If the Creator, Source, God, Allah, Yahweh, or the Universe came to you and asked you to focus on only love, trust, and forgiveness, what would you say in response? Would it be a Holy Hell Yes!, or a less than enthusiastic "sure"? Or would it be neither but a nod of the head? Would you answer the call? Or Would you run? Or would you do both? The younger me and still parts of the older me would do both. Say yes to the first in the name of a challenge, then think about running once I started to see what I was in for exactly. Thankfully, the beautiful and one of the most remarkable parts of a healing journey is, from oneself to the other, from lower self to higher self, the growth we all seek to obtain is rather yet in the awareness of having any feeling of it at all and knowing what that feeling is so we may begin to unpack how it got there.
I know for me, I don't know where I'd be if not for the grace of meditation. The practice of quieting the mind so we can discern our spiritual messages is our greatest asset. This practice makes it so we may get our spiritual heading and get to doing our spiritual work, trusting, loving, and forgiving. As you can probably tell, I'm a spiritualist. I don't consider myself a guru or sensei of any sort. I, like you, am doing this life thing as it comes at me, while "stepping in the place with style and grace." Words of wisdom from beloved Notorious B.I.G. :)
I thought I already knew what love and forgiveness were and I only need to work on the trust factor. That was until I went deeper in terms of self and realized that for how much love, trust, and forgiveness I gave out, I had none left over for myself. Then would be stuck, confused as to why I was getting hurt. Well, because at the time I didn't include my inner self while giving all of that other stuff out. Then reconciling that was even harder because had I only trusted myself when I felt that feeling and had that first thought, I might have avoided so unnecessarily bad situations and people. But once I learned how to apply all that I was putting out, what needed to be poured back in, it was at that moment we had our heading!
Everything comes down to math if you look at it. If the math isn't mathing then what are we conditioned to do? Solve for X so the math can live to math another day. But that solving for X can be a mother can't it? Here's where the forgiveness comes in... forgive them sure, but forgive you for not knowing any better beforehand. I like to think that, as a collective, we all have had these instances and questions at one point in our lives. Not to say that every being roaming this beautiful planet is not of course unique because we all are. However, the strife of life is what gives us our similarities amongst the differences most of mainstream society likes to focus on.
So what was I given as my assignment? You should grab snacks.
December 28th, 2022, I resigned from my position at a Fortune 500 corporation in the healthcare finance sector and voluntarily submitted myself for professional psychological and psychiatric evaluation. I had been having suicidal thoughts and ideations on a mental level but on a spiritual level, I was struggling to make the connection with my practices. I spent 1 week in intense therapy and evaluation and 1 week reacclimating myself. The experience was chaotic, to say the least, but like every other challenge, I pushed through and dug deep for the strength and faith I'd been known to have in situations prior. The more I went to group therapy the more I realized that what I was doing was already what I had been assigned to do. The love, trust, and forgiveness I wasn't seeing were right in front of me and I had been pouring it back into myself for a long time to that point, I just couldn't see it to believe it. I don't know what I was expecting it to look like but once I had that epiphany, I was ready to blow that popsicle stand and apply my newfound sense of self. So I did.
The stress of the realization that I just quit my job without having another lined up hit me like a ton of bricks. As it should have in the world we live in today. I'd even started to second-guess my decision to resign in the first place and not just work with my employer at the time. But after spending 2 weeks in a hospital I couldn't let myself be defeated by something so minuscule as that 1 thought of defeat, could I? Oh, I think not! So I didn't. If it meant I picked up gig work here and there, so be it. Door Dash came in handy let me tell you. I eventually landed another position with a new company completely separate from what I was previously skilled in doing. Scared much? a little. Excited about the new beginning? Absolutely! How you ask? I loved myself so much, that in my awareness of self, reached out for the help I almost desperately needed at the time, I trusted that resigning from my previous position was the right decision, and I forgave myself for ever having doubted I had made the right decision.
1 month later I am here, alive and well to write about it. I hope this message finds who it is meant to find and helps all who it is meant to help.
Please feel free to reach out to me at [email protected] or leave a comment below if there are any questions, feedback, and/or suggestions.
This is a safe space for all and to be safe means one can be their most authentic self without retribution.
vaporwave
tangentwithtanner
yousharknotpass
turnnoffyourmind
kianamaiart
dailybridgerton