NANA

Been remembering my children and I don't know how to put memories about them into words, I can't even remember how many times and when I got pregnant. I thought I never gave birth and all were aborted but yesterday I had a feeling that I had a baby and touched his hand. I don't know, everything was so blurry like a dream or nightmare. My suicide program got triggered and I wrote down pages of words that didn't make much sense. I want to know what happpened to my children. Some alter inside told me I did give birth to two children but I don't know how it happened, and I feel extremely tired. I think I had a son and they sold him. I don't know, it doesn't help at all that I received messages from my mother who denies everything. I feel so empty.

I just want to look for resource to understand myself but every time the search results are filled with fakeclaimings that deny tbmc and ramcoa exist. I'm so fucking tired.

i think back to the wigs, suits, and dresses i used to where and how they attempted to remove every single aspect of my identity. it built a deep hatred for my culture, family, and many like me. i would happily let my hair be straightened and to be dressed however they wanted me to look, but now, i haven't straightened my hair since i ran away from home. i like my natural hair, i like my eyes, and my skin. i like me more than what they wanted me to be