hachi machi!

from this video (x).

"who would do such a thing?"

"i kind of wanted to choke you."

"i'd love to see you try."

"you think you're a big tough guy because you're dressed like a hipster riddler?"

"think this is funny?"

"do you find it romantic?"

"that's sadder than i imagined."

"it's a small town, you see everything."

"they see everything around town."

"if he feels something's wrong, then i'm very concerned."

"i think it could be wonderful. people bring you cookies."

"why is your mouth curling into a joker smiling when you're talking?"

"haven't seen her since putting her to bed two nights back."

"got me shook up."

"no sign of a struggle. no forced entry."

"lighten up! can't take a joke."

"is this a pennywise situation?"

"it makes him less scary if you just imagine him sitting on the couch eating popcorn."

"through the trees, i saw something move."

"hello? do you need help?"

"it knocked him out and then he woke up."

"i was born. i wasn't a powder baby."

"did anyone else see that?"

"this is the first time one of these stories has ever affected me emotionally."

"only their bodies were gone."

"nasty. was this written for us?"

"we do what we do, and we do it well."

"you looked like you were on a roll, i didn't wanna interrupt you."

"whole town's gone bananas."

"so two kids have vanished. big whoop."

"we should start taking suspects."

"i'm not convinced they're human at all."

"some sort of monster or alien... or something from another dimension, maybe."

"nothing's gonna stop me from going out for a slice and a little cuppa coffee."

"that little penny pincher."

"there's no way his old ass is gonna be able to blast that shotgun and survive it."

"i'm just basking in the sunlight of being right."

"i was worried you might be gone, too."

"you always ask for a story that ends up being a love story."

"how often do you see stories about two old gay men?"

"what was that voice that came out of you?"

"i'm feeling the riddler vibes."

"fucking aliens, dude!"

"it sounds like grimace from the mcdonald's commercials."

"i've read your books."

"i wish those two men had lived happily ever after."

"it doesn't seem like they're saved, either."

"hey, we could use some chex mix down here."

from this episode ( x ). change words as needed.

“that ended up being an incredible erotic awakening for me.”

“i think i’ve reached the point of obsolescence.”

“there’s 37 different kinds of perverts on earth.”

“the uncanny valley is a lot shallower for dog children.”

“i do like the fact that i’m ready for her to sell me a frosty.”

“these eyes know the tree’s wisdom.”

“you went from smoochy lips to lips to eat beef with.”

“motherfuckin’ doug’s sister up in this piece.”

“big, long, powerful neck.”

“the problem is there’s only so many colors. there’s like 12.”

“i’m getting a sense of a naturalist from this person.”

“river skittles, that’s something.”

“whoa! yo! hey! yo! damn!”

“the crossroads we always come to, on if we want to put joy in our child’s life.”

“is that what smizing is?”

“oh shit, there’s more teeth!”

“the mascara really pops.”

“i’m getting unnerved by the directness and intensity that she’s bringing.”

“she kicks ass. this rules.”

“she looks like slim goodbody.”

“now they want us to cut the flesh. they want us to desecrate the flesh.”

“that’s a cool scar, the one you have.”

“spiritual sequel to harry potter.”

“it just means she’s lived a very confusing life.”

“oops! it got gaga somehow.”

“i know it’s our tendency to make lil’ morsels.”

“that’s actually giving me a little bit of vertigo.”

“it looks like you were making a barbie and ran out of plastic.”

“let’s learn about health and the forest.”

“she’s got the wisdom of the ages.”

“we just skipped to the part where your dad dies.”

“why’d you eat my baguette if you had five?”

“let me use your bow real quick. i’m starving.”

“you brought him into this world, then you took him right back out.”

“believe it or not, i’m the accessories merchant.”