apollo ✧ ๋͜

arkha was kind, maybe too kind to you. you'd joined the cleaners at a young age and he walked over to you straight away. he'd held your hand and he smiled at you.

he was your friend, even with your mistakes and whatever else you felt was wrong with you. he never made you feel guilty or terrible, he was kind.

throughout your life, you were always confused whenever people brought up sex. you'd never felt those feelings people talked about. you never felt the drive to touch someone that way, even when you really wanted to.

there had to be something wrong with you, that was the only thing you could come up with. you were broken beyond compare and no amount of fixing yourself was going to change that.

you tried so very hard to be what your partners wanted from you. you tried to touch them and like it, you let them touch you and forced yourself, convinced yourself that you enjoyed it. you hated how much you had to lie to yourself.

you'd told one of your partners once, hoping and praying they'd have some kind of answer that would make it all better but you were wrong.

"so you're a freak?" they'd said. they stared at you like you were something to be ashamed of and then they got angry. "so you've faked everything? what the fuck?"

"no, no! i was joking!" you'd begged, pleaded. you hoped they'd believe it was a lie, a sick joke but all they'd done was tell you what you've known for a long time about yourself.

sick, a freak, something was broken and there was no way for anyone to fix you. you were destined to be alone because no one would want you for more than what they could see.

you weren't something to love. you were barely a person.

so when arhka confessed that he'd liked you for quite some time, you were terrified it was going to be same.

sweet, kind arkha.

you'd never imagine he'd make you feel like the others did but this was different than friendship. it was a different level neither of you had seen each other at.

you waited for the eventual time that he'd come to you and ask for sex. you waited and waited but the time never came. he'd hold you and kiss you.

he'd kiss you just to kiss you. he'd hold you just to hold you. he took who you were when he came to you and he loved it regardless.

he loved you regardless.

sex never came up, he never asked and neither did you. you felt good in the peacefulness and it scared you.

if this is what love was meant to be like from the very beginning, did that mean you were never the problem to begin with? that love was never tied to how worthy your body was? or how your bodies came together?

you were scared to ask but you had to know, you had to. maybe arkha found you revolting and was only loving you out of pity from seeing how every other relationship fell apart. maybe he only kept you close for appearances but behind your back he was getting something from someone else, something you weren't put on this earth to give.

it was a quiet day when you decided to know on the door to his office. the cleaners headquarters is never quiet, ever. you wish it was loud that day too so it could match what your head felt like.

"come in." arhka said. his voice made your shoulders relax, like it always did. it's warm, like a hug he hasn't had the chance to give yet.

you walk inside and he smiles at you, his eyes light up the way they always do with you. any stress on his face melts off and he looks at you like he loves you. he looks at you like your very presence is enough for him.

"hello, love."

"hi." you say back and walk further into the room. he goes to stand and you hold your hand up. "can you. . . stay sitting? i wanna tell you something." he's confused, his brow furrows but he nods and sits.

this is it. the day everything could fall apart, where he could leave you like everyong else has. where he can confirm ever single suspicion you've ever had about about yourself. he could look at you with disgust and you wouldn't be able to do a thing about it.

"i have this thing," you pause and look at him. you want to cry. he's looking at you so kindly, his hand is twitching the way it does when he wants to hold yours.

"are you sick?" he asks and you feel it knowing he's worried for you.

"no- i mean, i don't know, maybe?" he sits up straight now but he remains silent, still looking at you in your eye. "i don't feel the need for sex. i've always been this way."

he says nothing again and his expression never changes but you feel your heart drop inside your chest and tears in your eyes. this is it, you've fucked it.

"i know it's strange and i don't know what wrong with me. i want to, i want to so badly and i can give you it anyway but i just wanted you to know." you ramble on and before you realize it, he's right in front of you.

his hands are on your shoulders and he holds you so gently. his eyes are as kind as ever and he looks like he's hurt at the very notion that you feel that way.

"my love," he starts and he pulls you into a tight hug. "there's nothing wrong with you. there could never be anything wrong with you, not like this."

you feel tears collect in your eyes and you sniffle. he only holds you tighter.

"you're not broken, there's nothing to be fixed about you." he sounds so sure and feel the tears fall. "i love you, not what you can or cannot give me. i don't care about sex."

you let out a small sob into his chest. he's so warm, you feel so safe in his arms that even if he wasn't speaking, he'd still make you feel comforted.

"whatever others have told you before, whatever they made you feel, they no longer matter. i love you to love you. i kiss you just so i can kiss you. i ache for you in my soul."

he holds you tighter and he lets you cry. he holds you like he has all the time in the world. he holds you because he loves you.

"there's nothing wrong with me?" you ask softly, like you can barely believe that it's true. he nods against your head and you breathe shakily. "there's nothing wrong with me."

"not a single thing."

he loves you just because it's you. he kisses you because it's you he's kissing. he wants you and everything that comes with you because that's what love is.

loving arkha, him loving you has taught you that to love someone, it's an extension of you. it's built into your bones more than anything else.

when you'd got the call from eren jaeger that his frat house was throwing a party, you rolled your eyes. same shit, different week. you'd say no but eren damn near begged you to and how could you say no to free alcohol?

when you'd arrived, it was packed with people. you could barely get in the front door and you could hear the music blasting from a street away. you knew it was going to be a big party by the way that eren talked about it but this was far more than you had expected.

once you managed to claw through the large amount of people in the living room alone, you find yourself in the kitchen where you find eren. he has someone pressed against his side, his hand is dangerously low on their back and he looks smug at their flustered state.

"yo!" he sees you and brightens up a bit, using his other hand to wave you closer. "you're late, man." he shoves a red cup in your hand, it's filled with something strong and while you don't know what, you feel it's better not knowing.

"i'm not stayin' for long, eren." you say and he rolls his eyes. he moves away from the counter, spanking the ass of the person who was leaning again him and he smirks when they squeak. he places both his hands on your shoulders and grins at you. "c'mon, man, let loose. have some fun, maybe even find someone or someones to have a good time with." he winks at you, pushes the drink in your hand closer to your chest and he waves his hand in the direction of the living room.

you shrug and sip the drink, which makes you blink a few times at the strength. leave it to eren to make a drink so strong it makes your head spin with one sip.

you can barely see the differences between all the bodies that are in the living room, the music is bumping from a speaker you can't even see and you're sure someone just moaned near by. same old frat parties, same old stuff.

you think you've been grinded on at least three times since you got half way across the room when you spot a head of blonde hair on the other side of the room. he looks shy, like he'd rather be anywhere else. his glasses look fogged up and you have to admit, he looks delectable.

there's another person sitting next to him, white hair, a sharp jawline. he looks equally as put out by the situation and they're sitting close to avoid being sat on by the couple who are making out without a care in the world beside them.

they're both so cute and it makes you want to go over there and ruin them.

before you get far in their direction, you hear a voice next to you.

geto suguru is there, he says your name as he gets closer. "eren said you weren't comin'." you shrug and he kisses the cheek of the person he's dancing with. "one second, baby." he holds their waist and gets closer to you.

"changed my mind, plus he said there was free beer, hard to say no after that." suguru laughs and he pats your shoulder.

"right on. i'll see you later, man." he turns back to the person he's dancing with, his lips immediately attaching back onto theirs and his hands grip their waist tighter,

you turn your attention back to the two guys sitting down only to notice they've gone. you curse suguru in your head and look around to see where they could've gone.

even if they rejected you, a chance to talk to them was better than nothing at all, regardless of how down bad that makes you, even from a single look.

you start looking around almost frantically. one look had you hooked and you wanted them both, they were both so pretty. you look outside and see no one except a few people smoking and couples making out.

you almost begin traversing upstairs when you hear eren's voice calling out to you.

"are you looking for someone?" he asks and raises an eyebrow. "been watching you for the past 10 minutes and you're, like, frantic."

"huh?" you act like you don't hear him at first, then he grabs your arm. you sigh and move closer. "i saw these two guys with glasses sitting near the backdoor like 20 minutes ago and now they're gone."

eren tilts his head and then makes an 'oh' sound. "blonde hair and white hair?" you nod and he shrugs. "well the blonde is my friend armin and the white haired guy. . . think his name is satoru? he's friends with suguru."

you nod and look up the stairs again. "do you know where they went?"

eren stares at you and then slowly grins widely. "you dog." you swat at his arm but he avoids you. "alright, man, i see you. i know armin went upstairs but i don't know about suguru's friend."

you glare at him and it just makes him laugh. he lets you go and walks away, probably towards the same person he was with at the time you walked into the party.

you walk upstairs and the music starts to dull slightly, though it's still really loud. there's not as many people on the second floor of the frat house, mostly stragglers who either have already fucked or are about to.

you notice a blonde head of hair disappear into a room down the hall and while you know the chances of it not being armin are slim, you race forward anyway.

the door stays wide open when you come across the corner and you see them. satoru is laying on the bed and armin is standing nearby. he has a small smile on his face while satoru looks terrified.

armin looks up at you with sharp blue eyes and his smile widens. "so you're the perv that was watching us earlier, huh?"

you stop and your eyes widen. of all the things for him to say, that was not something you had expected.

"well? don't stand there looking like an idiot." armin speaks again and satoru is looking between you both like he's watching a tennis match.

"i was watching you but i'm not a perv."

armin laughs and he has to lean on the bed with how hard he does it. "right, right and i have brown eyes. don't be silly."

you stare at him with wide eyes and he pushes his glasses up his nose.

"satoru and i were about to have some fun ourselves but if you wanna join in, i'm sure satoru won't mind, i don't."

satoru looks up at armin, blue eyes wide and he looks over at you.

"i don't mind either." his tone is quieter than armin's and there's a little shake in his voice as well.

you walk closer into the room and close the door. armin moves to sit on the edge of the bed. he watches you closely behind his glasses and as you get closer, the sharper it gets.

when you get close enough, he grabs onto your wrist and pulls you close.

"you look shocked, did you think you could come in here and dom us just because we look like two little pushovers?" armin speaks like he's whispering spells in your ear. he's so pretty when he looks up at you like this but the look in his eyes are telling you that what you want doesn't mean jackshit as long as he has you like this.

satoru lets out a whine and armin turns around to look at him.

"i want. . . more." he says softly and armin laughs. armin turns to look at you and he pulls you so close, you have no choice but to kneel on the bed.

"you heard him, he wants more." he whispers into your ear and curls a hand into your hair. "he's been so good, right?" his words are gentle but his tone is anything but. armin pushes your head down slightly and he presses a kiss to your neck.

you look at him once, you can't believe he's acting like this and you can't believe that you're actually doing it. armin smiles with a glint in his eyes and you look back at satoru.

poor satoru, really. his cock is straining against his pants, it's clear to see from where he's laying. satoru has this look on his face where he wants to touch himself so badly but he takes one look at armin and stops himself.

you slowly slide his zipper down and satoru looks like he wants to moan at the very motion. you pull his pants down and he bucks his hips, which causes armin to press down on satoru's hip.

armin shushes satoru and his grip tightens. "be good. if you can't be good, you can just sit and watch." he sounds like he's gritting his teeth but you're too busy trying to be a good for him that you don't look.

satoru looks terrified for a moment before he nods and takes a deep breath. he looks like he has tears in his lash line and his bottom lip trembles. "'m a good boy." he sounds so pathetic that you almost feel bad for him, almost because his cock looks harder than ever before now.

you run a finger along the length of his bulge and satoru whimpers. his eyes close but he snaps them open a second later as if he remembered something. he shakily looks down at you and god, if it wasn't for armin's hand on the back of your head, or even his presence in general, you would've jumped satoru then and there.

armin's breath is against your neck as he kisses it. you shiver and before you can even react more, he sinks his teeth in. you yelp and armin laughs, licking over the bite as if it's some kind of apology and he pushes your head closer.

"go on. you have to be good too, you know." he says it so softly that it almost sounds sweet in your ear.

you hook a finger onto satoru's underwear and pull it down. his cock springs out against his stomach, his tip is bright red and he's leaking all over his own stomach. you hear armin laugh softly and he presses a finger at the base of satoru's cock.

"rock hard and we haven't even done anything, 'toru." he whispers and presses harder, which makes satoru whimper again. you take a peek at satoru's face and his cheeks are bright red, his eyes are brimming with tears and a tear has already fallen from his face.

armin's fingers curl in your hair further and he pushes you so close that satoru shivers at the feeling of your breath on his cock. you press a kiss to the vein on the underside and satoru has to restrain himself from bucking his hips again.

you press more kisses and satoru gets louder the closest you get to his tip. his eyes never leave your face, he looks hungry, starved even. it's almost like armin was playing games with him long before you'd even arrived at the party. it wouldn't surprise you given how comfortable they are around each other.

once you get to satoru's tip, armin's grip tightens a final time and he pulls your hair. you moan and armin giggles again. he's pressing his body against yours, you can feel his bulge against your thigh and it's driving you crazy.

you move up satoru's cock a final time and then you wrap your lips around his tip. satoru's hips jump and before armin can even get a word in, satoru is already begging.

"'m sorry, sorry. 'm a good boy, promise!" he stutters on his words as he tries to get them out as quickly as he can. armin clicks his tongue and he reaches up under satoru's tshirt. he pinches on satoru's nipple hard, which makes him yelp and another tear slides down his face. "please, armin, please. 'm sorry!"

satoru is begging like every bit of pleasure he's feeling could be gone in a second and he's right. armin yanks your head up by your hair which makes you choke on your breath.

"should he get what he wants? i mean, he misbehaved." armin says it with a pout and you'd almost believe he genuinely feels bad for dragging out satoru's pleasure like this. despite only knowing them for a short amount of time, you know better. the sharpness in his eyes cuts through the tension like a knife and it makes you shudder.

you nod dumbly, eyes wide as you stare at him. armin looks at you, grabbing your jaw with his free hand and he sighs. he shakes your head from side to side and laughs.

"god, you're both so pathetic, you'd let me do anything, huh? i can't expect your dumb little brains to give me something concrete." he laughs again and releases your jaw, his hand that's still in your hair practically shoves you towards satoru's cock. "guess you're only good for one thing, hm? go on, since you want it so badly."

you give him one last look through your lashes and wrap your lips around satoru's cock tip. satoru lets out a whine and is barely able to contain his hips bucking again. you begin to slowly bob your head and satoru whines more.

you can taste his precum leaking out of his cock constantly. his thighs are shaking already, not that you can blame him. you bob your head faster and he sobs softly. you can tell he's barely holding himself together and that he'd rather do anything than cum without armin saying so.

armin pushes your head down further until you choke on it. it makes him laugh, which does surprise you and he holds you there for a moment. when he finally lets you go, your gasping for air and satoru is shaking so badly you'd think something was wrong.

you breath heavily for a moment and then armin pushes your mouth onto satoru's cock again. he bobs your head for you by your hair and every time you choke on satoru's cock, he laughs.

you're convinced armin is evil, to some extent, not that you mind exactly. you're so hard that it's straining against your pants.

satoru's thighs start shaking and he looks to armin.

"please, min, let me cum, please." he whimpers through his words and he's gripping onto the bedsheets tightly. "please, please."

armin tilts his head as he looks down at him, he reaches a hand forward and he cups satoru's face. you see satoru lean into his hand, there's a hopeful look in his eye as he looks to armin.

armin hums, he doesn't say anything for a while. he keeps looking at satoru and with each second passing, satoru is getting more and more scared the answer is going to be no, especially because armin's hand was still holding you down.

"go on." armin moves his hand from satoru's cheek and he begins to move your head again. it's not long before satoru lets out a loud moan an you feel his cum hit the back of your throat. it makes you choke but armin doesn't seem to care.

satoru's thighs are shaking and he makes soft noises in the aftermath, you could've sworn you heard a few thank yous through them. armin finally pulls your had off satoru's cock and he strokes your cheek.

"say thank you, baby." armin whispers into your ear and you shudder. you swallow the cum in your mouth and look up at satoru from where you still lay between his thighs.

"thank you." your throat sounds rough but it's good enough for armin and he releases his tight grip on your hair.

armin sits up and pulls his tshirt off, then his pants.

"now, lay on your back." he says, it's more a demand really and it works. you do as your told and crawl up the bed, laying on your back and looking up at armin for more. he just smiles at you. it's not kind but it's not mean either. it sends a shiver down your spine and your breath catches. he leans towards satoru and whispers softly, "take off his clothes."

satoru looks up at armin with wide eyes but he nods, he always nods it seems. satoru sits up slowly, legs still shaking from the blowjob you'd given him and he reaches to pull your shirt off. you raise your arms to let him and he looks down at you with a smile.

satoru hasn't said much during this whole interaction but he was drinking down every second of it like he's never had a drink before. it's endearing in a way.

he reaches to pull your pants off and he throws them aside. you're left in your underwear when armin says something next.

"hard as a rock, aren't you?" he reaches forward and presses his finger to your bulge, it makes your hips jump. you gasp softly and it only makes armin giggle at you. "so sensitive. you're all riled up, huh?" he presses his finger down and you moan this time. it only seems to spur him on.

armin presses his full palm on your bulge and goes agonizingly slow as he rubs you. it feels so good but you know as soon as you get close enough, he'll yank his hand away so you can't get there.

armin has this wicked grin on his face, you don't think it's ever really left his face. watching you and satoru fall apart by his words, his hands alone gives him more pleasure than touching either of you could ever do.

your hips jump and you choke a moan as he presses harder. armin looks up at you through his lashes and as quick as he placed his hand down, he picks it up again, just as you suspected he would.

"now what should i do with you, hm? you've been a good boy so far." he hums to himself, tapping his chin as if he's making a difficult decision. "what do you think, toru?"

satoru looks like he's been shocked back to life when he's spoken to, before now he was just sitting on the bed watching armin stroke you. satoru was already rock hard again too, his tip weeping as if he hadn't just cum minutes before.

he clears his throat and looks up at armin, who had cupped satoru's jaw and made him do so. "i think," he pauses and swallows thickly, his eyes flitting between armin's face and your pulsing bulge. "i think he should cum too."

"you do?" armin says softly, leaning down. he gets close to satoru's face and he kisses his jaw, moving close to his ear. "why do you think that?"

satoru lets out a shaky breath. "he's been good." he stutters as he speaks but he gets the sentence out eventually.

armin laughs softly and he sucks a mark onto satoru's neck, which makes him squeak. you're watching them both, your breathing heavy. you just want to reach down and touch yourself but you have a feeling doing that would only make it longer until you felt pleasure.

armin thinks on it for a moment and he turns back to you. he leans in close, much like he did with satoru and he kisses your cheek.

"you're in luck, i'm feeling generous today." he huffs a laugh at the sigh of relief you do and he moves back. "go on, satoru. have a seat." he pats your thigh and looks over at satoru expectantly.

satoru looks up at armin and does as he's told. he sits on your thighs and lets out a shaky breath, your bare skin touching his own makes him shiver.

armin moves from behind you and you hear a cap opening. satoru is pushed forward onto your chest and before either of you can ask, satoru moans and armin laughs.

"have to get you ready, you know." armin says practically to himself at that point. you can hear his fingers moving in and out of satoru's hole over satoru's moans.

he doesn't do it for that long at all before he yanks satoru back up into a sitting position and kisses his neck. "go on, take his cock like a good boy."

satoru whines and bites his lip, he's so flustered. you can't help but reach out and grab onto his thighs, pulling him closer to you. armin's hand reaches underneath him to hold onto your cock. it makes your hips jump but it's not unwelcome.

satoru lifts his hips and sinks down on your cock. you both moan as armin moves to lay down beside you. he's still fully dressed, just watching you and satoru lose yourselves to his touch, his words.

satoru takes a second to get used to you inside him before he begins bouncing. his little whimpers with each bounce drives you insane, he leans his hands on your stomach to balance himself and his cock bounces with him, smearing precum all over both of your stomachs.

armin grabs your chin and pulls you into a deep kiss. it's too much but too little at the same time. satoru fucking himself on your cock while armin dips his tongue into your mouth, if you'd known this was how the night was going to end, you wouldn't have tried to deny eren's party request in the first place.

"close- close." you hear satoru stutter out as his thighs start shaking again. the poor thing looks like he's about to combust again already, not that you could blame him.

"already? you little slut." armin mumbles against your lips, his eyes open and looking at satoru. "so greedy. he hasn't even cum once." armin wraps a hand around your throat as he speaks, it's a tight grip and you can feel every moan struggle against his hand.

satoru whimpers out a few pathetic apologies, not that armin is listening to them. it's not long before you feel yourself coming close, you're surprised you even lasted as long as you did.

"close." you say and armin squeezes your throat. he kisses your cheek and whispers filthy things in your ear, you barely even hear them over the sound of satoru's moans and your own heartbeat.

you let out a choked moan as you cum, you feel it sliding down your cock as it spills out of satoru's hole. feeling you cum makes satoru stop for a moment but you squeeze his thigh.

"keep going." you whisper, wrapping a hand around his cock and stroking it slowly. satoru's hips jerk and armin looks at you both in amusement.

"you heard him." he says, wrapping his free hand around your own on satoru's cock. you strole him together as satoru begrudgingly starts bouncing again.

it doesn't last long though before satoru cums hard again for the second time tonight, it lands on your chest, some on your chin and the rest lands on yours and armin's hands.

satoru goes still, save for his thighs shaking and he pants heavily. he watches armin releases his hold on his cock and collects the cum on his fingers. he brings them to your mouth and presses them inside your mouth.

you lick his fingers, swallowing down satoru's cum and when your down, satoru lays down on your chest. his eyes are closed and you wouldn't be surprised if he fell asleep right then and there.

"that was fun." armin says from beside you. he's sitting up now, looking at you both. "came in my pants like a teenager, though."

you blink at him and swallow. "when?"

"oh, just right now." you blink again. he didn't even make a sound, or maybe he did and you didn't hear it. "anyway, better get him cleaned up."

his whole demeanor changes, he looks at you both kindly, unlike the expression he had before. he disappears for a moment and when he returns, he has a wet wash cloth in his hand.

"hopefully eren won't mind." he hums to himself and you make a noise.

"this is eren's bed?"

"well i wasn't going to mess up my own bed, was i?" he laughs and by time you're both cleaned up and covered, you hear eren from the door.

shimura tenko was born knowing he was never going to be much to the world. he wanted to be a hero, to save others, to inspire but his father flat out refused to even hear the thought of it.

he still remembers those hands beating him from time to time when he let's his thoughts get too loud. he always thought in some sick way he deserved it, even to this day he still thinks that.

he was never particularly special, not at any subject or hobby. not even as a person.

shimura tenko was born to fit the very meaning of failure even before he knew what it even meant. the only time he felt happiness was in his mothers arms and even then, he'd be ripped from them too before he got too comfortable.

he remembers feeling scared. he remembers even a wrong breath would get him beat and even though he's an adult, he still watches his tone on pure instinct. that kind of thing sticks with you like that.

then his quirk came in and if this life wasn't already terrible, it was just about to get worse.

he remembers everything and nothing about that event. he remembers them screaming, he remembers them disappearing into nothing while they tried to run and comfort him. he remembers his father glaring at him for yet another fuck up just to go down on his record.

that was the last time he'd ever seen his fathers face and he never quite knew if he should feel glee or sadness about his death in particular.

sensei was always kind, in his own way. he never tried to lead tomura wrong, at least that's what tomura believed his whole life.

he'd met you during this time and you made him realise a lot more than he thought he could.

you were what true kindness looked like, that's what he liked to believe. you listened to him, calmed him down, made him feel like an actual person instead of just an unfinished project that just so happened to breathe.

he was always too terrified to touch you. if he did you'd be gone in a second and he didn't know if he wanted you to go anywhere, not yet, perhaps not ever. he remembers you getting him a pair of gloves and the cool feeling of the fabric against his skin felt so foreign at first. it made him sad that he could never touch you with his bare hands but he could settle for touching you like this. for touching you like this was million times better than never touching you at all.

he remembers feeling your flesh for the first time, regardless of it being through gloves, it was better than anything he'd ever touched before. you were angelic, spiritual even.

he hated it but the only thing he could compare you too was something religious. and he was addicted to praying at your alter.

the smart thing to do would be to let you go but he was never strong enough for that. he hated at how it made sense to free you from him but he just couldn't.

sensei had told him time and time again to let you go, that you weren't good for his mission and what he had to do, that you were holding him back, but how could you be?

he'd sit by you and complain and complain that sensei wanted him to stay away from you, it was ridiculous. you were his, weren't you? you loved him, more than sensei ever could.

he loved sensei, he'd taken him in, cared for him in a way no one else had ever done before. he cared for sensei above all else. he should. he'd be nothing without him.

sensei saved his life but you made it worth living.

tomura always struggled to figure out who he'd put atop the other. he owed sensei his loyalty and he loved you amongst all else.

your hands would run through his hair and hold him close, you'd whisper soft words in his ears and make him feel warm, not in the same way sensei would.

he was never strong enough for sensei. there was always something he was missing with him, his quirk was never right, his movements were never quite where they needed to be.

with you, he didn't have to be anyone but shigaraki tomura. . . shimura tenko even.

so when he's sitting next to you, holding and hoping that you'll squeeze it back. he keeps watching your face, trying to see if your features twitch even once and give him something more than a body laying in a bed.

he missed you smiling at him, he missed you walking around and jumping on his back randomly, even when he'd grumble about it.

sensei had put you in a coma so tomura could focus on his true work, he'd taken his gloves and all he had left of you was your body laying in a bed.

you loved these moments with him. he'd put his hair down and lay back, allowing himself to relax even if it was just for that moment. his eyes would close and he'd take a deep breath while leaning on your legs.

your fingers run through his hair while he relaxes against you. his eyes crack open slightly to look up at you. a tiny smile grows on his lips that you know is only for you.

he reaches a hand up to cup your face and you lean into it, his thumb stroking your cheekbone. he looks at you like you hung the sun in the sky yourself and it fills you with so much warmth knowing he loves you that much.

"you're so beautiful." you say it softly, you say it like it's fact and it is. his eyes widen and his cheeks darken to a light pink. his thumb freezes on your cheek and it makes you smile. "what? you are."

he lets out a soft whine and hides his face in your lap, perhaps uncharacteristic for some but it's giyuu to you. your giyuu.

he wraps his arms around your waist as you laugh softly, your fingers resuming their run through his hair.

you love how he softens around you. he lets down every wall as if they're nonexistent. when he lets his hair down, physically and metaphorically, he becomes someone completely different from what other people think they know.

you know what they think, there was a time where you thought the same thing about him.

tomioka giyuu: stoic, arrogant, thinking he was too good for anyone else, and that's why he kept himself so far away.

when you got closer to him and found out the truth, every single preconceived notion you had of him fell apart.

he wasn't arrogant, he didn't think he was better than others, in fact it was the complete opposite.

he was scared, all the time. you don't even want to begin to think about how exhausting that is. to be so scared of everything and everyone around you that you clam up so you don't get close, so you can't have them sitting on your mind all the time. of course, it happens anyway because that's human nature.

you crave people around you, not always to talk or do things with but just to coexist in the same place. you didn't think people also craved that feeling until you met giyuu and got to know him.

his smile is the most beautiful thing you've ever seen, it lights up his face in a way no one gets to see and you selfishly want it to stay that way. they don't deserve to see the way his eyes light up when he looks at you with the amount of love that he does.

they don't deserve to see him when he's just woken up and he's holding onto you like he can't bring himself to let go. how he makes the cutest noises instead of talking because sometimes talking can't convey what you want it to.

maybe you're the most selfish of all to want to keep this to yourself but you can't help it. he's yours, in every way possible and you feel eternally grateful for that.

"where did you go?" he speaks softly and it brings you out of your thoughts. you look down at him and he's looking up at you with that look again.

you feel your cheeks heat up and you move the hand in his hair to cup his cheek.

"i love you." for the second time that day, his cheeks go pink and this time he can't hide it, not with your hand holding him in place. he lets out a whine that makes you grin wider than before.

he stays looking at you like that for a while before he can get his thoughts back in order. he leans up and presses a kiss to your lips, his hand moving to hold onto your waist.

you can feel him smile into it as you kiss him back. there's a peacefulness in the air that sucks you in and you don't want to leave. he deepens the kiss slightly and you begin to lay back.

he adjusts himself and rests his hands on your waist, as your arms hook over his neck. the kiss breaks after a few moments and he decides to peck little kisses across your whole face.

"giyuu!" you laugh and curl your fingers into his hair. he hums back and continues. he presses kisses to your cheeks, your nose, your jaw, your forehead, your eyes. anywhere he can touch in that moment, he's doing it.

"i love you." he says softly into your ear and you look at him again. he's smiling, his cheeks are a darker pink now and his eyes are full of so much love for you that you're not sure where he keeps it all. his hair is messy but he doesn't seem to care.

you bring your hand to his cheek again and pull him into a softer kiss.

"i want to stay here with you forever." you speak softly into it and he hums. his eyes stay closed and he doesn't move that far away.

"me too."

hinata shoyo was sunshine incarnate, everyone who met him knew it. his smile always seemed to take up his whole face, his eyes shined along with them.

he was always beautiful to you and you told him as much. you remember every single time he'd go bright red and try to hide his face. you never let him and you remember laughing as he whined about it.

it's why when you're left with silence that it hurts the most. his giggles are gone, the light in his eyes isn't shining at you anymore and it hurts. you want it, you want it so badly.

it felt apart so quickly, right in front of your eyes. you barely had time to blink it and was all gone. you had graduated high school together, celebrated his team getting to nationals again. you joined him and his team as he fought hard to get better at what he loved.

something about hinata shoyo that was obvious to everyone that met him was that when he loved, he loved hard. there was no half way with him and you adored that about him.

he loved volleyball and he loved you.

you remember when he'd rush over to you to gush about a new move he'd learned, or how he jumped higher that day. every single time he found something new to be ecstatic about. his joy was always so infectious, so all consuming.

it devastated you to learn that his absence did the same thing.

you wish he was here, in your arms. you wish you could run your fingers through his hair again. you wish you could feel the warmth of his skin against yours again. you wish, you wish, you wish.

that's all they ever would be. wishes.

hinata shoyo was gone and it left an ache in your chest.

you remember walking into the park that day and seeing him sitting on a bench looking sad. you didn't know what it was but you knew that something was wrong. you wanted it to be sonething you coud help him with, that you could fix for him.

it cut you deeply knowing there wasn't a damn thing you could do about it.

"what?" you remember saying. it was cold that day, there was snow melting on the ground all around you. you remember staring at him with wide eyes as he explained what he wanted, what he needed.

"i'm moving to brazil." he sounded to set. you knew he would be. hinata may make rash decisions on the daily but when he has his heart set on something, he does it with all the power he has.

"you- brazil?" you said softly, sitting back against the bench. you could see your breath in front of you and with every passing second, your breathing got heavier.

"i have to." he turned to look at you with a gentle look on his face, a pained look. like it hurt to say it but knew it had to be said. "i need to. i can't improve here."

you take a deep breath and look away from him. he said you name with so much love that you looked back at him.

"i love you, you know that but i- i need this."

you could feel tears in your eyes. you remember your mind going haywire as it came up with anything it could to bring you comfort. this didn't mean he was breaking up with you, you could do long distance. you could, you knew you could.

"it's just," the next words he said broke every single thought you'd just had and you could feel it coming. "i can't do long distance and i don't expect you to come with me."

"don't expect me to or you don't want me to?" you didn't mean to snap at him. he looked so hurt at the very thought of the accusation and he moves back as if he's been stung.

"don't say that, you know it's not true."

"do i?"

he said your name again, pleading with you, begging you. you remember he went to take your hand and you pulled your hand back. the look on his face is devastating and you want to go back. you want to take it away from his face. you don't want to be angry with him.

"i don't want to hurt you." he pulled his hand back and rested it on his knee. he took a deep breath before he spoke again. "i can't drag you across the world because of what i need for volleyball."

you say nothing and he closed his eyes.

"i love you but we. . . i don't think it's gonna work long distance."

"you don't even wanna try?" you say angrily and you stand, which caused him to stand with you.

"i know myself." he pointed to himself at that and looked you in your eye. "i know i won't be able to do that. i'd be miserable, you know me."

you take a deep breath and it catches. the tears are in your eyes and he winced when he saw them.

"i'm sorry," he sounded to apologetic and it almost made you hate him. so caring, so kind, even when he's ripping your heart from your chest. "please don't cry."

you shook your head when he spoke and wiped your eyes.

"no, no, you don't get to tell me that. you're leaving. i don't- i don't wanna be angry with you because you say you need this and i get that but. . . you're leaving me behind, shoyo. i'm allowed to be upset." you sniffled and wiped your eyes again, though it was no use. the tears filled up as soon as you wiped them away.

"i can still call you and we can still talk, as friends." as if it made it any better, you remember thinking bitterly. you didn't want to blame him or be angry. he wasn't a terrible person. hinata shoyo was kind.

you shook your head and his eyes fill with more hurt.

"no." you say. "no, i can't just be friends with you. i'm in love with you, that's not going to go away."

he looked like he wanted to get closer but he stayed put, his hands flexing like they always did when he wanted to touch you.

"i love you too, you know that."

"yes, yes i know that which is why this hurts so much." you realized that you had begun crying at that point. "i love you and i want you to do what you need for yourself, even if that means leaving me behind." it hurt you to say and you're so angry that he felt like he had to leave.

he stood there staring at you as you stop. you wipe your face again and look at him for what you hate is going to be the last time.

"i love you, shoyo but please," you voice broke and you remember shaking. "please don't call."

he looked shattered and he went to stumble forward to you but you step back. you noticed by this point that he was also crying.

"good luck in brazil." it's the last thing you say to him before you turn around and walk away. you don't look back at him but you can feel his eyes on your back. you want to turn and run into his arms, hold him, kiss him. you want to beg him to stay or that you'll go with him but you can't bring yourself to do it.

everything you remember about hinata shoyo is a blessing and a curse. you keep remembering things you just wanted to forget so that you'll feel better about not having him anymore.