stuff I write

I imagine your first meeting with him being that you casually enter the Tardis, who lets you enter without a key because she knows and likes you, and when you see him you're like "Oh hey I haven't seen that face before! You are the Doctor, right? Not just someone who broke into the Tardis?" and he's like "Yes I'm the Doctor. Who are you? How did you get in here, the Tardis was locked?" so you're sensing an opportunity to get away from the Doctor, because he literally doesn't recognize you, so you're like "Haha... What? I don't know a Doctor... Woaah this police box... it's bigger on the inside!! This is so shocking to me that I must leave immediately and never return. Bye!" so you exit backwards out of the Tardis, only to immediately back into a different Tardis where a later Doctor is already waiting for you, who immediately locks the doors behind you so you can't leave again.

You might ask: "But if the Doctor is yandere and keeps you close to him at all times and maybe even locked up in the Tardis, how would you continue to meet him out of order?" And I was stuck on that question for a long time too, a few accidents might happen of course where two Doctors are in the same place at the same time and you walk into the wrong Tardis or a different Doctor than you're traveling with at the moment snatches you up and takes you with him, but how could it keep happening?

And then I was thinking about how I maybe wanted to add River into this as well, and then it clicked. Bear with me for a second.

The Doctor still marries River in this, and at first you feel really weird about her, totally not jealous, it's just weird that the Doctor would go so far as to kidnap you to be with him, only to marry someone else and then still keep you kidnapped. Not that you would want to marry him, you just thought he'd want to marry you!

And then you actually get to know her and actually like her. More than the Doctor, who you might not always hate as much as you did in the beginning, but will never be able to fully forgive for kidnapping you. The Doctor is really jealous of this, but still willingly shares you with River, at least at (for him) later times where he's known her for a pretty long time. Younger versions of the Doctor pull you and River apart when you kiss.

Anyways, River is your ticket to time and space travel outside of the Doctor. She always jokes she wishes she'd met you first, so she could have kidnapped you instead, but sometimes she still does. Or maybe she borrows you, because she always brings you back after you go on an adventure (or just do dinner and a movie). But not in the correct time, she just looks for the Tardis closest in time and space to where you just were. She also takes you out of the Tardis out of order.

Maybe that's how you first meet her actually. She just shows up in the Tardis to pick you up for a date and it takes her a bit to figure out that you've never met her before, because you went along so willingly. But turns out it was only willingly because you were desperate for any opportunity to get away from the Doctor. Poor thing, you didn't know that she's literally his wife. (And her wife, later.)

Anyways the reason I'm not sure I'll actually write this is because I'd have to plan out the timeline in advance which is a lot of work (like it would be for 3 people who all meet in different orders!) AND I'd have to come up with additional fun plots each chapter would be about. Like they also have to go on adventures or dates and stuff on different planets. Btw I don't think the Doctor would ever take you back to earth, but River probably would.

Too much of a push to help you remember, or simply too many memories at once, and your mind might shut down completely. Otherwise he would have helped you with his telepathic abilities already. He does check up on your mind sometimes, to make sure everything is still okay in there, and if he can maybe, very gently, get you to remember something that you're close to remembering, if it's not too much. That hasn't worked out yet, but he keeps trying. It's very nice of him.

That's also why you can't go back to earth, because that might trigger too many memories at once.

Sometimes, you feel like you almost remember something. Or like you definitely should be remembering something. A certain sight or feeling or smell will just make you start crying, feeling like you're missing something. Like there's a hole in your mind, and your soul remembers what was once in the empty space, but your memories are just out of reach. So you get overwhelmed with feelings, usually grief, and the Doctor has to calm you down. You're so lucky his telepathic abilities can help with that.

The Doctor takes you to visit countless of fun planets, at different times, letting you see the most spectacular things. But you can't stay out of the Tardis long, because of your disability. The Doctor says you've probably had it before your accident. You're pretty much cured when you're connected to the Tardis, but that does mean you can't stay out of it for more than a day. That's fine with you, the Tardis is your home.

Today, you're on a planet where the air smells like vanilla, the sky is purple, and the people are green, and it's beautiful and idyllic and lovely, until it isn't. People start screaming and pushing each other to get away from something you can't see yet, something you won't ever see, because the Doctor spots it before you can, and yells at you to "Run!". So you do. You take his hand, and together you run back to the Tardis.

He makes sure you're safe inside, and then goes back out, to help the others, but not before making sure you'll definitely stay inside. You will. Why wouldn't you listen to him?

Although, now that he's gone, you think back on how he told you to run. It sounded awfully familiar. Something about that exact word, and the tone he said it in. And not just because you've been in dicey situations with him before, but of something more important you can't quite grasp. Usually the Doctor would be helping you with your memories at this point, so they don't overwhelm you, you're already crying, but he isn't here right now, so you keep thinking. And thinking.

Until something clicks, and you remember.

You remember now. How you first met the Doctor.

Ironically enough, you were at a doctor's office for an appointment, alone in the waiting room, and suddenly there was a lot of chaos outside. Somebody poked their head through the door and told you to run. You almost started laughing, because you couldn't run, which you told him. So he stayed and outsmarted the threat from inside of the waiting room instead, keeping you safe, because you couldn't outrun the aliens. The somebody was the Doctor, who asked you to travel with him right after letting you know that his space ship could help with your disability a thousand times better than any doctor on earth, especially in this century.

So you'd definitely already met him before the space time anomaly that made you lose your memories. If that even happened at all. But why would he lie about the existence of that? Then again, why would he lie about only having met you after? Did he lose some of his memories too?

The Doctor isn't back yet, and the more you think, the more of your memories come back. First slowly, but then it gets faster, until you remember pretty much everything.

Everything the Doctor made you forget.

How traveling with him was fun at first, but sometimes he got weirdly intense and angry at others, so you almost became scared of him sometimes. You became aware of how much power he had over you, it's not like you could leave unless the Doctor let you, he's the only one who could fly the Tardis.

It was a hard decision, but you asked him to take you home. What you told him is that this couldn't last forever, and you didn't want to get too used to being able-bodied before being forced back into your previous life and being disabled. Or dying before that happened.

Which was all true! But inwardly, you were thinking about how you weren't sure you trusted him anymore, with all his anger, and didn't want to become too dependent on him. Leave while you still could, before his moods turn to you.

It was too late. He didn't let you leave. Said you were too important, too precious, too vulnerable.

Instead, he erased your memories. A painful experience. Like your mind was being ripped apart, invaded, even though you tried your best to fight him.

When you woke up in the medbay of the Tardis, he pretended like you were meeting for the first time, and that he was pretty much your only hope for survival. You trusted him. You came to love him.

This isn't even your first time remembering. Every time, he erases those memories again, and then tells you that you got overwhelmed by almost memories threatening to push through, but that he was able to help you, so you're okay now. And then he takes you on adventures like nothing happened. He also erases every instance of you getting scared of him when he gets angry again and decides to destroy somebody who almost managed to hurt you. In your head, he was always fun and sweet and kind to everyone.

You have no way of knowing if you have all of your memories back yet. What if he's hiding something even worse from you?

You have to get out of here.

But how? You can't fly the Tardis, and doubt she'd cooperate. Can you send a message to someone? Make a phone call? But who would even be able to help you? Maybe you should just leave the Tardis right now, and try to hide on this planet? Or just walk as far as possible into the Tardis and hide there until you can think of something better?

Before you can try to start working on any of your less than thought through plans, the Tardis door opens. The Doctor has returned. You've run out of time. You quickly wipe away the tears from your face.

"Darling! I'm back!" He sounds happy and excited. You wonder if he's just acting. Or is that actually a part of the real him?

"It didn't take nearly as long as I thought it would, and basically took care of itself. It was a big misunderstanding, really—" As he walks closer to you while talking, probably to hug you like he always does, you take a step back before you can think about the consequences.

The Doctor notices immediately. He looks into your eyes, and you think he never looked so cold before you got your memories back.

"Ah. You remember, then." He sounds disappointed. "Again. That's been happening in increasing frequency, lately. I might have to erase everything and start from the beginning again! Maybe if I think of a different lie, it'll last longer. Leave some original memories, to make it more convincing. Maybe taking away everything was a bit much."

He keeps walking towards you while he's talking, seemingly mostly to himself, not caring that you can hear, while you keep taking shaky steps away from him.

"I should let you remember something after some time, maybe, so you don't get suspicious as to why none of your memories are coming back. Only memories involving me, of course. You don't need to remember anyone else."

Your eyes flicker towards the exit. "Why are you doing this? Why not just let me leave?"

The Doctor places himself between you and the door, having noticed your wandering eyes. "Do you not remember? I love you. I can't let you get hurt. You're too vulnerable without me. You can't even run without a connection to the Tardis! How could I possibly let you leave, knowing you could get hurt? I can't let that happen. Not to you. Not again." He lets out a shuddering breath. "Now, hold still for a second darling, will you?"

Right. That's your cue to run.

You spin on your heel and take off, not even caring which direction you're going in, just trying to get away, but the Doctor is faster. Of course he is. You knew he'd be, but you're still surprised by just how fast he catches up to you, grabs you and effortlessly wrestles you to the floor, pinning your legs down with his own and holding onto your wrists, so you can only uselessly arch your back to try to fight back, but the Doctor doesn't budge an inch.

He sighs, like this is only a tiny inconvenience.

"You're better at listening to me when you don't remember anything. Don't worry, we'll have that fixed soon."

He presses his forehead against yours.

"No, wait, please, don't–" You try to twist your head to the side, but his hands move to hold your head in place. You try to push him off of you again, but he's a lot stronger than he looks, not bothered by your pushing in the slightest. You resort to clawing at him, but even that has no effect.

He shushes you. "It will only hurt if you don't stop fighting me. Just let me in. Make it easier for both of us, okay darling?"

You, of course, try to prevent him from entering your mind anyways, but as humans aren't a telepathic species, you're at a disadvantage. He was right, fighting really does hurt, you think, right before everything goes black, and you're thinking nothing at all.

You wake up in bed. Is this some kind of hospital? What happened? You feel fine, except for a slight headache, and the fact that you don't remember how you got here. Or a lot of other things. But you do remember the man sitting next to you.

"Doctor? What happened?"

"Um, I'm hoping? I'm manifesting, even. She's a major dyke to me. And if it ever turns out she's not, I don't want to hear it. If Clarke ever does an interview with her where she says she loves men and isn't attracted to women at all, and also she's super conventionally feminine for a Kryptonian, nobody tell me. I want to keep living in blissful butch ignorance."

"I mean, we don't know if she even has the same concept of sexuality as us?" Jimmy adds.

"So? Whatever. None of you know what you're talking about, we should see what an expert has to say about this." You turn your head to the left. "Clarke, what do you think?"

Clarke looks up from whatever she was working on at her computer at the table next to yours. "Hm? What are we talking about?" How could she have missed your conversation, she was sitting right there the entire time!

You look at her with your head in your hands, elbows planted firmly on your table. She's so cute. "I'm of the opinion that Superwoman is a butch lesbian, Lois and Jimmy say we can't know that, because we don't know enough about Kryptonians, so we don't have any context. What do you think? As the local Superwoman expert, and, more importantly, as the best office butch of all time."

You like Clarke even more than Superwoman if you're being honest, with her suit and tie and glasses. Plus you regularly talk to her so you don't only like her for her looks, but her personality as well. Unfortunately putting a framed picture of your coworker on your desk is seen as creepy and weird, so you settled for Superwoman instead.

Besides, you don't need a picture of Clarke when you have the real one sitting next to you every day. You need to send a gift basket to whoever is responsible for this seating arrangement, especially considering you're not even a reporter like she is.

Clarke blushes. "Oh, um, well. I guess we really can't know, right? But as we are on earth, I think it makes sense to look at her from an earth perspective, at least in most regards. So, um, she does seem butch to me, for what it's worth. "

"I knew you'd have something smart to say, thank you Clarke!" You turn back to Lois and Jimmy. "See? The expert agrees with me. Case closed."

Lois rolls her eyes. "I wasn't disagreeing, I was just pointing out that we literally can't know unless we ask, which is what Clarke said as well. Either way I still think it's ridiculous you put up a picture of her on your desk!"

"I need to look at her to make it through the workday, ok? I can force myself to respond to e-mails more easily when I look at her and am reminded that someone out there is fighting the good fight. In the sense of her having superpowers and being a butch in the public eye."

"Right. Your crush is getting a bit ridiculous. Whatever, you talking about e-mails reminded me of the ones I still

still have to write, ugh, I should get back to work now. Maybe I'll get another coffee first, though... Or you could go get me one, Jimmy?"

"Uh, no way. You could get me one, though?"

They both leave in the direction of the coffee station, bickering all the while.

You realize Clarke hasn't started working again yet and is still looking at you. "You really have a picture of Superwoman on your desk?"

"You haven't seen it yet?" You slide the picture over from where it must have been hiding from her view behind your computer and turn it towards her.

"Isn't she so beautiful in this? I found it on a fanpage, apparently the owner of the blog met her in real life and asked if she could take and post this picture! She's beautiful in every picture of course, but she's smiling so genuinely in this one..." You sigh.

"If it ever turns out she's only into femmes I'm going to throw up. That would feel almost as bad as her being straight, to my fragile heart. Not as if I stood a chance either way though, I mean, hello? She's like, super nice and selfless and beautiful and has superpowers, and I'm just... well. You know." You vaguely gesture at yourself and grimace.

"Beautiful? Deserving of only the best?" Clarke responds earnestly.

Your face heats up. Is she flirting with you? No. No, she's this nice to everyone, right? "You know what I meant! I'm just a random, regular person. Not that that's bad necessarily! But she could have literally anyone she wants..."

"And I think she'd be lucky to have you. If- if she wanted, I mean. Um. What I'm trying to say is that you're definitely not beneath her in any way! She's also a random, regular person, like everyone else, just one who happens to also be an alien... Does that make sense?"

"Sorry, you said beneath her and now I'm imagining myself beneath her in another context and I might pass out."

Clarke blushes furiously and you shake your head, trying to get rid of your inappropriate thoughts and instead remember the rest of the conversation.

"But no, yes, I- I get what you're saying, I think. Not sure I agree, but thank you Clarke, that's... a reassuring way to look at it. But again, it's not like I'll ever even meet her so it doesn't really matter anyways, right?"

"...I mean, I could set you up with her if you'd like?"

"That's- That's a really nice offer, but really Clarke, it's not- I don't think I would make a good first impression. I'd be so nervous I would like, probably pass out. And it's more of a celebrity crush anyways! It's just something to fantasize about, and meeting her would make it... Too real." Plus, you're interested in someone else, who is literally sitting right in front of you. "But really, thank you, that's so sweet of you."

Clarke smiles. "Oh, yeah, I get that. I had a huge crush on the drummer of the Mighty Crabjoys for a while, but I never wanted it to turn into a real relationship or even really meet her. Also, never meet your heroes is a saying for a reason, Jimmy got to interview them at some point and apparently she was really stuck up and rude?"

She's so cute.

"I guess the 'never meet your heroes' thing doesn't apply in my case though, I mean you've met Superwoman tons of times and I trust your judgment. I like you, so I would probably like her because you like her, right?"

She grins at you. "That's so sweet. Yeah, I really think you would get along with her."

A week later, your conversation almost forgotten, you do get to meet Superwoman. Not because of an arranged meeting, but because you almost get hit by a car, distracted by a weird glowing animal plant that's floating in the sky that the Justice Gang is dealing with. Superwoman pulls you out of the way, placing you in a deserted alley where it's just the two of you.

"Are you ok? I know it's not always easy in Metropolis, but please pay attention to the traffic, even when there's something floating in the sky. I wouldn't want you to get hurt." Oh fuck, she's even more beautiful up close than you thought. And her arms are still around your waist where she grabbed you to move you out of the way.

"Uh, um, I'm sorry, I should have- I didn't- Thank you! I usually pay attention, I swear, I just didn't know if maybe that floating plant thing was dangerous or something... I guess whoever was driving that car was also looking at that instead of the street, huh? Um. Anyways. Hi? Thank you. Hello."

She smiles at you so warmly it makes your heart ache a bit. "Hi. No need to apologize, I'm just glad you're okay... You work with Clarke, right? She's mentioned you before." She finally (unfortunately) takes her hands off your waist.

"She has?" You start grinning. Clarke talked to Superwoman about you? She thinks about you when you're not around? Maybe even showed Superwoman a picture of you so she could recognize you here? Wait, this could potentially be embarrassing. Did she mention your crush on Superwoman? No, Clarke wouldn't do that... "Um, only good things, I hope?"

"Yes! Of course, only good things, don't worry. Most recently she said you were wondering if I identify as butch? Which, I guess now that you're here I can tell you in person, yes. I would say I'm butch. I prefer to look at myself through a human lense, I guess unintentionally a USAmerican lense even, since that's where I spend most of my time. And I've never been on my home planet, so I unfortunately don't really have a frame of reference on gender expression there. So, I'm butch."

Clarke told her about that? Well, it makes sense for Clarke to wonder as well, since she's a butch too, so it would be interesting to her. But why hasn't Clarke told you about Superwomans response?

"Thank you for telling me, I'm honestly really glad you're a butch. There's not a lot of butch women in the public eye to look up to, so you're really an icon. And- um- sorry about your home planet? That's- that sucks, I'm sorry. But again, so glad you're here. And a butch. Sorry, I don't want to keep you from... fighting?" All in all you're being cooler about this than you thought you'd be. You discreetly wipe your sweaty palms on your pants.

"Oh, we're not fighting, turns out it really is just a plant, and it doesn't seem to be harmful for humans, so we just have to move it so it's no longer distracting people and so it won't crash down at some point, I think the others will manage that without me."

Is this her way of saying she wants to keep talking to you? What should you say?

"...Soooo..." You stop for a second, thinking. Would this be embarrassing to ask? Probably. But maybe worth it. "Clarke talked about me? Did she say anything else? About me?"

Superwoman frowns, confused. "Oh, uh, why are you asking? Are you not comfortable with us talking about you? I'm so sorry, I shouldn't ha-"

You interrupt her before she can keep going.

"No! No, that's not what's- um... Just. Do you think she likes me?"

Superwoman blinks at you and doesn't immediately respond, so you keep talking, "Sorry. Weird thing to ask. But I really like her and I don't know if she only likes me as a coworker or like a friend or maybe... romantically? Which is what I would hope for, but I'm too much of a coward to make a move so um... I'm asking you what you think. Sorry. You probably have better things to do, even if the space plant thing isn't urgent." You're really using your only chance to talk to your celebrity crush and use it to find out more about your actual crush. So many people would be disappointed in you for this waste of an opportunity. You could have asked one of your other coworkers, but somehow that seems more embarrassing than asking a stranger.

Superwoman seems to finally gather her thoughts and responds. Is she blushing? "Oh... You like Clarke? That's... really cool, actually. I think you should ask her out, I really think she likes you back. That's my opinion as an unrelated bystander. You'd be... good together."

You're not entirely convinced. "So she's not just into femmes? She likes other butches, and mascs, and studs? I just, I really want to be sure first, I don't want to embarrass myself in case she only likes femmes."

"Yes! That's what she told me. Don't worry about that. I should- I should go now, help the Justice Gang. It was wonderful talking to you. Have a nice day! You should talk to Clarke as soon as possible!" With that, she zooms off into the sky and disappears.

What a weird experience. But also helpful.

You text Clarke, asking her if she wants to grab dinner with you, that you met Superwoman and want to talk to her about it. Clarke responds positively almost immediately.