An entire pork rib? Swallowed whole? By a puppy?

Yknow when you just think of the logistics and you just wonder how on EARTH did you swallow that whole without doing any damage or choking.

4 days ago it ate some paper towels out of the trash.

3 days ago it started having heavy panting and poor appetite.

For my vet med peeps, what do we think is actually wrong with this dog:

It was funny though because one of the vets walked in while we were doing the rads and went "Did you find a splenic tumor?" and when we said no, the response was "hunh. Odd."

I know it is a thing, and I learnt about it super briefly at uni, but I do think it’s likely more of a referral level thing. I’ve never seen it being used in general practice or heard of anyone using it.

Sonic the Hedgehog 2 (Sega Genesis)

Killer Instinct (SNES)

Knights Into Dreams (Sega Saturn)

Me: It looks like they're due for all their core vaccines, would you like to booster those as well today?

Client: Oh, no thank you.

Me(thinking he misheard me): So both dogs are due for their RABIES VACCINE as well as DHLP, another core vaccine for dogs, would you like to have us give those today?

Client: No thanks. We don't really believe in that stuff. Just the rattlesnake vaccine for today.

Me(flabbergasted): So you're declining the rabies, distemper, hepatitis, and leptospirosis vaccines, but you want the rattlesnake vaccine?

Client: Yes, please thank you.

🤯

Make it make sense!!! What the hell!!! It's fucking Monday morning!!!!

Here he is being adorable:

The owner, a human physician, decided that the best thing to do... was take the remains of the splint off and wrap the dog's foot and leg in bubble wrap.

5 vet techs and the vet: WHAT?!

And I sympathise. I understand. Parents are hard, especially when they still think of you as ‘their kid’ and not ‘grown adult with autonomy’. Getting your parent to change their behavior is very difficult.

My two cats have a scoop in their bag of food, and they get one scoop each for dinner. It’s a very simple system: 1 scoop 1 cat. If I notice they’re getting a bit podgy then I make the scoop a bit concave. If they’re looking a bit light, I give them a little extra breakfast. But dinner is always the same, never more than one scoop.

But last night I watch my mother (the very same woman that scolded me for my weight since I was ten) decide to feed the cats for me while I finished washing the dishes.

The cats follow her, mewing pathetically, as she carries the food bag to their bowls. And I watch, as she’s talking to me and making eye contact, while she gives one cat a slightly heaped scoop of food, and then the other.

And then, dear reader, she replaces the scoop into the bag, as though it’s the most natural thing in the world, and proceeds to give each cat an additional handful of food.

I was astounded. I was politely mortified that you just increased the cats’ meals by at least 80%. No wonder they’ve been podgy!

There is a little labrador that comes to my clinic. She weighs 120 pounds. Her back only reaches my *knee* and I'm average height. Her senior owner thinks she only needs to lose about 20 pounds. I looked at him and went "she's the same height my 55 pound lab mix was..."

His response? "Oh, there's no way she could be a 50 pound dog!"

Sir, your dog is at this point wider than she is tall. She is 2.5 dogs in one. She's almost large enough to begin affecting the tides.

When my 45 year old teammate gives me advice on mental health and I know she understands because she’s had a tough adult life.

When my 32 year old friend tells me his life started improving for the first time the year she turned 30.

When the 60 year old man at the soup kitchen gives me permission to grieve by telling me I’m ‘just a baby’ with only gentleness in his voice.

Often these articles, especially the ones for cats and dogs, garner terrible comments from people defending their pets as if the article is an insult or threat. The articles aren't for them though.

They're for me. And people like me.

I would be a terrible pet owner. I dislike extra mess (e.g., food tossed about, shed hair, droppings), hassle (e.g., multiple hours required daily interaction, protecting cords and cables from chewing, daily walks) and additional chores (e.g., litter boxes, vomit clean up, aquarium cleaning).

Occasionally, though, I get this little urge saying Wouldn't it be nice to have something else sentient in your apartment....?

And I'll start browsing adoption websites or small breeder sites or upcoming conventions or shelters or however the pet in question is acquired. I'll read through care instructions, make a budget, and think I could do that...

But then, some tiny part of me, too quiet to be heard over the growing momentum of pet pet pet directs my fingers to hunt for the 'why you shouldn't' articles, because there will be one. There's always inevitably one published on a pet store website, hidden in a forum, shared on reddit, hosted by a veterinarian--someone has compiled all the reasons why the pet is a bad idea.

So I find it. And I read it. And then I toss my budget away. And I close all my related tabs. And I let go of the thought entirely. Crisis averted.