ꪑᥲᥒdꫀɾเᥒ 🍊

𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒔𝒉𝒐𝒕𝒔:

𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐢𝐭𝐭: 𝙙𝙧𝙮 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙩𝙚𝙖𝙧𝙨 (ALL) 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙠𝙞𝙩𝙘𝙝𝙚𝙣 (ALL) 𝙝𝙪𝙡𝙖 𝙝𝙤𝙤𝙥 (dennis whitaker) 𝙗𝙚𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙙 𝙘𝙡𝙤𝙨𝙚𝙙 𝙙𝙤𝙤𝙧𝙨 (frank langdon) 𝙗𝙚 𝙝𝙚𝙧 (frank langdon) 𝙘𝙞𝙧𝙘𝙪𝙞𝙩𝙨 (frank langdon) 𝙘𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙩 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙙𝙖𝙮𝙨 (frank langdon) 𝙡𝙖𝙘𝙠 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚𝙤𝙛 (frank langdon) 𝙤𝙣𝙚 𝙤𝙛 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙜𝙞𝙧𝙡𝙨 (frank langdon) 𝙥𝙞𝙩𝙩𝙛𝙚𝙨𝙩 (frank langdon) 𝙥𝙧𝙚𝙩𝙩𝙞𝙚𝙧 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙣 𝙝𝙞𝙢 (frank langdon) 𝙨𝙚𝙘𝙧𝙚𝙩𝙨 & 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙨𝙩𝙖𝙞𝙧𝙘𝙖𝙨𝙚 (frank langdon) 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙚𝙡𝙚𝙫𝙖𝙩𝙤𝙧 (frank langdon) 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙡 𝙬𝙞𝙣𝙣𝙚𝙧 (frank langdon) 𝙘𝙖𝙣 𝙞 𝙠𝙞𝙨𝙨 𝙮𝙤𝙪 (jack abbot) 𝙝𝙤𝙡𝙙 𝙤𝙣 𝙩𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩 (jack abbot) 𝙤𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙠 & 𝙛𝙞𝙧𝙨𝙩 (jack abbot) 𝙨𝙚𝙩𝙩𝙡𝙚 𝙙𝙤𝙬𝙣 & 𝙬𝙞𝙨𝙝𝙗𝙤𝙣𝙚𝙨 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙘𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙨 (jack abbot) 𝙨𝙝𝙖𝙩𝙩𝙚𝙧𝙚𝙙 (jack abbot) 𝙥𝙖𝙨𝙨𝙞𝙣𝙜 (michael robinavitch) 𝙥𝙞𝙣𝙠𝙮 𝙥𝙧𝙤𝙢𝙞𝙨𝙚 (michael robinavitch) 𝙡𝙖𝙨𝙩 𝙘𝙝𝙖𝙥𝙩𝙚𝙧 & 𝙡𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙨 𝙩𝙤 𝙮𝙤𝙪 (michael robinavitch and jack abbot) 𝙢𝙚𝙖𝙣𝙩 𝙩𝙤 𝙗𝙚 (samira mohan)

𝒍𝒐𝒏𝒈-𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒎:

𝐜𝐫𝐢𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐬: 𝙩𝙚𝙚𝙣𝙖𝙜𝙚 𝙙𝙞𝙧𝙩𝙗𝙖𝙜! (spencer reid)

your uber managed to get fifteen minutes from the hospital before you offered him $50 to turn right back around.

you don't know what had caused you to do something so reckless, to be back in that hospital after the chaotic even that transpired. perhaps you just craved the nostalgia jack had brought you, your mind filling with endorphins at the mere sight of him. perhaps it was guilt, guilt for how things were left four years ago and guilt for just leaving after thirty minutes. it wasn't enough time.

you'd thought not even twelve hours ago that you would run out of time, lying in that truck with the blood oozing out of you. perhaps it was a wake up call, perhaps it was naivety. but regardless, you were almost back at the hospital.

you let your uber go pick up another driver and thanked him for his understanding. you weren't sure how much time you'd be sitting in the waiting room. it felt wrong to let him wait for you.

"is everything okay?" is what lupe asked as you approached the window.

"yeah, yeah, um..." you shook your head. "did jack-- dr. abbot get off shift yet?"

lupe shakes her head with a sigh. "unfortunately he may be here a while. should i--?"

"no, no, it can wait. i can wait. thank you, lupe."

she sends you a smile and watches as you (surprisingly) find an empty seat, the summer heat hitting every inch of your body.

when 10am hits, a doctor approaches you. you'd fallen asleep in that seat and her tapping your shoulder woke you up.

"you're y/n, right?" the young woman asked. you nod, rubbing your eyes. she smiles, "i don't think we got to meet, i'm med student victoria javadi? i helped out when you were on the table last night."

you smile. "thank you so much, you're a lifesaver."

she gets flustered, "no, no, i...couldn't have done it without robby and abbot."

"and i'm sure they couldn't have done it without you either."

she takes in what you say and a wave of confidence flows over her. "um, he's off shift and is up on the roof, i overheard your conversation with lupe and just wanted to let you know."

"that's very sweet, i'm not sure--"

"you should definitely go up there."

you tilt your head. you hesitate before heeding her advice, standing up and shaking her hand and thanking her, then taking off for the staircase that lead up there, not caring at this point if security had seen you.

when you open the door, you watch him remain still. you'd been with the man for four years a time ago, you knew about his and robby's rituals. you knew he'd probably assumed it was him.

you choose to just watch for a bit before you begin to make your way over. you watch his hair blow in the wind and his back tense every moment or so. you remembered him like this.

"if you're coming to talk me off the roof again, i've already decided."

you're aware it's a joke and you're aware he doesn't realize robby isn't the one standing behind him, but it makes your heart drop nonetheless, especially after the night you'd had. ouch.

"i'd prefer if you didn't."

as the first word escaped your lips, he'd turned around and immediately tensed up, flustered.

"i am so--"

you shake your head as you make your way next to him, leaning against the railing. "don't be. i know it's how you cope."

you two remain looking around at the city for a while. you weren't sure what you wanted to say. you weren't even sure why you were here.

"i'm sorry for just sneaking up on you like that," you break the silence.

"no, no, not at all. it's um...good to see you again."

"it's been twelve hours," you laugh lightly.

he looks over at you, deadpanned. "you know what i mean."

you swallow your smile. he meant business.

silence takes over again.

"i'm surprised you haven't gone back home yet," he's the one to break this time."

you tilt your head. "why?"

he shrugs, "well, the ring on your finger. does your husband know what happened last night?"

you furrow your eyebrows immediately and glance at your finger. oh. "wait, this isn't--"

"fiance, then? my apologies. still, i'd assume you'd want to--"

"i am not seeing anyone."

he shuts up. you're glad.

"it's um..." you stare at the ring on your finger. "well, my sister's sworn off men, and i've kind of been too...since, well, you...so she wanted to get us these matching wedding bands so men would stop approaching us."

he just stares.

"i thought the idea was really stupid, but the ring was pretty and...well, she'd said 'what do you have to lose? you're not getting married anytime soon' and that was enough to convince me to drop almost $500 on this. and it looks pretty sick, too, huh?"

you'd put your hand up in front of him. he took the ring in, he'd always loved the idea of seeing a ring on your finger, he'd just wished it be him to put it there. his gaze moved from the ring to your eyes, a small smile growing.

"she always was a character, your sister."

you both start laughing.

silence takes over yet again, but it's more comfortable this time.

"you? i mean, are you seeing anyone?"

he just shakes his head. you awkwardly nod.

you have no control over your next words as they begin spilling out.

"you didn't save my life last night."

you have his full attention.

"i mean, yeah, you brought me back after...everything. fuck, i was so scared. but as i was on the way here, literally bleeding out in the back of that truck, all i could think about was you. i...i wished to see your eyes one last time, to just have you lay your eyes on me." you wipe a tear away. "and i got that. and i'm...i'm so fucking grateful. you were probably the best thing that's ever happened to me. you may have saved my body last night, but you saved my life all those years ago by loving me. i will...i will never forget that."

he's pretending he's not moved, blinking the tears away.

"i..." you continue. "will always, always love you, jack. i know things went really poorly all those years ago, i'm sorry that happened the way it did. and i'm not asking for everything to just be forgiven and put in the past and for us to just..." you make a gesture with your hands. "but i...i almost died last night and i don't want to live my life without you in it, not anymore. and i also don't want to ask too much of you either, i just want you to be my friend before anything else, but even if that's too much--"

"it's never too much." his voice cracks as he speaks. you gasp as the tears stream. he quickly pulls you into him, holding you the way he had all those years ago.

you grab onto him, scared to let go. you smile through the tears, into his chest.

"i love you, too. please, don't ever leave."

you nod. you're not sure how long you two remain like that, you're not sure if you cared either. if this was how you'd spend your last moments, in the arms of the love of your life, held this way, you'd be satisfied.

𝘮𝘢𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘵 ! ☆♪

the last time you had seen jack abbot, before today of course, you'd told him you never wanted to see him again.

you weren't sure back then if that was true; you'd loved him, deeply, and he'd loved you too. you wanted to hate him, to never have to look in his eyes again after everything that happened.

but while you're there, laying in the back of a pickup truck, covered with not only your own blood, but the blood of the victims you'd attempted to save, you wanted so badly to open your eyes and see his looking back at you, one last time.

"come on," you'd wrapped your cardigan around the wound of a young woman at pittfest. she was in her early 20s, you'd assumed. you wrap her arm around your neck and lift her up. "stay with me, stay with me."

you'd be told later you'd saved her life. you'd saved all of their lives, everyone in the back of the truck, even as the blood pooled out of your body. you'd have time later to rest, perhaps permanently, but you didn't want anyone to die on your watch.

when everyone in the back of that truck was patched up as you were rushed to the hospital, you laid down and stared up at the sky. you never believed when patients would say that their life had flashed before their eyes when encountering a near-death experience, but now you'd think twice.

you remember running through the fields as a kid with your dad, before he had passed away. you remember the stupid fights you had with your mom when you were a teenager, you remember your final straw that made you move out and attend med school in pittsburgh in the first place regardless of it being miles away from home. you remember visiting your mom every summer and being able to sneak your younger sister drinks.

you remember your first heartbreak, and you remember the three that follow. the first boy in high school who'd cheated with your classmate, the next two in med school just not being the right fit.

you remember jack abbot, your final heartbreak. you'd met at a bar one night, bonding about being doctors and your different experiences at your hospitals. you'd fall in love shortly after and you'd stay together for four years until one night everything falls apart.

"what the fuck do you not understand?" he'd yell at you and you'd roll your eyes. "no, for real, y/n, tell me everything you just told me again and tell me how, if the roles were reversed, you wouldn't be just as fucking pissed."

"it's not that big of a deal, jack!" you'd defend your honor. "he was aggressive the second he came in, i wasn't going to let some med student take him as a patient."

"so what you should've done was consulted your attending--"

"hey! i am an attending, you do remember, right?--"

"you have two on shift every day, babe, and the other one is a jacked forty year old who could've snapped his neck with his fingers."

"i don't care. he was busy. i had it handled."

"so that's why there's bruises all over your neck and your wrists and there's a huge scar on your stomach right--?"

"holy fuck! look, i am fine, i'm still standing, aren't i? i'd fucking do it again, i'd rather it be me than her. she's in her early twenties, she shouldn't have to deal with that--"

"you shouldn't either!"

silence took over.

"if you don't think i can handle myself," you broke the silence, "then leave."

that was the last moment you remembered before your eyes closed in the back of that truck. you'd regret that moment for the rest of life. you'd only have a few more minutes of that regret left.

john shen recognized you the second he'd laid eyes on you and wrapped a red wristband around your wrist while telling the other doctors that you needed priority, and if they wanted to argue, to speak to jack abbot.

blood was still leaving your system, it'd been over twenty minutes now.

"abbot," robby yelled his name, causing him to look over. "need you now."

"i have a patient--"

"samira!" samira ran over to the patient. robby looked back at abbot. "right now."

abbot ran over and finally saw you laying there. it'd been three years since he'd last seen you, he thinks, since he let you leave him. but he'd never forgotten.

silently, swiftly, he worked on patching you up. he watched your pulse drop, twice, but refused to let up. he would save you, he'd make up for last time when he couldn't.

you're not sure when it happens, perhaps right after your second pulse drop, but you manage to open your eyes. you see him there.

"are they okay?"

his eyes meet yours and his bloodied glove clings to the side of your face. "stay with us."

"are they okay?"

he knows you mean the others with you in that truck. he wasn't sure. but he nods. "now stay with us."

you smile and close your eyes again, lucky to be under his care.

you'd come to a few hours later, stitches in your side with new blood in your veins. you'd been put in a private room amidst the chaos. it was the morning again, the clock on the wall confirms, 7am. you sit yourself up with a wince.

you watch dana watch your every move from outside the room and call jack, who came running.

"hey, hey," he rushes to your side. "you're okay."

you nod. "great doctor."

he smiles.

you guys will talk for thirty minutes before he's rushed out of the room. he won't ask what you were thinking taking care of everyone but yourself, he knows you better. you won't ask why everything went so wrong that night and you'd never know that since then, he'd refused to let sight of any female doctor alone in the room with a man. he won't ask about the ring on your finger, he knows he'd rather not know. you'd leave the hospital today with stitches in your side and the need for at least two weeks of recovery. he wonders how your husband would take care of you, if he'd do a good job, if he's a doctor himself. he'll wonder if you ever had kids, kids he wouldn't have been able to give you.

for the second time in his life, jack abbot let's you walk away. and just like the first, he'll regret it for the rest of his life, but he let's it happen anyway.

𝘮𝘢𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘵 ! ☆♪

it was the last hour of your shift and your patient had been extremely rude since they came in four hours ago. complaining nonstop about the wait, thinking you didn't know what you were doing, the classics. today had been extremely stressful, though, so it was hitting you closer than usual.

the night shift trickled in and you handed off your patient to dr. ellis, not before your patient spat something as you walked out about how much of a dumb bitch you were. you didn't have the energy to respond, just walked out and changed out of your scrubs and grabbing your backpack from your locker.

you held your tears in until you got outside, standing in the ambulance bay and just completely breaking down, halting in your tracks. it was eerily quite, no passing cars or sirens like usual.

so when footsteps slowly got louder as they approached you, your breath hitched and you immediately wiped your tears.

"hey," you turn around and see langdon standing there. of course it had to be him. "what's up, what--"

you shake your head. "no, nothing, i'm all good."

you didn't have to look up to see that he just crossed his arms. you liked langdon a lot, but you hated him for knowing you so well.

"just a rough day," you eventually break the silence. "ready to go home."

"well, you take the bus, right?" he asks. "let me drive you home instead. you can tell me everything on the way there."

"langdon--"

"come on, just say yes."

you swallow and let out a small huff before following him silently to his car. once you settled yourself into the passenger seat, you just completely lost it again, holding your palms against your eyes. langdon immediately reached over and held onto you tightly, letting you cry. you feel his thumb brush back and forth over your shoulder.

on the drive to your apartment, you vent it all out. every little mishap, everything leading up to the very last comment your patient made that pushed you over the edge.

"you do know you're an incredible doctor, right?" he asks.

you hesitate to answer.

"you're an incredible doctor. that guy doesn't know what he was talking about and probably just needed an outlet to take his anger out on. don't take it to heart, he's far from wrong."

you smile sadly in his direction.

he double parked in front of your apartment complex.

"thank you for the ride," you sigh. "and for listening. it means a lot."

he nods. "as long as by the end of the day you know how great you are, i'll do it all over again."

you blush slightly with a smile and an eye roll.

he leans in to hug you one more time. he wasn't often physical with you, but you weren't complaining.

"um, have dinner plans?" you ask as you step out of the car. "would you want to--"

"god yes."

how michael robinavitch would react:

you'd gone up to the roof after your shift ended.

it wasn't rare for you to this. you'd traveled up their after a bad day. they were almost all bad.

sometimes, you'd find yourself alone, and sometimes you'd see the dynamic attending duo, robby and abbot, up there too. today, for now, you were alone, so you felt comfortable letting it all out.

you lost a kid today, she'd drowned and you did everything you could to save her. regardless, the parents blamed you for what had happened and for not saving their daughter, calling you a "shit fucking doctor" which caused jesse to escort them both out of the room.

it killed you, you let their words get to you. maybe they were right.

you heard the door squeak behind you and didn't turn around. robby came over and leaned on the railing next to you, not looking at you yet.

"what a fucking day," he breathed out.

when you didn't answer, he finally looked over at you and noticed you were crying, immediately stepping closer and putting his hand on your shoulder.

"hey, hey," he soothes, "what happened?"

you spit it all out, voice breaking every other word that spilled out of your mouth. by the end, you were in sobs, and his arm was fully around your shoulder with your head falling onto his.

"you can't let these people get to you, y/n," he rubbed your side. "you know you're our best senior resident."

you wipe your tears and break a small smile, "you're only saying that because--"

"if you bring up langdon right now i'll throw you off this roof."

you both laugh and you take a deep breath, looking up at the sky. "thank you, though. it just sucks to hear stuff like that."

he sighs. "i know. but you did everything you could. it's not your fault, alright?"

you nod with a smile.

"now let's go get a drink," he turns to walk towards the door.

"i don't need a drink."

"who said it's for you?"

how jack abbot would react: (mentions of not eating!)

you'd just finally finished up your day shift after what felt like the longest day of your life.

you'd had a horrible day, to say the least. for one, you overslept, so you couldn't get breakfast in. you hadn't eaten since the night before and you were starving. you lost two bucks to the vending machine, on which you stubbed your toe after kicking it in frustration.

throughout the day, your friends would approach you with caution, asking if you were okay or needed anything. you'd pretend everything was fine, you'd get through the day. and then when trinity santos finally broke you an hour ago and you begged her for a protein bar, which she gladly offered to you, you opened it just for it to full directly on the floor in front of you, dr. robby almost immediately walking over it in a rush to get to trauma.

you'd hold in your tears for another hour, when your shift finally ended. you'd caught up with your charting as swiftly as you could. your vision was getting blurry. you don't know how you were supposed to drive home.

after changing out of your scrubs, you grabbed your backpack out of your locker and were ready to go home. through the hallway, you see jack abbot greeting some of his night shift attendings and nurses. you watch him hand dr. ellis a granola bar, knowing she was working a double and definitely forgot to pack one. you're not sure what about it makes you start crying; your dire hunger, the fact that robby would never do that for you, or how sweet he is.

dana sees you crying first, walking over to you, catching abbot's attention. dana's arms were around you as his concerned eyes loomed over you, your hand covering your open mouth.

"hey, hey, come with me, you're okay," he grabs your upper arm with one hand and holds onto your shoulder with another, steadying you as he walks you into an empty exam room. you immediately drop down to the floor, sitting with your hands in your head and repeating "i'm sorry, i'm sorry."

he kneels in front of you. "what happened?"

you shake your head. "no, nothing, it's so stupid. i'm just--"

"tell me."

you flush with embarrassment. "i just haven't eaten since last night and this place is just..."

you swallow as you let out another sob. he immediately pulls his protein bar out of his back pocket and opens it, breaking off piece by piece and handing it to you, watching you slowly eat it as you gain your composure.

when you finish the bar and your tears had, for the most part, subsided, you lean your head back against the wall and jack stands up, holding his hand out to you. you take it.

"i'm so sorry--"

"don't, come on," he shakes his head. "now, there's a drawer under dana's desk labelled 'faxes,' i have a few other snacks in there that can hold you over." he sticks his hand in his pocket and pulls his wallet out. your eyes immediately widen when he hands you a twenty dollar bill. "when you're fine to drive, stop somewhere for some real dinner please."

you put your hands up. "i'm not taking your money."

he swiftly moves him arm down towards your left thigh, skillfully sticking the bill in your left pocket then leaves the door, not without winking your way. you wanted to melt back onto the floor.

how melissa king would react:

it wasn't news that you and langdon liked to butt heads. it also wasn't news that nine times out of ten, he always took it too far.

it really was just silly banter, there were never any ill feelings and you guys were pretty good colleagues. you worked together well, the "friendly" competition helped you always be at your best.

today, however, you lost one of your patients and he'd talked about it like it was nothing. he even made comments about the patient's wrongs and left the room for the moment of silence. it bothered you, a lot. it always hurt to lose a patient, but to have their life dismissed like that? it hurt more.

you'd had a second to yourself in the holding room with the body and you'd let a few tears slip.

"oh," you hear a voice say. you don't have to turn to know it's mel. "sorry, i--"

she finally notices it's you. "oh, y/n, you..." she tilts her head as she stands next to you and sees your eyes filled with tears. "you okay?"

you nod, wiping the tears. "just...lost a patient. taking it kind of hard. and langdon just...pretended it wasn't important, that this wasn't a human being."

you let out a shaky breath. mel is quiet, you can picture the puzzled look on her face as she thinks about what to say next.

almost a minute passes before she speaks again. "i used to struggle like this a lot too. there was a doctor at the last hospital i worked at that laughed after i lost my first patient. and my second."

you turn to her. "that's horrible."

she nods. "yeah he was...not nice, um--" she clears her throat. "i'm sure dr. langdon just isn't thinking about it like you are. i can talk to him for you, if you'd like. i'm sure if he knew--"

"no, it's fine, i...i will talk to him, if it gets really upsetting."

"well, you seem really upset."

you swallow, a few more tears falling.

"could i..." she starts. "um, i'm not good with hugs, but--"

you lean your head over, landing it on her shoulder and you feel her arm wrap around you and awkwardly patting your arm.

"it's going to be okay," mel whispers. "we just have to try to get through this shift. 'where there is a flame, someone's bound to get burned, but just because it burns it doesn't mean we're gonna die.'"

you can't help but laugh as you finish her lyric. "'you've gotta get up and try.'"

"you know p!nk?"

you pick your head up and laugh at her, wrapping your arm around her shoulder and walking out of the room with her.

how cassie mckay would react: (assault warning)

your last male patient of the day was the bane of your existence.

the second you walked in, he began flirty, making comments about how hot you were and calling you names. trying to be as professional as possible, you continued your examination like nothing was wrong.

and then, when you were close enough, he groped you.

jack abbot was called immediately and handled the rest of the exam, making sure you were okay and sending you home after your obnoxiously long 13 hour shift. you were in the bathroom and just changed out of your scrubs. you were washing your hands, staring at yourself in the mirror when the tears start coming. you'd never been touched like that. you'd avoided it until now.

cassie mckay, who had also just clocked out and was about to change out of her scrubs had walked in just then, immediately dropping her bag on the floor upon seeing you and standing next to you, arms wrapped around you as you cried.

"what happened?"

you told her everything leading up to this moment and she just held you tighter.

"i'm sorry, sweetie," cassie was always very sweet to you, she was one of your favorite colleagues. "i'm sure abbot is handling him the way he deserves."

you laugh lightly through the tears. "i'm sorry."

she furrows her eyebrows. "for what? being attractive? for being in the wrong place at the wrong time? don't be silly. this isn't your fault."

you swallow and nod. she pulls you in for a hug.

"how about you wait for me to change and then we can go grab dinner? i'm starving and you could really use a friend right now."

you smile, wiping the last of your tears. "yeah, that sounds nice. i...don't want to be alone right now."

"you're never alone."

your heart fluttered as she entered her stall. you waited in the doorway.

how dennis whitaker would react: (idea by @warehousewarriors <3)

you've shared a last name with the mouse boy of the pitt for almost a year now, and you made it blatantly obvious to everyone. you loved showing him off, his brawn and his brains and his beady little eyes made you lovesick.

so today, when your extremely conventionally attractive patient was flirting with him the second the two of you walked into the room, your heart began to sank.

you had cut off her first flirtatious comment by clearing your throat. "hi, i'm dr. whitaker and this is...also dr. whitaker." you smile in her direction. she rolls her eyes.

"aw, siblings?" she smirks at you. she knew what she was doing.

you furrow your eyebrows, but dennis cuts in before you could respond. "no, married, actually." he smiles at you and then jumps into the examination.

you'd let the first two comments following slide, but when she started "burning up" when he put his hands on her legs, you could barely keep your jealousy from seeping.

shake it off. just shake it off.

"okay," dennis finishes up his examination. "i'm going to grab you some antispasmodics to help out with the pain--"

"only pain i'm feeling now is your hands off of me."

dennis nervously looks over to you and then back to the patient. "i'll...be right back with those."

he leaves the room and you just stand there in silence. you didn't want to even look at the girl in the cot right now.

"how'd you swing that?"

you turn to her. "excuse me?"

she laughs. "i mean he's so pretty, i don't get what he'd see in you."

you scoff. "this is extremely inappropriate--"

"he can just do way better than you. nothing inappropriate about any of this, except the things i wanna do with hi--"

"that's my husband."

"never stopped me before."

you keep your comments to yourself. you weren't risking your job over this.

"maybe if you had a nice figure it'd help keep up with that ugly ass face of yours but...nope, still don't see it."

you swallow your words, along with your tears. you hated that you were letting her get to you like this. and then dennis comes back in the room with the pills and sends her on her way, not before she makes some comment about him coming back to her place.

"what a fucking day," he sighs out as you both watch her leave.

"yeah."

it's later in bed where you start thinking about it again. you were always insecure about your looks, insecure about your worthiness of dennis. the tears start flowing and your hoping to god you fall asleep before dennis walks in the room and finds you here with a tear stained pillow.

but he doesn't.

he rushes in, must've heard your soft sob through your paper thin walls.

"baby," he sits down next to you and wraps his arms around you. "what happened?"

"it's so stupid," you say. "that girl and her...the way she was talking to you."

"who?"

that makes you feel stupider. he hadn't even remembered, yet here you were sobbing. "that patient earlier? made some crazy comments to you." you watch his face realize. "when you went to get her pills she was...dennis, she was so fucking mean to me. calling me ugly, saying i have no figure, that i...i didn't deserve--"

he cuts you off, shushing you and pulling you tighter.

"you are the prettiest woman on the planet earth." his hands move to your waist. "your 'figure' is perfection. you are perfect. you are perfect for me. god, how do i deserve you?"

you cling to him, blushing at his words and he presses a kiss to your cheek.

"please tell me you see how much i love you."

"i do."

"i love when you say those words to me. say them again."

you laugh, wiping your tears. "i do."

how victoria javadi would react:

how samira mohan would react:

how dana evans would react:

how heather collins would react:

how trinity santos would react:

how baran al-hashimi would react:

how parker ellis would react:

how yolanda garcia would react:

how james ogilvie would react:

how mateo diaz would react:

how perlah alawi and princess dela cruz would react:

how joy kwon would react:

how emma nolan would react:

𝘮𝘢𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘵 ! ☆♪

it started on a weekend in may years ago.

you and your classmate frank langdon became very close in your freshman year of college, both of you on track to getting into med school. you two had met on the very first day and became really fast friends, hanging out in the same group with your college roommate, abby.

abby and frank always had something unspoken going on. abby would go on and on and on about how cute he was or how he looked at her that day, yet neither of them had ever done anything about.

and then your group went to a frat party in the end of may to celebrate the end of the semester and things got heavy.

abby had gotten extremely drunk and was hooking up with a frat boy in the bathroom which left sober you to wait around until she started throwing up and you had an excuse to leave. she was your roommate, and as much as you didn't want to be there, you had to stay for her.

frank langdon, who was also sober tonight, found you in a corner and kept you company. eventually, the music got too loud and your headache got too much, the lights started bothering you.

"let's go find a room upstairs?" he asked you, and you nodded, following him up the stairs into a quiet room. you sat criss-crossed against the wall.

the conversation continued, and there was a shift in the air. you couldn't read the room, you were confused, concerned with what could happen. your thoughts racing a mile a minute, you started to really take in how he looked; how pretty his blue eyes were, how we flashed a smile on certain words as they left his mouth, how slim his fingers were, he was really, really pretty. and so, so kind and funny and everything else-- he was just perfect. did you want him? you couldn't, he's abby's. it started overwhelming you.

perhaps he was thinking the same, because eventually, at some point, another shift occurred and he felt himself leaning in closer to you, eventually reaching your lips. you hated yourself for liking it as much as you did, his lips on yours, his tongue in your mouth, his hands in your hair.

minutes pass before you push him off you gently. "no, no, no."

he looked concerned as he watched you stand up. he grabbed your hand before you could leave. "what?"

you swallow, wide-eyed, consequences flooding your mind. "we can't."

you'd left the room quickly, dragged abby down to your car and drove back to your dorm despite her many protests. you packed up your car the second you got back there and were gone back home to boston before the sun came up.

langdon tried to pretend nothing happened, but his mind always went back to you. he tried to call you, you never answered. he'd ask abby and your friends about it, they'd just said you were in a rush to get home. the two of you never exposed your secret, and when you transferred to a different school next semester, he'd given up on trying to reach you. he knew you didn't want to be found.

years had passed now, and you and abby rarely ever spoke. last you'd heard, her and frank got married and had two kids. you didn't get an invite to the wedding. you'd graduated med school and worked at a hospital in greensburg where you lived, a hospital that was set to shut down three months ago, leaving you jobless.

you'd applied to many different hospitals and finally heard back from two of them, PTMC catching your eyes first. your mom's best friend, dana, was the charge nurse, and no doubt the reason you'd heard back with a great offer. you had to take it. you'd regret taking it.

"my eyes must deceive me," dana said to you as you walked in on your first day. you smiled as you hugged her.

"hey, aunt dana."

she'd introduced you to the surrounding staff, to the attendings robby and abbot and to some of the other nurses and doctors. you'd just changed into your scrubs and were walking back to dana's desk when you had to stop in your tracks as your eyes met those same blue eyes you'd looked in all those years ago.

langdon had froze, too. memories flooded back into his mind. you'd changed, your hair got darker and your eyes seemed heavier; working in a hospital could do that to you.

shaking off whatever feelings stirred in you, you continued back to dana's desk.

that was three months ago now, and though you'd worked on countless traumas together, you two never spoke or caught up unless it was work related. no "why'd you up and leave without saying goodbye?", no "why'd you kiss me knowing my best friend had a crush on you?". nothing.

it was the end of your shift, and you were in the elevator waiting to go up a few floors to check on your earlier patients before you headed home for the night. two of them had gone into surgery and you always liked checking on them to make sure all went well. you hit the floor button and the doors began closing, until a hand reached in between them and caused them to open again.

when frank saw you, he froze for a second, but got in anyway. it was silent for a minute.

"um," he started, not looking at you. "why you headed up?"

"checking on some patients," you responded. "you?"

"drug test."

you'd heard about what happened, about how he was taking benzos from the hospital for his own use over a year ago, but was now almost a full year sober.

you nod. "right."

awkward silence took over again, until the elevator shook and came to a complete stop. the two of you grabbed onto the railing, then started hitting buttons.

"fuck," he said out loud.

you groan. "come on."

he called dana downstairs and told her what was up. when he hung up he turned to you. "alright, people are on their way to come fix this but dana said it could be thirty minutes or more and to get comfortable."

you sigh, sitting down on the floor. "great. perfect."

he nodded. "i know, i'm sorry."

you shake your head. "don't be, it's...it's not your fault. i just really hate confined spaces like this."

"i know." you look up with confusion. he goes on. "i remember. me, you and benny getting shoved into that closet in the hotel during spring break? i talked you down from that panic attack?"

you'd forgotten. even then, he'd always been kind to you. "right."

he sat down across the elevator from you. "it's been a while since we've seen each other."

"i saw you yesterday--"

"you know what i mean."

you swallow. "yeah, it has."

he twitched his lips. "you don't owe me any explanations, so you don't have to say anything, but...what happened? to everything?"

your cheeks flush and your heartrate picked up. you shrug. "i don't know. i'm...i'm just a runner."

"what does that mean?"

you take a deep breath. "abby was my best friend and she was in love with you, so when you kissed me and i...i liked it...i just knew i needed to stop it."

he stays quiet. you break eye contact and look down at your knees.

"and if i had to see you again i'd just want to do it again."

"do you?"

you look up at him with furrowed eyebrows.

his eyes widen, "wait, no, sorry. i, um, i just wished you'd said goodbye at least. abby was so sad and thought she did something."

you nod. "i know. i'm sorry. how is she? i haven't spoken to her since penny was born."

he clears his throat. "we're um, not..." he shrugs.

"oh."

silence takes over again.

"i missed you," he spoke. "i thought you were really cool and...yeah."

you smile lightly. "i missed you too. i'm sorry for--"

he shakes his head. "don't be. we're here now."

silence.

"maybe me and you can try to be...friends again?" he asks. "i mean, we were super close back then."

he read your face. "you don't want to?"

you shake your head, "no, frank, it's not that i don't want to. i just... i don't know. you have kids with my college roommate."

he tilts his head, "okay?"

you swallow, face burning. "i don't know how to explain it."

he squints his eyes. "you...you still want to kiss me."

your eyes widen. "wait--"

"you still have feelings for me and you're scared that if i don't feel the same for you you'll run away again."

you open your mouth to protest. nothing comes out.

he smirks. "i just told you i'm divorced."

your frustration grows. "yeah, from my college roommate. you have kids with her you're a recovering addict, i...i can't just put myself into your story and ask things of you. i'm way too needy for that."

silence takes over. you force your eyes to look away. frank moves to sit next to you and your heartrate picks up again.

"can you just look at me?"

you swallow but do.

"look, i had feelings for you back then too," he says. "those never really go away. why don't we just...try?"

you're frozen.

"say something."

your eyes just flicker down, your breath hitching. he watches it happen, and takes it as a sign to put his hand on your face and rub his thumb across it, bringing his own face closer to yours and then kissing you like he had all those years ago. it wasn't just passion this time, it was love.

when he pulled away, he leaned his forehead on yours. "one step at a time? does that sound okay?"

you nod, a smile breaking.

"more than okay."

𝘮𝘢𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘵 ! ☆♪

one. private - mishap

"this hurts so fucking bad," you whined in pain in the back of the ambulance.

you'd just performed in your hometown of pittsburgh for the first time at the first venue you'd ever visited. it was small, housing around one thousand people. you had been signed to your record label for only a bit over a year at this point, and were starting to gain some traction around the weird so your manager thought it best to do a small tour, ending in pittsburgh. every show, you run off stage after your closing song, and this time, unlike every other time, you missed the last few steps and faceplanted in the ground, landing directly on your ankle and hearing a huge crack.

"you're gonna be okay, honey," your manager was holding onto your hand tightly. you and her were incredibly close friends, so you were grateful she was by your side right now. "thank god that was the last show of the tour, we'd be fucked."

your makeup was a wreck, as was your hair. as the medics wheeled you into the emergency room, you kept your mouth shut, wincing through your teeth.

originally upon arrival, a really nice lady named samira mohan was your doctor. she got your x-rays done and was just about to snap your ankle back into place when she was called into trauma. you heard a man's booming voice outside then call out a name, dr. langdon, along with your room number.

a man eventually enters. you ignored how attractive he was, which was hard.

"i'm doctor langdon," he nods at you.

you nod back. "hey."

he knelt down to get a better look at your leg. "this looks really rough. what happened?"

you sigh and shake your head. "i was wearing these stupid boots and tripped down a couple of stairs, fell in a weird way and heard a really loud crack and then cried all the way here."

he smiled sympathetically and then accessed your file. "well, you're in great hands. we'll need to snap the leg back into place and then cast it up for about six week, but after that and some physical therapy, you'll be good to go."

you exhale. "you are a lifesaver. i need my legs."

"you a dancer?" he pointed to your outfit and then crossed his arms. your outfit wasn't anything too special, but you knew why he'd asked that question. you wore sparkly biker shorts with a red v neck tank top, a leather jacket over your shoulders.

"singer, actually. i'm a horrible dancer."

he laughed a bit. "anything i'd heard of?"

you sigh. "not yet."

he smiles at you.

two. private - cast

"welcome back," dr. langdon smiled as he walked into the room. six weeks had passed and you were finally getting your cast off. it was a relief, you had to go back to new york to record your album and you really did not want to do that with a broken ankle.

you smile. "hey. i am so ready to get this off."

you were out of costume now, just in a pair of loose sweatpants and a crewneck.

a nurse knocked on your exam room door. "dr. langdon? you needed a cast--"

she looks over at you and her eyes widened. "wait, i-i know you. you're...y/n l/n?"

your eyes widened. you'd gained quite the fanbase, sure, but you'd never been recognized in person. "you know me?"

she smiles. "of-of course, i do! i saw your show a few weeks back at the roxian? you're incredible."

you could cry right now. meanwhile, langdon was just as shocked with wide eyes.

he eventually left the room and you continued your conversation with the girl as she took your cast off. her name was emma and she was incredibly sweet and you promised her she could come to every concert she wanted to until you retired.

after about an hour in the room alone, langdon knocked on the door and came in, closing it behind you.

"hey, just going to do another quick exam and make sure everything's good before i send you off."

you sit up and smile. he conducts his exam, just asking you questions about your life and your music. emma's piqued interest got him extremely curious.

"you're all good to go," he smiled with his arms crossed.

you exhale. "i can't thank you enough, dr. langdon--"

"you can, uh, call me frank."

you tilt your head and smile. "frank. cool."

he went home that night and listened to all of your music.

three. private - instagram

langdonfrank_: Hi, I know this is a long shot, but do you remember me?

ynln: no WAY you found me on instagram i'm deleting my account

langdonfrank_: 😂 Sorry!

ynln: of course i remember you i wouldn't be walking without you

langdonfrank_: Fair, and true. Still, it's been almost seven months now. And you've gotten so big as an artist!

ynln: :'))) still! i could never forget how's my baby emma doing

langdonfrank_: Gets better every day. I know this is probably weird for me to reach out like this, but I was wondering if you'd want to get dinner with me? I see you're about to be in town next week for your tour.

ynln: omg stalker alert i mean i'm down but...is this allowed?????? are there not laws??????? you're my doctor?????????

langdonfrank_: That really only matters if I was your permanent primary care doctor, which I'm not. I only treated you once, I'd just like to treat you again, this time for dinner!

ynln: oh my god you're so cute stop.

langdonfrank_: 😊

ynln: for the record though i live in pittsburgh😭 i know i post in nyc a lot and i do go there quite often to record but i still live in pittsburgh

langdonfrank_: Oh, cool So I can ask you out more than once then?

ynln: if u wish :P

four. private - oh

it had been almost three years now since langdon had reached out to you via instagram dms and asked you out on a date. boy, were you so glad you did.

he'd asked you to be his girlfriend after five perfect dates. he was so perfect in every way. so charming, so kind, even after fighting he knew exactly what to say.

you'd technically moved in with him almost a year ago at this point, though you did spend most of your time in new york now. your fanbase grew and grew and grew, and you're set to do your first world tour this summer. it was so nerve wracking but incredible. you were so proud of yourself. he was prouder.

since you'd moved in and even before, you'd always joke with him, asking where your ring was and when he'd proposed. he'd just laugh it off always, with a "soon," but god, secretly, you really were itching for it to happen.

he unlocked the door to your apartment after his shift and plopped down next to you on the couch. you immediately throw your arms around him and hold him tight as you did every night, then running to the kitchen and back to the living room and placing a plate on the table in front of him.

"as always, you are the most perfect girl on the planet," he kisses you before digging in. "what time does it start?"

he was referring to the grammy nominee announcement. your label had sent in your album and your songs for some awards this season and you were sick just thinking about it.

you exhale. "twenty minutes. i feel sick."

"why, my love?"

you shake your head. "well, i could not get nominated, which would suck, i've worked incredibly hard and really, really want this. but, i could also get nominated, and the pressure will grow immensely and i'm going to implode--"

he grabs the sides of your face and kisses you, and you immediately calm down. "no matter what, you are incredible. you're the best singer out there."

"you're biased--"

"i'm not. even before dating you, listening to your music...you are incredible. you deserve this."

you smile shyly.

he returns to his dinner. "besides, you're gonna get nominated. and then you'll win."

"shut up, i really could not--"

"you. are going to get nominated. and then you'll win. and then i'll go to work and brag about my girlfriend being a grammy winner."

"i'm definitely not going to win."

he shook his head, upset now that you were doubting yourself so much.

"okay, tell you what," he wiped his hands together and faced you. "there's been some talk about...stuff between us for a while now, and winning a grammy would be really worth celebrating, so..."

you tilt your head.

"if you win, i'll propose."

your eyes widen. "are you...kidding?"

he shakes his head with a smile. "that's how sure i am you'll win this."

you shake your head. "but what if i don't? what if...what if i don't even get nominated--"

"then you'll have to wait till next grammy season, baby."

you wanted to think he was joking but you couldn't tell. "frank--"

"shhhhh, it's starting."

you both screamed when your name was called.

five. public - the night

you couldn't stop shaking. not on the plane, not in the car, not on the carpet, not in your chair, not even after you put a glass of wine in your system. but langdon was there holding your hand every step of the way.

it was the first time he'd been seen with you publicly. he couldn't miss this. he begged robby for the weekend off, even if it meant double shifts when he got back. he needed to be beside you for this.

the fans online were freaking out about the revelation of your boyfriend. they knew he existed, you never shut up about him, but they'd never seen pictures that showed his whole face. the paparazzi was too, flashing lights everywhere.

"you sure you're okay with this?" you squeezed his hand and whispered in his ear.

he kissed your cheek. "it's for you, my love, i can take partial blindness."

you'd gotten the nominee for song of the year, record of the year, and best new artist, and so far, you'd lost the first two. it was okay, you were incredibly proud of the winners, both of which you were a fan of.

"and now the nominees for best new artist," the announcer called.

you started crying and you weren't sure why. you were just that nervous. langdon grabbed your hand.

"my love," he put his hand on your cheek. "why are you crying?"

you wiped your tears. "i really want to marry you."

he shook his head and kissed you smiling.

"and the winner is..." langdon grabbed your hand tighter.

when your name was called you immediately covered your face and sobbed, langdon standing up and pulling you into him, hugging you tight and whispering in your ears. you got to the stage and were handed your grammy and just looked at him. he was crying now, too.

"i..." you swallow, composing yourself. "thank you to everyone, my family, my friends, my fans, my manager, my...my love. this is insane. i...i am forever grateful of the journey i am on, of the music i make. i...i can never, ever, express just how much every listener means to me. to my friends and family, thank you for backing me every step of the way. my manager and my label for believing and taking a chance in me. my..." you look at langdon again, a hand was over his mouth and you can see the light reflect in his eyes. "frank langdon, i love you so much and this would not be possible without you. i owe you everything. and my fans, for being there with me every step of the way, this is for you."

you walk off the stage as applause erupts and you sit down next to langdon and hold on tight.

six. private - well

"what the actual fuck?" you screamed as you got in the car on the way back to your hotel.

"i told you," langdon grabs your hands. "i am so fucking proud of you."

you let his hand go. "okay, waiting," you hold your hand out towards him jokingly.

you did not expect him to start digging in his pocket.

your smile drops in the best way, just out of pure shock. tears fill your eyes again. "wait--"

"i'm a man of my word," he smiles. "plus, i've been hiding this under the bed for almost a year now."

you put a hand over your mouth.

"y/n l/n," he starts, voice already breaking. "you are the most incredible woman i've ever met and you take my breath away every minute of every day. i am in constant awe of your beauty, your kindness, your talent, your life. i want to spend the rest of my life with you. will you please, god, marry me?"

you were back to breaking down into tears as you nod and he slips the ring on your finger. "i hate you."

he pulls you in for the tightest hug. "shut up, fiance."

𝘮𝘢𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘵 ! ☆♪

taglist : @ahoeforfandomsblog @catieiscute2001 @localsams @catmg @justemilyjpg @ihe4rteverlark

someone else wanted to be a part of this taglist but i can't find the ss :(

"hula hoop! hula hoop!"

the second the words were screamed from your mouth, a myriad of doctors and nurses came running your way.

you'd only been a nurse at the pitt for a couple of months now, and you loved your time there. the staff there were all incredibly nice and treated you well (for the most part) and you'd become close pretty quickly to some of them. it was easy for you to, you were extremely bubbly and good at finding the best in even the direst situations. perhaps that's exactly what trinity santos needed in her life.

you were very close with some other people at the pitt, going out to book stores with javadi and having wine nights with samira, but trinity santos was by far your closest friend. she thought you were hilarious even though she tried her best to hide it and it took her a while to come around to the idea of liking having you around. but she did, and now you have sleepovers at least once every weeks and go out on your off days together. you'd heard about her and garcia's endeavors for hours on end and she'd always pry about your love life. the answer was always the same: nonexistent.

her and dennis whitaker were roommates but most of the time, you'd barely cross paths. he'd either be at work or hiding in his room whenever you were ever. you don't think he liked you very much. nice to your face sure, but never around for longer than fifteen minutes.

the patient had grabbed your arm and yanked you towards them, putting your neck into a headlock. you tried to fight back, but you weren't strong enough. you're glad you were able to get the words out when you did.

the first to enter was dana evans with jack abbot behind her. your night shift had just begun and the day shift were dwindling out one by one. jack had, with one arm, mind you, freed your head from the patient's arm and then held his arms back. dana put her arm around you and lead you out of the room as more people flooded in in an attempt to hold the patient down. you drowned out all the sound, tears blurring your vision and your shaky hands clasped securely around your neck. she lead you into the break room and sat you down. you immediately leaned your elbows on the table and put your hands on your forehead.

"what happened?" dana asked you, concerned.

you just shook your head. "i'm so embarrassed--"

"what? don't be silly. come on, tell me what--"

you just started to cry. she put her arm around you and hugged you tightly, feeling how tense you were.

"do you want to be alone? do you want me to get someone for you?"

you swallow and wipe your tears through a sob. "um, trin, please."

she nods. "i'll get her and bring her here, okay? i'll be right back. you don't have to talk about this now, kid, but the police are on their way and will want a statement, are you ready for that?"

overstimulation hit you like a truck, but you nodded. dana left to grab trinity.

"code hula hoop--" dana walked over to where trinity was just sat minutes before this happened. her seat was empty. she looks around and then turns her attention to whitaker who was looking at her. "where's santos?"

he stammers for a second, "bathroom? what happened, who got attacked?"

dana shakes her head. "nurse y/n."

whitaker immediately stands up, concern growing and clear in his eyes. "w-what? is she okay?"

dana shrugs but nods. "she'll be fine, but she's an emotional wreck right now and asked for santos. would you mind going to check on her in the break room? i'll wait here--"

"yeah, yeah," he immediately rushed off to the break room. he peered in through the door window to see perlah and princess in there and comforting you, princess making you a warm cup of tea and perlah rubbing your back and holding you tightly. he knocked before coming in. he watched how it made you flinch.

he opened the door. "hey, santos will be here in a bit, can um..." he swallows. "can i come in?"

you nod and wipe your tears back, beet red, smiling at him through the tears. you never really knew how to act around him, you just know you really wanted him to like you. you weren't sure just how much.

you'd thought he was really nice to look at since the first time you were over at his and santos's shared apartment. you and trinity were out at the bar and walked back to her place arms linked, opening the door to see good old huckleberry standing in the kitchen in nothing but a pair of grey shorts.

"please, god, cover up," trinity groaned. you couldn't take your eyes away.

you watched as he turned beet red. "oh, oh, my god--" he ran into his room, screaming a "sorry!" he didn't leave his room that night. that didn't stop you from thinking about him.

perlah and princess said their goodbyes to you and left the room, leaving whitaker to awkwardly take a seat next to you. it was quiet for a while.

"um, what happened?" whitaker asked. "if you want to talk about it."

you swallowed the tears and explained the situation. his head dropped when he heard which patient did it.

"so, one of my patients. great. i'm...god, i'm so sorry," he shook his head. "i should have been there--"

"no," you shook your head, "don't do that, this isn't--"

"still." he cuts you off and looks up into your eyes. "i should've been there to protect you. i'm sorry."

you sigh. "i don't want you to beat yourself up about this."

he stays quiet and looks up at the ceiling, leaning back in the chair. you put your hand on his arm and rub your thumb across it but retract it when he looks down at your hand.

"sorry," you say, putting both of your elbows back on the table and holding your hands together, leg bouncing.

he scoots his chair a bit closer to yours and watch as he puts his hand on your arm and doing the same motion you just had. your heart races quicker and you swallow the lump in your throat.

"thanks," you whisper. "for being here. i didn't...i didn't think you liked me very much."

you watch him physically draw his head back in shock as you say this. "what? that's...that's crazy. how could i not like you?"

you shrug, your leg beginning to bounce quicker. "it was just a vibe."

"well, it's wrong."

you look over at him and smile lightly. he does the same gesture and his cheeks hint a tinge of red.

"what the fuck happened?" trinity walks in, her face then turns to a grimace. "okay, first, enough pda."

dennis quickly, pulls back and retreats back to his chair and turns a brighter shade of red. "that's not--"

"yeah, sure, we'll talk about this on the ride home." she looks to you and sits down on your other side. "dana told me what happened. you okay, baby?"

you nod. "scared, a bit, but i'm okay."

you look over once more at dennis with a smile and then turn back to trinity. she flits her eyes between yours and his, then keeps her squinted eyes on him, pointing at him.

"okay, we definitely are talking about this on the way home."

𝘮𝘢𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘵 ! ☆♪

your feelings for jack abbot emerged the moment you first laid eyes on him.

he was just starting as an attending back then, when you were still and ms3 and could barely form a sentence and blushed beet red every time you spoke. he showed you immense kindness even with his aggressive demeanor. and god, he was just so hot, and totally your type.

when you were in your second year of residency, you were at a bar with some of your coworkers after a long day shift. a bar that later, jack and robby would make an appearance at. you were grateful for the liquid courage as you approached the pair, arms linked with ms4 samira mohan's. you were in a pair of jeans and a pretty risque top. it was something you normally wouldn't be caught dead wearing in front of him.

"hey, friends!" you giggled as you took another sip of your sixth drink of the night.

you were too drunk that night to watch abbot's composure completely tense up as his eyes bounced between your eyes and your shoes.

now, you were in your fourth year of residency and it was the fourth of july. you didn't think today would be totally different than any other day. you were dead fucking wrong.

you were really having the worst day. you'd barely slept last night because of the fireworks and you also knew langdon was coming back today. your heart really hurt for him, you two were pretty good friends and you knew how bad he was struggling. in between patients, and making sure he was okay, and also just your own personal anxieties, you were riding an extremely jittering high today.

and then jack abbot just had to show up in that military uniform.

you avoided him like the plague and you were grateful you weren't called in to the trauma room while they patched up his friend. you couldn't look at him without feeling like you were back in med school when you first started your journey at the pitt.

when you thought he'd gone back home to catch a few hours of sleep before his shift, you were finally able to take a deep breath and check up on all of your patients.

then, suddenly, out of the corner of your eye, through the tiniest sliver of the door, you watch jack close the curtains to one of the exam rooms.

you were confused, because why was he doing that?

swallowing whatever feelings you had, you knocked lightly on the exam room door.

"...come in?" you heard. he was definitely confused and thought he'd slipped past everyone's eyes. not yours.

you walk in and close the door behind you, walking past the curtain to see him sitting there on the bed, no shirt on.

you'd imagined this scenario before but it was never anything like this, not here. you immediately turn bright red. "what um...what are you doing?"

he had an array of supplies on the tray in front of him and was opening up a swab. "bullet grazed my vest."

your eyes grow wider with concern as you take a step towards him. "you were shot?"

"shot at." he begins explaining more about the situation but you were fixated on the fact that he was shot.

you put your head in your hands and shut your eyes tight and tried to calm yourself before replying. "so you were--"

"are you alright?"

your eyes open and meet his. his eyes were filled with concern. you scoff. "i'm fine. you on the other hand were shot at. why...why do you do these things to yourself?"

he looks back down at the tray in front of him. "my therapist said i needed a hobby."

your eyes didn't change. filled with something, sadness, rage, concern. jack couldn't tell which one was predominating.

you rip the swab out of his hands and begin cleaning up the wound. "really funny."

he shrugs with a sigh.

you scoff again, shaking your head. you focused on cleaning his wound and patching him up and then went to leave the room without a word.

"woah, that's it?"

you turn to face him. "are you serious?"

his eyebrows furrow. "did i...do something?"

you bite your lip to stop the bitter laugh from escaping. "you...you have put your life on the line so many times now. so many different times, you know this isn't the only time we've had to patch up one of your wounds right?"

he tilts his head, confused where this was going. "i'm...sorry?"

the laugh barks out and you cross your arms, tears starting to form. there was no stopping them from falling now. "you don't even care, do you? always putting yourself out there, putting a fucking target on your back, and you don't care. you don't care if you're shot, shot at, whatever. do..." you huff. "do you not get that you have people that care about you? about what happens to you?"

jack laughs a bit as he stands up and throws his shirt back on. "i'm fine, y/n."

you bite your lip, tears falling. "it's exhausting. i'm exhausted."

"i am okay, look, i'm here."

"but you don't get it. did you hear anything i just said?"

he takes a few steps closer to you. "i will take it easier. i know you guys care about me. you have my word. okay?"

you swallow and roll your eyes as you wiped your tears.

"is anything else on your mind?"

you hate that he asked that because you knew you wouldn't be able to lie. so you spew it all out. every single detail that's got you riddled, everything with langdon, all the patients today, everything else. eventually, jack just pulled you in for a hug.

you cried into his shirt, arms wrapped tight around him. "i'm so sorry."

"don't be. i know you worry. you don't have to worry about me."

you knew he could feel your heart beating fast. you hated it. your breath falters. "i always worry about you."

he pulls back slightly, still holding you but back enough to look down at your face. you could feel his eyes burning through you. you still refused to look up.

"thank you for patching me up," he whispers. "last time you'll have to. okay?"

you nod, still not looking up at him.

he was tired of that, taking his hand and placing it lightly under your chin and forcing your eyes to meet his. he wiped your tears with his thumb, it lingering on your cheeks long. he smiles lightly at you.

"your eyes look really pretty when you cry," he rubs his thumb against your cheek. "it brings out the color in them."

you knew you were blushing like a madman already, but that sent you over the top. your arms retract back to your body as you raise your hands to your eyes, rubbing them quickly, suddenly extremely aware how scary you look in front of the man you've had a crush on for years.

"come on," he shakes his head, grabbing both of your wrists gently with one of his hands, his other still planted on your back. "don't do that."

you don't speak, just look into his eyes.

you don't know how it happened. slowly, very slowly, was all you could say. your eyes refused to leave his, even as you watched them flicker to your lips multiple times. you didn't know how you were breathing right now. eventually, he leaned in, slowly, knowing you were stunned and giving you plenty of chances to run. you didn't, you couldn't.

when his lips hovered just above yours, he sent a minuscule nod your way, asking permission. you cursed yourself when you couldn't move. you only parted your lips slightly and hoped that was enough.

it was, and his lips touched down and met yours. it was wonderful, way better than you'd thought it ever could be. years and years of pining all wrapped up together was finally injected into you. it tasted so good.

when he pulls away, you keep your eyes close and feel his forehead land on yours.

"look at me."

you swallow and open your eyes.

"you can check me off your list of worries. i'm not going anywhere."

𝘮𝘢𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘵 ! ☆♪

your patient mr. matthews was really ticking you off.

the second you walked in, you knew he'd be a problem. he had a camo trucker hat on and a vest that mismatched his shirt and he reeked of beer and cigarette smoke.

"when can i get a real doctor?" he asked you.

you furrow your eyebrows. "i assure you sure, i'm a real doctor, i'm an r2--"

his loud sigh made you stop talking. you knew it wasn't worth it.

after getting his vitals and completing your examination, you expressed to him that'd he'd need to take an antibiotic; an antibiotic that when taken while consuming alcohol had an extremely high fatality rate.

mr. matthews scoffed in your face.

"i'll wait for the real doctor to tell me that."

"sir, once again, i'm the real doctor, and as your doctor, i suggest you take this seriously--"

he started laughing, loudly. "you're no doctor."

you bit your lip down hard to stop yourself from making the comments you wanted to make. stay professional.

"my fellow doctors are extremely busy and don't have the time--"

"this is fucking ridiculous." he raised his voice, standing up. your fear spiked.

"sir--"

"get me a real fucking doctor and get back to the fucking kitchen!"

how frank langdon would react:

he'd be lying if he said his eyes weren't fixed on the interaction the second it began. he got bad vibes, just as you had.

seeing the man standing up, his eyes immediately widened and he ran over as quick as he could to get in front of you. he put his hand gently on your shoulder and pushed you behind him, a move that left you blushing madly.

with pure rage behind his eyes, he put his hands up in front of your patient. "woah, take it easy. what's going on here?"

"this bitch wouldn't get me a real doctor."

langdon closed his eyes and let out a bitter laugh, then turned to you.

"what'd you prescribe him?"

you calmly tell him. langdon faces your patient again.

"you heard her."

mr. matthews shook his head. "but--"

"no," langdon cut him off and shook his head. "she is a real doctor, you've been told the further instructions as well as the risks. so you're no longer welcome here."

mr. matthews was red with rage. "this is cra--"

"no, what's crazy is the utter disrespect you showed your doctor. this isn't the 1950s. now go, before i get security."

mr. matthews up and left.

"you didn't have to do that," you looked at langdon with a small smile.

he didn't say anything, just put a hand on your shoulder and left the room. you watched him walk out, your heart fluttering. maybe he wasn't so bad.

how michael robinavitch would react:

he was fuming on the inside.

he whipped open the curtain swiftly, with ease, then calmly stating, "is there a problem here?"

"finally," mr. matthews turns to face you. "was that so hard?"

robby's eyes flick between yours and the patient's. when his eyes meet yours again, he says, "you're needed in trauma one."

you knew he was lying. part of you was mad, was he really not going to say anything about the comment?

"robby, i got--"

"go."

taking a huff, you walk right out and to trauma one. you'd confront him later about this.

how jack abbot would react:

jaw clenched, he watched the interaction from afar. it wasn't new for a patient to spit out misogynistic comments at the female doctors here. he knew you could handle this yourself, but he'd keep his eyes fixed on you in case you needed him.

after you tried calming mr. matthews once more and he took a swing at you, jack sprung quick into action, running into the room and holding the patient down by the forearms.

calmly, he looked back at you. "go grab security."

petrified, you do, and stand by as you watch them carry mr. matthews out. your body was physically closed off, your arms crossed and gripping your elbows hard as you watched with wide eyes.

"hey," jack put a gentle hand on your upper arm. it makes you flinch for a moment. you face him. "are you alright?"

you blink a few times and nod. "thank you."

"you don't need to thank me. do you want to take a few minutes?"

you swallow, nodding quickly. you were so grateful for him.

"come on, i'll walk you outside."

how dennis whitaker would react:

he heard about the interaction later while he walked you home.

"and uh," you looked down at your feet as you walked and recounted your day. "some guy told me to get back to the kitchen."

whitaker stopped in his tracks which caused you to look back at him.

"it's...it's not that big of a deal," you said. it was the truth, it wasn't new to hear something like that.

"that doesn't mean it should've happened," he scoffs. "what the fuck is wrong with people?"

you smiled slightly about how worked up he was about it. "i promise it's okay--"

"it's not okay. you know it's not true, right?"

part of your heart fluttered at how mad he was, smile dropping. you nod. "i do, i don't take shit like that to heart. i'm okay."

for the rest of the walk all he could think about was what he would've done if he were in that room.

how dana evans would react:

(more of a mom thing than a platonic/romantic one because thats how i see her)

she had no issue charging right into the room, the new nurse emma following behind her.

"hey!" she shouts at the man with her hands on her hip. "we don't talk to doctors like that, not in this hospital."

mr. matthews scoffs. "just get me a real--"

"you want real? she's standing in front of you." dana points to you. "take it or leave it."

rolling his eyes, he shuts up and leans back on the bed. you shoot dana a look of gratefulness and she nods before leaving the room.

"the women here get enough shit from robby," dana says to emma as they walk towards another exam room. "we don't need patients disrespecting us, too."

how mel king would react:

in the moment, she didn't really know what to say. she cracks under pressure. you understood, you weren't offended that she didn't come to your defense. but boy, did she let it get to her.

"i'm um," she starts the second the shift ends and you're walking together towards the parking lot. "i'm sorry, about earlier."

you raise your eyebrows. "what do you mean?"

she shakes her head. "that guy, um, he was really mean to you and i didn't say--"

you shake your head with a smile and nudge her gracefully. "you have nothing to be sorry about. it happens. it doesn't get to me."

she nods. "yeah, but i still should've--"

you link your arm with hers and pull her closer to you. "don't be silly. it's over. don't overthink this, okay? i'm glad you didn't step in, he would've been mean to you, too."

you continue walking with arms linked in silence until you reach your cars. she won't stop blushing until she walks into her apartment.

how john shen would react:

he'd hear about it a few minutes after you were done with your examination.

"you serious?" he scoffed with furrowed brows. "what a fucking joke."

you'd shrug it off but he noticed that it really got to you. you were sick of the disrespect women got in this field. it wasn't your first misogynistic encounter.

shen walked over to mr. matthews's exam room and knocked on the door, coffee in hand.

"everything alright here, sir?" he asked with a smile.

"finally," the patient would respond. "a real doctor. maybe you could check me out? i don't trust that bitch."

with gritted teeth hidden behind a fake smile, shen walked over to examine mr. matthews himself. it was really a shame when he accidentally spilled his dunkin coffee all over the patient.

"whoops."

how mateo diaz would react:

he overheard it from the hallway, and not knowing any better, just rushed to grab the closest male doctor in sight thinking it would help. he just wanted you out of that room with that scary man. the intention was there.

langdon came into the exam room and took over and you left with a huff.

"you okay?" mateo asks you.

you sigh. "i appreciate what you did, i get it, but please never do that again."

he furrows his eyebrows in confusion.

"i know what i'm doing, i'm as good a doctor as any of the men here. i don't care what that guy said, i would've taken care of him anyway because that's what we do, it's my job. you...you just grabbing langdon and sending him in after me took that dignity away from me."

mateo falters. "i'm...i'm sorry, i didn't--"

you put your hand on his arm. "no, it's okay, i understand. just let me handle things next time, okay?" you smirk. "i got this."

he watches you walk away. he'd spend the rest of the shift apologizing every time you crossed paths.

𝘮𝘢𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘵 ! ☆♪

it was truly the longest shift of his life and that was far from an understatement.

he'd lost three people just in the last three hours and tonight, it hit harder than many other nights. it was hard. so hard, he was caught crying on the roof by robby over an hour after his shift had ended. he was just sitting there, crying, replaying memories from the night over and over in his head. robby would give his spiel and then hug him tight and force him to wipe his tears and go home, reminding him that his wife was there waiting for him.

so he did as he was told, he was good at following orders (and giving them, too.) feeling more emotional than normal, he stopped by your favorite coffee shop and picked up your order, along with breakfast for the both of you to enjoy. sure, he'd have to go to sleep shortly after and return to the depths of the pitt in less than 12 hours, but to see your smile before he closes his eyes, especially after a shift like that, is a heaven-sent thought.

he unlocked the door, your coffee and breakfast in hand and called out for you. "baby, i'm home!" his voice was hoarse, hoarser than usual. you didn't respond.

he put your coffee on your dining room table and opened the breakfast bag, taking a bite out of his bagel before looking around the house for you. he finds you exactly where he expects you, curled up in bed under the covers. he leans on the door frame of your bedroom, just watching you sleep, watching the blanket slowly rise up and down as you dreamt. the room still smelled so strongly of your perfume that you'd sprayed on your body the morning before, he wanted to die with that smell in his nose.

he takes another bite of his breakfast before placing it down on the bedside table with a smile. he puts his hand gently on your shoulder and you barely budge.

"baby," he rubs his thumb across your arm. "i brought breakfast and coffee."

you nod without opening your eyes, still asleep. he laughs lightly at the sight, he knew you didn't take in a word he just said. he glances at the time on the clock on the wall, reading 10:23am now. he'd have to sleep shortly.

"i'm going to go eat now if you want to join me, love," he whispers in your ear and plants a kiss on your forehead.

you let out a hum and rub your eyes, still not opening them. "just come lay with me." you open up your arms, still in a dream state.

he'd probably regret it when he woke up, his stomach grumbling loudly. but god, it's you, and he can't say not. he smiles and climbs right in next to you, wrapping his arm around you as you drift off to sleep.

he holds your hand in his as he drifts off himself, rubbing his finger along the wedding band planted on your ring finger.

𝘮𝘢𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘵 ! ☆♪

you and langdon weren't really friends, per se.

the first and only time you'd seen each other outside of your scrubs, it was in a bar after a really long shift. it was a total accident, too. you'd met a date there afterwards and were drowning out his boring stories with a rum and coke. low and behold, about an hour in, in comes langdon, strolling in with his wife, abby.

she was so pretty. you'd seen pictures, but they didn't live up. she was glowing from practically every feature. you down your rum and coke upon meeting her. she was nice, too. you hated it. your eyes would consistently out of habit flicker down to their hands which were entwined, both of their weddings ring flashing your eyes.

when the couple left you alone with your date a few minutes later, your date instantly clocked it.

"you have feelings for him?"

the alcohol was making your head spin, and that question didn't help.

"no, he's just my coworker," you shook your head. it was true, you didn't have feelings for langdon. he was just some guy. you'd only been at the pitt for six months at this point. was he your favorite person to work with? sure. did you sometimes pretend to be behind on your charting so he would help you? maybe. was he probably the hottest man you'd ever seen in your life? absolutely.

past interactions flood your drunk mind quickly as the realization hits: fuck, you did like langdon.

your date scoffs at you. "sure. he's married, good luck with that."

that had been two years ago at this point, and nothing had really changed. you and langdon went about your days as you normally had, though you began to keep your distance a little more. he was a friend, nothing more, and you had to respect that. so when he just disappeared without a trace ten months ago, you weren't sure how to act.

for the first month, you asked around as much as you could, trying to gather any information that you could. you noticed how weirdly trinity and robby would react if you brought it up to them. but alas, nothing ever came from it.

then, you'd decided you should probably reach out, even if it was weird. again, you guys weren't really friends, you'd only texted a couple of times and it was almost always work related

hey! just wanted to check in and see if you're doing okay! i don't want to pry, just let you know that we miss you down here

it had taken you over an hour to type it out, backspacing and changing words as often as you could. you were satisfied. you also wouldn't get an answer.

you worried and asked around for only the next two months before you got over it. he obviously didn't want your help with whatever he was going through and no one else was worrying. you were sure he was fine and if something serious happened, you'd have heard about it. you turned your attention more towards your work, and sought a new sense of comfort in your other colleagues, especially melissa king and trinity santos. they were chaotic on two opposite ends of the spectrum, and you loved them so much. you even began hanging out with them separately outside of work. frank langdon was far from your mind.

it was the fourth of july today, and you'd hear his name out of someone else's mouth for the first time in at least six months.

"did you hear dr. langdon is coming back today?"

you stopped in your tracks. you'd just passed by a nurse who whispered it to another. it could just be a rumor.

you're on your toes for the next hour or so, though, glancing over your shoulder as often as you could. on your way to triage, you see him. he's standing by his locker, not in his scrubs yet and wearing a baseball cap.

"langdon?" you ask, wide eyes, a few feet away. you get confirmation it's actually him when he looks over at you. you watch him take a breath before smiling lightly.

"hey."

you walk over with a smile and your hand up, high fiving him.

"the rumor i heard is true!" you cross your arms and lean against the locker. "you're back!"

he nods. "i'm sorry i didn't reach out--"

you shake your head immediately. "no, please, it's okay. you don't...you don't owe me anything."

it's quiet for a moment, you're both overwhelmed. for you, it's months of not thinking about him mashing with the year-long crush fucking you up. for him, you don't know what it is.

"i'm glad you're back, though," you smile comfortingly at him. "i really missed having you here."

he nods with a smile. "me too."

you leave it at that, for now. perhaps another day you'll be able to get his reason for being gone without a trace on another day.

hours pass quickly, robby sentencing langdon to the torture of triage. you don't get to work together for a bit.

when you finally have a moment to breathe before returning to your patient, you walk out to dana's desk and lean your arms on it. "today is hell. actually hell."

dana takes her glasses off and looks at you with a laugh. "seven more hours, sweetie. and hey, at least pretty boy's back, huh?"

you blush at this. "what's that supposed--"

"speak of the devil," you turn your head to dana's direction which is behind you, and you immediately straighten your back when you see it's langdon.

he puts his hands down on the desk, standing next to you.

"how's your first day back going, kid?" she asks him.

"pretty fine," he nods. "robby's still not speaking to me, so."

"he'll come around."

you wished you caught any of the conversation. instead, your eyes immediately looked down at his hands. his wedding ring was gone.

"langdon," you point to his hand and watch his eyes follow. "your ring. did you drop it?"

he taps his finger on the desk and looks over at you. "no, no, it's at home."

you tilt your head. "you always wear it. why wouldn't you--"

"i'm not married."

you freeze, your eyes widening and your cheeks turning bright red. you stutter out attempt at words before you can finally get something out, "frank, i am so, so--"

he smiles and crosses his arms. "it's okay. you didn't know. now you know."

and then he just walks off, your eyes following.

"well, that's news," dana says, forcing you to look over at her. "maybe this means you actually have a chance and don't have to keep following him around like a puppydog."

you curse her and quickly return to your patients. part of you wished the conversation never happened, because now, that's all you can think about. langdon and abby got a divorce? how? why? he's so perfect, she's so beautiful.

you barely see him for the rest of the shift. the questions flood your mind until the moment you clock out. you say goodbye to your colleagues, change into your clothes and head up to the roof. you always get a good view of the fireworks from here. you'd invited mel to join you since her sister ditched her, but she thanked you for the offer and insisted on going home anyway.

so here you were, alone on the roof, sitting on the railing watching red white and blue fill the sky.

you hear the door creak open behind you twenty minutes in. you're fixated on the sky, but that breaks you. you turn your body to look, seeing the face that you've been fixated on for years.

"mind if i join you?" he asks.

you nod. "duh. best view in pittsburgh."

he smiles and sits next to you on the railing. you both just look up in the sky in silence.

eventually, he's the first to break it. "i missed it here."

you look over at him. "yeah, i'm sorry for bringing everything up early. are...are you okay?"

he sighs, eyes still on the sky. "if i'm honest, i wasn't. i don't know if robby or santos told you but...i was stealing benzos from patients?"

you gasp.

"oh, so i guess you didn't know. yeah. so, i was in rehab for a while. abby left me, took the kids with her. i still get to see them on weekends, but god, it sucks not having them around all the time."

you shake your head, wanting to cry. "langdon, i'm so--"

"no, please, i don't need that. i'm okay. i've gotten accustomed, i'm doing really well."

you swallow, taking in all the information he just told you.

"i really missed you," he tells you after a few minutes pass by again. you can't help but blush.

"why?"

he shrugs. "i always liked working with you, talking to you, even if it wasn't often."

your heart is racing so fast. you smile and look back up at the sky. "i'm honored."

he's still looking over at you, you can feel his eyes lurking. you're scared of what might happen if you look back over and meet his eyes once more.

"that's it? no questions?" he asks.

you still don't look over. "you've been through a lot. i told you i won't pry, you should do everything on your own terms. you owe it to yourself, right? you don't owe me anything."

he's taken aback.

"i missed you too, though," you add.

eventually he looks back up at the sky. thoughts are swirling behind both of your eyes. when the fireworks eventually end, you two head downstairs and to the parking lot together.

"that was really nice," he says as you both walk to your car.

"always is. same time next year?" you joke.

he laughs. "are you free tomorrow?"

you stop smiling, blinking a bit. "yeah."

he sighs. "okay, part of my rehab...journey, thing, is that i take steps to make amends with the people from my past."

you furrow your eyebrows, "you don't need to make amends with me--"

"i know, but i did with abby."

you shut up.

"it was after we divorced, a month or so, i just wanted to apologize to her for everything, for making it seem like i couldn't be a present father for my kids, for not treating her well. and i was honest with everything i said. and one of the things i said was that i'd started to have feelings for someone else while we were together. and it was you."

you don't move. you couldn't.

"it's terrible, i know. but it is true. and i'm finally at a stable place in my life where i want to do things, as you said, on my own terms. i...i would really love to take you out tomorrow."

your heart drops.

"but i only want to do that if you're 100% comfortable with everything i've told you tonight. it's a lot. i'm a lot. i just, i've always thought you were really pretty and super cool and always wanted to hang out with you outside of work but couldn't do that without feeling guilty about emotionally cheating on my wife, and--"

"stop talking," you smile, shaking your head. "yes, we can go out tomorrow. pick me up at 7. but you owe me the full, unadulterated story of everything that happened."

he swallows, smiling. "done."

𝘮𝘢𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘵 ! ☆♪

you were in your third year of residency at the pitt. you loved, loved, loved working here.

you got along very well with everyone, and especially loved your banter with frank langdon. you two bickered like an old married couple but in a joking way, smiling as you two walked out to your cars together by the end of your shifts. you'd only seriously got into it once or twice over some cases, but nothing that wasn't resolved within the week. you'd also flirt jokingly with each other over text a lot, though never really face to face.

he returned today from his month-long sabbatical. he missed his kids and wanted to spend as much time with them as he could. him and his wife have been divorced for a little over two years now, but as it seemed, the two still got along really well. you wanted so badly to indulge in the drama and ask what caused the two to split, but you realized you probably shouldn't.

you, on the other hand, were doing exceptionally well in the dating field. you really weren't looking for anything serious (and you always made that abundantly clear) but had a very successful few dates with some of the women in the area. it was hard to maintain a relationship with the crazy work schedule you had.

you were in the break room with your friend samira mohan, talking about the date you'd just been on last night.

"god, she was so pretty," you groaned. "i wanted to kiss her so bad at the end of the night, but of course i didn't, like a fucking idiot."

she laughs at you. "you seem to have that habit."

"pretty girls make me nervous."

you leaned your head in your arms on the table in front of you, then perked up when you heard the door open. you smile immediately.

"hey!" you said to langdon, who just kind of stood there with his mouth open. "how was your break? we missed you around here."

he takes a second before registering it. "hey, yeah, it was great."

"how are tanner and penny?"

he nods, "they're fine, they're good. i'll, um, see you guys later?"

he just leaves the room. he didn't even grab a snack, a coffee, anything. he had just opened the door to the room and left as quick as he came. it was weird.

you squint your eyes and look at samira, "was that weird?"

she shrugs. "it's langdon."

perhaps she was right. langdon did have off days sometimes, everyone did. you decided to not think that much into it and just go on with your day, you'd pull more out of him later. you were always able to.

but not today. every time you tried to approach him, either after aiding a patient or as he was just stood around dana's desk, he'd see you coming and immediately turn and walk away.

"okay, has he said anything about me?" you ask dana, who turns towards you with her glasses on her face. "he's been acting so...off today."

dana shakes her head, "no, sweetie, he didn't. he's been a little standoffish, but nothing new. everything okay?"

you sigh. "i guess so. he's just been avoiding me. not sure why."

dana takes a moment before shrugging. "just give him a day. he'll come back around."

you nod and get right back to work. you decide to stop approaching for a while and heed dana's advice. he'll come to you.

"so, any more dates coming up?" samira asked you as you both were getting your stuff from your locker.

"tomorrow hopefully, with jess again."

"maybe you'll actually kiss her this time?"

you roll your eyes and laugh with samira. you don't realize langdon standing near you, waiting to get to his locker to grab his stuff.

you and mohan walk out together, now in your normal clothes and out of your scrubs, when trinity santos approaches you two.

"hey," she nudges your arm. "me and farmboy are headed out to jack's if you guys want to join us."

"you trying to get me back into bed with you, santos?" you smirk at her. she shrugs, suppressing her smile. the three of you laugh. you and samira do end up taking the offer, meeting up with whitaker and walking over to jack's with the duo.

you only have a shot and decide that's all, and that you won't be able to stomach going into work the next morning if you had any more. an hour in and trinity is four shots in and leaning down on your shoulder yapping your ear off. she was so cute when she wasn't stressed from work. you'd hooked up with her three times since she began her residency, but it was never anything serious. garcia, though, was definitely serious for her.

"i just want her to like me like i like her," trinity groans into your ear. "why can't she love me, y/n?"

you pat her head. "it's okay, sweetie."

"yo!" an already-drunk whitaker yells out. you look to your left and see donnie walk in, dapping whitaker up, langdon following behind him. maybe things were okay now.

they weren't you could tell, as langdon tensed when he caught your eye and you smiled in his direction. he was extremely stiff, frozen in his place behind donnie.

you call the bartender over and order a cement mixer. you and langdon had spoken about it in one of your first conversations, where you judged him notoriously for liking that drink.

langdon takes the drink and looks to you, nodding his head and raising his cup to you. you smile lightly, ready to ask trinity to get off you when a song started playing. she shot up herself, gasping.

"shut the fuck up!" she says. "this is my favorite fucking song! come dance with me!"

she pulls on your arm. "go ask samira, baby, i'll come join you guys in a bit."

trinity runs over to samira and begins dancing with her, samira looking in your direction and flipping you off. you laugh.

you stand up and walk over to langdon and donnie now, who whitaker was still entertaining. you say hi to both of them and just talk about the shift you had.

"yeah, we both needed a drink after today," donnie sighed. "guess we weren't alone."

you look at langdon and then back to donnie. "not at all."

langdon was still very stiff. you didn't know what was up with him.

"i love this place," whitaker wraps him arm around you. "don't you love this place?"

"we've been here an hour, genuinely how are you already this drunk? you and trinity both, i swear."

donnie and langdon laugh at him.

"at least i'm not trying to get into your pa--" you immediately put your hand over his mouth, cutting him off.

"okay, you're cut off from speaking for the rest of the night."

taking it seriously, he frowns and storms away to find trinity and tattle on you. you shake your head in his direction and then turn back to your two other coworkers.

"and for the record, we may have kissed a few times, but that girl is completely hung up on yoyo. i don't stand a chance if i tried."

donnie laughs and langdon is in his own world, spacing off. you notice it. you don't bring it up.

you and donnie talk a bit more, langdon jumping into the conversation every so often when he's referred to, but not often. around a half hour later, mohan walks over to you and nudges your arm. she points her head in the direction of one of the corners of the bars.

"she has been making eyes at you all night," mohan tells you.

you look over. "oh my god, mira, that's freaking jess."

mohan's jaw drops. "no way?"

"who's jess?" donnie asks you. you turn to face him. "this girl i went out with last night."

"and who she's seeing again tomorrow night," mohan smirks.

you shake your head with a smile, getting up. "i should go say hi, i'll be back."

you make your way over to jess, surprised to see her. you hug her and just talk for a bit about your days, pointing out all your coworkers that were spread out across the bar. samira had stolen your seat and was talking to donnie and langdon, who suddenly was talking.

twenty minutes later, you return back to the trio. langdon was much more talkative now. you can tell he'd had a few drinks.

he was talking about this sabbatical, about the time he spent with his kids. it was nice finally hearing his voice, even if it was slurring a little bit. he was so funny and entertaining.

eventually, donnie had gone home. and then samira returned to babysitting santos and whitaker.

"i'm glad you had a good sabbatical," you turn to langdon. "we missed you a lot at the er, though."

"oh, please," he waves his hand as he takes another sip of his drink. "i'm sure you didn't even notice i was gone."

you laugh lightly. "no, i mean it."

"doubt it."

something had shifted right then. you tilt your head. "you really don't think i mean it?"

he looks at you, just taking another sip.

you're so confused. and then he just starts talking again.

"you know, abby left me for her college roommate."

your jaw drops. you don't know what to say.

"yeah, that was my reaction, too. i mean of course, why have two kids with me if you were just faking it the whole time, but when she asked for the divorce i was pretty fine with it. there was another girl who for like a month before then that i started to have, you know, feelings for. nothing i could explore or that i could understand, cause obviously i was married. and that girl was gay, too. and during this fucking sabbatical i haven't been able to stop thinking about her and it's killing me."

he scoffs and takes another drink. "it's only my luck two of the only women i've loved my entire life both like women."

silence takes over for what feels like a long time. when you finally register everything he said, you put a hand on his shoulder.

"frank, i'm so sorry. that's so terrible."

he scoffs. "which part."

you shake your head. "you don't deserve that. you...you deserve to be with someone who loves you just as much as you love them, and more."

he swallow and looks over to you, taking a moment before nodding. "thanks."

you smile sadly and remove your hand from his shoulder. you truly felt immense sadness for him. he'd never been that open with you before. he probably never will be again.

"it ever happen to you?" he asks.

you furrow your eyebrows. "what?"

"i don't know, liked a girl and she was straight?"

you laugh. "god, all the time. especially in college. but, hey, got me here, so, can't really complain."

he laughs a bit. "fair, fair." he takes another sip and then begins just staring down into his drink. "you know, if you ever want to...i don't know, try being with a guy, i'm around."

your body had a visceral reaction and you recoiled at his words, caught incredibly caught offguard. "wait, what?"

he shrugs, not looking up. "just putting it out there. if you were ever curious, i'm..." he swallows and looks up at you. "i'm around."

you watch as he takes another sip of his drink and looks back ahead of him at the wall.

everything had slowly began clicking. the gay girl he had a crush on, it was you. the flirty comments, being so off today, it's because he liked you, loved you, and thought you didn't like boys.

"frank--"

"that was so stupid, i shouldn't have--"

"langdon, i like men, you do know that, right?"

you looks over with wide eyes. "what?"

you let out a small laugh and cover your mouth, eyes still wide. "i'm queer, sweetie, i like both and everything in between. god, did you think i was a full-fletched lesbian?"

he quirks his eyebrow, "...yes?"

memories flood back. i mean, it was kind of fair that he assumed it. you'd never really talked about men around him, only women. "okay, yeah, i guess i can get that assumption, but i'm definitely queer. definitely into boys, too. just...putting it out there."

there was another silence but it felt more comfortable this time. he takes the final sip of his drink.

"good to know."

it didn't feel right doing anything more than that, not tonight while he was obviously not sober. you were though, at this point, so you drove him back to his apartment.

he turns to you before getting out of the car. "i'm sorry about--"

"do not be," you cut him off, shaking your head. "you are adorable. and hey, if you ever want to, i don't know, go out to dinner one night...i'm around."

he smiled as you mimicked his script from earlier. "i'm more into breakfast, but--"

you punch his arm and the both of you laugh. for a few quiet moments, you're just looking in each others eyes with wide smiles.

"i wish you told me earlier about your feelings for me," you tell him. "i get why you didn't. but so much could've been different."

he nods and rubs his face with his hand. "sorry."

"no, don't be. just be more open with me, can you give me that much?"

he nods with a small smile.

"good," you say. "now go sleep, i'll see you at work in the morning."

he nods, but before turning to get out of the car, squints his eyes at you. "would it be really weird if i asked to kiss you?"

your breath hitches. "weird? no. but you're pretty drunk, we shouldn't."

"i am way more sober than i was before."

he was right, he wasn't slurring anymore.

"please," he whispers. "i've waited so long."

you swallow, then speak up. "okay, one extremely short one. you do know once you're stone cold sober you can most likely kiss me whenever you want though, right? you don't want to wait?"

langdon's eyes were just fixated on your lips as they moved. "please."

you both lean in and your lips meet. he tastes disgusting because of his freaking drink, and you immediately pull back.

"who the fuck mixes lime and irish cream?" you wipe your lips.

he doesn't listen, he just leans over kissing your cheek once more, taking one kiss tonight as a win he's been waiting for for years. and he cannot wait to do it tomorrow.

you were 26 when you started working at the pitt.

your first day was extremely chaotic, that was an understatement. but dana helped you get through it step by step. she sense your nerves the second you stepped in. you were extremely timid, nervous about messing things up. you'd work so hard for this moment, you had to prove to yourself and to everyone around you that you were capable of doing this. it was ironic, since you were sure every doctor and nurse thought just the opposite, you spoke in stutters with a flushed face when asked a question and kept your head down.

you were halfway through your shift when robby finally had a second to clock that you were there, that he'd never seen you before. with his glasses on and clipboard in hand, he approached you and dana, both behind the desk.

"dana?" he asked and you looked over at him. wow. "oh, you must be our new nurse."

you nod and look down. dana speaks up, "y/n, this is chief attending physician michael robinavitch, robby, this is y/n."

you look back up at him with a small smile. he smiles back, ungloving his right hand and holding it out to you. you stare at it for a second before taking it, looking up at his eyes. there was something behind them, you didn't know what. his hand was almost double your size.

"call me robby."

a few months in, you became way more confident. still quiet, but not as much. you'd become close friends with some of the nurses and doctors and were happy to have a good environment around you. after a shift, you and two of those friends, doctors dennis whitaker and trinity santos, went to the bar. you took off your scrubs and changed into the proper attire for a night out, which consisted of a cropped red tank top and a pair of leather pants. you were three shots in and already feeling a buzz when two familiar faces walked up to you guys.

"well, well, well," jack abbot took a seat next to you with a laugh. you gasped as you looked over and recognized him, catching trinity and dennis' attentions as well.

"no fucking way," you say, shaking your head, then seeing robby had taken a seat on the other side of jack. "what the fuck are you guys doing here?"

jack shrugged. "i had the night off, this guy wanted a beer," he clamps a hand on robby's shoulder, robby who had barely looked your way yet. robby who lets out a small laugh and shakes his head with his eyes closed.

"okay, on me then!" you say, turning towards the bartender and ordering five beers.

"are you sure you should be mixing your alcohol?" trinity asks you with a scoff.

you roll your eyes and wave your hand. she was probably right.

when the drinks were in front of you, you raised it into the air. "to healthcare!"

the gang laughed before taking sips of their beer. you hadn't yet, looking over in robby's direction, locking eyes immediately. you raise your can specifically toward him. he did the same.

since that moment, you'd barely seen robby outside of work. but you guys still, in passing, looked at each other the same way you did that night.

after a year of those passing glances, you started to stir at night thinking about what it meant. he never looked at anyone else like that, not that you'd seen. his face could never escape your mind. you'd dreamt about him way more than you'd like to admit. it made those longing stares even harder to keep.

today was your 30th birthday. you'd kept your birthday a secret from this place, you really didn't like to celebrate it and it was nothing important to you.

you'd stepped into the break room when your phone started ringing. it was your mom facetiming you, so you picked up. at the very moment she said "happy birthday my baby!" javadi had walked into the room.

her eyes were wide, "it's your birthday?"

you say goodbye to your mom and just look at her. "i will do anything for you to say nothing to anyone."

she smirks. "remember a few years back when you threw me a surprise birthday party even after i told you not to?"

you swallow. "no--"

she just laughs and leaves the break room. you were fucked.

by the middle of the shift, every staff member had came up to you and wished you a happy birthday. except for robby. you knew he had to have heard, but instead, you guys kept with your usual routine, just passing glances back and forth for a while.

towards the end of the shift, only two hours left, you stepped out onto the roof just for some air when there was a lull in the pitt. you didn't notice robby following you up there.

"hey," he said, startling you. "woah, sorry, didn't mean to--"

"no, no, it's fine," you shake your head with a laugh. "everything good? i can come back down--"

"no, everything's okay. just um..." he looks to his side for a second before pulling a box out of his pocket, handing it to you. "happy birthday."

you immediately flush, hesitating before reaching out for the box. "how did you--"

"oh, i've always known. 30 this year, right?"

you swallow, nodding, then slowly open the box. you let out a breath as it's revealed to be a bracelet with charm on it of your birthstone. "robby, what the fuck?" you smile widely, putting it on. "this is beautiful. why did you--"

"don't mention it, i just passed by it the other day and thought you'd like it."

you look into his eyes, shaking your head. the tension was extremely thick, thicker than usual. you guys were way closer than you'd been when typically exchanging looks.

"that is so sweet," you purse your lips into a happy frown. "thank you so much."

he purses his lips and nods, his tongue darting out over his lips as he keeps eye contact with you. silence takes over, for a long, long while. what the fuck was going on?

eventually, he clears his throat and speaks up. "yeah, well, hope you like it." he then immediately turns and heads back towards the doors he came through.

you furrow your eyebrows as you watch him walk off. that was so strange, so different.

you eventually follow him down the stairs and get back to work. you two would pass and you'd always look over, expecting him to do the same. he doesn't. something had changed.

by the fifth time of robby's refusal to look up, you approach him. "hey, are we okay?"

even then, his eyes don't meet yours. he just nods, staring at his clipboard.

"you haven't looked at me once in the last--"

his elbows are leaned on the desk in front of him, and his face turns up to look at you. you swallow, nerves suddenly extremely present.

"so is there a reason you haven't been doing...that for the last hour?"

he shakes his head, eyes going back to his paperwork.

you scoff, "what is going on?"

he looks up, visibly getting frustrated. "i'm just working."

"so you suddenly can't even look up at me for a second?"

he takes his glasses off and sticks them in his pocket, straightening and turning his body to face you. "no."

you, suddenly bold, take a step closer. "why?"

he takes a step back, his breath hitching, eyes looking around the room to see if anyone was watching.

"you're acting so--"

"come with me," he cuts you off. you follow him hesitantly into an empty exam room. he paces the room for a moment before clasping his hands together in front of his closed eyes.

"i am just very aware that you are 30 years old," he says.

you furrow your eyebrows. "...okay?"

he let's out a breath. "you're just too young for..." he doesn't finish the sentence, just looks at you shaking his head with his arms crossed. "and i can't keep playing whatever game this is."

you're frozen for a second, taking in what he's saying. blinking quickly with wide eyes, you finally speak up. "wait, wait, wait, you...do you have..." you let out a small laugh, in disbelief. you then teasingly add, "dr. robby."

he closes his eyes and just stays there.

you take a step closer, smirking now. "so do you think i'm too young for you or that you're too old for me? because frankly, i have no issue with this."

his eyes open. there's something dark in them. "don't say that."

pushing it, you take another step forward. "why?"

you watch his adams apple bob. you're only a few inches apart now. his eyes dart to your lips and back to your eyes.

"i'm too old for you."

"that seems like a decision i can make for myself."

"y/n," he shakes his head. "you do not want--"

"what? you?"

he looks down at you.

"wrong."

he bites his lip and turns his head away from you to stop himself from doing god knows what. his eyes move to just above your head. you follow his vision, turning your head and noticing the window on the door. anyone could look in and see what was going on.

you slowly walk towards the door, closing the curtain over the window and locking the door, then turning around and leaning against it, hands behind your back, staring at him.

you'd never felt so nervous and so powerful at the same time. robby was in charge of the er. here, in this room, you felt in charge of him.

"you don't even want to try it?" you tilt your head, leaning it back on the door behind you.

"don't," he shakes his head, eyes not leaving yours.

"not even if i told you how badly i've wanted you? since the first day i started working here? how...how hot i think you are?"

"stop," he blurts out, eyes fluttering closed.

"is that an order," you start to ask. "or are you begging me to stop?"

he shakes his head as he opens his eyes back up, rushing up to you and crashing his lips directly onto yours. fuck. it was amazing, it was messy, but god, you could tell he knew what he was doing.

you're in that room for maybe five minutes before you both pull away, resting your foreheads on each other. you start laughing and you cover your mouth with your hand.

"what the fuck?" you say. "happy birthday to me."

he shakes his head and rolls his eyes. "i'm still too old for you."

"worth it."

he leaves the room first and a few minutes later, you do the same. for the last hour of the shift, you two exchange looks as you had for the past few years, more there this time. when the shift ends, he'll follow you out to your car and look around for witnesses before getting into the passenger seat and continuing what he'd started in your apartment. when you both woke up the next morning in each other's arms and opened your phones, you stared at each other with wide eyes at the picture that javadi had sent to it, of you two kissing in your car.

javadi .✦ ݁˖ happy birthday to y/n omg

for your own peace, you put your phones on do not disturb for the rest of the day, dodging the numerous texts and calls you were both receiving. you'd have a lot to deal with when you both returned to the pitt tomorrow.

mira ☆ i'm soooooo jealous and scolding my boss for next letting me take off. have so fun tonight !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

you'd woken up practically at 11am after a long, long night of drinking with your coworkers. you picked up your phone and squinted at the message your best friend messaged you, smiling at your phone.

will miss you tonight bby and i'll kill robby for u, save some lives!

today was the first day of pittfest, and you were so excited. you loved the lineup so much. you'd begged your best friend samira to take off the day and come with you, but the pitt was so severely understaffed, robby didn't even let her have a chance to finish.

you understood, but of course was disappointed. samira's boss was always on her case, you hated hearing about it. you just wanted an opportunity get all dressed up and listen to music and drink with your best friend. and maybe you also just wanted the opportunity to see her in a cropped tank top and short shorts with her makeup done.

you were really hard on yourself when it came to samira, mental battles raging in your mind every morning. she was your best friend, your straight best friend. even if you wanted to, and god, you wanted to, you couldn't be with her. you could never tell her how much you wanted her, for how long.

you two had known each other for years, way before you realized you had feelings for samira. you'd met at a bar one night in your very early twenties and did shots together, and then you followed her back to her dorm room and slept over there. it was the beginning of a beautiful friendship. you watched her excel greatly through med school and she supported you every step of the way as you got your degree and got your job.

one night, only two years back at this point, samira came over after a long, long day at the pitt. you'd poured her a glass of wine and cooked her dinner, you knew how rough of a day she was having and really wanted to see her smile.

after eating, she just sighed and looked at you, and then asked you to go over to her. you did, and she stood up and just pulled you in for a hug, holding you for so long. it wasn't the first time you guys have hugged, of course, but it felt different this time.

"thank you," she whispered into your ear, hand caressing your back. "you mean everything to me. i love you so much."

you were rendered speechless at first, your heart beginning to race. "i-i love you too."

samira was so beautiful, she always was. but that was the first night you realized just how pretty her lips were and how badly you wanted to kiss them.

you managed to act as normal as you could since that night. it got easier with time, to hide your feelings. she knew you liked girls, you'd been on dates with them and she was always there to hype you up. and same, vice versa, you were happy when she finally had time to go on a date with some random guy a few months back, and was there to comfort her when she came to you afterwards about how awful it was. at least she tried. men always fuck up in one way or another.

you'd gotten ready for pittfest, doing your makeup and throwing on a denim corset top with a long white skirt. you were going now with your closest friend from work, veronica. you sent a mirror selfie to samira of your outfit. she wouldn't see it until later.

everything was going fine. you were jamming, drinking a little bit. and then suddenly, gun shots began to ring out, so quickly, one by one.

you and ronnie scrambled around, mashing with the crowd to try to get out, tears spewing out of both of your eyes, grasping to each other for dear life so you didn't lose each other in the crowd.

more gunshots began to ring out and you instinctively put ronnie in front of you, protecting her, pushing her quickly. you were glad you'd done so, especially as a bullet entered right through your hip, knocking you down.

"y/n!" ronnie turned and saw you shot, the blood soaking your white skirt.

"i'm fine," you wince. "we have to get out of here."

eventually, you'd made it into the back of an emergency vehicle and were traveling upwards of 100mph to the hospital. you were losing blood quickly, ronnie doing the best she could as she held her cardigan down over your wound to stop the blood from spilling out quicker. you were getting woozy now.

you'd pulled up to the entrance of the pit and were given a red wristband, ronnie crying as she watched you be wheeled into the hospital.

you closed your eyes and were breathing really heavily, in a ton of pain from the wound.

"do you know your name?" a brown-haired doctor had asked you. you recognized him, this was frank langdon.

you open your eyes and stare up at the white fluorescent light on the ceiling. "yeah. y/n, l/n."

there was a small lull. it would've gone unrecognized if you weren't fighting for your life.

"whitaker, go get doctor mohan," langdon had said.

"she's going to worry," you said, shaking your head slowly, begging langdon with your eyes to not get her.

you watched langdon look back over to whitaker and nod anyway. it made you start to cry, the idea of samira seeing you right now, like this. you knew it would scare her. you didn't want to scare her.

you heard her footsteps rapidly approach your bedside. she didn't say anything, not at first, just immediately jumped in to aid in patching you up.

"langdon, she's bleeding through it--" you hear her say.

langdon responds with something. you couldn't hear it. you were just staring at samira, tears blurring her, and you just prayed to god that she would look at you.

"mira," you say softly.

and there it was, mohan, breathing quickly, looked at you, grabbing your hand with her blood-soaked gloves, leaning over you a bit more.

"what happened?" she said. you can see her more clearly now, tears were present in her eyes.

your lip quivered and tears spilled. "you're so pretty."

she was confused. you held her hand tighter.

"please tell veronica nothing is her fault. god, samira, i love you, i love you so much."

"y/n, i love you too--"

"no," you cut her off, swallowing. "i am in love with you." you let out a sob. "shit, i never told you. i'm so sorry."

the doctors were still operating and quietly listening in. samira's tears hit your face.

"you're...you're going to be fine," she said, starting to cry more now too.

you shake your head and move your hand from her grasp and cup her face. "please just smile. once. i need to see you smile."

she put her hand over yours and forced a smile through her tears.

you can't help but close your eyes, smiling. "there it is."

as your hand fell limply from samira's face as she let your hand go, she had to silence her blood curdling scream she so badly wanted to let out with a hand over her mouth as the tears streamed. she fell to her knees at your bedside, mumbling "no" repeatedly under her breath as she held your loose hand in hers again.

she knelt up, tears hitting the floor, holding your cold face in her hands.

"please," she cries. "please, i love you too, please."

she kisses your forehead, then your lips once, as if to hope by some miracle, it would wake you up again.

when the chaos eventually ends, she finds herself on the roof of the pitt still in tears and had just broken the news to veronica. she held the necklace she was wearing, a locket you had gifted her for her birthday one year and she stares up at the stars.

"i love you too.”