinking like that was just setting himself up to be duped again. Rich was right, he’d been an easy target, hurt and lonely and ready to be taken advantage of again if it meant something or someone to cling to. 

Only this wasn’t just someone, like Arnet or Georgi. This was Rich. Did that make a difference? Davey wanted it to. He wondered what Rich meant when he said his public life wasn’t much better now. Was it different somehow? Davey wouldn’t know; he’d forced himself not to give into the temptation to look at any of those magazines which might have shown Rich stumbling home with some other bloke. He felt Rich tense and worried for a moment Rich was going to pull away. When he didn’t, Davey just held Rich tighter at that quiet no, even as he processed what that meant and the defensive words he added after, ones he’d already said. Davey hadn’t doubted that the first time, nor did he doubt it now even as he realized the full gravity of Rich’s words. Timmy wasn’t a Vila. So it was just Rich, then, swapped out with Georgi into an otherwise human family. That sounded lonely. The Veela who’d replaced Chloe, Clover, seemed to like the human family she’d been raised with, but Davey knew enough about the Marchbanks to know that wasn’t the same for Rich. Did he have a Vila family? That seemed unlikely. “I know he is,” Davey said softly. “I know how much you love him.” And Davey couldn’t believe that had been a lie, especially not now with Rich insisting Timmy was his brother. “And I know how much he loves you,” Davey added, because that had also been clear even when things seemed strained between the brothers. He was quiet for a moment and then he asked, “...Does he know?”

It wasn’t fair for Davey to be back in his arms even though the other wasn’t his anymore. Rich thought he knew just how much he’d missed Davey. But having the other in his arms like this made him realize that had only been the tip of it. If he let himself he might drowned in the missing. Even now as he held Davey he hurt with want. His arms tightened around Davey when Davey held him tighter, unsure what to do with the apology. “I deserved it for hurting you and lying to you. I never wanted to hurt you.” Rich couldn’t say the same about lying because he’d never intended to tell Davey the truth. “You weren’t stupid,” he told Davey, because Davey had never been stupid in Rich’s eyes. “You shouldn’t trust a Vila. It was smart of you not to.” Rich didn’t understand why the trainers hadn’t been more honest with him but it just showed they weren’t trustworthy, any of them.

He didn’t deserve Davey telling him how it wasn’t his fault. Even if his heart did stutter at Davey saying he didn’t think he was a monster. “I don’t see how you don’t.” Rich still saw himself as a monster. A monster trying to do better but a monster all the same. Innocent people died because of his kind. He didn’t care about the not so innocent ones. Or the idiots like the Minister. But he cared about people like Jenny, and wanting to keep Davey and Timmy from being like her. He’d gone about it the wrong way with Davey. Pushing him away in a vain effort to keep him safe and avoid the truth. He wasn’t pushing Davey away right now. Instead holding him tight and trying not to think about how much it was going to hurt when Davey walked away. He leaned his head against Davey’s, it all felt so familiar. Except how upset and hurt Davey was. The wetness from his teas a reminder of how awful everything was. “I’m sorry,” he whispered again. There was so many things he was sorry for.

Even just a few days ago, Davey might have thought he wanted to hear Rich say he deserved for Davey to not trust him, to hate him. Only that wasn’t ever what he’d wanted. What he wanted was to know why Rich had lied to him, to know how much Rich had been involved in the rest of what happened. For as quickly as Davey had let himself get angry and blame Rich for what happened, he hadn’t ever really wanted to believe that was true. If that was the case he never would have come here. If that was the case he wouldn’t have needed to hear Rich say what they had was real. And hearing him say so only made Davey that much more aware of the fact he’d never really let go of Rich, not even when he was scared he’d been right and Rich had been playing him. And Rich hadn’t been. I never wanted to hurt you. Did it matter that Rich didn’t want to hurt Davey when he had hurt him so badly? Davey felt like it did. Or maybe he was just being naive and overly trusting again, setting himself up for even more heartache despite what should have been a lesson learned in all this: trust no one. Even Rich seemed to think Davey would be smarter to do that. “Was it?” Davey asked quietly. “You were the only person trying to tell me the truth.” Granted that was after Rich had lied to him for their entire relationship. Everything was all jumbled up inside of Davey’s head, but the one thing that felt clear was how much he’d missed being in Rich’s arms like this. Even now when his world was falling apart it felt like Rich was holding a tiny piece of it together. 

But hearing Rich say he didn’t understand how Davey didn’t see him as a monster just made him feel worse. A feeling that was at tension with the way he felt when Rich held him tighter and leaned his head against Davey’s. A familiar feeling, but different from how it was supposed to be with Davey crying into Rich’s shoulder. “I don’t know what you’ve done for the Vila, Rich,” Davey murmured quietly. “But you said we were real. And the bloke I fell for isn’t a monster. I never really liked much about your public life anyways,” he added, thinking back to what Rich told him about who he was and what had been real. Rich’s public life had never been part of their relationship, either. Maybe a few parties here and there, but Rich Marchbanks the Minister’s son who was always causing trouble in magazines was not the same Rich that Davey had dated. The question was how much of that had been real.  There was one thing for Rich that had always been most important, something he’d touched on already. “I know Timmy’s your brother,” Davey said first, because it had always been clear how much Rich loved Timmy, and he didn’t want to imply with his question that it mattered whether they were related by blood. The he asked, “Is he Vila too?”