over the rainbow’s too far

my period always messes with my body so much i find it impossible to even think about the food/eating of it all. i don’t have much of an appetite right now but my body also feels insane and not like my own so i find it hard to care what i eat as much too because it feels like it’s already a mess (plus i’m miserable feeling it so… treat).

i’m kind of proud of myself that even though i had a whole bunch of wine i didn’t eat anything? didn’t crave anything, didn’t make an exception for anything. i just drank and didn’t even think of any food. even though i’ve been kind of empty. and usually drinking makes me more susceptible to eating when i’m not planning to. it’s such a small thing but… i’m kind of proud.

i literally had to get up past midnight to eat a couple of handfuls of shredded cheese because despite being exhausted i couldn’t fall asleep because i was so hungry. after i did, i passed out like immediately. my body’s so not ready for/used to restricting anymore and it’s so lame.

i’ve been having a hard time and weighed myself for the first time in fucking forever this morning so naturally, i’m back on this blog lol

relapsed into “recovery” again lmao other things got overwhelming and i’m back to stuffing my face. tale as old as fucking time.

well i’ve gained 0.6kg since i last weighed myself so. i want to jump off a very tall something right now. i’m hoping it’s at least partly because of the phase in my cycle so it’s not all my fault but… fuck that stings just after having lost 1kg. fuck