sad but true

I'm terribly pissed with my best friend and I've no one to talk to other than him.

He's being a jackass with me and now he isn't even trying to make amends anymore... I think we crossed a line.

And I need to talk to someone, I can't stand being quiet about what's happening to me anymore, I need someone to care... Actually, no. I need to care about someone who cares.

I feel so toxic and all I do is look for toxic people, people who won't give a shit in anyway possible. It feels sometimes like I enjoy the drama, like I want to hurt and feel pain. Maybe that's what it is, or maybe I just need to test people and feel like I accomplished something impossible (what seems more likely).