Incongruence

I often times felt your mind was some place else while we were together. Like you would rather be with other people because you would keep looking at your phone, or you'd be busy with work stuff kahit magkasama tayo. Mga maliliit na bagay pero malaki yung impact sa akin.

Kahit hindi natin napag-uusapan, alam kong weekdays ay solely for work/workmates at weekend naman ang sa atin. Pero kahit weekends, minsan kailangan kong makihati. Papasok ka ng weekend or, again, magkasama nga tayo, but you keep looking at your phone, responding to them and I'd have to ask what you talk about. It makes me feel like I'm snooping around.

I've noticed small changes in you, na feeling ko influence ng friends mo. Nakakaselos kasi I never influenced you like that. Pag sa akin nanggagaling madalas mo i-doubt bago mo paniwalaan.

Ako lang siguro nag-iisip ng mga to pero I just wanted assurance. I never wanted for us to break up. I never wanted for us to get to a point na you would compare me to other girls. I'm not like other girls kasi I'm me, and I'm your partner. We're all different from each other. Bakit umabot na sa point na parang you're choosing other people over me para hayaan mo na lang akong umalis.. People will come and go, but your family and loved ones will always be with you. Sana you value me and what I feel the way you value other people. Kapag nagkagipitan, katulad ng friends mo sa PMB, sino bang maiiwan na kasama mo. Nandyan pa ba sila ngayon?

I never said I don't like you having friends. I do. Sana lang wag mo ipafeel sa akin na I'm not as important. I know you're unaware you're making me feel this way sometimes, pero that's why I'm telling you tnow. Mali ko rin kasi sumabog na lang sya. Kasi hindi ko agad nasasabi. Madalas takot na ako magsabi sayo kasi nagagalit ka na agad.

Nabanggit mo na I'm taking too much of your time. You could have asked for time for yourself, but you seldom communicate your feelings with me. Malalaman ko na lang na feeling mo you're making too many sacrifices for me. Well, do you? Are you making so many sacrifices for this relationship that you already feel uncomfortable? Sana nagsabi ka. I never wanted for you to make sacrifices for me. What I want from the both of us is compromise. Always. I would never ask for anything that would make you feel I'm taking advantage of you.

Pagdating naman sa boss mo.. I never said explicitly na nilalandi mo ang boss mo or nilalandi ka nya. Maraming pwedeng ikaselos kahit wala naman talagang ginagawa. Unang una, mas madalas kayo magkasama and you're always there for her 24/7. Isang chat lang. Alam kong trabaho yan pero when jealousy hits, people aren't always rational. Praning ang lumalabas. Hindi ako pwede sa opisina nyo kasi baka pauwiin ka or nakakahiya na hinihintay kita? Nakakabawas ba yang mga yan sa pagiging dedicated mo sa trabaho? Hindi naman e. You just set bounderies na it's already 8 or 9 pm and i'ts time to go home. Ngayon kung pauwiin ka nga, hindi na ba mababawi yun kinabukasan or sa susunod pang mga araw. For these things, reassurance could have been an easy solution. Pero again ang nakikita mo lang sa akin ay nagagalit ako pag sa work mo or hindi kita sinusuportahan.

Pangalawa, it's your boss I don't like. Yung mga kinikilos nya at mga ginagawa nya. Hindi ikaw yung dinadoubt ko. Like I said, bounderies. Nung araw na may sakit ka sinasabi nya "andyan na si mahal o, pinaghihintay mo. uwi na kayo. mahal o pagalitan mo nga ayaw pa umuwi". Ikaw kaya asarin ka ng boss ko ng "uy naks ganda sinusundo ni mahal"? How would that make you feel? And why does she even know how we call each other? Masyado syang nanghihimasok sa buhay mo.

Pangatlo, you know so many things about her that I doubt you know about me. You know her favorite color, that she likes dried flowers, or that she likes charm bracelets. Ako, alam mo ba anong favorite color at flowers ko? Or if I even like wearing bracelets? Alam ko naman kinukwento nya yang mga yan sayo. Yun yung sinasabi kong setting bounderies. You don't have to know those things about her, that's personal. Nung boss mo ba sila Dir Alice at Dir Wilma do you get personal like that?

I never felt like this with your other bosses or other people around you kasi I know walang chance na magkumpara ka or matempt kang mapatingin sa iba. Pero ngayon, ito na nga e. Magkaedad kami and what do I have against her? Wala naman e. Again all these could have been solved with simple assurances.

Thank you for wishing me well and including me in your prayers. But let me apologize because I know I won't be replying to your messages anymore. I won't be reading them, just because I've already known of the love you've given me all my life. That's more than enough.