part ii: โAM I MAKING YOU FEEL SICK?โ
PLOT: Would you have loved being his?
angst, hurt no comfort, hallucinations
characters: Sebastian Sallow, Ominis Gaunt
authors note: early christmas, story kinda lowkey wrote itself (i was on autopilot mode lmao) 7k words jshsjshsh
Sebastian Sallow had always been a bright boy and he prided himself in that regard.
He wasn't just bright โ he was charming, funny, easy-goingโ the list could go on.
So why? Why in Godricโs name did he do what he did? He might have an answer for that and you might not believe it.
For love. He did it for love.
Love for his sister. For his family. For his friend.
You were two sides of the same coin, really, he knows that you would've done the same thing. Why wouldn't you? You've always put your life on the line, always a step ahead of everyone and always lending a hand. He didn't understand โ why you couldn't this time.
Now, he's carrying you back in the castle, his arms around you protectively. He knew that what happened would reach the castle, he almost wanted to scream at the top of his lungs from anger โ from frustration.
Why does things never go his way? He grit his teeth, by tomorrow morning everyone would know that his Uncle's dead.
He just hoped that Anne could forgive him and that Ominis would too. With this thought in mind, he pulled you closer to him. Everything was too much but at least he had you.
As he neared the castle, he used one of the floo to take him to the Room of Requirement. A sanctuary that you showed him and Ominis โ you'd let them hang-out here, it actually didn't take you a while to show them this place, you were practically buzzing with excitement when you led them here.
He remembers your blinding smile when you stood in front of the stone wall while Ominis asked him if you had lost your mind โ before he could even respond to him, the walls started to move and reveal the entrance.
The room manifested, he stepped in, looking around to see if Deek was in here.
He realized that the house elf was gone. Relief settled in his shoulders, as he adjusted your unconscious form in his arms.
He quickly laid you down on the sofa, carefully placing your head on the pillows. He grabbed hold of the blanket that was hanging off its arm rest and placed it over you.
His eyes caught a glimpse of what he looked like in the mirror that placed itself near one of your tables. He hesitantly approached and took sight of himself.
Emotionally and physically. His freckled face was stained with tears, his eyes had red rims around them and his face had speckles of dirt. His hair was sticking out in different directions, his robes were tattered, his vest had a few burn holes and his dress-shirt had smudges of dirt.
He felt anger bubble up in his chest again, feeling it boil โ that frustration coming back, his hands finding a way to his hair, gripping it tightly letting out a groan. He looked back at the mirror, he wanted to punch it but his eyes settled on your sleeping form in the mirror and his breathing slowed. His anger started to simmer down.
He looked back at your sleeping form, walking over and kneeled down beside you.
His hand came up to move the hair out of your sleeping face. You looked so peaceful that it made his heart ease itself.
He wished you could always be like this.
Peaceful. It seemed as though ever since you stepped foot in this world, nothing was ever peaceful for you. You couldn't even enjoy Hogsmeade the first time he showed you, trolls started attacking. He knows what you're going through, he knows how tired you are and yet he managed to rope you in one of his problems.
It made him sick to his stomach โ he was selfish. So fucking selfish. He was so immersed in his problems that he didn't even see that you were carrying the whole world on your shoulders, you even carried his burden. It made him feel angry again.
He thought about it and he's decided. From now on, he's going to protect you. Heโs willing to do anything โ you just need to ask, you didn't even have to dip your hand in blood because he'd gladly soak his for you.
He'd drown everyone who'd ever do you wrong. He'd watch them struggle beneath his hands, keeping their heads down underwater while you stood by and watched him do so.
No one even deserved to be near you, to be part of your kindness โ so in those moments, where you aren't kind. He relishes it. He encourages it because he knows how tired you are, he knows that deep down there's a part of you that wants to be selfish.
He didn't even deserve you. So what makes the others think that they do? You deserved the world โ deserve everything it has to offer.
Hells none of them even knew what you're going through and yet you let him in, you told him โ because that's how much he mattered to you.
For a moment, he just stared at your sleeping form โ his eyes content, forgetting every sin he's ever committed. He took a hold of your hand, giving it a gentle squeeze before standing up to leave.
He had matters to take care of.
He immediately went to his dormitories, passing through everyone, only giving them a curt nod as a greeting. He made his way to the lavatory, immediately taking off his clothes.
After that, he put on a fresh set of clothes. He rolled his sleeves up and adjusted his tie. He looked down at the robes that he wore earlier.
He picked it up, walking to the nearest floo. He went to the undercroft โ he set his old set of clothes before setting it on fire using confringo, he sat down on the floor as he watched it burn. He wondered what he would do if you ever left this place โ maybe he'd burn the whole school down or maybe he'd burn the whole world.
Deep in thought, he never heard the Undercroft open โ there were footsteps behind him.
โAreโ are you mad?โ Ominis let out a cough, before casting a spell that makes all the smoke disperse. He waved his hand through the air, trying to get all of it to stop reaching his nose.
Ominisโ brows were furrowed in anger, he walked over to where Sebastian was.
โYour sister โ sent me an owl. Told me that she didn't ever want to see you again.โ
Sebastian just sat on the floor, leaning over the walls as he pulled his knees to his chest.
โYou know where she's gone too then?โ He whispered, his voice low and threatening that Ominis almost drew a step back.
โI do, but I gave her my word. We talked, she said you have to pay for your crimes but she isn't willing to do it herself because it would only break her heart more.โ
Sebastian gripped his knees, the thought of going to Azkaban โ of losing his mind, of losing his memory, of losing you. It was enough to make him snap but he kept calm.
โWould you really send me off to Azkaban?โ He drawled out the words, letting it ring in Ominisโ ears. He gripped his wand tightly. He knew Ominis would be torn between sending him off โ he knew that his friend wouldn't have the courage and the heart to do it.
He wasn't going to hurt Ominis. Gods, no. He'd been there for him through thick and thin โ he was his only friend โtill you came along.
However, Ominis' silence made him a bit uneasy, he grinded his teeth together as he watched the blond boy wrack his thoughts together.
Ominis' clenched his jaw, his hazy eyes narrowing before speaking. โI need to talk to her before I can make a decision. She has to be included in this conversation. She witnessed you murder your Uncle Sebastian, she gets the final say.โ
Sebastian felt himself stiffened. You. He was talking about you โ the final decision was on you. โShe doesn't need to make a decision.โ
โShe absolutely does โ I'll send her an owlโโ Before Ominis could leave, Sebastian stepped in front of him. This made the blond boy's eyebrows furrow in confusion.
โShe doesn't need to.โ
โWhat did you do, Sebastian?โ Ominis stepped back from him.
โWhat I had to do.โ He clenched his fists to the sides, his wand at the ready.
Horror took over Ominis' face, his mouth gaping as he shook his head. โTell me you didn't โ Sebastianโโ
Anger was all that Ominis felt. He couldn't believe him โ you, innocent you, who had done nothing but help them to the best of your abilities. You who had nothing but been kind to them both. You who had always put your life on line to find a cure for Anne. You who had given up your time for him and for Sebastian.
You had put your life for them. For Sebastian and he betrays you like this.
Ominis felt bile up his throat โ he held his stomach. Just how far was Sebastian willing to go? He had already charged head first in the Dark Arts โ he used the Cruciatus Curse on you. Bloody hell, he even used the Killing Curse like it was nothing.
He meant all of it. Just how dark was his heart? His mind? Why did he think erasing your memories was the answer?
He didn't even recognize his friend anymore. He didn't want to know how far he's willing to go and how many more he'll kill โ he didn't want to be on the receiving end.
โOminis. Whatever you're thinking, it's not going to work.โ
Ominis quickly cast depulso on Sebastian, knocking him back. He then cast confringo but he heard him deflecting that. He was panicking, he had to let you know โ he had to save you from this.
He blocked Sebastian's attacks โ deflecting and trying to hit him back with his own spells. He heard him cast โImperioโ and he quickly rolled out of the way.
Before he could stand up. He had been stunned, unable to move. He felt Sebastian's steps on the ground, he kneeled in front of Ominis.
โIโm sorry โ but you don't even know half of the things that I'm willing to do for her. For us.โ He sighed out, taking the wand from Ominis.
โI just want a friend, Ominis. Someone who'd be there for me no matter how ugly or dark it gets.โ He continued, his hand fiddling with Ominisโ wand, spinning it between his fingers.
โYou could still be that friend.โ Sebastian held his wand over his temple, pressing on it tightly.
Ominis felt helpless. He couldn't save youโ he couldn't save himself. He's apologizing in his head over and over again to you, from the fate youโll have to endure.
This was the monster you both created.
He felt like crying but he couldn't โ he wouldn't. How did it get this bad? What did you do to deserve this? You were nothing but generous and kind. You didn't deserve this.
You didn't deserve the both of them โ least of all, this hollow and broken boy in front of him. Maybe he could've saved you, he could've saved his friendโ maybe if he had an ounce of courage and more strength, he could've succeeded.
And maybe he could've told you that he loves you โ more than he could ever admit to himself. Maybe he could've stood up to Sebastian.
If he didn't leave you in the Catacombs, would've been different? Could he have saved you from this fate?
โIโm sorry.โ He mouthed, as if the wind would carry the words to you.
Sebastianโs eyebrows were furrowed, he bit the inside of his cheek. โIโm sorry Ominis. It'll be better soon.โ
โObliviate.โ He watched as Ominisโ memories revealed itself to him โ he quickly picked off the ones he didn't want him to remember. For a moment he hesitated, when he saw the memory of him and Anne hugging after she just buried their Uncle. He grit his teeth, squeezing his eyes shut before erasing that as well.
Ominis had passed out, he stared at his friend, patting and searching inside his robes. He felt the paper on one of the pockets, he quickly pulled it out.
Anne's letter. He opened it, eyes scanning every word, drinking in every sentence. She didn't wanna see him โ he'll respect that. Her wishes. He wasn't going to go half-side of the world to find her โ not anymore.
He felt tears streaming down his face. It's the least he could do, right? He had already messed up things beyond repair with her โ but with you and Ominis, he can still change. He can still be the friend that you both need. He bit his lip, trying to stop it from trembling; he let out a scream โ sobbing out as he held the letter tightly in his hand, his forehead glued onto the stone floor of the Undercroft.
He didn't want to lose his sister โ she's the only family he had left, his shoulders shook as he swallowed his cries, he gripped the paper on his hands. He needed her probably more than ever now. She was always the sensible one. Now he didnโt even have a sister anymore, he knew that once heโd go back to Feldcroft, she'd be gone and heโd be unable to take care of her.
He started to apologize to the dark, to the quiet, to the wind.
โIโm sorry โ Iโm sorry, Mโmum, Iโm sorry. Dad- Iโm,โ He hiccuped, his vision blurred from the tears.
โI failed. I failed.โ
Gods, he was sorry โ absolutely sorry, he was pathetic. He knew that. He absolutely knew that but he didn't know how else to be.
He didn't wanna be alone. He never wants to be alone. Losing Anne was a breaking point but losing you and Ominis? It would drive him to madness and maybe it already had.
He wipes off the tears, he picks up Ominisโ wand and puts it back on his friendโs hand. He stood up, letter still in his hand, he folded it neatly and put it in his pocket.
He needed to use Ominis' owl to reply to Anne. But he was tired โ tired of today's events, tired of everything he had done, tired of himself.
He conjured a pillow, he lifted Ominisโ head up placing him on it. He settled down near him, his back leaning on walls, he dropped his head on his trembling hands.
He pushed his hair back, taking a deep breath. He felt the weight grow heavier on his shoulders, his eyes started to droop as exhaustion swallowed him whole.
โSebastian.โ He heard someone say โ it couldnโt be, right?
There it was again. He turned his head, it was dark and cold โ he was alone.
โSebastian.โ He squinted his eyes, that voice, he knew that voice from somewhere, but where? Where is it?
โWhere are you?โ He said in the nothingness. His voice echoed back to him.
โSebastian.โ The voice started to be clearer and less distorted. It's closer, the voice is closer. He could feel warmth somewhere.
It almost felt like home.
โSebastian.โ It was his mother's voice, he couldn't believe himself that he forgot what his mother sounded like. He picked up his pace, leaving the endless void as he reached Feldcroft โ it was livelier, more colorful.
He saw his mother's figure, standing waving him over. He couldn't believe it, he ran faster.
He crashed onto her arms and she hugged him back, tighter. He cried, shoulders shaking as he buried himself on her shoulder.
She smelt like wildflowers and smoke. He felt her stroke his hair, cooing at him.
โYouโre okay, I'm here.โ
โIโm sorry, Iโm sorry, Iโm sorryโโ He hugged her tighter.
His mother pulled away, kneeling down in front of him โ it felt like he was back to being a little boy again. A little boy who needed his mother after scraping his knee.
โWhatever for?โ She asks. He saw his mother's kind eyes and her soft smile.
โI couldn't protect Anne.โ He sniffled, his hands felt quite relatively small when he felt his mother's hand on his.
She wiped away the tears from his freckled cheeks. Her hands felt like it's known patience by how gentle she was, he could feel her callouses from how hard she worked too.
โThatโs alright, dear. You have other friends to protect now, don't you?โ
He thought of Ominis. Of you.
โPromise me that you're going to do everything in your power to protect them.โ
Little Sebastian nodded, sniffling as he wiped away the tears from his eyes with his sleeve.
โGood. It's time to wake up now.โ
โWhat?โ Sebastian felt his world to stir. It felt like the colors in his dream started to melt. He panicked, his hands gripping his mother's hands.
โWake up, Sebastian.โ He heard his mother say, as he felt himself start to cry again.
โSebastian, wake up.โ He frantically opened his eyes, his chest heaved as if he was drowning. He felt his throat close up, he gasped for air โ holding onto his chest.
His eyes met your worried ones.
โHey, heyโ it's just me, breathe.โ You held his trembling shoulders, breathing in and out. You reached out for his hand, placing it on your beating heart.
โBreathe with me, slowly.โ
He squeezed his eyes shut, following your breathing patterns.
In and out. In and out. In and out.
He exhaled through his mouth, his heart matching the same rhythm as yours. He opened his eyes, landing on you then to Ominis who had his brows furrowed in concern.
โAre you ill? Do you want us to take you to the hospital wing?โ You quietly asked.
He still felt out of it โ still heard his mother's voice ringing in the back of his mind.
He stared at you and Ominis.
โProtect them.โ The voice was uglier this time, more feral, more sinister. But it was his mother's request.
You squeezed his hand and suddenly he was aware โ he felt your beating heart and warmth underneath his fingertips and it was enough to ground him.
He felt heat reaching his neck as he pulled his hand away from you. โNo, there's no need for the hospital wing.โ
He cleared his throat, shaking his head as he stared off to the side.
โIt was just a nightmare.โ He dismissively said, as he pushed himself off the ground, dusting off the back of his pants and his dress-shirt.
โAre you certain? Because I refuse to listen to you whining later on at our dormitory.โ
Sebastian let out a dry chuckle, โIโm okay, Ominis.โ
Ominis wasn't convinced, his face still contorted in concern before giving a nod.
โWell, let's be off then. I've got no idea what time it is but Iโm rather starved.โ
โActually, I came here because it is lateโโ
Ominisโ head snapped in your direction. His mouth twitched. โWhat?โ
โItโs uhm โ I think it's past noon?โ
โAnd you didn't think of telling us?โ
You scratched the back of your neck, a bit embarrassed. Sebastian felt bad. He puts a hand on Ominisโ shoulder.
โAlright, enough. It wasn't her fault, it's mine-โ He sighed, Ominis shrugged Sebastian's hand off.
โWhat did we even do, anyway?โ
Ominis felt like there were gaps in his memories, he tried to remember what happened before he slept. You also stood there equally confused, you also had gaps in your memory โ you knew you were doing something important before this, maybe even something dangerous but you couldn't quite put your finger on it.
โWe went out in Hogsmeade yesterday. We roamed around, ate Honeydukes and had a few butterbeer.โ
โReally? It feels like my body's been thrown around with how much everything hurts โ or the sofa was just uncomfortable.โ You mumbled the last part to yourself as you stretched out.
โMaybe if you actually slept in your dormitory, you'd be more comfortable โ actually, why can't you just conjure a bed?โ
โI forget โ plus the sofaโs fine.โ Ominis gave her a look before turning around.
โAgain, we're late and I refuse to use my family privileges to Headmaster Black againโโ He mumbled the last part to himself.
Sebastian almost smiled. Everything was normal, it was back to the way it was. He watched Ominis exit the Undercroft in a hurry before turning his head to look at you.
โShall we then?โ He gave you a boyish smile before motioning for you to lead the way.
โOh, Professor Sharp's gonna have my head.โ You mumbled to yourself, walking out of the Undercroft with Sebastian close behind who snorted at your comment.
School was buzzing. It was quite busy, given the fact that it was also Tuesday. The three of them walked together side by side at the central hall, the chatter quickly quieted down, murmuring to themselves when they walked by.
You looked around, confused. You were used to them whispering on and about but this seemed different. They were all quiet, almost as if they knew something that the three of you didn't.
โAbsolutely ridiculous, haven't they got manners?โ Ominis angrily mumbled to himself. He was a bit crankier this morning which is a bit out of character for him, probably because he's hungry.
โYou didn't have manners the first time you met her. Plus I recall that you called her a try-hard for taking down a troll at Hogsmeade.โ Sebastian snickered at the memory, he saw the tip of the blond boy's ears turn red.
You held back a giggle, โAll in the past but it was a bit odd that he'd mention it every time.โ
Ominis grumbled under his breath as he walked faster and you followed suit, in a fit of giggles as you tried to catch up and apologize to him.
Sebastian slowed, the weight on his shoulders easing for a bit. His mind started to float around and about, after all, everything had just happened yesterday. He felt faint tremors in his hands, he's starting to get paranoid with the whispers. At the corner of his eye, he saw Professor Weasley approaching him. She called out to him.
Everything was loud and quiet all at the same time. His throat bobbed as he heard Professor Weasley's voice โ it suddenly started to distort, her words bleeding out, her voice deepening and suddenly it was Solomon's voice.
โSebastian, what have you done?โ
He grit his teeth, trying to shut it down mentally, everything felt heavy again. It felt like he couldn't breathe again, he could still smell the Inferi's burning flesh, the smell of fire and dampness of that Godforsaken catacombs.
He shut his eyes, trying to block it out. He couldn't โ it's still there, he was still there. He taunted him, he could hear him grumbling, calling him his father's son. He could hear his voice over and over again, telling him that there's nothing he could do for Anne. That he can't save her.
โYou can't save her.โ He opened his eyes, his vision a bit blurry and shaky โ he could see his Uncle standing next to you. His eyes were hollow, face forever etched in a scowl.
โYou can't save her.โ His Uncle's eyes narrowed to you then back to Sebastian.
โYou. Can't. Save. Her.โ
Stop it. Stop it. Stop this. He can save you, he can. He'll protect you, he'll kill for you if that's what it takes. He could feel himself needing air, it hurt โ he felt constricted, suddenly his tie felt a little too tight that he fumbled to loosen it.
โSEBASTIAN.โ You shook him, snapping him out of his daze โ there were tears streaming down his face, he was holding the end of his tie tightly, it was loose on his collar.
He was panting again, he felt like he was starting to lose air โ you saved him again. You had his hand held over your chest again, he didn't even realize he was on the floor and his back pressed tightly on the fountains.
Professor Weasley stood near you, her face etched in worry and pity. She apparently told him the news of his Uncle and he started to drift, to walk away โ he never realized what he was doing earlier. He saw faces of other students, all etched in pity as they whispered to one another. Professor Weasley gave them all a sharp look, it made them shuffle on their feet muttering an apology as they walked away.
โI'm very sorry for your Uncle's passing, Mr. Sallow, you have my condolences.โ Professor Weasley bowed her head down, she looked at you, whose focus was solely on him.
Ominis stood off by the side, letting you handle as you showed him how to breathe properly again.
Sebastian mimicked you, hand pressing to your chest firmly, he felt your heart thrumming beneath his palm. He's fine, you're fine. You were here, you were safe, you were fine. He reminded himself over and over again.
He let out a shaky exhale, crying out as he pulled you into a hug. Heโs trembling, he muffled his cries burying his face on your shoulder, hugging you a bit tighter.
You hugged him back, eyes closed as you stroked his hair, reassuring him. You didn't know how hurt he felt, how Anne felt. You only held him tighter while Professor Weasley gave you two some space.
After a while, he calmed down, sniffling as he slowly pulled away from you. He fully removed his tie, fidgeting with it as he leaned back.
โSorry, that must've been pathetic to see.โ His voice was quiet, almost regretful.
You shook your head, kneeling down beside him. โThatโ that wasn't pathetic Seb. It'sโ you'reโ you're grieving.โ Your hand came up to wipe away tears that streamed down his face.
His jaw ticked. He gripped the green tie on his hand, he leaned onto your touch โ desperate for your warmth.
โSebastian. I'm truly sorry about your Uncle,โ Ominis sat down beside him. He had no idea what to say, he had known Solomon ever since he started to stay at the Sallow house during breaks at first it was a bit uncomfortable โtill it eventually felt natural to do so.
โShould we go visit Anne?โ Sebastian panicked when you pulled your hand away from his face, his fingers gripping his tie.
โNo.โ He immediately answered, making you startled when he suddenly grabbed onto your wrist โ his breathing was frantic, practically chasing air.
โNoโ Please, don't leave me hereโโ He pleaded, trembling again.
โAnneโ Anne'sโ sheโ she probably left, she probably wants space, pleaseโ please just don't leave me here.โ
Ominis turned his head to you, his face scrunched up. He was upset but he knew that Sebastian needed you both, he also knew Anne โ he knew that she would need space.
โOkay, okayโ just please breathe, let's get you something to eat or maybe something to drink.โ You rested your hand on his, patting his knuckles as you gently pulled him up.
He stuck close to you and Ominis, you made your way to the Great Hall โ some students' eyes fell on you three as they whispered to themselves, you held Sebastian's hand while he firmly gripped yours, afraid that if he lets go you'll leave him.
He followed your steps, Ominis followed the two of you from behind when he reached their table he immediately sat down. Sebastian pulled you with him when he sat down, hands still on yours under the table as he tried to chew down his meal.
It was quiet between the three of you. He let the silence fall onto his ears, he listened to the murmurs of other students instead. His heart was still beating rapidly, wondering if anyone knew and how long it would take before they would know.
โDo youโ do you want to go to Feldcroft?โ You suddenly asked, as you took a small bite of your pastry.
He was deep in thought, he didn't want the two of you to be suspicious, he gave a nod. โDo youโ do you want me and Ominis to go with you?โ
He shook his head. โIโllโ I'll be fine, I'll send an owl if Iโ if I want company.โ
You looked at him, eyes unsure but gave him a nod. You gave his hand a gentle squeeze, a small reminder that youโre here with him and youโre not going anywhere. Out of the corner of his eye, he watched Ominis slowly chew on his food.
It was quiet between the three of them. Silence seemed to eat him up alive โ he was going back to Feldcroft after this, he was going to be alone. It's fine, it's fine. Everything's fine.
Sebastian bid his goodbyes to the both of you, embracing you both tightly before he headed to Feldcroft.
He didn't use the floo flames, he used his broom to get there just so he could get his mind off of it. He didn't want to immediately be there, he wanted to take his time โ to take forever just so the dread wouldn't come sooner.
Feldcroft started to be visible โ the churning in his stomach began. He dismounted from his broom, gripping it tightly. He chewed on the side of his cheek, Solomon's grave was beside the house.
โSheโs devastated, she buried your Uncle. Alone.โ
The words rang out through his head, the corners of his eye started to sting as he stared at the grave โ he imagined it. He imagined his sister burying their Uncle โ imagined how she must've kept breaking down, imagined how the only relief she felt was when Ominis hugged her.
He turned his head away, his legs feeling like jelly as he made it inside the house, the door creaked โ the candles weren't lit.
He hesitantly stepped in, placing his broom somewhere. His eyes scanned the whole house, it was empty โ somehow, he had expected that this all just might be a dream. A bad one.
He expected his Uncle would come around the corner, he expected footsteps from upstairs that belonged to his sister.
Nothing. It was quiet. The only thing he heard was the wind blowing from outside. His eyes caught sight of a paper on the table, he walked towards it, he felt his stomach drop when he recognized the handwriting.
Too much has happened. I needed to get away from here for a while.
I will always love you, but I don't think I can forgive you.
Sebastian felt his hand trembling, he draped his fingers over the paper โ tears started flowing down his cheeks. He sank down on the wooden chair, staring at the letter as if it would somehow burn itself.
His tears started to stain the paper, the ink smudging and he panicked. This was the last thing he had left that came from Anne, he didn't want to lose it.
He felt numb all over. He lost everyone. His parents, his sister and his Uncle.
He doesn't have anyone to take care of him.
He just didn't want to be alone. He just didn't want to lose his sister โ he hadn't meant everything to happen, he hadn't meant to kill his Uncle, he was just protecting Anne. Himself. And you.
He pressed the heels of his palms on his eyes, he didn't have any tears left to cry. It was only starting to hurt. It even hurt to breathe like his chest was on fire.
Guilt wouldn't matter now would it? He'd feel it all throughout his life. For what he did to them, to you and to Ominis.
He's going to change, he's going to be better. He has no choice but to be better. He chose this, he made the bed, he might as well lie in it but at least โ he can lay on it with you.
If you ask Sebastian Sallow, why he did what he had to do, he'd say, for love.
Few years have passed since fifth year, he couldn't have imagined himself โ couldn't have imagined that you'd say yes, he couldn't have imagined that the ring on your finger would match his, couldn't have imagined that you're perfect for being Mrs. Sallow.
He occupied the house in Feldcroft, renovated it to be more spacious and better looking. After all, you both wanted children โ at least, in due time. Everything was perfect for him, for you. He changed, for the better. He made himself better, made it sure that he deserved you and gave you the life that you wanted.
Everything was perfect. He wasn't alone. He had you โ he had Ominis, he had a damn good job, he brought food to the table, he had a wonderful wife to come home to. He couldn't ask for more.
But sometimes, most perfect things must come to an end. Even if we don't want it to.
He came home, a smile plastered on his face one night expecting a kiss, a hug and dinner even.
He walks in, expecting warmth but is met with nothing. The fire crackled softly, his eyes scanning the living room before walking in the kitchen โ nothing.
He then went upstairs, footsteps heavy as he expected you to be laying in bed for your naps but you weren't there. He went back down, he was starting to get frantic โ paranoid even.
His eyes then dropped down to a box of letters and ice started to run through his veins.
The same box of letters he hid from you, the same letters that were from Anne โ same letters he told himself he'd burn but he couldn't, they were from his sister. Letters that were meant for you and Ominis and letters that were from the past.
He quickly bent down picking up the letter that was sprawled on the floor โ the same one he had seen on the table when he was fifteen. He crumpled in shoving it back in his pocket, he's trembling, he's panicking, he felt his chest heaving as he ran back upstairs.
He checked your shared closet โ his shoulders slumped, gone. Your clothes were gone, he then moved to the drawers, gone. Under the bed, where you kept trinkets that your friends gave you back in Hogwarts. Gone.
It was gone. You were gone.
The only thing left in the room was the faint scent of your perfume that he watched you spray yourself with this morning. He apparated out of the house, panting as he asked one of your neighbors about your whereabouts, only for them to shrug their shoulders, telling him that they watched you apparate.
It didn't help him. He grew more frustrated, more frantic โ he turned mumbling the word useless underneath his breath.
He then felt the band on his ring finger โ his jaw ticked. He knew how to get to you, he just hoped he wasn't too late, he knew you'd run to Ominis first. But his best friend was halfway across the world, so he tapped into his band.
He embedded a charmed compass in your wedding band โ he told himself it was for your protection. It really was because he had never thought that you'd ever think about running away from him.
He immediately apparated when it showed him where you were. Now he was in an alleyway in muggle London, he stared up at the window you were in, watching you wipe your tears away.
He bit the inside of his cheek, apparating again, behind you this time, his hands immediately dropping to your waist. He felt you freeze, your breath caught in your throat.
โHow much do you remember?โ He whispered, his voice breaking as he gripped his hold on you, making you stay in your place. He wouldn't hurt you โ he'll never hurt you.
He heard you start to cry, trembling underneath his touch. He turned you around, pulling you in close, hugging you.
โLet me goโ let me go-โ He heard you plead, your hands on his chest as you started to hit him. He couldn't let you go โ he wouldn't let you go, he'll never let you go.
โEverythingโ I remember everythingโโ
He felt his stomach churning, he held you close still โ he took the punches on his chest, the hits and then you pushed him away, enough to make him stumble.
He felt heartbroken. Betrayed. It hurt.
You were going to leave him.
You shakingly pointed your wand at him. โYou lied to meโ you liedโโ
โYou were going to leaveโโ His chest heaved, he didn't want to fight you โ he didn't want it to come down to this.
โYou were lying to meโ you kept this from me, you took my memories away-โ You were panting, frantically trying to get all the words out.
โI had toโ He shouted, he watched you flinch - hand gripping your wand tightly.
โYou were going to leave meโ I didn't want to be alone. I needed you that day and you left meโ you ran away from meโ Don't you understand? I was protecting you, I was protecting usโโ He pleaded, his hands shakingly on his chest.
โI love youโ okay? I did it because I love you and I cared for youโ Iโ I did it all for you.โ His lips trembled, he stepped forward and watched as you took a step back โ his heart broke. This all seemed familiar to him, this was the same thing that happened. He knew how this would end.
He felt like he was fifteen again, grasping and holding tightly to you. He felt like he was back at the Catacombs, back at the Undercroft and back at Feldcroft standing over his Uncle's grave. You had the same look on your face, the same fear in your eyes and that same defiant stance.
โYou don'tโ you don't love meโ this- this isn't love, Sebastian.โ Your voice broke at the end, he felt himself getting frustrated, he dragged both of his hands to his face โ the tears onto his eyes starting to spill.
โHow can youโ how can you say that? Are you even listening to me?โ He lets out a shaky exhale.
โHe was going to kill usโ he was going to kill me, he was going to kill Anne and he was going to kill youโ I had no choiceโ I had to protect you, I had toโโ
He grit his teeth, the memory kept flashing in his mind.
โI would've done anythingโ anything you asked me to โ you don't haveโ you don't get to say on how I feel because I knowโ I know that I have loved you ever since you stood by my sideโโ
He inhaled, he saw you still unsure, still trembling, still holding onto that wand.
โThisโ this is love. I have changed, you have changed me โ for betterโ even if the guilt still gnawed at me, I kept going โ for you. I have lied, I erased your memories, I needed a foundationโ because would you have loved me still if I didn't?โ
He stared at you โ he already knew the answer. He already knows that you wouldn't, that you would've gladly left him but he learned, didn't he? He was a changed man, right? He didn't need to do what he had done before.
He watched you swallow the lump in your throat, tears still flowing down your cheeks โ in an instinct he reached out and wiped away your tears and you let him.
His other hand made its way to your face too, wiping the stray tears away โ you were still trembling but you leaned onto his touch anyway, he leaned in close, he felt the tip of your wand on his chest.
โWould you still have me? Despite knowing all of that? Knowing how much blood I soaked my hands in?โ
He asked again, he was at your mercy, you had your wand on his chest and all you had to do was say that little spell he used on his Uncle.
And he'd gladly let you, at least he gets to die in your arms, he gets to die in your presence.
He gets to die being yours.
He felt tears on the pads of his thumb, you sobbed as you pressed the wand on his chest. He wondered if you could feel his heart beating for you, wondered if you knew that even in this moment he still worshiped you.
โBecause I know, I would have loved you still.โ
He felt your wand falling away from his chestโ suddenly he felt himself being pulled, suddenly his lips were crashing onto yours.
He almost groaned when he felt your soft lips against his, your hand on the back of his head to pull him impossibly closer.
Gods, he had done this to her multiple times, he had worshiped her mouth far too many times to count but it still felt like he was in heaven's gates โ he swore he could hear angels singing whenever his lips were on you.
His hands travelled its way down, from your neck down to your waist. He felt you pulling him on the bed, careful not to crush you underneath his weight as you pulled him on top. Slowly be pulled away, breath taken, eyes hungry and lips swollen.
โYes โ I would have loved you still. I would still say yes, if you asked me to be your wife.โ
Her breath mixed with his and he leaned in again. He didn't care if it was a lie, it tasted good on her lips.
He didn't realize โ that she still held her wand and before he knew it he was stunned, he watched you push him off. He tried to fight it off, tried to break free but he couldn't, he helplessly watched you.
Your shoulders shook as you held back your cries. โI wasn'tโ I wasn't lying, I would have loved you still,โ You took a deep breath, โBut you lied to me โ you- I don'tโ I don't want to live my life like thisโ knowing that it was all a lie.โ
He wanted to scream, to reach outโ to tell you that it wasn't โ it wasn't a lie. He loved you, had always loved you and he will always do. The life he built with you, the hard work and effort he put into to give everything you wanted was proof of that.
โAndโ I don't โ I don't want them to live like that.โ You hiccuped, he watched you put your hand over your stomach. He felt dread coursing through him, you were pregnant.
You sniffled, pointing your wand on his forehead.
โIโm sorry but I can'tโโ
You can torture him, you can kill him โ just not this, not this. He was pleading in his mind, tears started to form in the corner of his eyes, he can't lose you, not you.
Now knowing that you're pregnant โ he doesn't want to die but this hurts more. This will hurt him more. He didn't want to forget you or the fact that he's going to be a father. Give him a chance, he wanted to yell out.
He needed to know โ he had to know if your child would have your eyes, the same curve of your smile or your laughter. He had to know, he didn't want to forget those โ he doesn't want to forget you.
But this isn't a storybook that he'd listen to with Anne โ he wasn't a hero, he never was. It was all just make-believe and for a while he's happy with that 'till he's not.
โDo you think we're going to be okay?โ A voice asked โ your voice, younger you, fifteen year old you. He hummed leaning over on the Astronomy Tower, staring up at the stars.
โAs long as you're with me and I'm with you.โ He replied, a cheeky grin plastered on his freckled face as he watched your face heat up โ your eyes crinkled at the corners as you gave him a smile, one that he knows he'd keep close in his heart.
Your eyes, your smile, your laughter โ it all started to drift away and he started to chase it 'till he was grasping at nothing.
Sebastian woke up, chest heaving โ his hand came up to his sweating forehead as he wiped it away.
He rubbed his eyes, he scanned the room he was in โ he was at his house, in his bedroom. There was this weird feeling in his chest, the bed he laid on felt too big, like someone was supposed to be by his side, but who? His mind tried to wrack his brain as he stared at the empty side of his bed.
He checked the clock in his room, he let out an audible curse as he quickly got off the bed, scrambling to get in the bathroom.
After that, he was about to leave the house but stopped โ it felt like he was forgetting something or someone, as he stood by the door, he felt a phantom touch on his cheekโ like lips brushing over it but he shrugged it off, his hand instinctively fiddling with his ring finger.
It felt empty. Like something was supposed to be there, but who knows, maybe it's just him feeling lonely.
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