em.

THE LAST THING you thought you were going to see when you first crossed the threshold into the INSIDE house, was a very attractive man behind a glass wall.

Admiring your surroundings, you noticed how it was only slightly different from the last season, as they previously had no one to greet and instruct them. You adjusted your brown flared leggings over your stomach and untwisted the strap of your white tank top.

“Hello.” You smiled, waving at the man and wheeling your suitcase forward.

He nodded at you and then gestured to the conveyor belt, “Luggage on there please.”

You grunted as you heaved your brown and pink polka dot suitcase onto the platform, watching it disappear.

“Do I get my stuff back?” You asked.

“It’s filtered through to make sure you’ve got no contraband.” The guard-guy explained.

“Filtered through? I’ve got underwear in there!” You scoffed, “I always knew the Sidemen were perverts.” You tutted.

“Through the doors please.”

“Bye, sexy guard-guy.” You muttered, opening the door and walking through the halls.

Nerves and excitement rushed through you simultaneously, making you glide your nails along each other as you moved, creating a soft clacking noise. The fact that it was silent had you thinking you were the first one there.

That was until you saw a distressed grey jumper and light grey joggers on a very tall and well-built man, sitting at the table in the communal area.

“For fuck’s sake.” You muttered, freezing in your spot.

His head turned to you, and you could’ve sworn time slowed down.

You hadn’t seen Alfie in about 10 months when you’d gone round to his to pick up the last of your stuff, and when you had, it was an emotional time where he tried to convince you to stay for a little longer and his pleading had you breaking down in tears in the car on the way home.

“Oh, hi.” Alfie said, standing up.

“Hey, Alfie.” You shuffled towards him. “Are we the first ones here?”

“Yeah, unless someone’s hiding.” He joked, and you let out a barely-there chuckle. “C’mere, girl.”

You sighed, accepting his arms around you.

You would be lying if you said you didn’t relax into his hold. Your own arms came around his waist, your cheek to his chest.

“How you been?” He asked, pulling back.

“Okay,” You nodded, dropping your arms back to your sides, “You?”

“Yeah, good. Moved to London, third podcast host … feelin’ good.”

“Yeah, I saw.” You hummed, “What’s the bedding situation?”

“Uhh, c’mon, I’ll show you.”

You followed him through to the bedroom, where there were 12 individual beds.

“Which one have you got?” You asked.

“One in the corner.”

“Right.” You hummed, taking your box of clothes and settling them on the bed furthest from his.

“Fuckin’ell, I’m not that bad, am I?” He snorted.

“Shut up.” You giggled back.

The pair of you made your way back into the main room, sitting on the extremely uncomfortable bench. He was on the bend, you were perched on the main stretch, zoning out at the wall across from you.

This couldn’t be happening.

You could not possibly be spending the next week in a house with your ex-boyfriend.

“So … You excited to be here?”

“Yeah.” You replied, “Will be interesting.”

“You’ll be good about the money spending. You won’t do too much.”

“Thanks.” You smiled awkwardly, “You won’t.”

He cackled, scratching the inner corner of his eye with his thumb.

“You’re gonna meal upgrade every day.”

“Probably.”

“Alfie.” You sighed, looking up at him and tilting your head with a scolding but amused glint in your eyes, “You can’t. Be sensible. You can hack rice and beans for a week. You don’t eat anything with flavour anyway.”

“Jesus, stop shitting on me, girl.”

Another head popped around the door at that moment, tall and tanned in grey joggers and a white t-shirt.

“Oh, shit!” Alfie laughed, standing up to greet Marlon.

“Nice to meet you, bro.” Marlon hugged him.

You stood up, hugging the newcomer next.

“Hi, I’m Reader.”

“Yeah, I know you. You did the uh- uh- PLT shoot, right?” Marlon said.

“Yeah, weren’t you doing the Nike shoot at the same time? Like across the warehouse.”

“Yeah, yeah. That was a busy day, man.” He chuckled.

Alfie sat himself on one of the stools as you sat on the end of the rock-hard sofa, watching the two men get giddy about seeing each other. You chuckled at their enthusiasm.

“Where’d y’all put your clothes at?” Marlon asked.

“On my bed— Oh, yeah, claim your bed.” Alfie answered, getting up to walk him through to the bedrooms.

You didn’t bother going with them, keeping your spot on the seat and gnawing on the tip of your acrylic nail.

This was hell.

It truly was.

You didn’t think INSIDE would be too hard, but now seeing that you would have to be here with Alfie, you were coming to the conclusion that you’d severely underestimated the psychological warfare that this experience was about to put you through.

Every time you looked at him, you were overwhelmed with warm flashbacks of the two of you. Ones where you were giggling in bed together at night, ones where you were throwing food at each other while trying your luck at baking, ones where he would hold you while laughing because you were crying over something silly.

Perhaps you would just have to ignore him for seven days.

If you even made it that far.

They came back from the bedrooms, sitting on the right of you.

“Reader, do you do just modelling or?” Marlon striked up a conversation.

“I do beauty content on TikTok and Instagram.” You answered, “Also I kinda went a bit viral for just ranting about shit. I had a video where I was in my bathroom just sobbing and shouting about not running out of time and stuff, it’s actually really funny looking back on it.”

“Running out of time?” He laughed.

You noticed Alfie’s eyes cemented on you as you spoke, not even giving Marlon a glance when he was speaking.

“Yeah, I felt like I was constantly being rushed in life and it sent me into a crisis where I realised I wasn’t— like, there was no need to be rushing. Anyway, yeah. That blew up. Clearly the people related.”

“So you’re famous for influencing and crashing out, got it.” He joked.

You laughed at him.

A bright pink tracksuit caught your eye as another contestant walked in.

“Indiyah!” You screamed, running up to her and hugging her tightly.

“Reader!” She grinned, hugging you back. “I did not know you were here!”

“I didn’t know you were gonna be here either!”

“Ah, yeah, Love Island.” Alfie said, greeting the girl with a hug, “I’m Alfie, nice to meet you.”

Gradually, the other contestants joined the house until you were in a full house of 12. You were all congregated on the ‘sofa’, you sat between Chian and Marlon, talking with the girls with your back to the boys.

Out of sight out of mind.

“What’s the minimum that you would like to go home with at the end of the day?” Eddie asked the group.

“How about this! How about this, nobody has ever gone home with over 500. So we can really—“ Marlon said.

“Set a record.” You added.

“Yeah!” Chian gasped.

“So if we all really lock in that we gotta be over 500,000, I think that’s reasonable.”

“It’s not gonna happen, but we should try.” Alfie commented.

“Yeah, not with you here.” You muttered.

“Oi!” He exclaimed, frowning.

“Do you two know each other?” Chloe asked loudly.

You nodded slowly.

Awkwardly.

“Did you used to date or something? You’re acting so awkward.” Alhan asked, analysing your body language.

You glanced over at Alfie, but he just stared back at you, as if expecting you to speak.

“Nah! You definitely did!” Chloe exclaimed, “Really?! Oh my God! Why did ya’s break up?!”

You huffed, getting up and removing yourself from the room.

That was not a conversation that needed to be had in a room full of strangers.

You ended up sat in the dressing room, busying yourself with fixing your makeup and running over the same mantra fifty times in your head.

‘It’s not that deep, it’s just for a week’.

“Reader, you okay, lovely?” Indiyah’s voice chimed sweetly.

You turned around, giving her a tight lipped smile and nodding.

“You sure?” She sat on the stool next to you.

“Yeah, it’s just that that’s not a conversation I wanna talk about, y’know?”

“Totally.” She nodded, “You don’t have to tell anyone your business with Alfie. She shouldn't have asked that in front of everyone, but I don’t think it was done maliciously.”

“Oh, no, me neither, but … still kinda annoying.”

“He did shut it down, by the way. When you left, he just told everyone to move on and not bring it up again.” She informed you.

“Yeah, but I didn’t what it being known because now I feel like it’s gonna cause unnecessary tension within the whole group, like, that’s between me and Alfie and it’s how I wanted it to be kept, but … oh well.” You shrugged.

“Well, even if it does get brought up again, we can just shut it down. Nope, nope, nope. Not a conversation that needs to be had.” Indiyah reassured you with a hug before managing to convince you to come back to the communal area.

Eyes were on you but you didn’t care, placing yourself between Chian and Indiyah this time, keeping yourself another person away from Alfie.

Just as you sat down, the Sidemen came into the room with loud hollers and cheers.

“Welcome to INSIDE!” KSI shouted, making everyone clap.

“Your prize fund starts at one million pounds!”

“But! There can only be one winner … So trust no one.”

Everyone shared guilty or suspicious looks.

“The shop is now open!” Tobi announced.

Immediately, Marlon, Expressions, Chloe and Alfie were rushing to the shop, whereas everyone else followed behind leisurely.

You felt a firm, large hand on your shoulder. When you turned your head, you saw Eddie.

“Hi.” You smiled softly.

“Hey, you alright?”

“Yeah, all good.”

“Just so you know, don’t feel pressured to answer anyone’s questions about your relationship with Alfie. That’s your privacy, no one else needs to know.” Eddie told you gently.

Considering the sheer size of him combined with the intimidating factor, he was actually very sweet.

You nodded, “I know. Thanks.”

In the shop, Alfie was up to the camera in the corner, muttering to it.

“Reader! Share crisps with me!” Indiyah grabbed your arm.

“If you’re buying them, okay.” You nodded, watching her go and speak to the camera, confirming the order.

Alhan began speaking then, “It’s the first day. Fuck the cushions, yeah? Just be smart with your money, put it towards your meal upgrades. Imagine a prosecco later.”

You raised your hand, wanting to speak.

“Oi, let Reader speak.” Alfie cut in through Chloe’s whining about wanting an alcoholic drink.

“If we keep this whole ‘saving money for meal upgrades’ going, then surely they’ll just raise the price of a meal upgrade? It’s, what? £5,000 now? Tomorrow, it could be £10,000 just because of our plan.” You theorised.

“It won’t be 10 grand, blud.” Expressions tutted, shaking his head.

“Cushions already are.” Saffron backed you up, “And we’ve been whining about getting them already.”

“I get what you’re saying. That’s smart. That’s smart.” Marlon nodded at you.

After everyone had order what they wanted, you all went off separately, the girls congregating in the bathroom.

“I don’t trust the boys.” Chian said immediately.

“Trust the boys about spending, or?” Lydia blended her lipliner in with her finger.

“Be careful, though, you don’t wanna create a boys versus girls thing already ‘coz that just gets messy.” You reasoned, “I think the boys will be good in challenges. Alfie will be, just saying, he’ll just force himself to lock in, but he’ll be shit when it comes to food.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, he’s a proper fussy eater, so I’m just saying, he’s a guaranteed meal upgrade for every meal, that’s, what? Minimum £15,000 a day?”

“Can you talk to him about that? Get him to not?” Lydia asked.

“I can try.” You shrugged.

“I think boys … like, they need the energy.” Chian said, “So they’re not going to be stupid in voting the girls out.”

In the living room, the boys were having a very similar conversation.

“I think they’re smarter than us, bro, they’re smarter.” Expressions tapped the side of his temple.

“I don’t know, they’ve got Chloe from Geordie Shore and Saffron Barker. I dunno how much smarter—“ Alhan scratched his beard.

“Nah, Reader’s smart. She’s very smart.” Alfie but in.

“She is?” Ben hummed.

“Yeah, and her and Indiyah are already friends. Those two are a guaranteed duo.”

“Will Reader betray her, you think?” Marlon asked.

Alfie pulled a ‘meh’ face, scratching his beard, “I dunno— Nah, nah, she won’t. She’s far too loyal. I think— I think if it’s one of them to betray each other, it’ll be Indiyah betraying Reader. She’s too soft.”

“Reader’s soft?”

“Have you seen her, bro?” Expressions laughed, “Left the room when someone asked about her relationship with Alfie— What’s that about?”

“I don’t wanna get into it without her being here, but essentially, I was just a massive prick.” Alfie admitted awkwardly.

“Damn, bro.” Marlon tutted.

When lunch rolled around, a lot of the guys were in uproar about the pathetic meal of rice and beans, whereas you just took the styrofoam container and began eating out of it.

“Is it good?” Lydia nudged you, and you nodded.

“It’s just a bit boring, is all.” You hummed before skipping into the main room to sit at the table and eat in peace.

Everyone joined you after a while, Alfie (for some reason) stood directly beside you with his meal upgrade next to your basic one.

“D’you want some?” He asked softly.

You looked down at the sandwich seemingly composed of meat, vegetables and cheese, and shook your head.

“What, you being sensible?” He smirked, picking the meat out to eat.

“Well, yeah, not spending 5 grand on a meal upgrade when I can just hack rice and beans.” You shrugged, your reply blunt and dry, a bit like your rice actually.

He gave you an awkward smile and nodded, taking note of your bored tone.

Since he saw you for the first time in 10 months, Alfie was really hoping that he could reconcile with you in here. Surely the forced proximity would be good for him to make a move and try and fix things, but that wouldn’t be possible if you kept avoiding him or being dry. He knew that he fucked up a year ago, and he knew that you probably hated him, but he was still desperately in love with you, and he was 99% sure that would never change.

He needed to get you back.

He would do anything to have you back.

After getting changed into the blue tracksuits they’d provided you with, you were sent to the challenge arena for the first official challenge of the season.

KSI and Simon were stood either side of a wooden box that had a clear one on top of it, and holes for what you assumed was your head to go into.

“This is Too Close for Comfort.” KSI introduced, “Every round, two Insiders will be paired and asked a juicy question. In order to complete the challenge, they must truthfully answer each question. However, whilst doing so, a few distractions will take place. If the distraction is too much too handle, they can press the red button and step out of the challenge. But, doing so, will cost the team £10,000.”

The first ones to go were Lydia and Expressions, in which they were asked ‘Who do you think has a zero chance at winning?’ and ‘Shag, marry, kill’ with different footballers, all whilst cockroaches roamed their head and the box.

They did it successfully, and everyone else began having their go, Indiyah being the only to opt out once rats were placed in the box with her head.

“Okay, the final round. Reader, AB.” Simon announced, making you huff. “This time, you’re not gonna be facing the tank.”

The pair of you were whisked off and told to put on swim wear, him in black trunks and you in a black one-piece.

When you came back, the tank had been replaced with an ice bath.

“For fuck sake.” You muttered, looking down at the water.

“You have a very cold bath.”

You both took your robes off.

“Reader, you got this.” Indiyah cheered you on.

You held onto the rim of the tub, placing one foot and then the other, screaming at the cold.

“Shit! Shit!” You hissed, lowering yourself slowly out of fear of sending your heart into shock, “It’s so fucking cold, I’m gonna pee!”

“This is a joke.” Alfie sat across from you, teeth chattering as he gripped the edges of the tub, “You good?”

“Fuck, it’s so cold. What’s the questions, just go.” You flapped your hand.

“Uh, yeah, let’s bring in the eels first.”

“What?!” You screamed, immediately standing up, your knees knocking together from the cold.

“If you get out, that is 10,000!” KSI shouted.

You whined.

“Reader, Reader!” Alfie spoke to you, knocking his hand against your thigh, “Sit down, c’mon. It’s fine.”

“No, it’s fucking not!”

“Oi, oi, chill.” He tried to calm you, “Just sit down, don’t get out.”

You huffed and lowered yourself again, squeezing your eyes shut and not even watching as the eels were placed in the tub with you.

You screamed when one brushed your leg.

“Ay, ay, ay.” He patted your hand.

You unclenched your eyes, looking at him as he offered you his hand.

You took it without thinking, squeezing his fingers tightly.

“AB. What is your most embarrassing moment?” Simon asked him.

“Errr—“ He looked across at you, “Can I say nutting too early?” He said it knowing it would cause you to laugh, which it did.

You let out a little chuckle, eyes still clamped closed.

He was happy to have relieved you from stress for a quick second.

“I’ll take that.” Simon nodded, “Name drop of who it was with—“

“Alright, chill out.” Alfie scoffed amusedly.

“Reader?”

You hummed, nodding.

“You’re fairly open on TikTok about sex and the whole ‘big sister’ mode.”

Again, you nodded rapidly in a panic about the eels slithering around you.

“What’s your biggest kink?”

Your head snapped towards them, mouth gaping open.

The rest of the contestants laughed while Alfie rubbed his thumb over your knuckles.

“I can’t say that on Netflix.” You laughed awkwardly, “You’ll all get into trouble for airing it.”

“Yo, what?!” KSI cackled, “What the fuck is it?!”

“AB, say it for her!” Alhan said.

“No, then we’re all getting into trouble.” Alfie exclaimed.

“Size difference!” You shouted, “Can I get out now?!”

“I think she’s lying.” Simon spoke to KSI. “That’s quite tame, no?”

“Please please please can I get out?!” You squeezed Alfie’s hand tighter.

“We’re gonna have to push you for a better—“

You whined loudly, teeth chattering.

“I don’t know what you want me to say without getting you into trouble with the big Netflix guys!” You huffed.

“Is it that bad?”

You gave them a challenging look.

“Okay, okay, we’ll accept size difference, you can get out.”

You wasted no time hurling yourself over the edge of the tub and wrapping yourself in a robe and putting slippers on.

“Fuck the both of you.” You shivered.

In celebration of the challenge being complete, you were all given cushions to make the sofa a hell of a lot more comfortable.

Back in the main house, everyone set the cushions up on the couch and dinner was ready.

Once again, a dish of rice and beans.

Unfortunately, over half of the contestants ordered a meal upgrade.

Eddie ended up taking the steak whereas the rest of them got a burger.

“Do you want some steak?” He asked you.

“No, I’m okay, thanks.” You smiled gratefully regardless.

“Reader, why are you bare good? Like, proper goodie-two-shoes.” Expressions said, sat across from you.

You kinda blanked a little, not expecting such a spontaneous question.

“Ummm—“

“Clearly she’s not! Did you not watch that last challenge?!” Alhan laughed.

You blushed furiously, taking another spoonful of rice into your mouth.

“Yeah, what’s with the no-spending?” Chloe asked.

You shrugged, “I’m just not arsed. It’s rice and beans, better than what some people get. I can take it for seven days if it means I get to go out and have an entire, like, banquet afterwards.”

“Burger.” Alfie muttered, dropping half of one in front of you.

“I don’t want it.” You muttered.

“Oi,” He muttered under his breath, “Eat it.”

“No. I’m not following your money spending scheme.” You tried to joke out of it, picking it up out of your box and handing it back to him.

He sighed, not trying to create a scene in front of everyone and took it back, eyeing you as you leisurely ate your rice and beans.

At the end of the day, when you were all gathered around on the sofa, relaxing into it now that it was comfortable, the money showed on a screen, the number lowering and lowering until it was at £934,250.

You scoffed out laughter, “That’s so much in one day!”

Everyone was sat around trying to figure out what was the main reason, and it was decided on meal upgrades. You gave a disappointed look to Alfie.

“What?”

“You need to stop.” You said honestly.

“Stop what? Upgrading my meals? You know I can’t hack boring shit.”

“You eat plain chicken nuggets every day, you can deal with rice and beans for seven.” You pulled a face.

You were wandering the halls with a makeup wipe, taking off whatever was caked onto your face when you saw Alfie slipping out of Room 19.

You frowned at him and he smiled awkwardly at being caught.

“What are you doing?”

“I bought something and it told me to go to Room 19.” He replied.

“Alfie!” You hissed, “Stop spending money!”

“It was spontaneous! I won’t do it again, promise.”

“Liar.”

It was quiet between the two of you until you asked the right question.

“What did you buy?”

“Uhhh … Promise not to tell anyone?”

You held your pinky out for him.

He laughed at the childish action, knowing that you didn’t play about pinky swearing as he hooked his to yours. He stepped closer, and you were practically chest-to-chest, you gazing up at him.

“There’s an elimination tomorrow, I’m safe from it, and I got to pick another person to be safe with me, while picking three people to be nominated for eliminations.” He whispered.

Your hand slapped over your mouth.

“Did you pick Marlon?

“For safety?”

You nodded.

“Nah, I picked you.”

Your expression softened, hand falling away from your face.

“Alfie …”

He didn’t let there be any time to dwell on it, “Anyone you don’t like? Gotta pick three to eliminate so give me some names, girl.”

“I’m not doing that.” You shook your head, moving to walk away until he grabbed your arm and pulled you back.

“Reader.”

He said your name with such softness that you couldn’t help but stay.

“Can I at least tell you my plan?

You exhaled sharply but nodded.

“Indiyah spent 10K in the challenge, Chloe and the booze … but I dunno who else.”

“Expressions, but you didn’t hear it from me.”

“He pissing you off?” Alfie smirked, reaching out for your hand and rubbing his thumb across your knuckles.

“He’s just loud. It’s not even that he’s got energy ‘coz he’s not bouncing off the walls. He’s just jarring.” You shrugged.

“Look at you, my little angel but you’re chatting shit.” He chuckled.

“Shut up.” You scoffed, hitting him back and consequently having his hand drop from yours. “Also, don’t call me that.”

“What?”

“Your angel.” You murmured, “I’m not yours anymore, Alfie.”

He sighed, scratching the back of his neck, “I know, I know. Just … haven’t spoke to you in ages, it was an accident, sorry.”

You hummed, nodding, “Okay.”

“… How’s your mum?”

“Alfie …”

“Just conversation, girl.”

“It’s not one that needs to happen.” You whispered, ending it before it even started and walking off.

A lot of conversations that haven’t happened.

A lot of conversations that might still happen.