i need my obsession w rin to and ness b studied bc omg i love the dynamic between rin and sae and ness and kaiser
like it's so bad and it's so incredibly toxic for a. rin to always b chasing sae and for sae to b verbally beating down rin unaware of how much of a bully he's being but like i can't, i genuinely find it so fun to pick at their relationship as brothers. and b. ness chasing kaiser in a similar way regardless of how badly kaiser treats him, and kaiser treating ihim n that way to justify his belief in his inability to b loved.
like im rereading ch. 124 and it's jst so tragic the way rin and sae's relationship falls apart. in the beginning rin's all like soft and shit, jst listening to what sae has to say abt his playing (sae calls his shot shoddy, he says he'll work on it, sae asks him to b speedier, he agrees to try), and in some ways, it reminds me of ness' perspective of playing w kaiser. ness plays w kaiser bc it feels like magic to him, it feels as tho kaiser embodies a miracle and bring out the beauty of a game like soccer; he's no longer alone in a bleak world, but instead there's someone to give him light. for rin, it's much the same where sae is someone that is always there for rin, and consistently cares for him, bringing kindness and companionship to an otherwise lonely world that considers him weird.
and yet sae's words make him reconsider their relationship. bc sae tells rin that he's unnecessary in his life, aka on the field as his striker, bc he's so dogwater, rin thinks back to their moments playing together, looking at it thru the lens of him jst being a stepping stone for sae, someone that he jst uses to reach the world stage. even tho rin was having fun and he genuinely wanted to play w sae to fulfill their dream, now bc sae has told rin that he's an eyesore, directly targeting their relationship as brothers and as family, it places doubt on their closeness. regardless of how close players need to b to play as partners on the field, siblinghood shld trump that, and in calling rin unnecessary in his life, implying that rin was only good for supporting sae's dreams, that shatters all ideas of sae actually loving rin for playing w him. it reduces rin to someone who's worth is entirely based on how well he can play, when i rlly don't think rin wld have been so motivated to play without sae by his side. their shared dream to b the best strikers in the world was smthg that i feel like sae was mostly into, and rin jst got dragged along for the ride; rin quite literally says he jst wanted to b by sae's side as his brother and like, given that sae's been his main pillar of support his entire life, this upheaval of rin's beliefs abt their relationship, wrongly interpreted or not bc i don't think we're meant to believe that sae actually didn't see rin as his precious little brother, it jst feels so wrong for sae to crush his dreams like that. i actually feel like crying this is so sad
and like i keep thinking back to the moment that rin and sae first see each other after sae comes back from spain and how rin immediately notices how bad sae looks. he looks worn out, he's lost weight, and rin clocks that as soon as he sees sae. it must b kind of dark out and yet rin still notices.
and then when sae challenges rin, saying that if rin loses their dream is over, rin says that sae can't jst make that decision that on his own. it jst makes me think abt how sae has never rlly pushed rin in this way. sure he's bossy on the field and as more of a midfielder for rin he sets up the pass for rin to shoot, but sae's never been so forceful or directly hostile towards rin. he's never pushed rin to do smthg that he doesn't want to do, esp not a match that he doesn't want to play, and yet the moment that sae and rin meet, after several years of little to no contact, sae harshly pushes rin to face his own ineptitude. i agree that it was a wakeup call that rin needed, but genuinely it cld have been said in a nicer way right, w less miscommunication??
small note, i don't have any complete thoughts abt this yet, but i also like the luck aspect of their brotherhood, where rin is generally the one w all the luck, the primary notes being his consistent winning of the popsicle stick draws and being a natural talented genius, compared to sae who always gets the losing stick and is someone who needs to think and learn to play as well as he does. and yet for all his luck, sae acknowledges isagi rather than rin bc of his lucky winning shot during the u-20 match; like sae said, rin wastes all his luck on insignificant moments like the ice cream stick, rather that it being useful in their goal to b the world's best. jst a little thing that i think abt a lot
anyway then i started thinking abt ness and kaiser and how their relationship diverges from sae and rin's. yeah kaiser has continuously treated ness poorly, taking advantage of ness' desire for companionship and willingness to b manipulated, but in their final scene together, ness is the one to get thru to kaiser. kaiser's fucking blowing up at ness, revealing his true thoughts abt himself and his humanity, abt how he is an inherently unlovable person and how his only worth is found in his ability to score goals.
i actually have a lot of thoughts abt that, bc i find it interesting to think abt kaiser, someone who prbly has both an inferiority and a superiority complex. he has a lot of talent in soccer and he genuinely is one of the best players of his generation, but that's all he is. maybe it's an exaggeration, but it's giving geto's msg to gojo: r u strong bc ur gojo satoru or r u gojo satoru bc ur strong? is kaiser "michael kaiser the human" bc he's good at soccer, or is he good at soccer bc he's "michael kaiser the human"?; can kaiser's soccer ability b separated from his humanity and consequently is his ability to b loved by others? kaiser doesn't believe that he can b loved, his mother left him w his abusive father, he grew up destitute, and ray dark only saved him bc of his soccer talent. so it makes sense that kaiser's "humanity" or rather what little that is left of it, is tied entirely to his ability to b a superior striker. and so bc he's internalizing sm self-hate, reducing himself to subhumanity, he takes that out on others to hide it. yeah he's good at soccer, and he knows that, is confident abt that, but that's it, that's the only thing that makes him redeemable. kaiser's superiority regarding his soccer skills is justifiable if not insufferable, but the thought process behind what it means abt himself if he loses is actually jst self-destructive.
going back to ness and kaiser, so yeah kaiser's fucking abusive asl to ness bc he's also got abandonment issues. if kaiser's mean, then it's kind of justifying it in advance if ness ever leaves him, like ness was weak for not being able to withstand kaiser. it's also meant to prove his inhumanity, how inherently unlovable he is without his soccer ability. if ness were to leave him like a normal person wld, it wld prbly b bc he cldn't take kaiser's abuse, proving that kaiser's a pos who's only good for playing soccer. and it's also a form of companionship that kaiser can allow himself. he's got a superiority complex formed on the basis of his soccer talent; if ness follows after him like a dog bc of the magic that he finds in kaiser's soccer, then it only makes sense that kaiser wld manipulate ness w that, taking advantage of ness' willingness to do anything for kaiser to further prove that he can only b loved for his soccer. kaiser manipulates ness into depending on him bc it emphasizes his own inadequacy as a human.
but ness knows he's being manipulated, he's letting kaiser think he's dependent, when rlly ness is staying bc he actually does love kaiser. ness might have first found interest in kaiser bc of his talent but somewhere along the line, he started to view kaiser as someone he can b close to. for all that kaiser verbally, physically, and mentally abuses ness, i'm not totally sure that he ever rlly lays into ness abt his love for magic. ness grew up w everyone in his family ignoring and ridiculing him for his belief that magic exists in the world, claiming that science and objective truth is the most important thing in life. it's emotionally isolating and so when kaiser comes into his life, letting ness project his ideas of magic onto him without explicitly fucking w him for it, it creates that bond between them. they both have someone in each other that won't abandon them as others have in the past. ness truly sees kaiser as human, as flesh and blood and sin, all wrapped up in a miracle that brought them together, as though fate decided that someone like ness, kind and giving and wholly self-sacrificing despite his natural genius, is perfect for kaiser, selfish and abrasive and talented. kaiser needs ness and ness needs kaiser, and in this moment when kaiser is screaming at ness to leave him alone, deeming himself an unnecessary part of the field, ness clings onto him and hopes to save him, hope to cast a spell on kaiser's broken self to help him.
and this is the difference between kainess and the itoshi brothers. kaiser and sae r similar ppl, broken down to believe that all they have is their ability to play soccer and believing that the only way to prove their worth is thru winning matches; we still don't know what happened to sae in spain, but it's clear that he's got trauma that prevents him from returning to his "naive" outlook of soccer from before. now, he is the world's best midfielder bc of his perspective from the international leagues, and he's jaded bc of it. kaiser has been jaded since he was young, he's grown up traumatized. kaiser and sae, both talented learners rather than the genius' that rin and ness r, both refuse to accept failure bc it's a signal of their weakness, of their inherent lack of worth. and when they do fail, they try to get the ppl closest to them to leave them, to abandon them, for kind of similar reasons; both of them want ness and rin to leave and find someone else to play w, to create a chemical rxn w, to not jst rely on worthless players like them.
but the way they project this onto the ppl closest to them is so different. kaiser completely drops the facade, he loses it at ness, screaming that he's humiliated himself, that his existence is a humiliation bc of his failure after he was arrogant enough to drop ness on the field. and ness responds encouragingly bc this is the kaiser that he recognized all along. ness has stuck w kaiser thru the shift from genuine friendship in the beginning to codependency later on, and this prolonged contact w someone so complex makes it easy for ness to discern what kaiser is truly afraid of and not directly saying. ness will not leave, kaiser, someone who has seen and cared for ness in his own way.
but in true sae fashion, rather than doing what kaiser does, he hides it behind a veil of coldness. instead of offering more than jst a cursory criticism of rin's play, sae jst claims rin is useless, projecting his own insecurities and feelings of inadequacy onto rin. yes, it's prbly in hopes of encouraging rin to find his own play, to not become dependent on sae so that he can stop limiting himself, but i think what he says to rin is what he thinks of himself as a striker. unsuited to being a striker, forced to embody stereotypical japanese play as a midfielder, sae tries to push rin to b a good striker and not rely on sae as his only reason to play. and rin, young and understandably quite confused by the change in demeanor from the sae that he remembers from before spain, takes it as u wld expect someone to. rin gets mad, feels abandoned, and goes chasing after sae w the sole intent of surpassing him regardless of what he does to himself. rin doesn't try to think abt sae's perspective or y he's changed sm, not that i rlly expect him to as a moody teen, and sae doesn't try to change that view that rin has of him; sae doesn't even think rin's going thru smthg so devastatingly toxic, he jst thinks it's a literal phase and rin's jst grumpy like what?
also i want to point out that rin doesn't jst give up on soccer even tho sae calls him useless on the field and abandons him, he jst pivots and plays for revenge; sae also doesn't give up on soccer when he's told he's useless as a striker, he jst becomes the best midfielder, maybe for revenge? their equal but separate desires for revenge push them away from each other bc there's a fundamental lack of understanding in what they r trying to communicate to each other. but kaiser, when he realizes his fallibility, tries to throw it all away and quit. ness is the one who keeps their bond together, tossing their old dynamic out and molding it into one where ness is the one guiding kaiser. they actually communicate what they mean to each other, and this is y i think kainess will survive and come back stronger than before :D
and one more thing, kaiser's look of anguish when he's screaming at ness and ness doesn't abandon him, i love it. kaiser's jst a scared dog lashing out at the world, but secretly hoping someone will help him. lol ness and kaiser switched roles, now kaiser's the dog and ness his benevolent owner