Loukas

Before anyone asks—nope, that's not Len! He's RUMOURZ's fluffy little guy... he just radiates strong banana energy (⁠｡⁠･⁠ω⁠･⁠｡⁠)⁠ﾉ jagsjfj

There are things that don't hurt, yet still make you cry when you get home.

Not because they went wrong.

But because they make you realize how long you've been surviving without them.

Recently, I came across a kind of gentleness that my mind had almost forgotten even existed.

And it felt strange.

Not because of the closeness itself, but because my first reaction wasn't happiness.

It was trying to understand it.

To look for an explanation.

To wonder if I was doing something wrong.

To ask myself why something so simple could feel so impossible.

I think that, when you've spent too long feeling hurt, you begin to assume that every act of kindness comes with a hidden price.

That sooner or later, you'll discover the feeling of safety was only something you imagined.

Then someone comes along who simply meets your presence with calm.

And your mind doesn't know what to do with it.

One part of you wants to relax.

The other keeps whispering,

"Don't get used to this.."

I realized I hadn't forgotten how to receive affection.

I'd forgotten what it feels like when it isn't accompanied by fear.

That was the part that unraveled me the most.

The ease of it.

That feeling that, for just a moment, I didn't have to prove anything, justify anything, or hide the most broken parts of myself just to deserve a little warmth.

I still don't know where to keep that memory.

I don't know if it was just a small moment, or one of those quiet moments that change something inside you without making a sound.

All I know is that ever since then, I haven't been able to stop thinking about one idea that breaks my heart.

Maybe it wasn't affection that I missed.

Maybe what I missed was remembering that there are still people capable of treating another human being with a kind of tenderness that expects nothing in return.

And that hurts.

Because I didn't realize how desperately I needed to believe that was still possible....

(It might be a drawing of my selfship, but the text isn't about them. I just reused the artwork because something like that actually happened to me in real life with someone I never expected.

15 years of accompanying the beginning of my life.

At some point, I will leave, I will die, and I will be forgotten.

And you will still be there, eternal, radiant, perfect...

I will never forget the first time I met you.

I was 8 years old back then; I was amazed to see something so modern and new, a non-human voice capable of conveying so much emotion.

I began to be fascinated by you, to think about you, draw you, love you.

You were always there, and I never grew tired of listening to you.

I didn't have a good life when I was a child, but thanks to you, I could smile, I could live.

You truly saved me many times. You gave me reasons to keep living.. whether it was a new cover, a new voicebank, a new fanart, new merch, or simply staying alive to keep seeing and hearing what already existed.

My whole life revolves around your existence.

It’s not just a simple obsession... it’s a hyperfixation that has kept me alive all this time and helped me cope with the chaotic life I have.

You became my refuge at a very young age, and even now, you continue to be an incredibly important source of emotional support for me.

I won’t say I’m the person who loves you the most. I never liked that idea in general.

I love that I’m not the only one who feels this way about you and finds comfort in your existence.

The fact that you are so open to interpretation is what I adore most about you. There are no creative limits, and as an artist, I truly love with all my soul how perfect you are for becoming anything you can be.

And after these 15 years, I am so proud to say that I loved you from the very first moment, that I held onto you during my hardest times, that I got to be a happy child, a happy teenager, and now a happy adult because you are in my life...

And even if I no longer want to live, I feel at peace knowing that I was a very tiny part of you. My art lives within you, just like the art of so many others... and you will keep alive the people who love you.