William

Fanfic writers make Gerry too much of a normie. The guys mom was a murderer, his dad was killed when he decided he wanted to care for him more than have his Spooky TM job — gotta have some guilt from that AMIRITE — his mom SKINNED HERSELF IN FRONT OF HIM AND BEGGED HIM TO HELP HER, he deals with Leitners — yeah, those chucklefuks that mess with your mind — on a regular basis, his mom took him to see Spooky TM beings made of teeth and eyes and whatnot from a very young age, he worked for GERTRUDE FUCKNUGGET ROBINSON, his life is full to the brim with the dread powers, he’s aligned with the Eye — I do NOT think it was voluntary — and I BET he didn’t get his tattoos by his own volition; Gerry “I’m a goth and my dye job is fine and I’m so totally not gonna kms” Keay (I was gonna go with “Gerry “Fucked Up” Keay” but then I realized that Keay is just another word for fucked up) would NOT look at a cute guy and think “wow I gotta take him out on a date” he would go INSANE abt it first. And he wouldn’t break up like a normal bitch either. Let my boy Gerry get a boner looking at the Spiral leeeet himmm >:{

WHYYY IS THERE A FOOD CALLED *DUTCH BABY* HUH.

they just don't make characters like jon archivist sims. he spends an entire season having a forty episode long delusional breakdown and that's only maybe the third or fourth worst period of time in his life. he gets intervened on twice. he gets kidnapped thrice. during one of those kidnappings he spends a month tied to a chair getting forcibly moisturized by a plastic ringmistress mannequin and no one notices. he fully dies for six months but gets up again when a friendly grim reaper gives his unbreathing body a pep talk. he spends several episodes at the start of the final season so depressed that it's unclear if he even moves for multiple days in a row. the basis for his magic powers is that he is so traumatized that he begins to need continuous further trauma in order to live, which gives him the ability to explode people with his mind. he spends about fifty seconds at the top of an episode self-harming directly into a tape recorder, which is not even the most fucked up thing to happen to him that episode. he finally cried on audio for the first time in the penultimate ep and the only reaction I saw for several days after was wildly enthusiastic cheering. he's missing two ribs and he's at least 80% scar tissue by volume and the only canon information we have about his appearance is that he looks terrible at all times.