Good Things Come

i’m barely used to thinking of myself in first person and all of a sudden i’m thinking of myself in context of a mom, a teacher, a protector, a fucking milk machine. but it’s 100% fine, and i don’t mean that sarcastically. it feels perfectly normal. like skipping over the idea of self to existing purely for this soft bag of unformed bones has always been the point.

he’s the point.

of everything. of ryker and molly fucking in a bathroom to make me. of my accident so i’d forget about the life i had been living and run into jordan again. of jordan. cause fuck knows there’s no other reason for me to actually be with him than my own masochism.

jackson is my redemption. he’s the reason i’m here.

i have never ever ever ever been soft or gushy or thought about loving something unconditionally, but...

i want to hold him against me for forever and equally want to tear the eyes out of any person who cracks a joke about his tiny, pruny fingers.

god, he’s going to turn out just like us, i know it.

but jordan and i swore that we were going to do our best to make him something better than us.

Different how?

But, short answer is yes, I did.

Um, less–Or actually, more relaxed? I mean, having an infant is definitely driving me fucking wild, but...I feel calmer recently. Just more chill, less sensitive. Jordan’s noticed. He hasn’t said anything and won’t, but I’ve noticed him noticing.

Yeah, it all works out.

At this age, as long as he’s breathing and not crying, I’m happy.

Have you...felt different? I mean. Do you feel different after giving birth? Because...I don’t know. I’ve noticed changes.

Yeah, Ethan’s more physical than verbal right now. He’s been way quieter than his brother.

But he sleeps like a dream, so I’ll take it.

We’re still trying to work out a schedule with him. But the doctor assures us that it should even out soon.

Like four months, fingers crossed. Ethan’s almost five months and he’s started doing it. He’s also been into rolling over.

Ethan, wave at your friend.

Jackson just slow blinks. He’s as social as his father.

It’s one of the perks.

Here, Jax. Blink at your friend.

Sure, sure. Grab me a mask.

Hey.

Yeah, yeah. And who says romance isn’t dead.

Oh, he could still act like you. I wouldn’t hold your breath on him only having my genes.

Don’t be an ass. You’ll make the parenting thing harder.

He has so much hair. I don’t even think I had that much.

I resent this genetic roll. I put all of the work and effort into this, and he comes out looking like you.

There wasn’t really time to, if I’m honest. That was…fast.

Wanted it to be over with quickly. He worked with me, so it was a little easier.

Okay. Grab a mask and I’ll meet you.

You did good.

Thanks. You didn’t freak out, which I appreciate.

Yeah. We gotta do this for him. I’m in if you are.

Okay then. I... Okay.