Lubezilla

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Let me talk to you about my love for dental dams…

Someone asked us:A few days ago I was supposed to spend the night with my new boyfriend. When it came time to “do the deed” he told me he didn’t want to use a condom! We’d never had sex before and I didn’t know what to say, so I made up an excuse to leave. I really like him, is there anything I can say next time to convince him to use a condom? Way to go on not backing down! You should be proud of yourself for standing up for your health. It’s a bummer when someone you really like doesn’t want to use a condom, but there are ways to approach the topic that might help. First, you could try to find out why they don’t want to use a condom. For example, if they’re worried about sex not feeling as good with a condom, you could suggest thin condoms or add extra lube. Also, if you have a vagina, the FC2 (sometimes called the “female condom”) can feel a bit more natural for some people since it’s looser. Here’s a list of some possible scenarios and things you could say in response: If Your Partner Says: I don’t like using condoms. You Can Say: Why not? If Your Partner Says: It doesn’t feel as good with a condom. You Can Say: I’ll feel more relaxed. If I’m more relaxed, it will be better for both of us. If Your Partner Says: Condoms are gross. You Can Say: Being pregnant when I don’t want to be is worse. So is getting an STD. If Your Partner Says: Don’t you trust me? You Can Say: Trust isn’t the point. People can carry sexually transmitted infections without knowing it. If Your Partner Says: I’ll pull out in time. You Can Say: I want to feel relaxed and enjoy this, and pulling out is just too risky. There’s a chance I could get pregnant from your pre-cum, or we might get too excited to stop. And pulling out doesn’t help much with STDs. If Your Partner Says: Condoms aren’t romantic. You Can Say: Being together like this and protecting each other’s health sounds really romantic to me. If Your Partner Says: It just isn’t as sensitive. You Can Say: With a condom you might last even longer, and that’ll make up for it. Or let’s try a female condom. If Your Partner Says: Putting it on interrupts everything. You Can Say: Not if I help put it on. If Your Partner Says: I’ll try, but it might not work. You Can Say: Practice makes perfect. If Your Partner Says: But I love you. You Can Say: Then you’ll help me protect myself. If Your Partner Says: I guess you don’t really love me. You Can Say: I’m not going to “prove my love” by risking my health. Do you really love me? Do you want me to feel safe? If Your Partner Says: I’m not using a condom, no matter what. You Can Say: I’m not having sex without a condom, no matter what. Let’s not have sex. If Your Partner Says: Just this once without it. Just the first time. You Can Say: It only takes once to get pregnant. It only takes once to get a sexually transmitted infection. It only takes once to get HIV. The important thing here is to make it clear that your health (and your partner’s health) is your priority — and that sex without protection is not an option.   - Kellie at Planned Parenthood