Kairakaja

Excited to travel once again! Next month I’ll be going to Paramaribo (Surinam) with a friend of mine. Never been to South-America before but since it is my father’s home country, I have to have been there at least once in my life, right? Let’s see how many of my fathers family I’m going to meet.

Next semester at uni is yet to start, already asking myself why this was a good idea again..

Trying to gather my courage and recharge my social battery for next week, when I go on a 4 day sailing trip with 6 classes of 13-year olds… well, if you’re looking for me next weekend I’ll be laying in bed as some kind of zombie, after the kids sucked the life out of me.

Me and my brother are opposites. I am an introvert who loves books and videogames, he is an extrovert with a lot of friends, making him the fun one. You know how exhausted that is at times?! Lockdown for him is like jail, meanwhile I am here totally fine with staying at home for days. I am just glad I have a place of my own know, so he can’t really annoy me.

I have a “I don’t feel like being a grown-up today” day. If you’re looking for me I am eating Cheetos for dinner in my pillow fort.

So, I’ve got a videocall with my professor at 2 and I’m seriously having a mixture between a panick/anxiety attack with a good doses of hopelessness. I’m not even kidding I haven’t slept at all in the last 30 hours...

My mood right now: “I’m fine, it’s fine, I’m fine, I’m fine, I’m FINE!

I think all the mail and delivery services have never been able to deliver this well...

I can’t stop wondering if it’s my fault that I have social anxiety and am a introvert. My teachers keep telling me that I am not really being a student like the others, as example because I don’t go out a lot. I have a message for you, some people don’t like to go out! Why make it the reason to hold me back? I get it, I am learning how to become a teacher. I can teach just fine, I can speak with my students and colleagues no problem, but I am a absolut mess with formal settings. Why can’t they just accept that? I am one of the best with kids who have, like me in my younger days, terrible cases of social anxiety, they appreciate the knowledge and experience I have with it and I help them. But apparently that’s not what university’s wants in there teachers, no only extroverted people are great teachers and the introverts just don’t matter, they don’t have a voice anyway. Then again, I am writing my frustrations here instead of telling them of..

So, I came home late and went to make myself some tomato soup. When I pour it in a bowl my bowl breaks, soup everywhere except in my bowl, so I take a second bowl en pour what’s left in the pan in the there and that bowl breaks as well. Now I have no food whatsoever and my kitchen looks like a horror movie.

Gotta love those highschoolers who try to take pictures of the answeringbooks, I’ll see it, I always see it, even if you think I won’t, I do. And still ask me why they got detention...

Ever felt bad about something, that you don’t have to feel bad about and then you feel even worse because you don’t feel bad about it.