Eritrofish Tank

How have you been?

it’s been a while... no,

it’s been a long time since the last time we talk,

How are you? I’m doing okay here. Right now I’m still working on the title next to my name. it’s my 3rd year now...

if you were here right now maybe you are my junior once again,

lately this keep on crossing my mind, about your transfer plan to surabaya on your 2nd year at Junior High that you ever said to me on the telephone. Maybe, if you listen to your Pa that year, maybe we can meet each other every once in two weeks, Surabaya-Malang isn’t that far away. But hey, yeah I know, you would choose happiness over obligations, you would choose to laugh with your friends rather than study to other people’s will. that’s why you choose to stay that year.

you know, six month ago, me and your girls were in a bad term. Well, not seeing each other like we used to may be the cause of our misunderstanding, but don’t worry, we’ve worked it all right.

oh yeah you know Last January it’s my 20th birthday, Gosh, I’m getting older but you? you choose not to growing up... you’re cheating bro, You let me grow older but you stay young... and you’ll see me wrinkled by age, get white hair and become an old lady but you remain a kid with a smiling lip and smiling eyes.

up till now I’m still regreting those last day, 

I should have been taking on your side, I should have been listen to what you need to say, I should have been act like what you called a big sister. But I didn’t. I didn't take your side, I belive for what I didn’t see, I’ve been a selfish senior, I didn’t want to listen to you, even I didn’t give you a chance to say any word, but the worst of me is, I didn't act like your big sister...

it was a huge shock for a Middle schooler like us, 

Middle school age should have been the age that kids like us, Play together last week, Fighting each other over some small and unimportant things this week, not talking to each other the next week, but reconcile on the next two week and become much closer than before to laugh our ass off..

but you... you choose to leave before our  next two week. you’re choose to give up rather than give in. you’re tired enough to cry on the real life till you cry on your sleep that night. did you know I was running on the hospital corridor like a crazy? rushing to you room and found you sleep and sound, with so many people cared of you around with their red eye. Did you know that I was the one who whispered a Hail Mary prayer over and over again on your ear that night till you hold my hand back?

did you even know, I was still crying on my way back home? let my parent confuse, I was still crying till dawn came, and your sister texted me that you’re going to transferred to a better hospital. I had my hope highly on you after that, I thought that by getting transferred to a better health care, you’d going home after one or several months later with big bright smile on your face, saying 

“I’m back”

but you didn’t.

You choose to leave. You choose to stop growing up, You choose to stop your time.

You didn’t come back...

it’s almost seven years already... I’m twenny and you’re still 13... I’m almost a grown up and you’re still a kid...

oh my, my time flies so fast isn’t it bro?

everybody continuing their lives, let alone the unfinished story you left, everybody keeps moving on. or maybe I should say ‘try to moving on’...

I maybe keep regreting those day, I would always say I’m sorry, and you... you better had a beautiful afterlife kiddo... it’s okay, we’re still trying to let go. but you better already let go...

just remember we’re still love you up til now, you’re still our little brother who care to much for his bigsisters.

we miss you a lot...

Selamat Paskah Kelvin