i dream about gay men

someone: don’t be stressed

me: 

Liam is super buff so he’s probably most dangerous so an experienced scrapper should take him on in a good clean fight. I’ve heard he’s scared of spoons tho? Bring spoons if you have to fight dirty

Zayn is probably decent at fighting but most of his skills come from the fact that his face stuns opponents, so someone really short and below eye level should fight him (this also prevents his opponent from easily harming his face)

Louis can’t fight. I can tell just by looking at him. He looks like the guy who hides under the bar during the bar fight, and then pops up behind random opponents to comically smash bottles over their heads. Also his butt is too shapely in proportion to the rest of his body. That’s not the butt of a fighter 

Niall looks sweet and charming but he’s also Irish, and that means he loves to brawl probably, but he’d also be good-natured about it and you could probably laugh and get a drink with him afterwards (perfect for me)

Random mundane: What is Malec?

Me: