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tw: abuse

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i knew already that the song was probably about his job or at least some parts of it. and it has definitely something to do with the five-more-years contract he signed with syco in 2015. but now listening closely to the lyrics i just realized it talks about an abusive relationship. I did some research, cause not having experienced anything like this firsthand, it’s the least I can do. pretty sure it's a metaphor. cause if it's not i'll throw myself out of a flying plane. but yeah it's clearly an abusive relationship he's talking about.

“ abuse is a pattern of behaviors used to gain or maintain power and control over a person — physical violence is just one example of such behavior. 

emotional abuse involves attempts to frighten, control, or isolate someone.”

'i know you say you know me well, but these days i don't even know myself' ☞  " a form of psychological manipulation: gaslighting. It causes victims to doubt their memories, judgment, and sanity.”

'i always thought i'd be with someone else' pretty self-explanatory. he never thought he would find himself still in this situation. he thought he would be with someone else by now.

'i thought i would own the way i felt’ ☞  “ victims are often made to believe that they cause—and therefore deserve—their own abuse and unhappiness, making the cycle much harder to break.“

the cycle. it’s a cycle -> ‘baby, here we go again’ - ‘I just keep on coming back to you’.

‘I call you but you never even answer, I tell myself I’m done with wicked games’  this is literally what people in a relationship of this kind always tell to themselves, i think. they're like this is the last time, i won’t let it happen again. i won’t let them hurt me again, i will report this to the police or i will talk to my family or friends about this. BUT guess what 'baby here we go again' - 'i just keep on coming back to you' !!! cycle.

‘but then I get so numb with all the laughter, that I forget about the pain’ just think of laughter as loving, as the good moments, the ups of the relationship. when the abuser actually shows love.

'you stress me out, you kill me' he has realized that's not okay, he knows they don't have his best interest in mind, he knows it’s toxic and it's hurting him, damaging him, killing him.

'you drag me down, you fuck me up' they fuck up his mind most probably, not knowing if he loves it or he hates it, not knowing what to think anymore. confused. = ‘i thought i would own the way i felt’ ☞  “After a conflict, an abuser will turn the situation around and make their partner feel guilty or as though they are somehow at fault.”

'but i keep on coming back to you' again, cycle of an unhealthy relationship.

‘we’re on the ground, we’re screaming’ on the ground fighting? I also thought of this as a call to every other artist in the industry who’s maybe dealing with this too and who can’t talk about it if not by screaming it through their music.

'i love it, i hate it, but i cant take it' he can't take it anyway. it doesn’t matter if he loves it or not, he can't take it anymore. it’s getting too much and -> ‘i don't know how to make it stop'

‘I know my friends, they give me bad advice, like move on, get you out my mind’ like move out* maybe? get out of the situation, get out of that toxic relationship/environment? or perhaps he talked about his worries and they didn’t give it the necessary weight? telling him it’s no big deal, to stop stressing, to get over it.

‘but don’t you think I haven’t even tried, you got me cornered and my hands are tied' first guess it is. he tried to move out. he tried to get out of it, but he can’t help it. he’s got his hands tied, he's got no choice. ☞  “ threats: to back victims into a corner (and prevent them from leaving). If your partner is threatening you in any way, you may feel like you're in danger. can include blackmail, threats of physical harm or other intimidating remarks.”

'you got me so addicted to the drama/cause i know i'm addicted to your drama' ☞  “ addiction is an inability to stop using a substance or engaging in a behavior even though it is causing psychological and physical harm.” in this case, addicted to an unhealthy relationship, ‘cause abusive relationships can be addictive, sometimes without the person even realizing it. you’re in love with this person and then they start hurting you and showering you with love and attention again afterwards like nothing happened. ☞ “ having a toxic love addiction to abusive relationships occurs when you crave love from your abuser” - “A lot of people in abusive relationships stay in them because they love their partner and think that things will change.” ☞  “ It can be hard for others to understand why someone stays with an abusive partner. It's often because of something called "trauma bonding”. trauma bonding occurs when a person experiencing abuse develops an unhealthy attachment to their abuser. This has some biological underpinnings - their nervous system registers their initial attachments as “the norm” and they become biologically addicted to this type of attachment.”

'i guess you'll never know, all the bullshit that you put me through' two takes: ・he's maybe talking to two different "listeners" here: 'i guess you'll never know' -> the you in question might be the fans or the general public, anyone really. if we're following the abusive relationship thread, it can be anyone outside the relationship. people who don't know what's going on behind the scenes, not all of it at least. 'all the bullshit that you put me through' -> all the bullshit that they put him through. what they did to him, what he's been through, what was going on, what happened. or… ・you is actually the same, and the abuser won’t ever know all of what they actually did to him (psychological damage).

'you can cut me up and kiss me harder' that's what an abuser does. they hit you, they hurt you, they say mean things and then they'll make it up to you and apologize and kiss you better. ☞ “ after every abusive incident comes a make-up honeymoon phase. often when an abusive situation happens, it is followed by the abuser doing something nice or apologizing and promising that they will never do it again. this makes their partner minimize the original abusive behavior.”

'you can be the pill to ease the pain' they can be both, just like 'cut me up and kiss me harder' and 'i love it, i hate it’, it’s an addiction. good? bad? both? or maybe the you here represents someone else entirely like the fans/music = the better part of the his job.

here’s louis talking about back to you specifying it’s not about his romantic relationship and describing the song as “most extreme of that kind of environment/relationship” and saying “i would never describe my partner as that person in that relationship, cause that relationship is very very intense. and maybe they’re not right for each other, maybe they are. and that surely is not the case with my relationship”