oh moses smell the roses

dont know anyone on this anymore, its like talkin into a pit. been two years since the last time i posted, i feel silly thinkin how important i'd think my words were and. selfish thinking about how many thoughts i'd broadcast here.

i am shy about.. how i used to think i was brave and not stupid, about always runnin to pull teeth. too many wishes

i worry about it but... some days, i imagine everyone i've known as... one.... a memory. and... sometimes... i sit and talk but. i know it's just to myself. like this, to anybody, no one

i totally and completely let a lot of things go this year, and it's not that i find it hard to, or hard to have nothing, but sometimes when i'm feeling unlucky it's hard to accept that some things are only nice for just a little while. with safety, with school, with friendships and. with halves of things.

is it more shellfish... to want to talk just a little bit... or to only ever listen.......

i did a lot of listening this year. sometimes i feel like i can barely get a worthwhile word out before time is up. i think i’m simpler... and less of a handful... than i let myself seem, sometimes. and now i admire people who can look as centered as they feel. i’ll never be that guy... sometimes i have a hard time with certainty. but as time goes on, i feel more at peace with my uncertainty... and sure of myself. when i slide into the hiccups i slip up... but when you meet someone centered you just know. i hear you just know...

in my feeling, in my talking, in my sharing, in my holding, in my laughing and in my crying and in my keeping my hands busy i am, again, now... who i meant to be, then. some bad luck with the weather, in parts of this year... but is it ever really perfect. i’ll be the same me, i think, when i’m 23 or 26. just... if i really am lucky... i’ll be feeling... luckier than i did in 2017.

i used to come on this thing for some reason