darling devoted

BONUS: gap tooth hange when this was a wip

In terms of excretion, I also believe that she's able to do it. It's hard to see by her crotch area in that image (this was the best angle I could get from this scene in Infinity War, maybe there's a better one in Endgame but for now let's settle with this), but I don't think we need that to figure this out.

Here comes my argument from biochemistry. We were taught that things we ingest are either excreted or absorbed, and you have to agree that it would be insane if she only kept absorbing everything she eats/drinks. I believe she can definitely urinate and defecate, but her digestion is a slow process.

In terms of reproductivity, I honestly don't think she can. I think Thanos had her tubes tied or whatever the alien version of that is (weapons don't need to be pregnant or have children, yada yada). But in terms of feeling pleasure? I feel like there's a chance, but this stance I'm not so confident in. This is just a head canon at this point. If she can feel pleasure, I feel like it's minimal.

If she can't then that's just horrifying considering there's a chance Thanos altered that aspect of her too. I'd hope not. She'd been through enough.

NSFW: Also, I think if she modified herself to have a penis (it's an entire multi/universe, there are definitely crazy kinks and body modifications out there) I feel like she'd feel something with it. Does that make sense? Like a strap that the user can feel. I don't think it's that crazy of an idea.

But her breast area seems untouched. Thankfully Thanos didn't seem to mess around with that. They're not a hindrance in battle anyway.

In terms of menstruation, well, we’re not even sure if luphomoids get those. Even with Gamora, we don’t know. But I think it’s a good chance she doesn’t, or that both of them don’t. Even if luphomoids did get mesntrual cycles, well, we know what Thanos would’ve done with that. Weapons don’t need biological distractions like that. You get the theme.

What about the feeling pleasure part? I think she’s too hellbent on violence to focus on these things. Maybe there’s more exploration for her after GOTG vol.3! If so, good for her. 🌌

Bottom line is, there's a very good chance that she can still urinate and defecate like, you know, regular humans (or, you know, luphomoids) despite being technically alien and 3/4's artificial.

“Well, that’s why I was here for today.” You joke, knowing Levi was doing the same although it may not seem like it to those who don’t know him. “So what, they just dropped dead last night or something?” As you walk alongside each other, you try to gather enough information to brace yourself with dealing with Hange’s feverish self. Knowing they were already clingy, you do a little mental preparation as to what version of them will come crawling from that door. Not to mention, it’s been weeks since you last saw each other.

“Pretty much.” Levi opened the door for you, “Worked their ass off the entire evening. Got sick by midnight.”

“The workaholic part isn’t new.”

Levi sends you a look, one that you can’t quite figure out. “Yeah. Except this time they declared themselves bedridden and they’re rambling on about how they need you.”

“Oh.” You both stop in front of their door, with you feeling particularly flushed about this information. “Well here’s something for you and Erwin.” You hand him a package nestled deep in your basket.

“Thanks.” He looks surprised by the gift, but takes it regardless, testing its weight in his hands before looking back to Hange’s closed door. “Go deal with them. Save me some headaches.” Levi leaves you standing at the door, his task of sending you to his problem all done.

You tap your knuckles on the door. No answer.

You knock again. There’s no movement audible from your side of the wooden barrier.

You try knocking once more, “Hange,” You call out. “Love?”

There’s minimal shuffling from the other side of the room, which might as well be wind from an open window, but still no answer. You decide to come in, their door being left unlocked anyway.

You pace in their office, walking towards the small room on the side that housed their tiny bedroom. You’re not surprised by how they look lying on the bed, the no ponytail and no glasses was a rare and welcome sight whenever you were together. What did make your eyes widen ever so slightly though, was the fact that they look like pure and utter shit.

Nestled in their cocoon of a blanket, their mouth positioned into a pout the moment they saw you, and their pleading eyes, just barely open, were slightly red. You guessed that they had a cold of some sort.

“Ohh,” You slide to sit on their bed, hands tucking away the hair that got in front of their face. Still oily. You note down in your head. No baths yet. “Happy birthday, my love. I bought some pastries.” After setting your basket down you hold them gently, and they prop themselves up by the elbow to try and meet you halfway in your greeting.

“I’m sickkk.” Hange says, as if that much isn’t obvious. Their voice is slightly nasal as they mash their face softly on your side. Their arms fly up to hold onto your waist as well. Too cute. Too adorable. And all too ill.

“I knoww,” You coo, “Levi told me you overworked yourself again.”

“I didn’t.” Hange mashes their face even closer to your side. It tickles a tiny bit, but you bear it for their little tantrum. “Oh that shorty…” They mumble.

“Don’t blame him now.” You cup their cheeks, pulling them away from you and looking them in the eyes– their oh, so sweet brown eyes. You sigh, “Maybe you overdid it this time.”

“I didn’t.” They protest for the second time now. Immediately, Hange begins their ramblings, the feverish ones. Their face squishes in your hands in a way that makes them look cuter than usual. “I do that a lot. You know that. You know me. I stay up and do my work! They should be thankful for having me.”

“I do. I do know you. And I’m sure they are thankful for having you.” Your voice pitches up, “But maybe you shouldn’t overwork– you know, the night before your big day.”

“I’m sorry,” Hange looks elsewhere, looking downcast as their face is still in your hands. “We should be out doing cool things…”

“We can still do cool things!”

“Not when I’m sick like this.” Hange plops back onto their bed, laying flat and eyes glued on the ceiling. Their wild hair sprawls out all over.

“Well, I’d keep blaming you and going on about how you should’ve taken better care of yourself knowing you wanted to celebrate your birthday today, but…”

Hange waits for you to continue your sentence, their eyes half-lidded as they do so. It’s not the intended effect, but it makes you feel flushed.

“Buuut I’m not Moblit. It’s also your birthday. Oh, and also, you’re my life partner.”

Hange shuts their eyes as if trying not to let something out. “Ough…”

“Hm?” It’s your turn to prop your elbows down on their bed, kicking your feet up and sharing the rest of the bed with them. You two fit perfectly, and it’s cozy. “What?”

“You’re too sweet.” Hange presses two fingers by the bridge of their nose– the one you love so much. “You’re too sweet. I don’t deser–”

You immediately shut their mouth with a hand. “Hmmm, don’t say that. You’re not allowed to say that.”

Hange mumbles underneath your hand, ‘but it’s true!’

“Even if it’s true, you’re not allowed to say that. Not even on your birthday.” You remove your hand and snuggle closer to them, plopping yourself down so that you’re lying side by side with them on their bed.

Hange looks at you like you’re insane. This only makes you wrap all of your limbs around them, trapping all of their sweetness and their fever in your hold.

“Don’t cuddle me.” Hange sniffs, “You’ll get sick.”

“I don’t care.” You slide your head closer to theirs on the pillow. “If on your birthday is the one day I’ll be sick, so be it.”

To your surprise, Hange chuckles at that, their voice a little hoarse and unclear. “But your job!”

“My job? My love, you have a much more serious job.” You make quick work to kiss their temple, and even in that short act you can feel how warm they still are, “If I can take all the fever out on your birthday so you can go on and do your lovely job the next day, then I will. Let me cuddle you like this.”

You can see Hange pout from your peripheral vision. “But you've proven time and time again that baking is a serious job.” Their hands come up and explain along with their rambling, “All the measurements, and the ingredients and, and…”

“I will not get the side of the town sick and they will not miss my bread very much. I promise you that. Also, I have spares.” Now it’s your turn to chuckle. “You barely have to do anything to prove to me that your job is more serious than mine. Not to mention deadly. Your job is a way higher priority than mine.”

“But the breads…”

“But the humanity,” You chuckle louder this time, prompting Hange to laugh with you, “Seriously, it’ll be fine. It's your birthday after all. Let’s make it special.”

“Okay, how?”

“Oh, uh, I don’t know, actually.” Any plans of a back-up leaves your mind. Seeing as it's been weeks since you last saw and heard and talked to each other, there were no clear indications as to what the two of you actually wanted to do. To add, Hange had a fever. At the moment you feel like an awful partner, but Hange catches on and breaks the silence. They know not to take it personally against you.

“I know,” Hange turns to face you. “Get the papers on my desk, please.”

“What?” You prop yourself up by your elbows, looking down at Hange dejectedly, “You’re gonna work? On your birthday?”

“No,” A mischievous smile plays along Hange’s lips. Even with a fever, they look devilishly handsome, smiling like that while they put a hand underneath their head. It’s truly sickening, and truly unfair. “I’m gonna make you do my work for me. On my birthday.”

Silence captures the room for a moment.

“Okay that sounded awful but I just need you to read out the papers for me because my head and my eyes hurt.”

“Oh.” You get up on your feet in a rush to help Hange with their request.

Returning with the papers in hand (thankfully, there were only 20 or so) you join back Hange on the bed, stretching out your arms and eyeing the paper in front of you.

“Okay, hit me.” Hange says.

“Hit me?” You smile, turning to look at them. They’ve got their eyes closed, and you feel a twinge of guilt. They must really feel awful today. “Where’d you get that expression from?”

“Don’t know. But it makes me sound cool, doesn’t it? Tell me it does.” Hange opens one eye to look at you, and it’s truly insane how you don’t melt on the spot. “Anyway. Give me the headlines, my dove.”

“Right,” You snort at the silliness, the nicknames, the sweetness of it all. “Okay, here we go.”

You read the reports one by one. They included some basic information on some needed supplies, experiments (which intrigued Hange, seeing as they had their brows only slightly furrowed as you read through it), and some exploration plan proposals.

“All done. Now what?” You peek at Hange, who’s just now beginning to open their eyes. “What were you even going to do with all these? I didn’t write anything down for you.”

They suppress a smile, one that signals something stupid is about to come out of their mouth. “I just wanted to hear your voi–” You don’t let them finish as you immediately begin softly hitting them with the stack of papers still in your hand. “Oh– hey!”

“You cheesy… ugh!” Unable to come up with any stupid nicknames, you set aside the papers on a nearby table and get on top of Hange, swaddling them in their blanket and peppering their face with kisses.

“You’ll get sick!” Hange protests, attempting to pull the blanket over them as you relentlessly attack them with your lips.

“I don’t care!” You hold their head steadily as you work your way down their cheeks, their jaw, their neck– a spot that’s specifically burning from their fever. And it’s true that you don’t care. You keep going. With weeks of distance, no fever would pry you away from Hange right now.

“I do!” They chuckle, trying to get away from your grasp and from your lips.

You knew Hange was much stronger than you, but what you didn’t expect was how they dared to use that strength even while battling an ailment. 

Your world is momentarily flipped upside down as Hange takes the upper hand and somehow manages to switch both of your positions– with you now laying on the bed, and your sick lover on top of you.

“I was having fun,” You rant, looking up at them with a smile after being unable to hide your pout.

“And leave no room for me to have my fun, hm?” Hange notices how you keep swatting your hand to keep their hair away, so they make quick work on tying their hair up in a ponytail. Hange sits upright, reaching for a nearby drawer that housed their dozen hair ties.

“What are you doing?” You ask. How couldn’t you? The sight of them tying their hair up while on top of you was intriguing enough.

“Making my life easier for both you and me, why?” Hange smirks, and you know you’ve been caught. “I’m sick, my love. So so sick.” They fake cough to really sell the point. “But not as sick as your mind, apparently.”

“Hange!” You gently hit them on their hip.

“I’m kidding, I’m kidding.” Hange’s smile relentlessly shines through, persisting even in their ill state. “Best I can give you is kisses. Deal?”

“Deal.” You wink at them, “Come eat the treats I made you. I’m sure you haven't had breakfast. And there’s a pack there for Moblit as well, make sure it gets to him.”

“Well aren’t you such a sweetie?” Hange finishes tying their hair. The sight of them on top of you like this, with a full view of their face– without glasses, mind you– is awakening something within you. You try to suppress it for now.

“I also gave one to Levi and Erwin.” Though you suppose you can’t hide it for long, for a whimper came out the moment Hange spoke and moved against you.

“Is that so? Are you sure you came here for me, hm?” Hange teases, burying their heated face to the crook of your neck.

You chuckle. “I’m on your bed, aren’t I?”

“You are.” Hange returns the neck kisses you gave them earlier. “Yes you are.”

You cup their cheeks, wanting to let both of your lips explore each other. Hange lets you. Your hands traveled down and under their shirt. Hange lets you. You found that the heat that emanated from their body not only worried you, but made your core hot as well. It was an unnerving day of discovering things. Hange lets you.

In the early afternoon you took good care of them, helping them with whatever they needed, aiding them in their swaying temperature. The day wasn’t perfect. You both knew that. 

There were snot and tired eyes and fatigued bodies at the end of the day. You spoiled them, spoon feeding them dinner and helping them clean their body. The night wasn’t perfect. You both knew that. 

Birthdays didn’t have to be perfect. At the end of the day, Hange fell asleep first. Their unconscious feels how you pulled the blanket over them, tucking them deep into the night after a fulfilling day. Hange lets you. No words of I love you were said, and they didn’t have to be. 

“Happy birthday, Hange.”