Having read this far into the Spy x Family manga, I'm starting to think that maybe Fiona doesn't really want to be with Twilight? Or maybe she likes the yearning of wanting to be with Twilight, but any time she gets close to the reality of it happening, she goes into Internal Panic Mode™, as evidenced by these scenes:
This makes me think that she's in love with the idea of being with Twilight, but has a meltdown every time it comes close to the real thing.
I also find it ironic that even though Fiona knows about the spy identity behind the Loid Forger persona, she has never been able to access the deeper parts of him, namely [Redacted].
While Fiona was trained under Twilight and has also seen several of his other personas, she places him on so high of a pedestal that she doesn't know much of the "real" him at all. Her "romantic feelings" are more like blind worship than true affection.
Meanwhile, Fiona has witnessed Twilight showing real emotion in playing the role of Loid Forger the Family Man™, something she has never seen in him before:
Moreover, even though Fiona has never seen any part of [Redacted], Yor has.
The one time we see Twilight/Loid sharing a part of his past as [Redacted] was to Yor after their disastrous date. It was there, in a moment of vulnerability, that he related this about his mother.
More importantly, he did it not as a honeytrap ploy or spy tactic, but as a genuine, honest moment of opening up. This memory might have been something that he had repressed for years (if not decades), and instead of making up something related to "Loid Forger", [Redacted] shared a part of his true self.
And think about it: he did this without hesitation. No timer running in his head, no calculations, no cost-benefits analysis. None of that overthinking he does as a spy. Just sharing a tender, heartfelt memory that has stayed with him to this day.
This is something that Fiona has never witnessed, and I think it says a lot that Twilight opened up like this to his "fake-wife-needed-for-a-mission" (and one who had just kicked him in the face, no less) rather than a fellow WISE agent who arguably knows more of the "real" him than Yor does.
Then again, I might be wrong. Fiona might just want something so badly (and wanted it for so long) that the possibility of it coming true is too much for her heart to handle. I mean, I myself have felt this way before (and probably other people have felt this as well) so it's not too much of a stretch to imagine this for a fictional character.
But I guess my main point is that Fiona still holds Twilight to such a high standard that she fails to see the real him. If she were to see the "real" him, would she still feel the same way? Or would it even be possible for her to see the real man behind Twilight? Or will her delusional fantasies still rationalize everything he does as being "perfect" and make her "love" him all the more for his imperfections?
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