madburnz

ok *has problems*

john green just won a noble peace prize for teaching nerds how to fuck each other. tragically, he wasnt able to make it to the event. on the drive there, he stopped at burger king for his favorite snack: the chicken tender. short on time, he opted for the drivethru. he accidentally ‘dipped’ his tender into the cigarette lighter, mistaking it for a packet of honey mustard. the burning hot tender sealed his esophagus shut and he died instantlym RIP J. Green

we all know that chicken tender is NOT john green’s favourite taste

Does anyone else feel, like, a weird inhibition against starting new TV shows?  Like, there are shows I want to watch but when I think about sitting down to start it something in me goes “no you can’t just do that.”  What am i waiting for?  I feel like I need to prepare?  Brain:  You have to wait.  Me:  Wait for what???  Brain:  WAIT

THIS!

Big executive dysfunction mood. Even when I know I will probably like the show, and I really want to watch it, when I actually have the time to sit down and start it my brain just nopes out

if a hot evil villain tried to seduce me to the dark side i would simply say fuck yes

rip to all of you but im gonna get it

jenna marbles not making a video because she failed to turn her hair into a hot wheels track and then coming back three weeks later with a brand new game plan and succeeding is the kind of energy i’m bringing with me to the last 2 and half months of 2019

Rejection sensitive dysphoria is wild. Someone will be like "hey just so you know the thing you did was a little bit loud/uncomfortable/insensitive but it's ok I know you didn't mean it" and my brain will instantly translate "you should be shot"

Markiplier out here making self insert fanfics for his subscribers

You’re not wrong

IM CRYING

#this is literally how I talk

What I learned from this is a lot of medical professionals have had to explain to people they can’t run out of blood and live

And a real medical professional shouldn’t have to stick you multiple times to draw blood. 

In her defense, my doctor is at a teaching hospital, so there are always students, residents, interns etc. learning. The doctor or nurse or flabotomist asks permisssion for their student to practice on you, and I usually say yes unless I’m feeling particularly sick tht day and don’t want to risk exactly this.

Also I really took a blind shot at spelling phlebotomist huh

Flabotomist

You have to be nice to me I have a rare no-blood disorder