paranoia

*small inconvenience* BREAK UP BREAK UP BREAK UP BREAK UP

yeah im fine lol look at this meme :D

paranoia

mood depending on them

every text hurts or feels way too good

intrusive thought yeouch okay ouch thats another one yeOOUCH

the 50000+ articles on how youre abusive

paranoia

fp is bad for me but its ok i love them<3

"if i hurt someone its gonna be myself"

becoming completely obsessed with someone the moment they give you the slightest attention

never being able to cut anyone off ever. immediately go running back

cry because theyre talking to someone that IS NOT ME

oh my fp isnt here. okay. oh im dissociating okay i dont have any purpose to continue living without them okay my life literally revolves around them i want to die where are they are they safe i dont know what to do with myself

"just leave. everyone does anyways"

5 minutes later theyre the worst person ever

*looking for an identity* hmmm, where could it be?

dependent on fp like theyre a parental figure you never had

[AMV] Jon Arbuckle - You’re Gonna Go Far Kid

this is one of my favorite videos on the internet, and it kills me that the source has been silenced by youtube’s copyright system, so I’m putting it here!

I have seen a version of this on tumblr before, but the audio in that one is just a little bit off because that person edited it back in themselves

but today, I am proud to present the original video, sent to me by Crispy Crungy, who gave me permission to upload it here and share it with you all!

Today Jeff didn’t want to take Lune out or anything, so he just let him stay at his “home.” Jeff’s home was really a small abandoned building, it looked like it used to be an old house at some point. Now it was completely empty, the doors and windows was boarded up, it was infested with rats and cockroaches, yet this was good enough for Jeff, at least it had a roof and a floor for him to sleep on. Unfortunately for Lune, he had to stay there too if he wanted to hangout with Jeff.

Jeff looked down at Lune for a moment as he heard the boy say this to him. He was clearly a bit confused and concerned about what young boy was saying to him.

Meanwhile. Mel was in her car, driving to Jeff’s place. In the car with her, she had three bags from one of the nearby hamburger places. While she drove, she couldn’t help but to think of Eri and Jeff. Wasn’t Jeff supposed to bring Eri home? Why was Eri still with Jeff? She just assumed it was because he felt Eri was going to be unsafe back at their home. From what she heard, it sounded unsafe for a young girl to be in an abandoned building in the first place. He always been a fairly protective person to begin with.

The drive was silent, Mel loved listening to music during her drives, but today she was tired and much too stressed to even bother listening to music, she just wanted to go home and sleep. And forget about everything, forget about Lune, Eri, and hell even Jeff, her own boyfriend. She needed time alone.

After Mel drove to Jeff’s place, she grabbed the food she brought and made her way inside.

Immediately after she got inside, Jeff ran up to her and pulled her into a tight embrace before kissing her on the cheek.

Every time Mel would see him, he would greet her like this. Even days like today, she’s seen him multiple of times, hell he was at her apartment for the majority of the day. But he still got excited. It was weird, but cute in its own way.

“Thank you, baby! I owe you so much for this.” He said as he grabbed his brown bag and walked over to his mattress to eat.

As Mel went over to follow Jeff, she saw Eri. They just sat there in the corner of the room. They looked absolutely miserable. She didn’t know why, but she felt maybe it was best for her to talk to them.

Mel crouched down next to the miserable Eri and extended her hand before gently placing it on their shoulder.

“Hey, Eri…I’ll be honest, you look terrible. Do you want to go home?”

When Mel spoke to Eri, Jeff sat up and looked at her. “Don’t listen to them. They are just being a whiny idiot.” Jeff murmured as he stuffed the second half of his cheeseburger into his mouth.

Mel just stared at him for a moment, long enough for him to take the hint that she was absolutely not in the mood to negotiate with him.

She then looked back at Eri before she nudged them with her shoe. “That’s enough. Let’s get you home.”

After Mel and Eri got into the car, Mel began to drive off.

There was a long silence between the two. The roads were all dark beside the occasional street lamp, it was in the middle of the night after all.

She didn’t know much about Eri. She wasn’t sure what to say really, they were so agitated to begin with.

“You know, a few months ago my mom died.” Mel said, finally breaking the silence. “I don’t know all of your story or what exactly happened, but from the sounds of it your father really did hurt you.”

“My mother hurt me as well. It wasn’t in the same way exactly. But she allowed her husband to do whatever he wanted with me. He would beat me senseless, spit on me, strip me naked and lock me outside, and attempted to sell my body to a man three times my age. She never said anything against it. Sometimes she would encourage the violence.”

“She had colon cancer and died. I thought that it would be a relief that she was gone. But really, I felt worse. I don’t know why I felt worse, or what happened really. I hated her and everything she’s done to me. But somehow, I felt so much worse.”

“I cried for weeks after it happened.”

“I didn’t even know why I was so miserable. I guess I just wanted my mom. Not just the mom I grew up with, but the mom I always wanted. I always wanted a mom who would read me bedtime stories and tucked me in at night, or a mom who actually planned out birthday parties. Hell, I wanted a mom I could cry to during my melodramatic teenage years. But I didn’t. I had Catherine. A cold hearted old bitch who only had me because she was cheating on her husband.”

“…I still don’t know why I was so upset. Hell, I am still sad and confused over it”

“Jeff, my dearest, didn’t understand.”

“Jeff would try to comfort me, he did try everything to help.”

“He would tell me: “Bebe, please try to remember that she hurt you! She was horrible, you shouldn’t be so upset! You should be relieved by this!” She said in a deepened tone, poorly mimicking Jeff’s voice.

“I felt so alone during this.”

“Anyways, my mom is dead and everything has gotten worse…”

She said in a hushed tone. She wasn’t looking at Eri, but it was clear that she was becoming misty eyed from speaking about this. It was clear that this was still something that was painful to speak about.

There was another long silence between Mel and Eri after that. Up until Mel cleared her throat and shifted her gaze towards Eri for a short while.

“I can’t say with full confidence about you, but I think you feel the same way about your dad, don’t you?”

“You don’t need to answer me. But I just want you to know that you are not alone with this. It’s not easy, it’s painful. And you shouldn’t have to struggle through it alone.”

If he couldn’t be bothered with them, why do all of this in the first place? Just to get under their skin? What was the point to any of this? Just a few days ago things were normal. Now nothing made sense anymore. If they could just get back..maybe, just maybe they could figure out a way to fix this. Yeah; there had to be a way.

They soon heard the sound of a car door, signaling Mel’s arrival. But they stood still; almost frozen in place at this point. What would she do to them? Would she have the same opinions as Jeff? And when she notices the scratches on him..and his missing finger, what then?

They didn’t want to deal with anymore of either of them if that was the case. Hearing Jeff’s voice again they tensed up, it felt like static was going through their body and still they couldn’t move.

She was coming to yell at them just like him; Or worse. And they couldn’t do anything. What a familiar feeling..

Eri didn’t notice how close Mel was until they felt something touch them; Flinching away from her touch. But when they heard her voice; that wasn’t malice at all. She was actually going to let them go home? Really? or was she trying to trick them too?

Without thinking they quickly nodded their head ignoring Jeff comment as they were nudged outside to the car. They climbed in, shutting the door behind them. Staring out the window as they drove off.

Good riddance. They never wanted to go back there ever again. Jeff had no idea what he was talking about. He just wasted their energy. That’s all he was good for.

Eri stayed silent on the way home, just staring into the darkness out the window. Nothing looked too familiar; but then again, they didn’t get out like lune did. At least not at night. Everything always looked different at night.

They snapped out of their thoughts, a bit surprised when Mel spoke up. She lost someone too?

They didn’t say a word, just listened to her story. What could they even say to that? She certainly understood how they felt far more than Jeff did. And Jeff tried to pull the same thing? God he really doesn’t get it. Of course they want to feel some type of gratefulness that he’s gone. That those things won’t happen ever again. But what about the things they’ll actually miss? What about the stuff that made him a decent father sometimes?

They sighed softly, not taking their eyes off the outside. “…Will it?” They spoke quietly. “Will it get worse?” They asked. “But you’re right..that’s all I’ve ever wanted since I was younger. I had it once, but even that didn’t last.”

“..it’s unfair, you know? I thought humans were supposed to be the ones with real problems. Why did he have to make me like this? These emotions..I hate it. I don’t want it to get worse. That doesn’t even seem possible.” they continued, noticing them approaching their home. Finally. Made this would make everything better. It had to.

“..thanks. For taking me home. And for..actually getting it. But I’ll be alright. I have to be.” They opened the door; stepping out as they looked over at her for the first time since leavings Jeff’s.

*unmasks springtrap*

🅂🄸🅁, hello? Does somebody need a new prescription for their 𝐠𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐬? I'm a security guard, not a vending machine guy.

Oh, 𝕛𝕖𝕖𝕫𝕖! I'm so-ɦօ sorry, if you're not the 𝓿𝓮𝓷𝓭𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓶𝓪𝓬𝓱𝓲𝓷𝓮 𝓰𝓾𝔂, then, 𝔴𝔥𝔬 𝔱𝔥𝔢 🄵🅄🄲🄺 𝔦𝔰? Because all I see is you ⓟⓐⓝⓢⓨ-⃝ⓐⓢⓢ 𝐛𝐮𝐜𝐤𝐞𝐭-𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐬 loafin' around everywhere, like, are any of you NPCs programmed with 𝕒𝕟𝕪 bit of responsibility? 𝐀𝐍𝐘𝐁𝐎𝐃𝐘 𝘢𝘵 𝘢𝘭𝘭?

Project Voltage Mikus.

Types:

grass, fire, water

rock (x2)

normal, ghost, bug

steel, fairy

flying, electric, psychic

poison, ground, ice

Today Jeff didn’t want to take Lune out or anything, so he just let him stay at his “home.” Jeff’s home was really a small abandoned building, it looked like it used to be an old house at some point. Now it was completely empty, the doors and windows was boarded up, it was infested with rats and cockroaches, yet this was good enough for Jeff, at least it had a roof and a floor for him to sleep on. Unfortunately for Lune, he had to stay there too if he wanted to hangout with Jeff.

Jeff looked down at Lune for a moment as he heard the boy say this to him. He was clearly a bit confused and concerned about what young boy was saying to him.

He was silent for a little longer as he continued to smoke his cigarette. From his face alone, he looked exhausted. It seemed that he hasn’t slept for a long while. “Well, I think you do owe me an apology for bitting off my finger…but hey, you thought you were in danger and you did what you thought was the best. I won’t hold any grudges because of that.”

Eventually, when Eri asked for a cigarette, he thought for a moment before nodding. “Alright then. Well, I’ll untie you for now, but don’t try to run off on me. I need to keep my eyes on you.”

He said before he began to look through his piles of trash until he found a small pocket knife. He then began to cut away at the duct tape around Eri’s wrists. Once he was done, he reached into his pocket and took out his Marlboro Reds cigarettes and his brightly colored lighter. He then lit up the cigarette and handed it to Eri. “Here you go. I only got five cigarettes left, so use this one wisely.” He said before he walked over across from Eri and sat down.

Finally, Eri began to calm down and speak more to him. Answering his questions. “Bugs, huh? That’s interesting. I like butterflies and bumblebees quite a bit. I used to be scared of spiders when I was a kid, but I don’t mind them too much. But really I am a cat person. You probably saw my cat by now, her name is Mini Jeff. But she only responds to Mini or Pumpkin. Unlike Mel’s cat, she doesn’t attack people for no reason.” He said while chuckling softly. “Anyways, learning piano is super cool! I used to know how to play the bass guitar when I was a teenager. I still can play a tiny bit but not well. I think Mel can play the ukulele too. However I hardly ever hear her play anymore. I think the poor thing is depressed…”

“…anyways, my uncle from my mom’s side of the family is the guy who taught me how to play the bass guitar. He was very sweet and was like a father to me. I remember the day he beat up my father when he found out what was happening at home. But unfortunately, he was arrested for the assault. My mother told me that the poor bastard went back to live with my grandparents in Mexico…I think my bitchass father managed to get him deported but I really don’t know for sure.”

“Unfortunately when he was gone, my dad kept abusing me. But yeah, I miss my uncle so much. I would love to see him again and thank him for defending me when nobody else did.” Jeff said quietly while taking a long drag from his cigarette before blowing out a cloud of smoke.

“You still don’t get it, do you? When people die you’re supposed to grieve their loss aren’t you? I know he was an ass but without him I wouldn’t be here right now. He somehow piled a bunch of parts together and gave them life.”

“ He made me. And he was good in the beginning. He taught me how to speak, how to take care of myself..so forgive me for being upset about it. I’ve just lost the only two people I’ve ever cared for. And somehow you expect me to just be ok with that fact.” They answered; Taking another drag before continuing.

“When your cat eventually dies.. or Mel for that matter; what are you gonna do, huh? You can’t tell me you’d be over their deaths in a matter of hours. If you did- then there’s something really wrong with you. Even something like me can understand that. You’d grieve for them. So why is that so different for me?” They asked.

“It’s not like I don’t understand that my father was terrible. I know that. But to me it’s not right to just forget about to good things he did. It’s not fair to leave him there to rot away. “

“Aren’t humans supposed to go in the ground once they die? He at least deserves that. And I’m going to give him that whether you like it or not. It’s my decision to make.” Eri went quiet, taking a few more drags from their cigarette before putting it out on the floor. Listening to Jeff speak.

“That was an even more depressing story than mine. But I guess we all got musical hobbies from are pasts so..that’s interesting.”

“Okay, and so what if he made you? Fun fact, everyone’s dad made them. It doesn’t mean they are a good person, Eri.” He said before laughing again. “Oh, yeah. Me too. See, only difference is that my dad somehow made me out of cum and gave me life by keeping the cum as a pet for nine months.”

His big grin slowly drifted away when Eri started to speak about Mel and his cat. He tilted his head for a moment before chuckling. “Eri, my friend. Are you slow? Do you have brain damage? Were you dropped on the head at some point? Well, see here Eri. Mel and my cat never molested me, or invited their friends over to molest me. They never beaten or raped my mother right in front of my and my brother. So I am pretty sure that’s a key difference between why I would be upset over them dying and not my pedophile father.”

“But hey, good try on trying to make a point between apples and oranges. You didn’t make a good point since you’re little brain damage ridden brain can’t tell the difference between a rapist dying and not someone’s beloved pet or girlfriend.”

He took another drag from his cigarette before he took out his phone. “Well, I’m going to call Mel. I’m pretty hungry.” He said before he brought the phone up closer to his face to see the screen better before finding Mel’s contact and calling her.

There was a small, mundane conversation between the two, before he convinced Mel to bring them something to eat. Mel’s voice from the other side was somewhat audible, from her tone alone, it was clear that Mel wasn’t too thrilled about bringing them food, but she still agreed to bring them them something.

“Ok but i wasn’t made from cum now was I? I was made from parts and mechanics that only a few humans actually know enough about to do something with.” They explained; Taking a long drag, Slowly blowing the smoke away.

“That’s it though. That’s where are similarities end. Unlike you i remember being..born. I remember the moment I gained consciousness. The first words my father ever spoke to me. And now I guess I know his last ones too.” They muttered, Flicking some ashes away as they listened to Jeff once more.

They glared over at him as he finished, practically shooting fathered through him. “You’re really fucking stupid- I know my father was shit! But if I wanna remember what little good parts of my life I had with him I’m gonna do that. Don’t you get it? I. Have. NOTHING! you should understand that more than anyone! What do you expect me to do right now? Huh?! Do you want me to sit here and act like everything great right now?”

“Are you brain dead?! For fucks sake- there really isn’t any point in getting this through your stupid little brain! “ They walked over to the corner of the room. Resting their head on the wall.”You know what? Just stop talking. At this rate you’re gonna loose more than just a finger.” They muttered. Mumbling quiet threats to themself.

Today Jeff didn’t want to take Lune out or anything, so he just let him stay at his “home.” Jeff’s home was really a small abandoned building, it looked like it used to be an old house at some point. Now it was completely empty, the doors and windows was boarded up, it was infested with rats and cockroaches, yet this was good enough for Jeff, at least it had a roof and a floor for him to sleep on. Unfortunately for Lune, he had to stay there too if he wanted to hangout with Jeff.

Jeff looked down at Lune for a moment as he heard the boy say this to him. He was clearly a bit confused and concerned about what young boy was saying to him.

He was silent for a little longer as he continued to smoke his cigarette. From his face alone, he looked exhausted. It seemed that he hasn’t slept for a long while. “Well, I think you do owe me an apology for bitting off my finger…but hey, you thought you were in danger and you did what you thought was the best. I won’t hold any grudges because of that.”

Eventually, when Eri asked for a cigarette, he thought for a moment before nodding. “Alright then. Well, I’ll untie you for now, but don’t try to run off on me. I need to keep my eyes on you.”

He said before he began to look through his piles of trash until he found a small pocket knife. He then began to cut away at the duct tape around Eri’s wrists. Once he was done, he reached into his pocket and took out his Marlboro Reds cigarettes and his brightly colored lighter. He then lit up the cigarette and handed it to Eri. “Here you go. I only got five cigarettes left, so use this one wisely.” He said before he walked over across from Eri and sat down.

Finally, Eri began to calm down and speak more to him. Answering his questions. “Bugs, huh? That’s interesting. I like butterflies and bumblebees quite a bit. I used to be scared of spiders when I was a kid, but I don’t mind them too much. But really I am a cat person. You probably saw my cat by now, her name is Mini Jeff. But she only responds to Mini or Pumpkin. Unlike Mel’s cat, she doesn’t attack people for no reason.” He said while chuckling softly. “Anyways, learning piano is super cool! I used to know how to play the bass guitar when I was a teenager. I still can play a tiny bit but not well. I think Mel can play the ukulele too. However I hardly ever hear her play anymore. I think the poor thing is depressed…”

“…anyways, my uncle from my mom’s side of the family is the guy who taught me how to play the bass guitar. He was very sweet and was like a father to me. I remember the day he beat up my father when he found out what was happening at home. But unfortunately, he was arrested for the assault. My mother told me that the poor bastard went back to live with my grandparents in Mexico…I think my bitchass father managed to get him deported but I really don’t know for sure.”

“Unfortunately when he was gone, my dad kept abusing me. But yeah, I miss my uncle so much. I would love to see him again and thank him for defending me when nobody else did.” Jeff said quietly while taking a long drag from his cigarette before blowing out a cloud of smoke.

“You still don’t get it, do you? When people die you’re supposed to grieve their loss aren’t you? I know he was an ass but without him I wouldn’t be here right now. He somehow piled a bunch of parts together and gave them life.”

“ He made me. And he was good in the beginning. He taught me how to speak, how to take care of myself..so forgive me for being upset about it. I’ve just lost the only two people I’ve ever cared for. And somehow you expect me to just be ok with that fact.” They answered; Taking another drag before continuing.

“When your cat eventually dies.. or Mel for that matter; what are you gonna do, huh? You can’t tell me you’d be over their deaths in a matter of hours. If you did- then there’s something really wrong with you. Even something like me can understand that. You’d grieve for them. So why is that so different for me?” They asked.

“It’s not like I don’t understand that my father was terrible. I know that. But to me it’s not right to just forget about to good things he did. It’s not fair to leave him there to rot away. “

“Aren’t humans supposed to go in the ground once they die? He at least deserves that. And I’m going to give him that whether you like it or not. It’s my decision to make.” Eri went quiet, taking a few more drags from their cigarette before putting it out on the floor. Listening to Jeff speak.

“That was an even more depressing story than mine. But I guess we all got musical hobbies from are pasts so..that’s interesting.”