haunted

richard siken quote. you know the one

Am I going to mourn how I will never love anyone like I love you ever again forever? Because whenever that realization weighs on me, it devastates me. All that love, and oh my god there’s so much love, I didn’t even know it was possible to love someone like that and that much. But even the idea, just the thought of giving it to someone else feels like betraying my soul. My heart, my soul, my body and my mind, all of me belongs to you and no matter how much I try, I’ll never be able to give myself the permission to love another like I love you. Loving you is scared, at this point in my life it feels like the only religion I’ve known. It feels like I won’t be true to myself if I even dared to think to love someone let alone loving them as much as you.

What hurts is that he was capable of love. Of caring. Of kindness. But I wasn’t good enough or worthy for him or that love.