𝐋𝐄𝐌𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐃𝐄 🍋

i'm already having a really hard time here not making fun of you comparing yourself to a rotisserie chicken and you want me to keep restraining myself for the rest of this conversation ? remind me why we're friends again ? because can i be honest here, for a second ? you're a brit, guapo. you're just not build for the heat. any advice i might have, it won't work for you anyway. no offense. you've got many other good qualities, i'm sure. and by the way, i'm working my ass off in between those beach moments, okay. it's called balance.

oi, don't be kicking me when i'm already down. that's not very nice of ya, love. when it's a gazillion degrees out, who doesn't feel like a rotisserie chicken?? genuinely roasting and there ain't no way people enjoy this. we're friends because i'm charming, handsome and you like me, simple as. fucking hell, i'm sure that's not it. there's Brits that can handle heat. there has to be, we're an island nation after all. course you are, love. the busiest bee i know. where are ya working yer arse off then? when are we celebrating Spain celebrating the cup then?

louis willam tomlinson!!!! I believe you owe me an explanation….don't you agree? why has it been so fucking long since we have last hung out with one another? we used to be pretty tight..didn't we? or was that some kind of a fever fucking dream, that I had? anyway yeah I full named you, wanted to see if it grabbed your attention at all. || @louiswilliamxo

you bringing out the government name, i see. always makes me feel like i'm in trouble. i've been touring on the other side of the globe, miss edwards. can't be in two places at once, now can i? know what you mean though, it really has been bloody ages. adult lives, innit? kids, jobs and all that. just mental. when i'm back in the UK, let's have dinner or something. can't have you full naming me again, feels proper odd. how've you been, love?

this might be the most important question you'll get all week. you're handed the aux on a three-hour drive. are you trying to introduce everyone to something new, or are you shamelessly putting on the songs you know everyone will end up singing along to? @louiswilliamxo

mate, you know i'll be playing Oasis and Arctic Monkeys the entire time. i'm nothing if not consistent and there's just some things you never get tired of. who could possibly have a bad time while singing along to Wonderwall? exactly right, no one. you can't be putting anything too experimental on though, since they can't be escaping in the middle of it.

why does everyone drive like it's their first day on earth? it feels like the entire world is always against me when i'm driving, and before anyone says anything— i'm a safe driver ever, i promise. the funniest part is that i passed the test on first try, and somehow i have a record of almost getting into accidents despite being careful. to sum it up, i need a chauffeur or a designed carpool buddy. perks are that i'm a good listener, top tier music, and the biggest perk is me! it's a win-win for everyone. @limelightblvdstarters

if you're driving around in LA, i'm afraid everyone is just bloody nuts there. i'm in fear of me life every time i get behind the wheel of a car, and i say that as someone who regularly drives in London. i have no doubt why so many people use delivery services, i reckon they do that to avoid having to leave their house. chances are most of the accidents you'd be getting into are not even your fault. i vote you get a chauffeur, since that seems like the safest option. i'm a finnicky person to carpool with to be fair, since i gotta always have me music on. i'm real particular about what i listen to and i'm too bloody old to be changing.