Bone Water

If you need to tell me something (like if you dont want me interacting with your posts for whatever reason) please dont be shy to, just please be polite im a fragile little bitch

I like making stuff so I might post about that. I don’t really know what my gender identity is at the moment, but I go by any/all and I don’t care what titles or suffixes you use for me. I’m also a minor so do with that what you will.

At this rate fuck a DNI list if we don’t jive it will come to be. If I list anything here I’ll feel too afraid to stumble outside of my own rules. Just know if you’re like, a decent normal person I probably won’t mind you (I’m usually a lurker anyways teehee)

ALSO!!!!!!!

On one hand, I really want to play a game where I can get that kind of freedom of experience and sort of forge my own path. The idea of a game where I can basically do whatever and figure it all out myself without a singular, set plot line is cool as hell.

The problem is, I’m not well versed on these kinds of games and I think reading any kind of reviews about the ones I could play will make me less inclined to try any of them. On top of that, many of the games I know of have very dedicated and long-term player bases, and I know in spaces like that it can be very overwhelming and challenging for a new player to get any footing, not to mention daunting (at least for me).

Despite that, I still want to play a multiplayer game. In single player games, there’s experiences you can’t get—assistance from well-versed players who can give you pointers or show you around, team ups and rescues from bad situations, trading, and the uniqueness that literally only a separate human being can bring to an already designed world.

It’s like going out by yourself in town. There’s people unrelated to you doing their own things, hanging out with their friends or getting food and running errands, or going to work or heading to a gym to work out. Yeah, there’s unsavory people amongst them, and maybe some of the things you could do while out need multiple people, but there’s a lot you can do by yourself. I want that feeling. I worry that going into a game I’ll be forced into playing with people just to progress at all. Also, I’m kind of broke so I don’t know if maybe the games that are better are out of my typical price range of $0.

I caught something at the last show I went to or something and so I’ve been sick all week and my throat is so fucked I can barely even make my voice work, and my stomach is irritated so I’m afraid to even eat because it seems like everything makes me feel worse. I took a nap cuz i stayed up too late and barely got any sleep, but it just made me feel worse because naps always do that to me. We’re having family dinner but my grandma showed up and I hate eating around her because she grosses me out and has the worst hygiene, not to mention my weird food contamination issues. Not to mention my BIL cooked something with a ton of onions and I don’t have the appetite to eat any of it. My mom keeps asking me if im mad at her because she came to pick me up from my dad’s earlier than she said she would and barely gave me any time to get ready, but i guess it doesnt even matter cuz im not even eating with them anyways.

Summer was supposed to be freeing for me, like some kinda weight off of my shoulders because school fucking ate me alive, but all I can think about is all the shit I’ve got to do and the responsibilities ive set up for myself that i dont want to keep doing for various reasons, even though theres a lot of expectations tied to them. I have feelings for a boy that I’ve already told I couldn’t manage being in a relationship with, and im struggling because i dont think i can be any good in a relationship anyways because the truth is I dont want to put effort in.

I dont want to go to college. I dont want to get a draining, busy job where i have to make shit up and find answers and serve the public and I don’t want the world on my shoulders. I dont want to make big changes. I dont wanna be in the band i joined because it was an impulsive decision and i realized we don’t seem to mesh that well together on my end and I’m awful at communication. I dont wanna get a drivers license because driving scares me and the idea of going to take the test frightens me. I dont want to worry about saving enough money and planning my finances and doing taxes and making millions of dollars. I dont wanna do anything.

I want a mediocre, average life where i make just enough to not worry about shit, where I can go out with friends sometimes or maybe not even have any friends, and I wanna be confident and comfortable online because its the place i grew up and i dont wanna fear people anymore. I dont wanna be scared of adults and other peoples parents and family. I wanna stock shelves or mop floors and do the most basic job that doesnt also include customer service. I dont wanna work outside with the bugs and the heat and shit.

I got into. A new game (not new but my interest is) and I like it. A lot 🌝 i drew fanart already and now i jsut wanna say things about it because i feel lonely

Now that I’m moving and pulling them down off the walls, I figured this was a good time to post about them 😋