Sizzle It Up With Taako

Magnus Burnsides:

Merle Highchurch: 

Taako Taaco: 

Barry Bluejeans: 

Lup Taaco: 

Lucretia: 

Davenport: 

Klarg: 

Killian: 

Magic Brian: 

Avi: 

Carey Fangbattle: 

Leon the Artificer: 

Garfield the Deals Warlock: 

Angus McDonald: 

Jenkins: 

Hurley & Sloane: 

Lucas Miller: 

No3113:

Kravitz: 

Paloma:

June: 

Edward & Lydia: 

And finally,

The IPRE on the Starblaster: 

The IPRE on the Day of Story and Song: 

And last, but not least, 

Tres Horny Bois: 

A perfect rendition of Griffin, an accurate and stylized Travis,

“Ouch.” 

“I’m not sure what you expected little man,” Taako said, ignoring Angus’s complaint to continue untangling the kid’s hair. He wasn’t sure what the fuck he’d gotten into, but it seemed intent on solidifying as fast as possible. 

“Well, what I had expected sir was that I would be able to remove the trap without it exploding if I could put on a new counter weight fast enough. I hadn’t thought there would be a weight and a trip wire though, that seemed a little excessive,” Angus answered, sounding chipper as anything. Taako rolled his eyes, pausing his brushing. 

“Rinse,” he said, and Angus followed directions, ducking his head into the sink for Taako to run water through his hair. They were making progress, but Taako was sorely tempted to shave the whole thing off. 

After a minute Angus pulled his head back out, sitting on the stool Taako had drug into the bathroom. Once he was situated Taako started brushing out the ends again, slowly but surely making progress. He cursed under his breath as he started working on a particularly nasty goop of this stuff. Yeah, they were gonna be stuck here all night if Angus wanted to keep his hair. God, his arms were gonna be sore as fuck tomorrow. 

“Hey Taako?” Angus spoke up after a moment, wincing slightly as Taako managed to get through the next tangle.  

“Hmm?” he hummed, starting to get into the zone now.  

“Why are you so nice to me?” Angus asked, and Taako swore he didn’t mean to slip with the comb like that. “Ouch,” he added, not seeming too phased by that. 

“Don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about pumpkin,” Taako said, and that was probably a bad time for sweet nicknames. 

“Well, you taught me magic, and you don’t mind when I hang out in your dorm, and you help me out a lot. You were even the first one to trust me back on the train too, remember? I know you don’t really like people very much so I was just curious,” Angus said, kicking his legs back and forth, obviously getting bored at having to sit in one place. Taako would have to grab him a book or something soon to keep him occupied, if he didn’t want more questions like this.

Taako didn’t say anything for a moment, continuing to work on Angus’s hair. He could just not fucking answer. 

He was way too goddamn soft with this kid, he swore. 

“First of all, don’t you tell a single fucking soul, alright?” he said, and Angus quickly nodded. Taako’s comb getting stuck that time was no fault of his own. 

“Ouch! Yes of course sir,” he said, and Taako rolled his eyes at that. 

“I guess… I always kinda wanted a sibling, or something. And you’re enough of a smart mouth little brat to fit the bill pretty well,” Taako said, almost surprising himself by saying the truth. Angus didn’t respond, and Taako was more scared about that than he rightfully should be. 

“You really think of me like a little brother?” Angus asked, sounding all hopefully and touched. The next pass through his hair with the comb was a bit rougher than it probably needed to be. 

“Yep, and if you ever tell anyone that I’m leaving your hair like this,” he said, and even though Angus was faced away from him Taako could still tell the kid was grinning like crazy. 

“I won’t! I can keep a secret!” Angus said. Taako rolled his eye, but he couldn’t help but smile a bit too.  

It was true though. Some part of him had always wished he had someone there with him, out on the road. Someone who would have his back no matter what stupid bullshit he got into.  

she knows where she is.  kravitz told them what the raven queen had allowed magnus and julia, and it’d brought no small measure of peace to lucretia’s heart (though the gods know there’s still plenty of tumult and chaos and pain digging their claws into her psyche). but. but lucretia didn’t think she’d be allowed this. lup and barry have free reign, given their positions, and of course magnus, and probably when the others reached the end of their far longer lifespans - but lucretia? 

she hesitates. the sun(?) is high, so she can’t tell if there are lights on, but when she strains her ears she hears dogs barking and - and yes, that’s magnus’ booming laugh, followed by one just as deep and warm, but with more bells. lucretia knows that laugh, but only from a distance. she’d been there, at magnus’ wedding. disguised and silent, but…

lucretia takes an involuntary, stumbling step forward, and nearly falls. she doesn’t know this body. and it is a body, of some sort. the sunlight is warm on her skin, the dirt solid beneath her boots, and the scent of lavender is faint but lovely. but this body…

lucretia looks at her hands, touches her face, her hair. 

she was nineteen years old when the starblaster took off, and never got past twenty. not really, not when everything was reset at the end of the year. she spent a century hovering between a teenage body and the beginnings of adulthood. after, after junior, after the tragedy she’d crafted from pride and desperation, she’d only had a few years to relearn the ways of aging before she lost twenty years in wonderland. twenty years, and lucretia didn’t care about lost beauty or youth, but - well. how strange it felt to look in the mirror. she hasnt been her age in so long. her body has either been too familiar or too strange. on her deathbed, she’d looked at her wrinkled hands and stared. they should have been smooth and soft and warm. they should have been bone, been dust.

lucretia looks at her hands and doesn’t know them, not really - some sort of strange mirror, both familar, but not too familiar - but not too not familiar. 

she realizes she’s thirty years old, give or take. for a moment she feels intense vertigo - will she ever be the correct age? - but then it hits her. lucretia has never been thirty years old. ten, nineteen, forty eight, one hundred and sixteen, but never thirty. 

this is a new start. her, but a her that should have been. 

“Actually, Madam Director,” Taako interrupts, “I’m wondering how you got this lavender tea so right.”

The Director blinks. “I simmer the lavender blossoms in a saucepan with water and honey, because I’m not a fucking barbarian. Twenty minutes, dash of vanilla, the whole thing. Anyway–”

“It’s good tea,” Merle pipes up.

“Thanks, Merle. So–” 

“Hold up, hold up. Holllld up.” Taako actually raises his hand. “How– okay, I mean, what the hell, that’s exactly how I make lavender tea, how’d you know?”

“I know everything, I’m the Director.”

“Are you spying on us?” Magnus says, suddenly interested. 

“I can, uh, no, I can’t confirm that, or, deny, that horrific breach of employer-employee confidentiality. I probably just know that stuff because of all the cool superpowers you get when you’re in charge of a secret moon-based operation.”

Merle waves his hand enthusiastically. “Hey, what’s tattooed on my butt!”

“Kenny Chesney, which I know on account of you came into my actual office with your whole entire ass hanging out.”

“It was like three quarters, max,” Magnus says. “Hey, what’s my favorite tea?”

“You think tea is for chumps.”

“I do,” Magnus says, earnestly pleased. 

“Does anyone have any non-tea related questions?”

Merle waves his hand again. “Do you know about our secret st—“

“Taped under Magnus’s bed. Yes.”

“Aw,” Magnus says to his tea. 

“For someone with such extensive woodworking proficiency, I really thought you’d have, like, a secret drawer somewhere,” the Director says thoughtfully. 

“Hey, taped under the mattress is a classic,” Taako says. 

“It’s very, mm, very college hijinks, reminiscent, very Animal House.”

“Bullshit, you never watched Animal House,” Merle says.

“I may— I might have. You don’t know.”

“Name one— name one scene! Just one! Gimme a quote!”

“I don’t have to, because I’m your boss. Can I get back to telling you about your new incredibly important mission to save the whole— basically the whole entire world, already, or do you want to waste more time playing Fantasy fucking Trivia?”

The three Reclaimers look at each other, and then Taako uses mage hand to pour himself more lavender tea. 

“What’s Merle’s favorite tea?” he asks, grinning, and the Director drops her face into her hands. 

the last bit of TAZ i boarded last summer!!!!!!! 

enjoy the fire crab

with lup, it could just be “oh that’s a family trait,” but Magic Brian, Edward, and Lydia all have very similar vocal patterns. And Jenkins, who I almost forgot was also an elf until I relistened, has a different but equally ridiculous voice.

Imagine if the whole “Chosen One” thing goes beyond weird phantasmal apparitions and creepy looking swords. Imagine Duck having to wake up at 5am every day just to get himself to look normal—he rolls out of bed, stumbles into the bathroom, and winces at the sight of his gravity-defying spiky hair. After copious amounts of hair spray and straightening, he pulls out a set of brown contact lenses to hide his heterochromatic green and blue eyes. He groans as he sees that he needs to redye his hair—his bright pink roots are growing in. He laments over his perfectly smooth skin, because Ranger Susan won’t stop pestering him for his “skin care secrets”.

taako: