My dads 4 year death anniversary is coming up in a few days and it’s around this time I start wondering if he knew it was time? Was he scared? Was there things he wanted to say to us? Did he hear us when we talked through FaceTime to him while he was intubated? Did he really try or was he so upset with life and his heart that had made it impossible for him to work anymore and he just gave up? He died from Covid April 15,2020. I will forever be hurt whenever I hear someone say Covid was fake and it wasn’t that serious because, to that 59 year old man who worked all his life to provide for him family who had a heart attack & open heart surgery 5 years before and was no longer able to work , it was very real. I will never understand the higher being for taking a man away who in his last moments before being intubated comforted my sister and I by telling us “don’t worry it will be fine”, then about 10 days later he was gone. I will never understand why my husband never got to meet him or why my future children never will. But in a way I like to think my dad brought us together because what’s the odds of finding your future husband through a friend you met on a TikTok live who lives in Texas while I live in NY? I will never understood why I have to keep missing my dad for the rest of my life.