Lua Harvelle

Um. Right. Because that is totally my main concern. The insulation that streamers can provide. I think we might be misunderstanding each other…Actually, I’m not even going to get into that whole mess. Congratulations on not dying from heat exhaustion. I’m really happy for you.

Ugh. There were streamers in the trees. Like, woo hoo prom, very exciting, but can we please think of keeping the jogging paths clear? Oh and the environment. That’s a thing too.

I do! I— Yeah, I really do. Wh- Ohmygod. [ laughs before she can stop herself ] I- I am sorry about the tampon overload, I guess I just got- get a little over-excited with a freshly paid-off credit card in my hand. Your roof is leaking? Do- Do you need something to like, fix that? Like, store bought wood, or something? Yikes. Always read the packet, a valuable life and lesson and—

No! No no. That’s- [ Jess moved to grab Lua’s hands in hers a little too dramatically for the perceived situation ] No. You’re the coolest person I have ever known. I’m good, I promise. I just miss you. But uh, yeah, all this senior year stuff… It’s been non-stop. Do you wanna see the prom dress I wanted to get?

I mean... tampons are a necessity. I would totally free bleed but in this climate? In this town? In these woods? With a strangely large amount of people having a blood fetish? My door would be run down with guys one week a month and I just don’t have the infrastructure to deal with that, y’know. My roof is a sive at the moment but not to worry, I just need to get my lazy bum up and put some effort into making the green roof of my dreams. I’ve no need for wood but I appreciate your will to go to the hardware store for me, I know that isn’t your favourite hang out.

That was right on the tip of my tongue. I basically have the thesis to back it up but don’t ask to read it until I iron out the reference list, okay? Legendary Lua. Oh my god, right? They don’t, they don’t ever think about the consequences of their actions especially when it comes to Mother Earth who is basically dying. You wouldn’t let them. Right, yes. After you… [ watching intently, hand over her heart as she is filled with #emotion ] Amen.

Never. Besides, it’s majorly overrated- human interaction. Saying that, if you did sneak out there’s a ton of free baked goods going around right now because of…prom.

Finally a thesis worth writing and reading.The people must know. I would make a great book, like the dude in Into the Wild except obviously I’m too smart to die. You know it- warn everyone you know.  

I think you’re being a little…harsh? What’s wrong with creation? That’s how we got so many lovely things like perfume. And wine. And who doesn’t love wine? I’m sure even you enjoy wine. A mangled body…No. I don’t see that. I’ve seen…Never mind. Once again, I think you’re being a little harsh. Maybe you should get your hearing checked? No offense. But hearing screaming that’s not there…That’s bad, darling.

Yeah. It’s going to be hilarious. And I like to laugh, so…Yeah. I can’t wait. Wow. Sticking it to the man? I don’t know if I’d go that far, but thank you. How many trees? Like, are we talking two or three? Because I can do two or three. Anything else is going to be kind of expensive.

The…compliment of it? Well, hey, if that’s who you want to be, who am I to judge? You know there’s a city in Oregon where everyone tries to out-compete each other for how unique and odd they can be, so different towns have different values. Maybe you just need to find a new group of people. Woah, hey, I never said they didn’t. I think you’re doing a pretty good job so far, Lorax. Huh, I’d say strong-willed seems about right. And that’s a good thing. Alright, that makes sense, we should let trees do what they want. You’ve convinced me.

It wasn’t about prom. Oh please. I’ve already gotten all of that all figured out. It’ll be such a mess. I, for one, can’t wait. Put a what on the trees? Hmmm. What would you give me if I do that? It sounds like a lot of work.

Oh goodness no. I hate those plant displays. I find them unbearably tacky. Only boring people who can’t find another way of setting their towns apart would do something like that. But I do like nature to have some sort of organization to it. It’s a bit much if it’s just, well, all over the place. Things should be organized. Oh, I wouldn’t call it a stump. It’s not that short, after all.

Where are the TPOs when you need them, right?

My sister! She lives! Summoned by the skeleton tree and all. The last care package was fire but I only need so many tampons, ok? Though they have been very helpful with the leaks in my roof. Just need to change them every 8 hours, as prescribed on the packet, or the mess is unbelievable. 

Oh my god, no. Lua… [ pauses like ‘do I know her like that? ] Miss Lua, what happened? Who? Did they not run this by you? Do they not know who you are, I swear. Instagram’ll burn for this.

[snorting at the ‘Miss’] That’s Legendary Lua for you, Miss. Oh we all know who but why? Why?! Sometimes you know, you gotta wonder, do people see past their own immediate self? Their actions? The consequences? I mean imagine if they’d done this to that big ol’ beast down my way. Fuck, even nature itself would tremble. Anyway, we should pay our respects. [clearing her throat] I swear I will cut the people that cut you, tree. You will be avenged. Instagram will burn.

[talking into a phone] Wait, wait. I’ve gotta go. There’s someone talking about trees. Yeah. I know. It’s super weird. I’ll call you back, okay? [hangs up] Yeah, can I help you? You look like you’re going to pass out or something.

Excuse me? I think the aesthetic of that tree is lovely. It sets it apart than the rest of them. And who has a favorite tree? That’s quite…Quite a choice?