𖤐 fake it till we make it.ᐟ | what happens when scaramouche, your rival since the first year of highschool, had some annoying admirers on his back? easy—he (fake) dates you to shoo them off. nothing can possibly go wrong with faking a relationship with the guy you hate, right?
𖤐 in hindsight | You are a singer-songwriter. Music has always been a part of you, it's a part of your identity that no one can ever take away. However, there's always a catch: you are diagnosed with a chronic illness that puts your life on a timer. Those who have heard your countless melodies have grown to notice that the notes on the sheet played a gloomier tune. Would the snarky and capable medical student you've met be able to bring life back into these melodies? Even as your life begins to seep out of your own body? A reboot/rebranded version of Autumn Leaves.
𖤐 blurred lines | You say you’re just friends. You say it every time you leave a party together, every time you wake up tangled in sheets, every time you swear it’s the last time. But habits form, lines blur, and pretending gets harder when jealousy starts to sting.
𖤐 my dear y/n | you and scaramouche were once lovers, both of you being each other’s first loves in middle school—all the way to your junior year. but after growing apart & growing up, you two broke it off quite calmly, brushing it off as an inevitable outcome. but, what’ll happen now that you two are at the same university, coming across one another (too) frequently? will you two even be as close as before? friends? enemies? lovers?
𖤐 raised the bar.ᐟ | yn thought she finally escaped the perpetual doom of placing 2nd after she graduated high school. but alas! the leaderboard has her name printed under another’s! a name she thought she’d never get to see again. better luck next time, i guess.
𖤐 keep my heart | you find plenty of guys around you attractive, but there is only one you’re willing to make the first move on: the guy you first saw during your older brother’s soccer game. spoiler: he's a player from your rival university.
𖤐 just a hater | in which you major in astronomy and scaramouche is the biggest astronomy hater (in your eyes). what happens when someone confesses their feelings for you, and you not knowing how to handle affections, suddenly blurt out that you are already taken. by who? well, scaramouche of course.
𖤐 stuck with you | after the disaster that was the live award show, where you and scaramouche got into an argument on stage after both of your groups got a tie for top artists, your guys' PR teams have been in shambles trying to scrape up your mess. that's when the idea to send you both off with some other idols to a remote location for a survival dating show to mend your public image comes up. before you know it your bags are packed and you’re on a plane to a remote island. the only obligation is you need to end up with scaramouche at the end of the show, whether you end up liking him or not doesn’t matter to your managers as long as the show’s ratings stay high. whatever you do in between to get there is up to you!
𖤐 how (not) to fall in love | your best friend is tired of being single. she wants to fall in love. she wants to become like the female leads she's watching from romance movies. so being the supportive and kind best friend you are, you decided to help her! except that the guy she has her eyes on happens to be your long-term crush from your middle-high school days. surely, you're not the one who will fall for him... right?
𖤐 sweet melody | THERE ARE not many things that can sway your interest ever since the "incident", but in spite of that, you pushed forward. you are now the owner of the biggest bakery chain in your city, consistently seeing couples and catering to them as such. you've been a big host at weddings, events for celebrities, and even a big support for your friends and family. you've even earned yourself a niche following as well by how sweet you are to everybody around you. but, even with your kindness, you don't have a particular spark that keeps you going anymore these days. that is until one of your employees starts suggesting you write love letters to customers who request your services. at first you thought it was a horrible idea that could easily turn into trouble, but that was until you were tasked with writing one to your own (very very famous) ex-boyfriend.
𖤐 UNDERST☆ND | when the famous streamer Scaramouche, reveals being in a long term relationship with a mysterious person, no one thought he would be married to the famous idol, YN.
𖤐 camera flip, heart leap.ᐟ | IN WHICH—you, although faceless, are a very famous streamer known as KUMI. you were streaming as usual, playing games and interacting with fans. but when you're about to exit the stream, you accidentally pressed the wrong button that led to you opening your cam and showing your whole face to your audience. this wasn't supposed to happen, no ! so you panicked and quickly ended the stream. numerous screenshots circulated on twitter, which broke both the fans and the internet. this reached a certain someone, SCARAMOUCHE, your rival in streaming. when the said boy saw the trending photo, he almost fell off his gaming chair. because—lo and behold! KUMI was actually [name]?! now who is this [name] in his life, if you may ask? she's the girl that scaramouche has been admiring from afar in real life! quite shocking, right? have i told you that he’s also been sending you anonymous love letters? oh well...
𖤐 always an artist, never the muse | you, an artist who lost her skills, chose practicality over passion. you try to avoid anything that has something to do with art, not until you met a naturally gifted artist who's living a life you wish you had.
𖤐 how you get the girl.ᐟ | breaking up with kuni was one of your biggest regrets yet (however, you'll never actually admit that to anyone). but was it really a wise decision to keep in touch with him even after you broke his (and your) heart?
𖤐 how haters are born | YOU ARE on your way to being one of the hottest streamer in your nation at the moment, racking a monthly average of 10 million viewers, but something specific bothers you about it. you know that a lot of people hate you, but there's this one account. one account that's been following you since the early days of your career. they leave a flood of rude comments in your stream, your moderators banned each account they made, but they keep making more. you are at the end of your tether. but you are yet to find out that this persistent cockroach is none other than your friend's friend (and the only other streamer that's bigger than you), scaramouche.
𖤐 how haters die | YOU WERE under scrutiny of the one and only justsofamous for years and years before finding out who he is. constantly having to question your self-worth was a bigger downhill slope than the time you were begging your friends, crying and pleading, for them to go to a concert with you of an artist they all hated except you. but now that you're pretty much going through the motions of retracing your self esteem and your (extremely ironic) relationship with this guy who harassed you and then picked enough apples to win your heart, you started to consider moving in with him after he offered it enough times. only that, once you actually did...things started falling apart again for the two of you.
𖤐 that's that me espresso | You’re a new idol that just debuted under ‘Fontaine Entertainment’ with your new single ‘Espresso.’ You just graduated high school which means all your classmates are shocked to see you into stardom. Including your old situationship, who happens to be an actor.
𖤐 of all people... | When you, a student who finds her best friend admits the terrors of high school. A best friend who've you'd hated ever since he left. Of all people, why was he the one to make you swoon, a person you swore to hate?
𖤐 behind the lens | to be categorized and reposted
𖤐 just playing the part | to be categorized and reposted
𖤐 short fics | a collection of short smau/written fics.
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Synopsis: Following your spy duty in Nod Krai, you had not seen Lohen for the next couple years. This was until you were placed in his very homeland as your next assignment, wherein past memories began reemerging. And against (most of) your wishes, you encounter the same man you both longed for and dreaded to see once again.
Tags: Hurt/comfort, happy ending, reunion, mutual yearning, making up, can be read as G/N, you and Lohen cry, extra fluff scenario at the end<3
Word Count: ~3k words
Years have passed since your occupation in Nod Krai. The past occurrences have resurfaced your mind ever since you’ve received news of your next assignment; in Mondstadt of all places.
You figured that the chances of running into him aren’t that high, considering the size of the nation and its population. Unless fate plays a trick on you like it always did, though you still hoped it would steer you away from his path.
Deep inside, however, you knew you wanted to at least catch a glimpse of him. Just to know how he’s been doing after all this time and make sure he’s okay. You were aware it was a selfish wish. You didn’t want to hurt him again, but there’s no harm in a quick and unsighted check of his well-being, right?
The journey from Snezhnaya to Mondstadt was long, even on boat. But the time seemed to pass in the blink of an eye as you were trapped in a daze, one in which repressed emotions were returning. The familiar remorse and guilt that once tinged your heart was coming back, even after all past efforts to bury it deep within.
Why now? You repeatedly questioned yourself. It’s been far too long, you should’ve been over it by now. But perhaps the depths of your infatuation was even stronger than previously calculated, strong enough to continuously haunt you despite each passing year.
Lohen… Just the thought of his name brought back clinging memories and a strong ache in your heart.
You recalled Lohen’s past sentiments about Mondstadt–what it looked like, how the environment felt like, and how it was home to many things he valued. He was never particularly devout to the nation despite being a knight, but he still considered it to be where he belonged.
And you were finally about to see all the things he described before, and finally visiting years after he expressed his desire to take you there himself. It’s just that now, your relationship has been long gone with nothing left to salvage. All that’s left are lingering emotions of the past and despair on both sides–maybe even a small wish that you never met in the first place to avoid all the pain inflicted.
Once your ship had landed on Dornman Port, you were met by a robust atmosphere. The scent of the breezy ocean and floral nature filled your nostrils as you took in the bustling chatter from either direction. It was.. peaceful and lively, just as Lohen described before. You even remembered his complaints about Mondstadt being too peaceful sometimes, and this memory brought a fond smile to your face, allowing you to forget the bitter ending for a split second.
Your task this time wasn’t that arduous. It was more like your typical diplomatic and spy duty which you were already proficient in.
You decided that for the first day, you’d explore and familiarize yourself with the environment. And so, you set out on a little journey around the cities.
You observed vast sceneries, from the serene waters of the nation’s seas to the crowded market stalls. You remembered a few names and locations that Lohen mentioned such as the Cat’s Tail Tavern and the grand Knights of Favonius Headquarters.
Mondstadt felt very warm and welcoming, extremely different from the cold Snezhnayan weather you were accustomed to. You even felt especially thankful you got stationed here this time, the Land of Freedom certainly lived up to its expectation and was truly worth a visit as many proclaimed.
── .✦
Your job had been going smoothly the past couple weeks, and your emotions managed to die down a bit the more you got acclimated to your new environment. A lot of the people you’ve talked to so far were more hospitable and unsuspicious, making intel gathering an ease so far. Though you haven’t gotten to the more tedious part–diplomatic talks. But you supposed that wasn’t something to worry about today since you still have yet to receive additional orders from the Tsaritsa.
And you also have yet to see or hear about Lohen, thankfully. As much as you liked Mondstadt, you hoped to wrap things up as soon as possible and return to the familiarity of your homeland–and to stop living in fear of an encounter with him.
Your routine remained the same for the days to come. You explore, gather, and confirm information; and write out a detailed report of your findings at the end of the day.
This morning, you woke up in your provided room in the Goth Grand Hotel reserved by the Fatui. The sun rays glared right at you, prompting you to get up and prepare for another day. As always, you arranged the pillows and blanket on your mattress, tucked yourself into a change of clothes, and swiftly exited the establishment.
Your next destination was Dornman Port, back to the place you arrived. As you were making your way through the forested pathways, you caught a glimpse of familiar greyish-green strands ahead of your tracks.
Oh.
You paused frozen in your steps, and you felt a sharp drop inside your chest. A loud ringing filled your hearing as your breathing swallowed. And in that same moment, the slim figure turned in your direction, revealing the same striking red pupils you came to admire. Those eyes narrowed towards you, creating tense contact with yours.
You turned away, and attempted to run the opposite way. But Lohen, stealthy and swift like he always was, caught up to you before you could even manage to get away. His fingers firmly yet gently wrapped around your wrists and forced you to come to a halt.
You refused to look back at him. You refused to even just acknowledge him. You just couldn’t bear the situation at all. You remained fixed in the same exact way he caught you, as if you were a rabbit encased with no way out.
The only thing that moved within you was your racing organ trapped within your ribcages, feeling like it could crush right through the restricting prison at any given moment. Time slowed agonizingly, but your thoughts moved faster than ever. Dozens of possibilities came in and out to calculate the right course of action in this situation, but your usual rationality was slipping your mind at the worst possible time, leaving you unable to think clearly.
“[Name].” Hearing that same raspy tone caused you tense even further, and your heart clenched like it was being clamored between thorned walls. You also felt the sadness through the vibration of his voice. You still didn’t want to look at him. You couldn’t. Not now.
“Please don’t leave.” His voice cracked in between his quiet plea. And this just sparked your long held guilt again. Why hasn’t he moved on yet? It’s been far too long, yet he still sounded so desperate. Everything really was your fault, and you shouldn't have gotten involved with the knight in the first place.
You swallowed a long held breath. You knew you had to say something, but you didn’t know what to say. You weren’t even sure if you could speak now with how strained your vocal chords felt and how tight your throat was. It felt like you were being choked by your own body.
You mustered up all your courage and slowly turned your head to face him, a slight tremor filled your movements. Your eyes met his–desperate and longing. You felt a gradual wetness begin to coat your cornea despite your firm struggle to suppress it. You couldn’t cry here. You don’t want to break right in front of him, even though he seemed to be at a breaking point as well.
Lohen’s grasp weakened, allowing you to take your arm back. It didn’t feel like he was giving up on you, rather, he was giving you a choice. He was being fair and patient with you like he always was. And you only repaid his affections with betrayal.
Your frame finally moved to face him, your body acting on its own without thinking things through first. Being logical wasn’t something you could do right now, especially not when the jar containing your suppressed sentiments shattered so quickly.
“I-” Your voice managed to let out, but you immediately stopped yourself and fixed your gaze with the floor to avoid looking at Lohen directly.
“Can we talk? Just one last time, please?” He once again pleaded, tone low and gentle. Hesitantly, you nodded, which brought Lohen a slight relief. He asked you to follow him, and he led you to a more quiet and secluded area of the forest.
He stood before you in the middle of a low garden-like mountain top. The walk was short but felt incredibly tense and suffocating. The view reminded you of the high cliffs of Nod Krai you used to hang around often, except the atmosphere was brighter and closer to the sun. You could see the turning turbines from multiple directions, and also the crowded port in the distance. The wind carried the scent of grass and pollen to your nostrils as the trees rustled in tandem with the air’s path.
But right now, none of those viewpoints grabbed your attention as if your senses narrowed down on just you and Lohen. Your balance felt wobbly in the strong breeze, and it even felt like Lohen could fade away at any moment. Like this could be a rather vivid illusion. Another trick fate was playing on you.
But he really was there. Lohen was in front of you, as real as ever. And it took everything in you not to hold him in a tight embrace right then and there. Unbeknownst to you, he yearned to hold you once more just as you did.
“It.. It’s been a while..” You spoke up with all the courage you had remaining.
“It really has..” Lohen responded bittersweetly. Neither of you had the heart to initiate and bring anything up.
“For everything, the past, I’m still- I’m really sorry.” Your words sounded incoherent to you, coming out like a broken record trying to find proper balance on its screeching spindle.
“No I.. I understand more now. I know you didn’t want to hurt me.” Lohen’s statement gave you a small relief, knowing that he didn’t resent you. But it also gave you a strong sense of unease, feeling undeserving of his forgiveness. “But in the moment, I really did feel hurt and betrayed. And when you shut down, I thought it meant you didn’t want anything to do with me anymore.”
“I know. That’s why I didn’t say anything. I- I didn’t want to hurt you any more than I already have.” You tried your best to stay composed and speak clearly, letting out a breathy sigh. “But not wanting you… That’s the opposite of anything I’ve ever wanted.”
“After that day..” Lohen continued. “I waited for you, any hint of you anywhere. Instead of seeking you out myself like a stupid asshole, I waited for you to come-”
“But I never did. I’m sorry. After that, I avoided you as much as possible. Instead of coming to terms with everything, I chose to leave it unresolved and bury it as immature as it was.”
“Hah.. It seems we both made stupid decisions.” His statement earned a small shared chuckle from both of you, lightly concealing the melancholic atmosphere.
“I missed you, a lot.” Lohen sincerely expressed. The dull green of his eyes predominating the small red glow, as if to match the color hues to his current sentiments.
“I missed you too, Lohen. It was all my fau-” Your sentence was cut off when he quickly pulled you into a close hug. The embrace felt warm, and also like he was making sure you wouldn’t disappear again.
“Enough apologies. It’s.. okay now.” You initially tensed up as your eyes widened at the act, but you gradually melted into his touch and the long held tears burst out all at once. You held him tightly, hands softly gripping into his shirt. And you just sobbed like there was no tomorrow. Like everything you’ve ever known was right here, coming back after a long absence.
And it seemed that even the tough and apathetic vice captain was weak in vulnerable moments like this, shedding his own tears in sync with yours. Quiet sniffles and unsuppressed sobs overtook the sounds of nature. The two of you stayed like this for what felt like a good while. It was a great comfort after years of longing and regret. A reunion like no other.
Lohen pulled you back slightly, moving one of his hands towards your face. He cupped your cheek while using his thumb to wipe the tears below your eyes.
“I’m glad you’re back.” He mused with a warm smile on his face, which you returned with a bright and sincere smile of your own.
“I am too. Thank you, Lohen.” He leaned in towards you, planting an affectionate kiss on your forehead, which plucked light tingles through your heart.
This time, both of you felt reassured that everything was going to be okay. That neither of you would run away, and the previously missing pieces of the unfixed puzzle was returning to where it belonged.
Neither of you felt the need for words to fill the lost time, instead, you both indulged in the comfort and warmth of other’s touch–actions communicating your feelings mutually.
(── .✦ extra!)
You were in the middle of an extremely packed agenda, getting dragged from one place to another by none other than the green haired knight.
Lohen decided to take you to all the places in Mondstadt that he wanted to take you before, the same places you had briefly passed with the thought of him before your reunion.
Even though you’ve seen many of the places he took you to, it felt like a completely different experience with him by your side. The surroundings felt warmer than it already was and you came to appreciate the nation more than you already did.
Maybe you were just extremely head over heels for Lohen, but ever since you started rekindling your relationship with him, you’ve been giddy and excited every morning. You’ve even started to make plans to extend your stay in Mondstadt. And it felt nice to not have to worry about a secret that could ruin everything.
Lohen was forgiving, and was okay with your affiliation with the Fatui despite your past. It was a misconception on your part that he’d completely resent you just because you were in the Fatui, but he was more hurt that you hid and lied to him.
Putting the past aside, you were heavily enjoying your ‘date,’ as Lohen described it to be. Though you wouldn’t really call weapon testing with him a typical date activity. He did know how to balance the chaoticness, treating you to a nice meal at Good Hunter and drinks at Angel’s Share (even though Lohen disliked alcohol, he wanted to take you so you could try new things if you wanted to).
He also ended up taking you to landmarks like the Favonius Cathedral and Galesong Hill’s Windrise. You particularly admired the atmosphere at Windrise, with the large engulfing yet comforting tree and lake right by it. Now this certainly was a date spot.
“Hey, how about we go to Stormterrors Lair next? Who knows, we might find something interesting around there.” Lohen suggested. You two were sat beneath the Ancient Tree, its branches feeling like an embracing cover. You simply looked at him with a deadpan expression, visually exhausted from all the back-and-forth activities (but you obviously still wanted to spend time with him).
“Don’t you ever get tired? It’s getting late and wouldn’t that area be a bit.. dangerous?”
“I’d willingly clear the path for us, y’know? You wouldn’t have to lift a finger.” Lohen exclaimed with a proud grin on his face, to which you responded with an exasperated (yet fond) sigh.
“Maybe tomorrow..” You mumbled, plopping your head on Lohen’s shoulder which caused his body to tense for a split second before relaxing with your warmth. “I like it here. Can we just stay and rest here longer?”
Lohen had no reason to deny your request. Even if he usually preferred being out and about, he found just as much joy simply spending time with you. And he was more than willing to oblige with your every desire. “Sure, we can do anything you want.” He softly responded, plopping his own head on top of yours.
The day gradually faded into tranquil serenity, the evening light cascading the skies. You listened to the subtle flow of the lake and the chirping birds around the tree, while taking in the feeling of the gentle breeze.
Lohen’s hands eventually found yours, locking your fingers into a tangle with his. In quiet times like this, you felt especially grateful for everything–even the fate you cursed for its seemingly endless pushes against you. You were glad you were with Lohen again, and that past grievances have been resolved. It finally felt like things were going your way, and the future was looking up in a way it didn’t beforehand.
“I love you, Lohen. Thank you for everything.” You professed, a tint of redness on your cheeks accompanying your words.
“I should be thanking you.” Lohen mused back. “I love you even more, [Name].”
With warm and contented hearts, you both cherished the moment, pledging to never drift apart again–and to always be a part of each other’s tomorrow.
Masterlist || Requests
A/N: Hihi, so sorry this took awhile. I actually finished writing this a couple days ago but only got to editing it now cuz I've been busy and tired. Anyways, thank you for sticking through and I hope this was an enjoyable read!
hiii i saw that requests are open so i was thinking maybe lohen x fatui reader ??
like maybe a lot of angst where him and reader got to know each other during his time in nod krai and reader was also stationed there and he falls in love with her but doesn’t know that she’s an undercover fatui agent until the traveller finds out and warns him about reader ?? kinda the same vibes as when the traveller was upset about finding out lyney was apart of the hearth basically 🫢
could be a happy or sad ending i’m fine with either one 🥰
A/N: Hii tysm for your request! I really enjoyed writing this one, it was a rlly fun prompt to work with (ended up longer than intended too). I also decided to use a spin wheel to decide between a happy or sad ending lol. Anyways, I hope you enjoy what I wrote for this<3
Radiant Facade Pt. 1 (Pt. 2)
Lohen x Fem!Reader
Synopsis: While stationed in Nod Krai as an undercover Fatui agent, you encounter Lohen, a vice captain of the Knights of Favonius, initially seeing him as an opportunity to gain intel. But the two of you unexpectedly grew closer, leading to unique feelings harboring between you. Lohen remained unaware of your true identity as guilt consumed you, until the inevitable reveal occurs.
Tags: Angst, hurt/no comfort, sad ending, falling in love (both sides), mutual love/yearning, betrayal (from reader), she/her pronouns used, traveler and paimon finds out and snitches, lohen tears up, reader is a bit apathetic cuz she bottles up emotions, not proofread
Word Count: ~3k words
In the midst of the Knights of Favonius’ Nod Krai expedition, Lohen has made an unexpected acquaintance, so to say. One he had not anticipated in the slightest. And one he had grown quite fond of.
In Nod Krai, Lohen’s main objective was to obtain more power… and to aid Grandmaster Varka in his pursuit of eliminating threats to protect Mondstadt, of course. But somewhere along the way, he encountered a force that swayed him, an admirable and respectable young lady who goes by [Name].
He knew little of her origin or affiliation, as she was considerably secretive in relation to these topics. However, he got to know and understand her personality quite well, sparking his infatuation for her.
[Name] was sincere yet calculating, bright yet mysterious, and carefree yet careful at the same time, as if she had a lot to risk and protect but had no regard for conformities. To Lohen, she became something to look forward to on the rather dull days when the Wild Hunt was keeping low, leaving him with nothing to fight or entertain himself.
. . .
The two’s first encounter couldn’t have been more chaotic, symbolic of the nature of the relationship that would emerge through this fated meeting.
Within the suppressing and heavy fog, you fought viscerally against the Wild Hunt, feeling your limit approaching. Until an unknown figure appeared at what couldn’t have been better timing, fighting alongside you.
Once the threats have been eliminated, dissipating the musky air, you got to take a better look at the man. His hair carried a dull tint of green, while his eyes contained a contrasting glowing red hue. And his uniform… A part of the Knight of Favonius?
Realization caused you to pause, before the revelation of a key opportunity laid before you. You were an undercover fatui agent stationed in Nod Krai to gain intel for the advancement of Tsaritsa’s goals regarding the Damselette and Kuuvahki. After all, the best way to obtain worthy information is to appear as a trustworthy individual among the common people. So, this event of engaging in battle with a Favonius Knight could be the pathway for you to learn more about them and their goals, and ultimately prevent them from hindering the Fatui.
He seemed to be gauging you as well, attempting to uncover as much information about you through appearance alone.
“Too easy, huh?” The knight finally spoke, voice raspy and crazed as his chest heaved. Just the look in his eyes alone told you this man couldn’t be any good.
“You seem to be enjoying this.” You followed, raising an eyebrow at his sentiments.
“Those monsters don’t pose a big enough threat, but it is rather enjoyable to experiment on them.” You pondered for a moment, appalled by the man’s disposition. You already thought he looked crazy but he really did seem progressively more insane as he spoke.
“I see. You’re rather odd.” You bluntly stated, still assessing the knight in front of you.
“Hm, I get that a lot.” He smiled, visibly taking pride from your remarks. “Ah, wait.” He interrupted himself. “Forgive me, m’lady. I forgot to introduce myself first. I’m Lohen, of the Knights of Favonius.”
“Nice to meet you, Lohen.” You responded politely. But, Lohen? Where have you heard that name before? You knew it was familiar, scrambling through your brain to find the connection. “I’m… [Name].” You introduced yourself back, pondering how you’d explain yourself upon further interrogation. And this was when his identity finally clicked, he was the crazed vice captain skilled with infiltrating the Fatui base without a trace, earning him a reputation within the organization’s records.
“Nice to meet you too, [Name]. May I ask what your business here was?” He questioned. His presence slightly threatening, letting you know not to make a wrong move.
“I’m a traveler from afar. I had my own business in Nod Krai until I encountered these monsters. Thank you for helping me.” You courteously answered, responding to his question yet not giving any significant information or specific details, leaving much to be untold.
“That’s it? Something tells me that there’s more to you than meets the eye.” He smirked, his eyes expressive of his curiosity and interest.
“Perhaps you’ll learn eventually.” You suggested, turning your head to look at the distant scenery. This marked the beginning of your encounters with the knight.
. . .
Ever since the first time you met Lohen, you’ve been seeing him around constantly. Though you’re unsure if this is merely coincidence or not.
You’d see him when you were casually getting food from Speranza, when you were strolling through Nasha Town, and even when you set off to investigate the Frostmoon Scions. You’d also notice him by the Fatui’s institute, probably on a mission of his own.
These encounters stirred up your doubts. Perhaps he was also onto you? Either way, every time he saw you, he’d approach and interact with you. This ended with long talks within the Speranza seatings, walks around town, and brief observations of Nod Krai’s scenery together.
All these meetings led your bond to strengthen, pulling you closer together. You became familiar with his personality and his usual gestures like thoughtlessly juggling his dagger and his constant pursuit for thrilling dangers, and you’ve grown to appreciate these features of his. You noticed how the red tint of his eyes would light up in fights and when he talked about drugging the other knights (which led you to be more cautious when having drinks or food with him).
You’ve even become acquainted with some of Lohen’s comrades, from the prestigious Grandmaster of the Knights of Favonius to the renowned traveler and their flying companion. It seems that even before meeting you, they’ve heard about you from Lohen.
Through Lohen, you’ve met all these key figures that the Fatui kept a constant watch on, proving your relation with him to indeed be a key opportunity to aid in your duties. But your priorities gradually shifted, from your main motives being to collect intel through Lohen, to genuinely enjoying his presence and antics. This stirred up anxiety within you, you couldn’t possibly be growing feelings for a man in the middle of your mission. Even worse was that man was a knight, an enemy and hindrance to the Fatui. You were caught up within a conflict between your personal emotions and your devotion to the Tsaritsa.
Until now, Lohen knows nothing of who you truly are. And guilt has been consuming you for essentially lying to him about everything. These thoughts circled through your mind in the quiet nights you were alone. Just like today. You were sitting on an isolated cliff in Hiisi Island, taking in the surreal view when your serenity was interrupted by none other than the green haired knight.
“What a coincidence to see you here again. Must be fate.” He casually commented, his smirk evident in his tone.
“You knew I’d be here.” You refuted his claims of fate, aware that he came here knowingly. This place became your go-to to unwind, and ever since he found you here once, he would come to pester you regularly.
You heard his footsteps approaching, stopping when they were by your side to sit in the empty space next to you. A space you left empty purposely. You didn’t turn to look at him but you saw how he was sitting in his usually carefree manner. He stayed quiet for a few moments, also taking in the view. “You seem to have a lot on your mind today.” He remarked, seeing how you looked focused and dazed.
“I guess you could say that.” A tint of regret and doubt escaped your throat. You didn’t mean to reveal your emotions, but in this moment, especially with the man that influenced your thoughts right beside you, you couldn’t help but indulge.
As usual, you wouldn’t say anything more. Lohen expected this. You were always secretive and obviously hiding something significant, but Lohen had no intention to force you to speak. He believed you to be trustworthy, even when you left much to be unsaid. He wasn’t even sure if you’d one day reveal these secrets to him, but he was willing to be patient with you. After all, you were… you.
Lohen has started to recognize a rapidly growing emotion within him, something he never thought he could feel. And it was all because of you. His heart thumping, his words tumbling, and his fingers subtly trembling when he was around you, a contrast to his typical calm and uncaring demeanor. It was a new, exciting feeling. A thrill so different from battle. But it was not something Lohen was ready to fully embrace yet, uncertainty penetrating his usual confidence. Nonetheless, he was willing to dabble in it–willing to let himself feel and let his affection for you grow. And maybe things would gradually set in place where it belongs like pieces of a puzzle.
Both of you found comfort in the current silence, reveling in the peaceful landscape, staying in the same position until the night has grown far too dark.
. . .
Your eyes looked up at the vast blue skies, observing how the clouds shifted with the winds. You made your way to Paha Isle as today was one of those days you had to report on your investigations and findings in Nod Krai.
You entered the Kuuvahki Experimental Design Bureau to submit all your intel to the Marionette. Upon exit, you were unknowingly sighted by the blonde traveler. You went on your day as usual, but this heavy feeling started growing in your chest. It felt as though something was going terribly wrong, you couldn’t think of the source of this worry but your instincts seemed to be warning you of conflict.
. . .
“Wait, so you’re saying you saw [Name] exit the Fatui’s institute unharmed?” A high pitched voice expressed, pacing around her companion in shock of the news.
The blonde simply nodded in response, feeling betrayal at the encounter. “So what does this mean for her?” Paimon further inquired, trying to wrap her head around what’s going on.
“She’s been hiding the fact that she’s part of the Fatui.” The traveler simply elaborated.
“It’s always the darn Fatui…” Paimon muttered in disappointment. “Wait, what about Lohen? Do you think he knows about this? He seems to really like [Name] and they’ve grown so close! Finding out might break him..” Paimon expressed her concern, especially since the Knights and the Fatui don’t have the best relationship. This felt like a huge betrayal from someone they didn’t expect at all.
“So… What should we do? Do we tell Lohen?” Paimon asked the traveler, not knowing how to progress from here.
“I think we should. After all, it’s Lohen and [Name] who are the closest.” Paimon simply nodded in response. Neither of them expected someone like [Name] to lie about their entire identity.
. . .
The next time the traveler and Paimon saw Lohen, they asked him to talk and explained all about what they saw. Lohen’s response was obscure, muttering a simple “so that’s what she’s been hiding..” before appearing to be deep in thought.
Upon departure, Lohen was dazed. He always knew [Name] was hiding something, but not something as far as her being a part of the Fatui. The revelation put him into a spiral of doubt and suspicion. If you’ve been lying about this, what else have you been hiding? Was what you shared before all a lie? Which part about you is the real and genuine you? Has he fallen for a complete facade?
Lohen’s heart clenched. He didn’t know he could be hurt by something like this. He felt like a complete idiot. Of course the one time he allowed himself to be raw and fall for someone, he’d be stabbed in the back like this.
He was hurt, yes. But that didn’t stop him from still loving you. And the betrayal still didn’t stop him from seeking you either.
. . .
He found himself wandering through Hiisi Island in the early hours of the night with only the moon illuminating the land. He moved towards your usual destination, and sure enough, you were right there.
You sat on the cliff’s edge like always, hands clenching on the hard stone as if worried about something again. But this time, Lohen had an inkling of what was going on in your head. Maybe your hidden identity was the source of the subtle guilt you’d express in daily conversations, the cause of your hesitation before answering personal questions, and the reason why you always kept him at a distance.
Maybe he was naive for hoping things would set in place on its own, maybe he shouldn’t have gotten closer than he has, and maybe he should’ve stayed discreet like he does with most other people. But that’s the thing, you weren't like most people. You were different and understood him in ways others can’t comprehend. You accepted the craziest parts of him. You felt like a safe place for him to be vulnerable, and you balanced his personality like ocean tides clashing against his, pushing the waves to completely settle into calmness.
To Lohen, meeting you just felt right. It felt like something that was meant to happen.
Your hair was flowing freely with your posture tense. Lohen quietly approached you, standing behind you. Usually, he’d have a witty or casual greeting prepared. But this time, he didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know how to confront you. Lohen felt betrayed by your lie but couldn’t bring himself to hate you, he still wanted your relationship to remain as it was before. But he didn’t know if that relationship was real to begin with.
He decided to sit next to you on the spot you always left empty without a word. You gave him a glance when you felt his presence, your eyes filled with worry. Lohen’s demeanor told you everything you needed to know. He found out.
You expected this to happen at some point, yet you still weren’t ready. Maybe this was the end of your relationship. It hurt but it was all your fault, and you wouldn’t blame him if he blew up on you now. You waited for him to speak, but he didn’t for a while. And the once comfortable silence you shared felt simply unbearable and suffocating. You wanted to let it all out here, but you were frozen. You couldn’t bring yourself to speak or move in shame.
“You lied to me.”
Lohen finally broke the silence and your heart dropped at that simple four word statement. You let out a shaky breath, your fingers trembling in doubt as you started to overthink possible outcomes.
“I know. I’m sorry.” Was all you could let out with a voice crack in between. Internally, you wanted to weep and cry, beg for forgiveness, apologize profusely. But you knew you couldn’t be more selfish than you were before. You couldn’t go back to what you had. The best you could do for him now was to peacefully let him go, without causing any more pain.
“Is that all you’re going to say?” Lohen quietly asked, hoping that you’d at least explain yourself so maybe he could forgive you and your relationship could be restored.
“I don’t know what to tell you.” You’ve completely surrendered and shut down at this point, clenching the hard edge of the cliff harder. The sharp stone scratched your palms, bringing a slight stinging sensation. Though this pain doesn't compare to the turmoil you felt brewing within.
“Was everything a lie?” Lohen followed. His heart raced in anticipation of whatever your answer would be. Perhaps he shouldn’t have asked at all so he could live in a fantasy and lie to himself as well. He didn’t want to accept that what you had could’ve been a facade–a ploy for you to gain information for the Fatui.
You paused before answering. You didn’t know how to respond to his question, whether you should just end things now or try to salvage scraps to mend things over. But after all you’ve hidden from him, you resolved to not tell any more lies, and to be completely honest in this moment–you at least owed him this much.
“No. At first, you were an opportunity to gain intel. But.. what we had, it was real.” You confessed, heart also racing in fear, as if matching your pace to his. “I’m… really sorry, Lohen.”
“Stop apologizing.” Lohen simply stated, as if your own regret pained him as well. He mulled over your words, anguish seeping deeply into him. Perhaps if you lied about anything else, he could’ve forgiven you easily, but hiding your association with the Fatui that he deeply resented only felt like a churn in the knife he was stabbed with.
He sighed deeply, the breath carrying some of the heaviness in his chest. He didn’t say another word, not knowing himself if it was because he was waiting for you to say something else or if he wanted to prolong what could be his last moments with you.
Your silence and reluctance to explain yourself further became his cue to leave. He stood and turned his back towards you, finally leaving you to be alone on this cliff. You felt his grief, but you failed to notice the tear that escaped his eye upon leaving.
You only hung your head low. Your emotions felt so intense that you couldn’t even bring yourself to cry, forcing you to internalize each and every disappointment and resentment you felt towards yourself.
You had always been long aware of this fact–good things never last, and today only served as additional evidence to the claim. You stayed in the same spot unmoving for what felt like eternity, left to wallow in your self-inflicted guilt.
Masterlist || Requests
A/N 2: ngl I see potential for a part 2 for this plot but idk if Id end up writing it (if anyones interested, lmk!)
i actually did write a happy ending for this initially but it felt more ooc for Lohen and didnt feel as impactful (and the spinwheel i used to decide between the two endings chose sad 2/3 times)
genre/warnings: lohen x reader, angst/no comfort, i wrote this in an hour, lohen is a liiiitle manipulative but not quite, no beta we die like Adorno, pls don't get back with ur ex ❤️. also this is kind of modern au? mentions of calling n stuff to match the theme of the fic lol. enjoy !
word count: 2k
The familiar scent of mint is what brings you back.
But it isn’t just any kind of mint—it was the kind only sold during Christmas. A hint of cinnamon, a tinge of chocolate, and the usual overpowering mint. It was both sweet and fresh, a combination you once didn’t think would work, but did.
You bought it on impulse five minutes ago. You nearly laughed at yourself as you did—you don’t even like mint. What was different now? Is nostalgia dictating your moves now, like it does every day? Will you ever get over this?
You popped the mint in your mouth, letting it sit for about a full minute. The taste was familiar, the smell overpowering, the memories overwhelming. This mint was his favorite, you remember. It tasted exactly like him when he kissed you—no. You tried to bury the thought in the back of your head, though you can’t. After all, he is the reason why you even bought the mint in the first place.
You arrived home, fumbling with the items in your pocket before finding your keys. You opened the door, and to your surprise, a letter was messily placed a few steps in front of you; most likely shoved in through the small slit under your door.
You picked it up, the texture of the envelope somehow familiar. You memorized the types of envelopes you received.
If it were from the Knights of Favonius, where you worked, it felt rough, as if mailed in a hurry (it probably was), and white, with a red seal closing the envelope. If it were from your parents, it was slightly yellow, with cursive handwriting on the bottom of the envelope. If it were from your friends, it varied, but you can usually tell from the handwriting and smell.
This one—light blue envelope, soft to the touch, dark red seal, neat handwriting—you knew who mailed this.
You held the envelope between your pointer and thumb, not allowing yourself to actually hold it and admire the intricacies of the envelope and letter. You held it like it was on fire, burning you instead of warming you. Or maybe it was ice, freezing you over. It definitely felt like it.
You sat down on the couch, eyes never leaving the envelope. Your heart thumped wildly in your chest; in anticipation or anxiety, you didn’t know. The past year, the two feelings blended and blurred, and now you weren’t sure which was which. You didn’t want to open it. But you felt like you had to.
Slowly, you removed the seal, and opened the envelope. A letter folded in three was placed inside, alongside a single dried cecilia…
and one of the mints that you bought earlier. Your heart lurched. Absolutely cruel.
You stared at the envelope as you opened a lamp. If you opened it, you weren’t sure what you’d do next. You’ve done so well avoiding him, forgetting him, staying focused on your line of work so it doesn’t blend with his accidentally. You developed a routine curated for removing all traces of him from your life.
This might be the complete undoing of all your hard work.
However, you felt compelled to open it. What if he was hurt? Or in danger? Or something happened to his parents, and needed someone—
(You forgot for a moment that he wasn’t your responsibility anymore as you hastily opened the letter).
December 24, 20xx
My Dear [name],
I understand if you wish to stop reading this letter at this point. I know you’re hellbent on avoiding me and forgetting me; I know who you are. However, I ask you to give me a few minutes of your time. Whatever you decide to do next, I will completely respect you. Just please be a bit patient.
Merry Christmas. I know I don’t usually celebrate Christmas, but I know how enchanted you are with the lights that decorate the street, the carols that echo through the city, and the overall magic the holiday brings. For the past few years I’ve celebrated Christmas with you, I’ve never felt happier. I’ve learned to love the festivities that surround us, and especially, you.
I confessed to you on Christmas Eve five years ago. It became my favorite holiday after, because as all the trees lit up the night before Christmas, it was the first time I kissed you. I never understood how so many people get sentimental over a holiday, but with you, I learned. And after you, I find myself yearning for your presence once more.
I never should’ve let you go. I should have held your hand and begged for your forgiveness, for all the nights I could’ve spent loving you instead of spending it outside, chasing some stupid adrenaline rush. I should’ve promised a lifetime full of love and dedication to make up for the year I didn’t give those to you. I made you feel unloved, which is what I never, ever wanted you to feel. Please, believe me. I never wanted to leave you. I never should have let you leave me.
I promise I’ll try to stop reaching out after this; but you changed my life, [name]. I felt loved; like someone saw past the crazy, warfreak of a vice captain. You saw me for me; for my ups and downs, my good and bad traits, my whole being. You saw that and loved me. You didn’t care when I came home smothered in blood, or injured, or exhausted as hell. You took care of me, giving me love I thought only existed in books. You’re one in a million, and I’m so fucking stupid.
I respect your space and boundaries, so I don’t want to pressure you by being there in person. But I’m still a little selfish. So please, please forgive me. Again, it’s all up to you what you want to do moving forward: but I miss you. I want you back. I want to hug you and kiss you and call you again. I love you. Please forgive me; please come back.
I hate that I’m not spending this Christmas with you by my side. Still,
Merry Christmas. I miss you.
Forever yours,
Lohen.
You could’ve strangled him on the spot if he were there. You could’ve punched him, yelled at him, tore down everything he had on his person and cried in front of him.
Although, he would’ve liked that. And the thought would’ve normally made you laugh if you weren’t so fucking mad.
You hated him for sending the letter on fucking Christmas Eve of all times, almost as if it were a deliberate way to claw his way back into your good graces.
He’s lonely on a holiday he used to spend with you. He missed you terribly; and you knew that. You kept your distance from him, but the very few times you saw him, his eyes lingered on you a little longer, his steps would lag, and he’d even sometimes stop whatever he’s doing. It’s as if he wants to run after you and hold you down, forcing you by him, but he loves you too much to hurt you more than he already did. Or did he? You didn’t even know anymore.
You stared at the paper for a little longer, unsure of what to do or say. Every fiber of your body is telling you to burn the paper, and completely forget he even entered your life. However, your heart said the complete opposite.
This was Lohen. The same man who once found holidays stupid, but would be the first to greet you and celebrate with you. The same man who hates writing, but puts the most thought and care into writing letters for you whenever he or you are away, writing several pages, back to back. The same man who everyone thought was incapable of love, yet smothered you with it in every second you spent with him.
Things only changed a year back, when he returned home from Nod-Krai. The Racher of Solnari defeated him in battle, and he returned somehow weaker, the light in his eyes diminished. It was a small yet noticeable change, one that had you worried to the core. You looked after him and tried to be patient when he’d snap and break down. You cared and loved him, and after a while, you thought he was doing better.
Not long after, Adorno died.
He was good at maintaining a certain facade, one of nonchalance and dismissal. But with you, everything faded, and he was angry, hurt, and insatiable. He needed a way to release everything that built up in him, all the messy emotions and grief. As a result, he was away every night, fighting random monsters and people. You’d sleep in a cold bed all alone, and wake up just as alone.
You barely saw him, and you even began to speak as if you were strangers in your own home. He became someone you barely recognized, but in front of everyone, he was fine. It drove you insane.
No amount of confrontation worked too. After any and all arguments, it ended with you comforting him, telling him you won’t leave him, that he’s enough, that you love him, even if it hurts. And still, you woke to an empty bed the following day.
Last year’s Christmas Eve was no exception. You thought he’d at least try to be okay with you, to commemorate your fifth year together.
To your surprise and disappointment, he didn’t change.
You spent your Christmas Eve alone, and left the house to spend it with a friend. You came home to an empty house the next day.
You ended things from there.
You wish Lohen reacted then, begging you for your forgiveness, begging you to stay, begging you for another chance. However, he watched you walk away, unmoving.
Then he spoke.
“You finally see who I really am, huh?”
And that still broke you.
You spent the night with him in your arms, his tears dried on his face and in your shirt as he slept. You were exhausted to your core, but the overwhelming instinct of caring for him never failed to appear at the worst possible times. In the morning, you left. You’ve never heard from him since.
Until now, with the paper in your hands. His promises of love and care still chipped at your heart, and you’ve never felt the urge so strong to go running back to him. Maybe he has changed. Maybe it was simply his worst times back then, and you did him worse by leaving him.
And you knew, the minute you thought of that, that you still loved him. And you aren’t supposed to. Because you knew that he’ll hurt you again.
You pressed the paper against your face, tears welling uncontrollably in your eyes. The paper smelled like mint too, with a hint of the dried flower he put in the envelope. It smelled familiar, like Christmas, like home, and that was enough to break you all over again.
You spent the night curled up on your couch, the letter kept close to you, as if it can replace Lohen without the looming feeling of disappointment and chaos. You woke up alone, as usual, the letter now crumpled and on the floor. You cursed silently to yourself; you almost wished it were all a dream, and that Lohen stopped caring about you.
At the very least, he still deserved a response. You knew better than to go to his house, because you know that you’ll knock on the door and jump right back in his arms. You can’t do that. You’ve worked so hard to live a peaceful, stress-free, anxiety-free life; all induced by him. You’ve protected your peace, and will continue to do so.
A single piece of paper laid in front of you; blank and clean. You only wrote a few words, hoping to get your point across.
You sent the letter away to the mailman, and as you did so, it felt as if a huge burden was lifted from you. You took a deep breath, a single tear slipping from your eye as you watched the sun rise.
It was Christmas. One without Lohen, but Christmas nonetheless. You should try to be happy. And you will be, eventually.
December 25, 20xx
Lohen,
Merry Christmas, please don’t call.
-[name]
a/n: lol i lied. ended up writing a fic before studying omgmmmmh. obviously inspired by the song "Merry Christmas, Please Don't Call" and "Merry Christmas, I Miss You" ! I've thought of writing this for a while but I didn't have time... I still don't lol but at least I got it out! again, constructive criticism is welcome! if i need to change, remove, or add anything else, please let me know! i hope you enjoyed! reblogs and notes r highly appreciated! thank you for reading !
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Im obsessed with everyone’s takes on these!! Wanted to throw my hat into the ring too. Thank you for starting this beautiful phenomenon @justcakethanks
Okay so I was all done with these for today, but then this mad genius, @avoid-avoidance came up with the most incredible idea. I couldn't stop til I got this down.
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