okay bestie, thoughts on tonight's episode, please?? i need your insight because you always have the best.
I love this so much actually, I think it's exactly what was needed at this time, and I'm impressed tbh with both the nuance of her stance and the clarity of it.
Olivia said he was her home. Olivia pointed out she didn't have a claim to him back then as if this was something she had to remind herself of often. Olivia says he's someone else's husband with a profound sort of presentism, as if his marriage is still ongoing even tho Kathy has been gone for a while now. Olivia said, out loud, that it's all possibility with Elliot and that the possibility is paralyzing.
Other people have said this more eloquently than me but what this does is it takes all of our interpreting of Olivia's behavior, all of our reading between the lines, all of our frustrated certainty that EO had something between them in 1.0, and it puts those words in Olivia's mouth. Olivia has confirmed, out loud, that this man was her home. We knew that, but to hear her say it is to take a great big step forward.
Now. I know someone else came in my inbox and asked about "he was my home but he left" and I know the antis are salivating over it, but I love that bc that is the complex, messy place where human emotion lives. He was her home and then he took that away and it's been ten years so of course he isn't still her home now, of course she hurts, of course she is afraid. That doesn't mean she doesn't want him to be. You can hear the longing in her voice, even when she says she's hurt. He was her home. He isn't now bc she had to learn to live without him. He could be, again. She wants him to be.
And that is the place where real love, not the stuff of romance novels and movies but real human love, lives. It lives in human, complicated people who are not perfect in the ways they treat each other every minute of every day, who sometimes say cruel things or make decisions that hurt others. If you love anyone, deeply, for more than a week, at some point one or the other of you is going to be hurt or upset or offended or frustrated; that's human. Love is what brings us to forgive one another our human failings. Love is what teaches us to apologize, and try to be better. Love is what shows how to give grace to one another. We love one another through difficult times, we love one another through our mistakes. We love each other, when we succeed and when we fail. We love each other, even tho we are not perfect, because we are not perfect.
And while Olivia was hurt by Elliot leaving she also understands she had no claim to him. She said that. It hurt her, but no matter what he chose someone would've been hurt and he was someone else's husband. He had to choose his family. Olivia is a grown-up. She has a son. She understands her heart was not the only one involved in this mess, she understands everything doesn't revolve around just her needs. She knows he did what he was always gonna have to do. What she needs now is to see him choose her, to come and stay and make her believe he will never leave again. And I think he will.
I'm especially moved by the end of the convo and the end of the episode. This whole episode has an undercurrent about how Olivia struggles with change, struggles to adjust, is constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop, in all areas of her life. Olivia tells Amanda the possibility is paralyzing bc it is; it would be easier if Kathy was still alive bc then nothing would change and she wouldn't have to take a risk. Things are changing, now.
She wants Elliot. You can see it in her face, hear it in her voice, her yearning affect; she has always wanted Elliot. But if she reaches for him there is a risk she loses him. It would be easier, to stay where she is. It would be safer. But would it bring her joy?
Despite Olivia trying to hold to her life exactly the way it is things are changing, no matter what she does. Amanda's departure reinforces that. And if life is going to change no matter what, wouldn't it be better for her to take charge of it? She will lose Elliot if she doesn't reach for him, they will pull away from each other and drift apart and she will never have their previous level of friendship or a romance. She has to move.
She told Amanda not to postpone joy. I think she will, at some point, take her own advice.
Something is coming fam I believe it
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