luvshuas

i just want to preface this and say: the closing of luvshuas is not tied to mingyu’s accusations. there are many factors that have gone into this decision, some of them being a lack of motivation to just write, shifting interests, a lack of time (which wouldn’t exist if my interests didn’t shift), figuring out my identity, and lastly rather than creating imaginary love stories, i’d simply rather spend time with my girlfriend and continue to love them rather than weave false (unrealistic) stories about love. 

for the two years that i kept luvshuas (semi) active, it was some of the most fun i had ever had. i genuinely loved creating my own worlds, and while i still do love writing, i just don’t have the desire to pursue it in this format. fan fiction has been apart of my life for along time, and while i know there will always be the possibility of me coming back to it, i can confidently say it won’t be to writing for kpop groups. 

the milestones i’ve gone through with this blog were something unforgettable. i remember when i hit 100 followers and 1000 followers. i remember when i gained my first writing mutual. i remember the feeling when writers here that i looked up to followed me, and i would just stare at the notification in shock. i remember the first fic that got 100 notes, and then later that year i was hitting the 300-500 marking for notes on fics. all the reblogs and comments. those were all things i never thought possible from luvshuas.

along with the milestones, the friends and other writers i met on here are some of the kindest people. while i know i’m not someone who reaches out to other people a lot or interacts with posts on my dash aside from reblogs of content, i truly enjoyed getting to meet so many of you and just simply talking or joking about anything. 

in regards to my posts, i’ll leave them up. however, whatever statement/evidence pledis provides for mingyu will decide whether or not his fics will be deleted (a.k.a.: “he didn’t do it” w/ no evidence or confirming he is at fault = deleted). i have a few wips that are not close to completed, but have a bit of meat (?) to them, if you’d like them or any of the other wips that are just a formed idea let me know. other than that, everything will stay up for your viewing pleasure.

He was the sunlight in an overcast sky, beaming down on you, warming you, giving you hope. Being with him felt natural, like something you were always meant to do. The way he loved was nothing like you had ever experienced before. It was new. It was invigorating. It was all you thought you were missing, and when he was gone, it was all you found yourself missing. His love was all you craved. It made you feel capable of being loved. The way he paused what he was doing to look at you for a moment, when he would send you emojis of hearts just to see your name light up his phone with an identical heart, how he’d remind you that you’re the loveliest person he has ever known, how he promised to spend the rest of his life with you and make you happy till your final days. These were all ways Joshua Hong showed you his love. These were all things you fell in love with.

However, the honeymoon stage would pass by. He would still remind you of his love, still look over at you when he was busy, still tell you how pretty you look, and how lucky he was that you were his. It wasn’t the same, though. These messages would come less and less, until he would stop seeing for weeks at a time, and when he would see you it was only after days of pleading with him to be with you. His messages became scarce, only a good morning text when he woke up, a reminder that you’re pretty, and then asking how you felt that day. Your conversations would be reduced down to single-word responses that held no emotion, all the while he was telling his friends about you and bringing you up with his parents at any chance he got. On those days, when he would act like how he used to, you found yourself filled with hope at the chance of things reverting to how they used to be. However, the next day your messages and requests to see him would be met with silence.

You let this continue on for months, hoping things would get better. They had to get better, you thought. Losing him wasn’t an option. He was all you had. He was all you wanted. His love was the missing piece you had been searching for your entire life. You didn’t want to know what you would do if you had lost this love, but a part of you began to prepare for when you would lose this love. Your mutual friends talked about it. They would whisper about emptiness in your tone, the hollowness in your expressions. Only three of them would ask for the cause of this sudden change in demeanor–which wasn’t as sudden as they made it out to be. You told them the entirety of your love story with Joshua. They learned of all of the highs and the lows. They learned how much his love filled that empty place in your heart, and how much it healed and then broke you all over again. They all gave you the same response: let him go. But you couldn’t. You wouldn’t. He was the greatest love you had ever known, that you would ever know. You weren’t prepared to lose him, so you tried once more to break into the barriers he formed between the two of you. You pleaded with him to talk, until he finally did. For hours, you and Joshua talked about the last few months and what was happening in your relationship. By the end of it, he promised he would do better. He promised he would prove to you that he loves you.

And he would. He would prove to you that he loved you. From that day, you noticed him returning to how he used to act. He began to make an effort to see you again, he would remind you how lovely you are, he would consistently tell you how much he loves you. Once again, everything felt perfect. You were as happy as can be. The person you loved most in the world loved you again. Until he didn’t.