tonight, we own the night.

Excerpts from the book I’ll never write #280

02/16/2016

10:10 am

When she says she’s tired, sometimes she means that she’s just tired of life; other times she means her eyes are closing but her brain won’t quiet long enough to sleep. Either way, take her to bed, put her in some comfy clothes, and hold her until she falls asleep. Rub her head and talk to her when she has a nightmare so she won’t wake up crying. You won’t hear a thank you, but the sigh of relief she makes in her sleep will make your heart flutter. 

If you come home and she’s in the bathtub, wearing yesterday’s clothes and crying her makeup off, don’t let her apologize to you. She’s having a bad day and if she gets out the initial “I’m sorry” her eyes will stream “I’m worthless” for hours after. Just pick her up, hug her, and tell her you love her like it’s the last thing that you’ll say to her. It’s not the glue that holds her together but it lets her know you love her even at her worst. I promise, it’s so worth it just to be with her. 

When she gets excited about something, she’ll want to fill every silence with it, but she’ll stop herself because at one point someone told her that nobody cared; she carries that burden with her still. Let her whole body fill with excitement until her eyes shine and her smile lights up the room, and just before she looks away, tell her you want to listen. If you thought she was beautiful before, oh god your knees will go weak. 

She sleeps naked and by naked I mean stripped down to underwear and raw emotion. By naked I mean not perfect but utterly breathtaking, and trying to cover herself up because she doesn’t believe any of the compliments you’ll give her. And by naked I mean unapologetically honest but still guarded and terrified that she’ll make a home in your heart that may one day stop beating for her. Don’t let her go to bed without telling her she’s everything and proving it by making her face glow and her legs shake. 

She is full of so much life and light, and the only way you’ll get to know is by being there: listening, watching, singing along to songs you barely know and driving so far the radio turns to static.