i'm a real poet xo

*ੈ✩‧₊˚✧˖°⊹ ࣪ ˖Hi!! Welcome to my blog :) ⊹ ࣪ ˖✧˖°*ੈ✩‧₊˚

virgo sun, scorpio moon, cancer rising

I post my poetry here and other fun stuff like movies, tv shows, books, music, and photography.

The movies I post about are usually horror, indie, or coming of age themed. I'm into pretty much anything with a female lead.

Some of my favorite music genres are indie rock, pop punk, screamo, and alternative rock.

I love new music and movie recommendations so feel free to send me some!

Don't forget to kiss me before you go

and I noticed you didn't answer my text

but that you answered your friend

and that you're busy today

and you can't call me back

but I know you're at home

and I don't mean to sound pathetic

but I don't understand what's changed.

I've had a cavern in my chest

my whole life

and I've been looking for something to fill it.

Sometimes I wonder

if I've ever loved any of my boyfriends

or if I just like getting hurt.

If I like how it feels to cut myself on broken glass

and make new wounds out of someone else's.

I saw a hummingbird today.

It's wings were loud and vibrating.

It stopped midair

and looked at me too,

before bolting in another direction.

I can wonder where the hummingbird went,

but I know I'll never see it again.

I try not to get overwhelmed by the silence

There was a little black spider in my bed,

and the other day

I saw a fox cross the road

right when I got home

from a very long drive.

You were in my dream last night.

I was running outside barefoot in the dark.

My feet were cut up and bleeding

from scraping along pavement for miles.

I ran to a house party

in an old white farmhouse

full of strangers,

and found you inside.

We went upstairs to the attic.

We sat down on a bench

and talked for a long time,

but my feet were still bleeding

and I knew I had to leave soon.

I used to be really crazy when I had boyfriends.

Like call you a hundred times,

break my laptop screen while we're arguing,

"I'm gonna call the cops if you come over,"

kind of crazy.

I didn't feel that way this time.

Maybe I would have eventually.

I wanted to be good,

but I don't know how to say what I feel

without screaming.

I wanted to tell you months ago

that it hurt really bad when you started pulling away,

and that I don't know how to be myself when I have a boyfriend.

Mostly I needed a friend when I met you

and I think you did too.

I'll think of you always

I feel bad mostly.

It's funny

when the other shoe drops,

and you read someone else's poem

about their ex boyfriend.

I feel competitive,

and understanding,

and almost jealous

that I'm not as angry as you are

anymore.

I have to find myself all over again,

even though I'm right where I want to be.

I think I hear spring coming,

even when sleet taps on my bedroom window.

I hope this year

flowers grow

I've been lying in bed all day.

Sunlight pours in through the window.

My pajamas cling to me from sweat,

wet and sticky.

I can't stop thinking about my ex boyfriend's new girlfriend's boobs.

They are smaller than mine

and more normal looking.

They probably don't sag like mine do

when she bends over.

He probably really likes that about her.

The TV is on.

Glowing softly.

A beautiful woman on a stage,

with long shiny hair and a thin frame

dances on screen.

Her skin is taught and clear.

Her makeup is perfectly done.

She is wearing a tight red dress.

She winks at me as spins.

She knows I'll never be like her.

She doesn't know I don't want to be.

In between seasons,

I’m craving winter

keeping me cold.

A reason to shut myself in.

Or do I just see myself

in ice storms

and blizzards.

Birds fly south.

I've been sitting outside

for hours.

Sitting alone

on my front porch steps.

Cold water from my beer can

drips

down my bare leg.

Only thing keeping me cool

out here

in this heat.

It's midnight.

I can hear my neighbor

screaming at his girlfriend.

I think they might actually break up this time.

He said its over after tonight.

His words echo through blackness.

He doesn’t know

me and the fireflies are listening.

I hope she gets away

and finds this sweet feeling

of sitting by yourself at night.

Feeling water drip down your leg,

talking to bugs,

One trip down the road

or another.

Add a new song to your playlist.

I have stuff I should be doing

like cleaning my room.

I have things I should be moving on from,

but I've been driving around town for hours

smoking cigarettes.

I should be letting go

of someone I once loved

and a version of myself

I used to be

last summer.

I think I want freedom

before anything else.

I hit a deer on the highway

the other morning.

Came out of nowhere.

Really another car hit it into mine,

I was more like collateral.

Ran right over its head.

June has been sticky.

Trapped in warmth

and stagnant water.

Lately I've been feeling like a loser

who smokes too much weed

and wakes up at noon.

Who can't finish poems

and berates their ex boyfriend

with lonely thoughts

they can't tell anyone else.

I wonder what your life is like now.

I think about you a lot.

I try not to.

I feel like a creep

or a guy in midwest emo band

who can't stop writing about the same ex girlfriend.

I've been buying myself flowers

and learning to be alone.

Summer makes me feel young

and naive.

I want to hold it with both hands