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The fact the first thing Steve did after the first few seconds of shock when Robin came out to him was make her laugh warms my heart every time.
Ppl love to feel bad for him in that scene but his first instinct was to make Robin feel better. He knew it was a big deal for her and saying he was okay with it wasn't going to be enough so instead he decided to just go back to being silly. To show her nothing changed between them. Immediately putting his feelings aside and tease her instead. Actions speak louder than words and this scene is a big show of that.
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Summary: You’ve grown weary of your virtue, and, unfortunately for Eddie, you’ve hatched a plan to lose it to a stranger tonight. But why are you telling him this if not to extend an open invitation to foil your plans?
Word Count: 15.9k
Warnings: 18+ MDNI, smut, angst, fluff, PiV unprotected sex, condom removal during sex, loss of virginity, virginity talk and shame around still having it, lots of yearning, teasing, cream pie, fingering, oral sex (fem rec), nicknames (sweetheart, sweets, pretty girl, etc.), dirty talk, arguing, best friends to lovers, jealousy, possessiveness, mention of vomit (not R or E), bad first time (not R), mention of a hypothetical junk-punch, one instance of R described to have breasts with a little weight to them, if I missed anything lmk!
Song Rec: Pavlov’s Bell by Aimee Mann
A/N: I herald his beginning. I herald your end. I herald…experienced!eddie. It’s been a while since I’ve posted a oneshot, and I tried something new with how I wrote this, so pls lemme know how you guys feel about it <33333 Born from this ask!
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“So, what do you think?” you eagerly ask.
Eddie’s sitting across from you in the small metal chair, his fingers threaded as they rest on the laminated wooden table in his trailer. His expression is still—frozen. He’s not too sure what to make of your plan.
Honestly, he’s waiting for you to laugh and tell him it was just a joke. A very unfunny, crass joke.
But you don’t, and after what feels like an eternity, he manages a response.
“That is the worst fucking idea I’ve ever heard, sweetheart, and I listen to every single one of Gareth’s ‘million-dollar-cashgrabs.’”
He shakes his head with careful subtlty—like any sudden movement will scare you into actually committing to this plan.
Disbelief clouds his features, heavy and foreboding like the sky before a summer squall—
The nerve. The gumption. The audacity so potent on such an unassuming young woman.
You want to lose your virginity to a stranger and you’re, what, warning him first?
It’s like you want him to disrupt your plans.
He watches you roll your eyes, all pursed lips and impudence.
“Oh, seriously?” you sass. “Calm down. It’s really not that big of a deal.”
Eddie practically chokes on his scoff, and the strangled sound ripples over your body, drawing out the look he knows well. Annoyance—it forces you to sit up straight.
You squirm in your seat for a moment, like a million tiny ants are marching up your spine, dancing over the tension in your shoulders. And he knows…the argument is imminent, but not before he speaks his piece—
“Not that big of a deal? Sweetheart, stubbing your toe is not that big of a deal. Forgetting to check the mail is not that big of a deal,” his voice raises as he gestures wildly, feeling like a Bible Belt preacher wailing about temptation of the flesh. “Losing your virginity? To a stranger? That’s a pretty big-fuckin’-deal!”
Again, you roll your eyes—blatantly disregarding the way his head cocks and his own eyes narrow in warning. He hates when you do that. When you brush him off so easily, like he’s dust on your pristine shoulder—
A quiet chuckle leaves your lips as you avert your gaze, suddenly finding the speckled laminate far more interesting.
Like a puppy hearing an unfamiliar noise, Eddie’s head cocks back the other way, trying to figure out what exactly he said that has you laughing. Usually he loves the sound, but he doesn’t like the tone of this one. There’s something deeply derisive buried beneath the nonchalant surface.
“I’m sorry, I must’ve missed the joke there, sweets. Care to clue me in?” he rasps, goading you.
A jeering smirk pulls at your lips, like you’re finding his simmering temper and deepening voice increasingly amusing.
After another soft huff—a sound that could almost be mistaken for a scoff—you level him with a penetrating look, your smirk slowly splitting into an incredulous grin.
“Sorry,” you start, but a chuckle bubbles up your throat, catching on the clearly insincere apology. “Sorry, I just find this whole thing very funny.”
Eddie sucks his teeth as he watches you shrug dismissively—no longer backing down, no longer avoiding his darkening gaze. He lets your words sit in the air, hoping their stuffy bitterness will suffocate you into surrender, but instead, they seem to brandish your skin like armor.
And just like that, out comes your most dangerous weapon: your self-satisfaction.
From all his years with you, he knows, when your complacency reaches an all-time high, there’s almost no way to change your mind. You’ve already doubled down once, and you’re about to batten down the hatches. Because more than anything, he knows you hate being wrong and hate it even more when you’re told you’re wrong.
And through festering nerves and itchy discomfort, Eddie realizes he just shot your idea down and danced on its grave.
Of course, he wouldn’t have had such a strong reaction if it weren’t such a sensitive topic. But you don’t know that. All you’ve heard so far is you’re wrong, and I know more than you.
It’s moments like these where Eddie curses his motormouth—his almost comical inability to shut up, or, god forbid, consider what he means before he opens his trap. And until he finally learns his lesson, he figures he’s doomed to live with his foot in his mouth for all eternity.
With you shifting in your seat, and time ticking against him, he knows this bomb is going to need an extra delicate defusal. But he’s not certain he can remain level-headed about this subject matter.
Not when it’s you.
Not when damned images of a faceless man caressing you plays in technicolor through his mind. Because sometime ago, somewhere along the night drives and the lazy days, his wires got crossed. And now those wires are sparking, threatening to burn him through and through.
Maybe you’re not the bomb, after all.
“Oh, you find it funny, do you?” he questions, nodding his head.
“Well, yeah. You’re sitting here trying to tell me that, what, losing your virginity is supposed to be special?” you mockingly ask, your features alight with mirth. It’s like you’re a bloodhound catching a scent—the scent of sweet, sweet hypocrisy.
Eddie opens his mouth to answer your rhetorical question, because…yes.
For you?
Yes, it should be special—
“You know what? I want you to go look in a mirror and say what you just said to me, and see if you don’t laugh too.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” he argues, jerking his head back. Your words might as well have physically manifested themselves into a slap because that’s how they feel, acidic and seeping into his skin with a sting.
“Please! You remember telling me about your first time? You came to school the next day bragging to me and the Hellfire guys about hooking up with some older chick in the bathroom at the Hideout! Remember that? You wore it like a badge of honor!”
He had taken you in as a freshman, just like he did every lost soul. Battling off the stifling monotony of high school together, it was no surprise you developed a crush on him. He was—is—so sweet. So funny. So unlike anyone you had ever met.
He would play the fool just to make you laugh, but he’d defend your honor in an instant. Your very own protection against the venomous cheerleaders and mouth-breathing jocks.
When he would get himself going about something or other, marching along the tops of the lunch tables, it was like staring straight into the sun. You bloomed under his gleaming rays, flowering and reaching toward his warmth with every wild grin, every silly headshake, every teasing joke.
He was addicting, and you would come bounding into lunch every day itching for a fix.
Then you were a sophomore and Eddie was a senior—for the first time.
One day, he came in with a new story to tell, and no amount of sunshine could restore your wilting leaves, your shriveling flowers. No amount of water could satisfy the buds that never got to grow and now never would—
Every prideful sentence—every dirty detail boasting the changed man he had become—acted like a rain of pesticide on your delicate ecosystem.
It was a level of desecration you couldn’t undo if you wanted to.
And you weren’t sure you were even strong enough to try.
Because it became clear that day, he wasn’t yours. He wouldn’t be yours.
You couldn’t see him the same after that. The chemicals contaminated the image, degrading and defacing the likeness.
He wasn’t the man you used to dream about every night.
He didn’t look like he once had—so soft, so sweet. A man able to rot your teeth right out of your skull if you allowed him the honor.
A man so saccharine and delicate, like candy floss.
But maybe it was the image of him that was delicate—not truly him.
After all, your tears melted the wisps pretty easily.
All that was left was piles of sugar—too wet for consumption, and not in the right form—and a crash unrivaled by any confectionery you’d ever had.
White, hot anger seeps from every pore in Eddie’s skin, replaced by the shocking chill of a memory he’s tried very hard to forget.
He feels like throwing up—
This. This, right here, is why he’s vehemently opposing your plan. This feeling constricting his chest, like not enough fresh air in the world could inflate his lungs—
He thought the experience was cool at first. He thought he was being totally “metal.”
But he was just being used.
The woman never asked his name, and when he tried to talk to her, she crudely told him to focus less on talking and more on fucking. It was a mortifying experience. He almost wasn’t able to finish from the sheer embarrassment of it all, but eighteen year old hormones were a thing to behold.
And despite what he would have everyone around him believe, he still cared way too much about what people thought of him. So he strutted into lunch the next day, hopping up on his soapbox to spread the good word of his monumental conquest. High from the excitement of the boys, he embellished most of the story.
And now, here you are, sitting in front of him, smug as can be, thinking you’re proving your point with his own hypocrisy.
But he’s not a hypocrite.
He’s just a liar.
He has lied to you about a lot of things and, funnily enough, all those things seem to be crawling out of their grassy graves, hungry to take a chunk out of him.
Because as much as you may think you’ve cornered him with a “gotcha” moment, your reminder of his past transgressions only makes him all the more passionate about how you should spend your first time.
He can’t let you feel how he felt.
Not you.
You deserve better than empty touches and unfeeling words.
“You wore it like a badge of honor!”
Your voice echoing in his mind has a sentiment never meant to be revealed tumbling past his lips with frightening ease—
“Yeah, and I lied!”
Slowly, your self-satisfied smile falls off your face. Confusion overtakes your confidence.
Capitalizing on your stunned silence, Eddie continues—
“That first time was fucking awful! I felt like shit. I only acted like it was good because I thought that’s what I was supposed to do…. Because I was stupid and young.” He utters the words with disdain, mortification and frustration mixing low in his gut until he feels more flammable than ever.
“It wasn’t good,” he repeats, a frown etched tightly into his features. “It just made me feel…empty.”
Your silence weighs heavy on his shoulders; selfishly, he steals a glance at you, at the crease in your brows and the way you seem to be reflecting. He can almost see you reliving that day in your head, searching for any twitch of an eye, any too-quick-to-fall smiles.
But he’s a good liar. Always has been. Even when it comes to you.
The idle hum of electricity coursing into the yellow bulb above him acts as the soundtrack to your response.
“Well, I don’t plan on doing it in the Hideout bathroom, so I think we’re good there,” you shrug.
Eddie purses his lips; he knows it’s deliberate. What you’re doing, it’s purposeful, and you’re doing it to piss him off. Because you’re pissed off.
Your eyes narrow at his, challenging him in the silence of the trailer.
A huff of air escapes through flared nostrils—he’s refraining.
But you’re killing him.
Sometimes you can be so difficult, but he wouldn’t stick around if he wasn’t addicted to the agony of trying to figure you out.
That’s half the fun of every conversation he’s had with you.
You push his buttons more than any woman he’s ever met, but you’ve twisted him up so bad, the only time he feels normal is when you’re looking at him. Doesn’t matter if it’s with anger or fondness or humor.
You’re a paradox he can’t sort out because you’ve made him like this—wires crossed and incendiary feelings—but you also have a way of fixing him. Though, it’s usually just to mangle him all over again.
And he’d like to be your only victim. He’d like to burn in only your pyre, if given the chance.
If given the chance.
If given the chance, he’d like to put a stop to this. And with the quasi-warning you’ve granted him, he feels this is as good a time as any to poke as many holes in your plan as he can—
“What’s the rush? Why now?”
He can see in your eyes, you’re taken aback by his question as your challenging gaze turns suspicious. “What do you mean, ‘Why now?’ Because I want to, that’s why.”
Your argument is slipping; petulance curls off you in plumes as thick as smoke. And the scent is sweet to him.
Eddie settles back in his chair, sliding his hips down—looking the epitome of leisure and apathy, he hopes. Though, unable to fully transform while walking the repressive tightrope, his left hand fiddles with the rings on his right—a nervous tick he hopes you’re too annoyed to notice.
“Well, yeah, but why not yesterday? Why not a month from now?” He shrugs, feeling flinty resentment sharpen his edges as he continues the onslaught of questions, now bordering on antagonistic. “Why not prom night a few years ago? Isn’t that where all the girls go to lose it? You went, you had a date. You could’ve.”
Your eye twitches.
“Because I didn’t want to, jackass. I’m ready now. I want to now…”
Instead of responding, Eddie just raises his brows, feeling unimpressed. Your words sit in the air, floating in between you both as they grow stale.
The soft whistle of the A/C unit and the ticking of the old clock on the wall make him feel like he’s trapped in this liminal space where conversations never truly end because nobody’s point ever actually gets made. Like he’s just meant to sit here, staring at you, both waiting for the other shoe to drop, but nothing comes. Because that’s not how the game is played.
Unfettered, Eddie continues to look at you, as though you’re something to be watched—consumed. A separate entity he can’t touch, but he can play the part of an onlooker, waiting for disaster to hit.
You squirm and shuffle in your seat. He observes. Waits. Gives you the space to tell on yourself because he knows you’re not strong enough to resist it.
Your eyes sporadically flit from his to random places in the trailer as you avoid his patient gaze.
After a few seconds, it appears the opened cereal box and empty beer cans across the room become a bore to you.
Slowly, your far-out gaze drops down the kitchen counter, landing on the floor, sliding to the side, and back up the table until it rests on his joined hands, fingers threaded, rings bulky and glinting in the dull glow of the humming bulb.
He sees the exact moment you buckle under his unyielding attention—the moment you give up. Your shoulders deflate the smallest amount, free of tension and low from submission. Your chest collapses under the expression of a deep, silent sigh.
“I’m tired of being a virgin,” you mutter, shame darkening every syllable. “I just want it over with, I don’t care anymore.”
Eddie purses his lips again, nodding, because he understands the feeling. He remembers the pressure. “And you don’t wanna wait to lose it to someone you love?”
You don’t respond. Don’t look at him. All you do is laugh. Just a quiet, humorless chuckle. A few notes of melody that tell him you’ve got a well of emotions, thoughts, and opinions on the subject that you’ll have to spare him for time’s sake.
But Eddie’s not in the business of letting you off easy. As much as you can be difficult sometimes, he can be far worse.
He can talk, and talk, and talk for hours. Stall forever if he needs to.
Suddenly, he sits up, hunching his shoulders forward, determined. “I think you should wait…. For someone you love,” he implores.
You roll your eyes again, as though he’s spinning you an opulent fantasy and swearing it’s true.
He crosses his arms, mirroring your own movement—
“Thank you for your input, I’ll take it into consideration.” You shoot him an insincere smile before looking up at the ceiling of the trailer, as if thinking, only to return your gaze to him seconds later. “Okay. I’ve considered it. And I’m choosing to ignore it.”
Eddie bristles, sucking in a quick breath to bolster his impending rebuttal, but you don’t even let him—
“I don’t know if you've noticed, Eddie, but there’s a distinct lack of guys lining down the block, waiting to woo me. And that’s fine, it’s whatever,” you shrug, shaking your head like you couldn’t be less bothered. “I can’t make someone love me. But this, I can control…”
You snort, mordacious words spewing from your perfect lips. “One thing I know about men is they may not be quick to love, but they’re certainly easy to seduce.”
Eddie shifts angrily in his seat. Not quick to love?
As if that could be true. Who in their right mind—
Part of him wants to yell at any guy who’s ever rejected you, but the other part—the dark, untamable ego—wants to jump up in celebration, in smug satisfaction that he’s not having to duel for your devotion.
But he doesn’t do either because love is awful.
It’s like staring into a mirror and all his worst flaws are staring back.
Right now, his selfishness is glaring at him, and yet, he can’t seem to care. That’s the worst part.
He should be good. He should be better for you. Should want to be better for you. It’s what you deserve. But you’ve done something irreversible to him.
And love is fickle.
Because, unfortunately, he can relate to you on one thing—the woes of not being able to make someone love you.
The pain of wanting it and not getting it.
If he could….
If he could get it…
If he could make someone love him—if it were possible—he wouldn’t be stuck here listening to you plot how you’re going to lose your virginity to some guy. Instead, he’d be half-way to the bedroom by now, your hand in his, and a million sweet kisses waiting for you.
But love is fickle.
“Okay, fine. Yeah, guys are easy, but you can’t lose it to a stranger. That’s probably the worst way to go about it,” he complains, regarding you with almost-pleading eyes.
You pause for a moment, your eyes narrow at the earnest display of caution on his face. But then you must remember this is the face of a liar, because—
“I mean…people hook up with people all the time. Some even after they’ve just met at a bar,” you pointedly argue, pinning Eddie to the spot with a time-hardened gaze.
His lip curls as he regrets ever opening his mouth that day in ‘84.
If he had known it would give you the perfect shield, allowing every argument he lobs at you to bounce off and hit him square in the chest, he would have never said a word. In fact, he has half a mind to create time travel just to go back and kick eighteen year old Eddie’s ass—
“And besides, I’m not doing it with a stranger. I was thinking of asking Jimmy Royston,” you shrug, focusing on the chipped nail polish you can’t seem to stop picking at. “I sat next to him in Chemistry, like, all of junior year.”
For the first time in what feels like forever—well, at least since you told him your plans for later—Eddie laughs. A boisterous, belly laugh that echoes around the trailer, the sound bouncing off the smoke-stained wallpaper and hitting every surface in sight.
Too busy wiping tears from his eyes, Eddie misses the way your face sours, your lips curling into a dangerous sneer.
He starts a few sentences that immediately devolve into gibberish and giggles when he pictures you and Jimmy Royston so much as speaking. God, his stomach hurts— He always did sat you were the funnier one out of you and him.
A terse ahem draws his attention back, and he tries to stop his body from shaking with heaving laughter.
“Oh, sorry. Phew! I needed that, I needed that.” He wipes some escaped tears off his cheeks. “Ohh, thank you, sweetheart, that was very funny. Thank you,” he says with a breathless grin, smoothing his shirt and rubbing his sore abdomen.
Staring at him with a heavy brow, your expression remains still—
When your facade doesn’t crack—when you don’t smirk and revel in how hard you made him break, like you usually do—Eddie’s smile drops off his face, replaced by unabashed incredulity.
You’re serious. You truly mean to tell him…Jimmy Royston is your man of choice? The guy who vomited all over himself in ninth grade when he had to dissect a frog in biology is the one you want to lose your virginity to? Jimmy ‘Puke-y’ Royston?
What’s more, your choice is based on a year of being lab partners? Really? Eddie has known you since freshman year—known of you since elementary school—and you’re choosing an acquaintance over him?
Not even an acquaintance—an obligatory desk-mate. How romantic. Touching, really—
He can’t help but imagine how that conversation would go. “Hey, Jimmy, remember me from Chem? Stoichiometry, am I right? That shit sucked. Anyway, do you wanna fuck me?”
All of a sudden, he starts considering whether he could win in a fight against the short, slim guy.
Who knows? It may come to that if he fucks this up and fails to convince you never to leave his trailer—especially not for Jimmy Royston.
“Sorry, you wanna have your first time with your eleventh grade chem partner? Are you out of your goddamn mind?” Eddie wails, a crazed, bemused look in his eyes as he leans forward over the table that separates you two.
You groan loudly, rolling your eyes so hard your head lolls back. “Oh, what now? You don’t want it to be a stranger, I said it’s not gonna be. Now you don’t want it to be someone I know? Seriously, Eddie, you’re grasping at straws here.”
“Someone you know? Jimmy is someone you know?” he scoffs, his brows lift so high they disappear into the messy curls of his bangs.
When you don’t say anything else, only pursing your lips and avoiding his fiery gaze, he nods fervently, his frizzy locks swaying softly with the movement.
“Yeah, well, of course. You guys go way back,” he mocks. “You know what, while you’re at it, why don’t you call up Chris Trilcek? You were paired up for that final presentation in world history freshman year. Bet he’d be a hoot-and-a-half in the sack, and I’m sure he’s free!”
“Oh, do you think I should?” you ask, staring off to the side of his frazzled face like you’re actually considering his teasing suggestion. “I mean it’d be nice to have options in case Jimmy isn’t up for it…”
Before Eddie has a chance to figure out if you’re being deliberately obtuse again, you’re up, leaving him to stare at the empty space across the table as you rifle through the junk-drawer in his kitchen.
Inside the deep drawer, stray batteries and an impressive rubber band ball roll about as you dig through a shocking amount of take-out menus. Once you find what you’re looking for, you make your way back to Eddie, plopping onto your chair, letting the item drop from your hands and onto the table with a loud thump.
Quickly, you split the phone book open, flipping through the flimsy pages to get to the ‘R’ section.
“What the f—”
Eddie shakes his head wildly, slamming his hand down on the binding of the book before he drags it to him and away from you—away from your deft, searching fingers.
“Hey!”
You reach across the table to pull the White Pages back, but before you can get your hands on it, he shoves the book off the surface like an attention-seeking cat. It goes flying, falling to the floor of the trailer with a loud, hollow thud.
“Hey! I need that, asshole!” you yell, vexation turning your tone shrill.
You stare into his eyes for a moment, annoyance cooking your insides like a stew as you’re met with utter indifference and what looks to be a hint of smugness. You’re going to kill him.
Stuck in another stand-off, neither of you move until you make the mistake of glancing at the ground, noting the landing spot of the heavy book, splayed out—frail pages folding under the weight of itself in haphazard creases. Eddie follows your gaze and that’s all it took to give away your next move.
In a flash, you turn, bending down, and reaching to the floor. Eddie matches your hasty movements as you both tumble out of your seats, trying to beat the other to the book. The very tips of your fingers brush the laminated cover when he lurches forward, pushing the book out of your grasp once more.
“Ugh!” you shriek as you scramble toward it, at an advantage because, though he got it away from you in that split-second, he still pushed it to your side of the room—further away from him. You feel a brush of wind against your bare skin as he swipes at your ankle, trying to catch the limb to drag you back to him, but you’re too quick. You get a hold of the book and stand up, rushing over to the yellow landline by the door.
“Fuck!” he shouts, clambering after you. The noises of you vigorously flipping through the pages and the click of the phone coming off the hook only seem to add to his panicked fervor.
Eddie comes to an abrupt stop behind you, his body nudging you closer to the wall with his nearly-uncontrolled speed. You can feel the heat radiating off of him, his chest warms your back as he breathes heavy.
Right as you’re about to start typing in the number you found for the Roystons, the phone lodged between your ear and shoulder disappears—yanked free, and slammed back onto the hook by a large, ringed hand.
Another annoyed groan tears from your throat as you feel his body loom ever-closer behind you. Hunching your shoulders, you turn away from his right hand—the one that guards the phone—to protect your precious White Pages. But it doesn’t work—
His left hand—the one you hadn’t noticed was resting on your hip—ambushes you from the other side.
Quickly, Eddie firmly presses the pads of his spread fingers onto the thin page you were reading from, and balls his hand into a tight fist, effectively ripping the delicate paper from the book, trapping it beneath his iron grip. In a fit of rage, you whirl around, leveling him with a sharp glare.
He backs away from you, fist still closed around the paper, shielding it from your inevitable reach. Slamming the book onto the side table beneath the phone, you march toward him.
“Eddie, what the fuck?” you yell, matching his retreating steps with your confident stride. When he runs out of space, you corner him against the far wall and the couch, zeroing in on his fist.
Eddie lifts his hand high above his head, fully aware of how silly this game of life-or-death keep-away is. But he’ll be damned if you get that fucking phone number.
As you reach for the crumpled paper, he uses his body to block you—leaning back when you lean forward, stretching and giving you more of his body to reach over. You grunt and mutter obscenities at him, balancing on your tip-toes, but nothing helps. You can’t reach it. He’s never been more overjoyed at his lanky stature than in this moment—
Giggles freely escape his grinning mouth while he watches laser-sharp focus and irritation mar your face as you shove him, trying to get him to break and finally give you the page. He’d never admit it to you because you’d probably junk-punch him—especially right now—but he’s loving the way you’re all over him.
Your touch is everywhere as you reach and pry for the bane of his existence. Not to mention you smell amazing. He has to stop himself from curling into your roving hands, but he must remain sturdy. For both of your sakes.
“Sorry, sweetheart, but I don’t think you’re tall enough to ride this ride,” he goads, utterly drunk on you.
You let out the loudest groan he’s ever heard from you, leading him to snicker some more. But he soon regrets his overconfident teasing when you give up on aiming directly for his hand and instead start pawing at his arm.
A sharp chop to the inside of his elbow sends shockwaves of dull pain through his nervous system as you use your full body weight to pull down on his raised arm, now partially crumpled from your assault to his joint.
In a moment of desperation—your body hanging from his flexing bicep, slowly but surely bringing it to your level—Eddie shoves the ball of paper into his mouth and releases the tension in his arm, dropping it to his side. The sudden slack causes you to nearly fall over, but before you do, he wraps his arms around your waist, catching you.
Your irate features melt into a look of disgust as you squirm out of his arms.
“Ew! Egh! That’s so gross, Eddie!”
“Mmm, phone book,” he taunts through a mouthful of White Pages.
“You know, that was your phone book, right? You just lost yourself a whole two pages of R’s,” you say, raising a brow.
“Don’t care.”
His petulance is muffled by the crumpled paper in his mouth, and he can’t help but cringe at the taste. Paper. It just tastes like paper. But old.
Suddenly, he sidesteps your body and crosses the room, heading back to the kitchen to throw the page away. He can feel the thin material softening from his saliva and it’s making him want to scrub his mouth out.
Out of the corner of his eye, he can see you watching him as he spits the wet slop into the garbage, sees the way you carefully step toward the phone again.
“Ugh, you’re a child.”
He pauses from scrubbing a towel over his tongue—attempting to clean any remaining pieces of paper from his mouth. “And you’re a brat.”
You huff at his declaration. “Am not!”
“Are too!” he rebuts, dropping the towel and coming out from around the counter.
“I’m just trying to tell you you’re gonna regret it! I’m on board with the ‘virginity is a concept’ train—hell, I’m the conductor! My point is, sure, it’s a concept, but it’s a concept with feelings attached to it. And feelings get all confusing and…feelings-y,” he rushes out, frustrated at how he can never find the right words when you’re around. “You might not believe it now, but if you go through with this, you’re gonna feel pretty shitty afterwards.”
He ends his spiel by crossing his arms over his chest and leaning back against the counter, staring at you. He’s said his piece.
You watch him for a moment, then—
“Great. Thank you for the wisdom, Gandalf. But how ‘bout you go share that with someone who cares? I’ve got a ‘T’ name to call.”
You turn around, pick up the phonebook once more, and flip through a few chunks of pages to get to the right section.
Eddie lets out a loud, defeated sigh as he lets his arms drop to his sides. “You’re really not gonna give this up?”
Scoffing, you shoot him a glare from across the room before looking back down at the list of names. “Exactly which part of ‘I’m gonna lose my virginity tonight’ did you not understand?”
He sucks his teeth as he watches your finger find Chris’s last name, your hand already reaching for the phone.
Fuck it—
“Fine. If you really wanna lose it to someone, and you don’t care who, then lose it to me,” he shrugs, crossing his arms again.
He glances away from your now-still figure, your shoulders so high, they’re nearly up to your ears.
Forcing a level of indifference he’s never quite been capable of—especially not when it comes to you—he stares downward, as if the well-worn carpet beneath his feet could ever be more interesting than the woman whose second home is his subconscious.
You’re pretty sure you can hear the fibers unfurling beneath his shifting feet. Or maybe it’s your feet. Maybe it’s your heartbeat in your ears, not his. Everything is a little confusing and you can’t seem to look away from the wall. It feels like a safe place to rest your unseeing eyes.
Your arm aches and you retract it from where you were reaching for the phone—you hadn’t made it, you were half-way there when he said it.
Carefully, you turn your head to him, trying to figure out if this is some shitty joke he’s spouting just to piss you off or if he has well and truly lost it. But his face is devoid of any humor and he looks as sane as he ever did—which was never a lot, but no different to now.
More than anything, he looks almost vulnerable as he avoids your shocked gaze.
“What? Eddie—” you start, already exasperated because you’ve decided that, even though he appears to be completely serious, he must be joking, “if this is another way for you to try and–”
“It’s not.” He shrugs his shoulders again, finally meeting your eyes while shoving his hands into the back pockets of his ripped jeans. “You win. I capitulate to her majesty.”
You raise a brow at the medieval lilt and his waving bow to you, but before you get to reprimand him for the joke, he continues—
“If you’re gonna go have sex with someone you feel nothing for, then why not feel nothing for me?”
You almost want to laugh at his “foolproof” logic, but the familiar pain in your chest is accompanied by something else. Something almost warm. Like rays of sun fighting through cumulonimbus clouds.
Damp dirt, new leaves, and fertilizer.
He’s offering something you only ever dreamed of like it never crossed your mind.
Like it would mean nothing.
An agreement. A one-time deal. No strings attached; an easy fix to your problem.
But what if you want strings?
Does he want strings?
Strings do get messy when left untied. All the criss-cross feelings and knotted touches.
But it’s him—
“Eds—”
Like he’s been burned by your solemn tone, Eddie cuts you off in a hurry. “At least it’d be with someone you know. Like really know…. Someone who cares about you—about your experience.”
The fragility in his eyes makes you want to console him. To tell him you believe every word. That you’re sure he would be good to you.
Because he looks like him—
The soft, sweet man you saw all those years ago. The one you prayed to at night like a deity, asking for a few more seconds of his hand on your lower back, or more moments of just you and him. More laughter, more affection, more time. More, more, more.
All the little things that molded you into a reverent devotee in the first place.
Asking for every small thing to bolster your faith.
And now, he’s finally offering something much larger.
Reaching for you with a divine gift.
How could you possibly say no?
Criss-cross feelings, you remind yourself.
Strings to tie your heart down, could be useful—
Fuck it.
Slowly, you set the phone book down and make your way over to his spot against the kitchen counter. Stopping right in front of him, you look up with hesitant curiosity.
You’ve never really been this close to him. Not with this much on the table.
Mindlessly—shamelessly—you glance at his lips before succumbing to the cloudy glint in his eyes, the darkness that falls like a veil over his once-lively irises.
There’s something there, you find.
Something else that swirls deep in the molten shade of brown.
Something you want to know more about.
Your hands hang uselessly below you, resting against your body as you nervously fiddle with your fingers. The pointed tip of your tongue glides along the soft skin of your lips, leaving your mouth parted—like a siren call to his.
You couldn’t be any closer to him. Butterflies flutter in your stomach as you feel the soft puffs of air from his wanton mouth. But you won’t move anymore.
You leave yourself for him. He can have you if he wants.
A sacrifice.
Eddie’s eyes rove over your face, looking down at the way you’re almost reaching for him, but it’s as if you won’t allow the touch. Won’t allow the crossing of some imaginary barrier you’ve built.
Steadily, he lifts his hands—crosses the line—trailing his fingers up your neck like a ghost of a touch, until he settles his gentle grip on either side of your head. Stealing a moment from Time itself—just a second, a blip, like he’s plucking a ripe berry to savor in the thousand milliseconds he’s stolen—he smooths his thumbs over your temples, granting himself the selfish gift of feeling you.
His eyes consume all, admiring the dainty flutter of your mascara-blackened lashes, the softness of your skin—he marvels at the feeling.
Simmering from the heat of your body, he tries to memorize all your prettiest features, seen through an advantage he’s never had before. To be this close. To never be again.
He’s going to make it worth his while. He has to.
A lowly victim to your gravitational pull, he finds himself leaning toward you, like light toward a collapsing star. And there’s no escaping you, not when you so easily warp the fabric of his being with frightening ease.
Loud in his straining ears, he hears the slight hitch in your breath when he nearly brushes his lips with yours, but he loses himself before he can truly feel you. Instead, he plants a cowardly, chaste kiss to the corner of your mouth.
Simply not enough, but more than he could have ever dreamed of getting. Another bittersweet paradox.
“D’you want this?”
He’s so quiet, but he can feel the way you shudder against him. The way you feel him, his words mumbled devoutly into your skin.
“I wanna lose my virginity,” you whisper confidently, like it’s the only thing you're absolutely certain of.
Eddie tries to fight the way his face falls, but he can’t seem to manage it when your words serve as a reminder of how little this all matters to you. Or, at least, how little you care who you lose it to.
But, ever-observant, you notice, and he catches the worry as soon as it draws your brows together.
“T-To you…” you amend. “Can I?”
The frail uncertainty in your voice feeds the fire deep in Eddie’s gut, like bone-dry wood being thrown into the hearth on a years-long winter night.
The flames, once dim and hopeless, time-weathered and starving, roar back to life.
Subtly, he nods, relishing the way you relax. Bound to your request, he allows his palms to glide down your form, taking his time to explore the new terrain until he grabs ahold of your soft hands.
Side stepping your body, he gently pulls you to his room. His backwards strides are confident—a sign of comfortability in the home he’d call yours, just the same as he’d call it his. After all, these walls have seen nearly every iteration of his care for you. From acquaintances to friends to—
Neither of you speak as he guides you around his frame—you, now in front of him, and him, leaning his weight against the bedroom door until it clicks shut.
Wayne is on a fishing trip for the weekend with some buddies from the plant, but he’s not particularly known for remembering to pack everything, and Eddie is keen on protecting your modesty and ensuring your comfort. Like you deserve. Like he knows he can—better than anyone.
He drops one hand from yours only to lock the door. Once he’s certain there will be no interruptions, he walks you back toward the bed until you’re standing right in front of it.
Dropping your other hand, he reaches up and gently smooths the hair near your temple again, addicted to the way your eyes flutter. His hands slide down your figure until he’s toying with the hem of your t-shirt—his t-shirt, the one you stole in tenth grade and never gave back.
His selfishness befriends the possessive fiend he fights back daily, because you’re moving through the world marked by him. And in this moment, Eddie wonders if you really could have let another man touch you in the shirt that whispers his name against your soft skin.
Heat thrums just below your surface, boiling and bubbling, nearly spilling over when you feel him tugging at your shirt, silently asking for permission. His hands wait patiently.
You don’t respond. Don’t know how to speak. Nerves rattle against your ribcage. Or maybe it’s your heart testing its prison, looking for a way out as it pounds and pounds and pounds—
“Can I take this off?”
His low mutter—almost a monosyllabic slur of sound—registers a second later in your hazy brain. You nod, forcing your lungs to expand, but nearly choke at the faint scent of his cologne.
It’s familiar. Piercing, clean, and rich—
You remember the day he got it. When he dragged you to the mall, forcing you to smell every option. He bought the one you liked the most. Even when he wasn’t too sure about it. You remember warning him about the price tag, about how he should pick one he really likes if he’s going to splurge on it. But he wouldn’t hear it—
“Words.”
A confused hum creeps up your throat as you greedily bask in his scent, feeling the world move in slow motion around you. His unending touch carves canyon-like ripples into the tissue of your mind.
When you manage to focus on his eyes, there’s a level of fondness in them that has you grabbing onto his wrist for support.
“Wanna hear your words, sweetheart. Y’gotta tell me what you want.”
Understanding washes over you like cool hose water on a hot summer day. Quickly, you open your mouth to ask him—no, beg him—to undress you, but before a single word can crawl out from between your parted lips, you feel his warm fingers dancing along the delicate skin of your waist, leaving a wave of goosebumps in their wake.
Your breath catches, and you shudder because he’s both hot and cold—
His attention warms you; his touch leaves you shivering from a chill that is so frigid it begins to manipulate your frayed nerves, tricking you into feeling the burn as if it were born from the bluest flame and not the calloused hands of your best friend—
“I— I, um…”
You shake your head as you try to remember what you were about to say before the words ran away from you and into his arms, stealing whatever desperate sentiment you meant to express. But no matter how hard you try, you can’t seem to figure it out, to fill in the blanks—like a cipher missing its key.
His thumbs are drawing little shapes into the soft skin beneath your shirt, aiding and abetting the thieving words. The unfamiliar affection makes your abdomen twitch and your core pulse with need.
Before you get the chance to draw up some semblance of sanity, Eddie leans into you, effectively shrinking your entire world to just him. He’s everything you feel, everything you smell, everything you see, everything you touch, everything you…want to taste.
You so desperately want to know what flavor his kisses are—
Bitter smoke from the habit he can never quite kick? Malt sweetness from the beer he loves to drink? Cool mint from the gum he always carries around?
Would you grow ravenous at the first hint of Marlboro Reds? Would you crumble under the eager pressure of his lager-soaked tongue? Would your mouth water at the lingering scent of menthol on his breath?
You’re trapped in his thrall the second he closes in on your space. His head tips to the side, running his lips along your warm cheeks, your jaw. You shiver at the soft brush of his mouth—an action you’re painfully aware is not meant to be shared among friends. No, this kind of touch is reserved for lovers only—
“What do you want, sweetheart? Want me to touch you? Want me to hold you?” he murmurs, heavy gaze locked on the way your lips part, and you quietly pant. Your head bobs toward his mouth, body leaning into his arms, drawn to the heat of him.
You hear the sharp intake of breath, feel his nose nuzzling your hair. Then, as if fighting for control, his hands flex, only to grab onto your hips and drag you tight against him, like he lost the battle. Or maybe he surrendered. The way he hangs over you, almost relieved at the closeness leads you to believe it’s the latter.
Emboldened by his body against yours—all growing hardness and twitching muscles—your hands paw at his abdomen, his waist, kneading and pulling him impossibly closer.
“What do you want, baby?”
You bite back a whimper at the new endearment.
Because that’s reserved for lovers too—
“I want…W-Wan’ you. I wanna be…be with you,” you mumble breathlessly, mindlessly.
In a huff of impatience, he pulls your top over your head. You hear the way he swallows back a groan and you wish he wouldn’t have.
With expert dexterity, he removes your bra, and this time, he doesn’t hold back. You practically bloom under his attention—his wide, hungry eyes, his almost pained rasp of humming appreciation.
His hands slide up the sides of your body, featherlight fingers following the length of your ribs, brushing inward as he traces the skin just below the curve of your breasts.
Your wandering hands fiddle with the hem of his shirt before slipping under the material, flexing and groping at his toned abdomen. You pull at his narrow waist, a wordless plea for him to touch you more.
But he seems uninterested in your needy silence and you remember his instructions—
“Eddie, please. Please, touch me. I need you…. Wanna feel you.”
“Whatever you want,” he agrees, nodding.
Electricity prickles and dances across your skin like invisible lightning as he finally slides his hands over your sensitive breasts. Gently kneading the weight, he smooths his thumbs over your pebbled nipples. You gasp at the sensation, the way it directly triggers the heat twisting and turning low in your core with a quickness you’re not accustomed to.
Leaning down, Eddie attacks your jaw and neck with greedy, open-mouthed kisses. His nose nudges you zealously, like he’s devouring your delicate flesh and still aching for more, so you tilt your head away, eager to provide.
You tug his shirt up his body, but quickly realize you’ll need him to break away from your neck to get the material over his head. You lightly push on his abdomen, and he begrudgingly stops his assault, understanding what you’re looking for.
With a level of speed you’ve never once seen him use, he peels his shirt off, balls it up, and blindly tosses it somewhere in the corner of the room.
Unabashedly, you ogle his body in a way you’ve never allowed yourself before. Your heavy-lidded gaze is first drawn to the pick hanging just below his collarbones, sitting perfectly against his pale skin. Then, your eyes drop, admiring the tattoos that litter the expanse of his chest.
You’ve only ever seen them a few times—mostly at the Hawkins pool on hot summer days, and once when you walked in on him changing. You remember how you couldn’t get the image out of your mind. The contrast, the searing visage of inky-black against milky-white, pressed into skin like a pretty decoration meant to be admired.
And like a set path guided by nothing but desire, your eyes track down, down, down his body—all heat and hardness. Your mouth waters when you catch sight of the tuft of coarse hair trailing from his navel to whatever lies beyond the waistband of his jeans.
Whatever lies—
But you already have an idea; you feel him pulsing against your stomach, you felt him twitch when you whimpered moments ago.
All heat and hardness.
Drawing you from your trance, Eddie’s deft fingers fiddle with the button on your jean shorts, making quick work of the fastenings and dragging the material down your legs. He drops to his knees, peering up at you with something in his eyes so…raw that it has you grabbing onto him, your balance escaping you.
With your hands on his strong shoulders, you watch with rapt attention as he removes your shoes and socks, then he gently cups one ankle, lifting it and helping you out of the leg of your shorts before doing the same to the other. His touch is so soft—so gentle—you think you might cry.
Barely anything has happened yet and he’s taking such good care of you. You shudder to think how this would have gone had you called up Jimmy or Chris.
Nobody could compare to Eddie.
Feeling weightless, heavy, high, and stone-cold sober all at once, you meet his eyes.
“You look…” he pauses, swallowing harshly, “you’re so beautiful.”
Your ears ring at the hidden sentiment between those three words. A million extra meanings you can’t catch, but you heard them like a whisper in the wind—real and slipping through your fingers the moment his hungry lips grace your skin once more.
Large hands squeeze the backs of your thighs, and you feel the tickling brush of his frizzy curls against your bare legs.
Wet, searing kisses travel upward, his hands slide in tandem with the needy affection. He holds you with a type of reverence you couldn’t have foreseen—as if you could have ever foreseen this. He moves along your body like you’re allowing him, not like he’s the one doing you a favor.
You sigh when you feel the heat of his breath over the place you need him most. He’s stopped at the apex of your thighs, panting like a desperate man, blocked by a flimsy slip of fabric that you’re certain he could shred to pieces with the way his eyes have darkened.
“C-Can I?” His strained voice breaks through the music in the room, disrupting the melody of syncopating gasps and pants.
It feels like the world is moving as you stay perfectly still, staring down at him, his arms wrapped around your legs, fingers greedily curling in the waistband of your panties. You find yourself thankful for his steady, obedient grip.
Underneath his wanton gaze, you feel the weight of roles reversed. It’s like it’s his first time, the way he’s looking up at you like your permission will fix him. Your touch will mend something broken.
With wide eyes and parted lips, you nod. “Y-Yes. Please, Eddie.”
A sound torn from deep within his chest rumbles out, reverberating around the room, bouncing off of every wall and hitting you like a spell. Low, where his breaths warm you, a fiery enchantment unfurls in volant tendrils like ink in water.
Suddenly, Eddie drags the thin material down from around your hips, another appreciative groan rips from his throat as he watches the gusset of your panties fall last, stuck to your wet folds. A delicate string of arousal clings to the fabric, unable to part from it.
You watch his efforts slow, his lids grow heavy like he can’t control the need. Then, he presses his face between your thighs, the very faint graze of his tongue leaves you trembling.
With one targeted swipe, Eddie’s tongue snaps the silky string, catching what he can with overwhelming zeal.
“Want more,” he mumbles into your heat. “Sweets…”
“Yes,” you interrupt, already drowning in desperation. “Need you—”
He growls and pulls your panties the rest of the way down your legs before his large hand lifts one of your thighs to sit on his shoulder, allowing him easier access to your soaked core. He hums brokenly—a lewd sound of appreciation.
The second he drags the flat of his tongue through your dripping folds, your gasps devolve into messy moans, but the sound only seems to encourage him more. With foreign ferocity, he devours you.
“Oh, god, Eddie,” you mewl, hips twitching against his face, hands threading through his fluffy hair for balance.
Vibrations from his responding groan move through you, tearing you apart until you’re nothing but wanton shreds. Your knees almost buckle beneath you, but he presses into you. Harder. More persistent. The force sends you falling backward onto the bed, your hands hurry to break your soft descent.
Your hips hang off the edge of the mattress—one foot still planted on the ground, the other dangling over Eddie’s right shoulder. His hands grope and knead the fat of your thighs as his tongue eagerly laps up your arousal like a man starved. Your arms give out from under you, sending your back barreling down to the untucked sheets on his mattress.
You’re panting and burning up; the heat of his breath meets the warmth of your folds, creating a smoldering furnace where his mouth dances over you. It’s an unfamiliar sensation, and one you think no other man could ever replicate.
Your hips react ardently to every twist and flick of his tongue, the talented muscle toying with you until you’re shaking and whining and bucking against his mouth for more.
The moment you feel the tip of his tongue draw tight circles around your swollen clit, your head flies back in ecstasy. Your hands wander the space around you for something to grab, first, trailing over your breasts with a teasing squeeze before reaching for the sheets beside you. But it’s not enough. The material is so thin, you can’t get the grip you need.
Like he can sense the desperate energy rolling off of you in tidal waves—like he knows the feeling—Eddie grabs your hands, momentarily sacrificing his fragile skin to your clawing, pressing, sinking, crushing—
Your thoughts are plucked from somewhere high in the ether and placed back into your head the moment you feel his dragging touch, then, softness. Peering down the winding, curving terrain of your body, you meet his dark eyes, see the way he’s moved your restless hands into his hair.
The whine falling past your lips is drowned out by his aching growl deep within your wet folds. He tightens his grip around your hands before letting go, encouraging you to hold onto him—to use him.
And you do.
You tug him closer, grinding your core against his mouth until you arch at the dull pressure of his tongue breaching your entrance, pressing into you powerfully, exploring untouched territory you wish could be marred by his ministrations. Like a token to memorialize this moment in time. Something that says you’re his—
Quickly, your hips start to lose their rhythm against his face, recklessly twitching and squirming with every break he takes from fucking you to flicking your clit with searing precision.
“Eddie, Eddie, I’m gonna— Please, Eds, I—”
Not even bothering to pull away, he moans his pleas right into your pussy. “Give it to me, baby. Mmmph, give it to me, sweets. Taste so fuckin’ good—”
The tone he’s using, the way he pauses after every other word to slurp and lap at your quivering folds, almost makes it feel like he’s not even talking to you. Or maybe not just you. But it’s like he’s speaking directly to your weeping cunt, pleading for more—more arousal to devour, more fluttering pulses to tickle his tongue.
Your brows contort in pleasure as tears prick at your waterline—almost there, almost there.
Suddenly, you miss the pressure of his mouth for a split-second while you hear a sucking sound, then your chest wracks with desperate sobs as you feel him slip a single finger inside you.
“Oh, god! Oh, fuck!”
His other hand holds your hips down, blunt nails sinking deeper into the surface of your skin as electricity speeds along a high-strung coil—crackling and tight—just below his large palm. But the coil soon snaps when he starts to drag his long, thick finger against your velvety walls, thrusting in and out—gentle yet firm in his actions.
“Eddie, Eddie, oh, fuck!”
Unmade and raw, all you can do is babble incoherent whines and pleas as he teases you even past your orgasm, his tongue working your clit until it throbs to the beat of your racing heart.
When your legs start shaking from overstimulation, you finally gather enough strength to push on his head—appealing for mercy.
Like he’s not ready to part from you just yet, Eddie doesn’t yield to your push, though he does begrudgingly grant you reprieve. But he stays between your legs, and for a moment, you wonder if he’s not just breathing deeply to catch his breath. The way he inches infinitesimally closer, the way he won’t let your thighs close—it’s like he’s reveling in your heady scent—
“Fuck, you’re so pretty when you cum. Squeezin’ my finger so hard. God, this was just one, baby,” he boasts, utter glee defiling his already dirty words.
You whimper. One finger, and you felt so full.
In response, he garnishes your twitching pelvis with wet, sloppy kisses, like he’s searing a promise into your skin—
His hands do their best to hold your hips down, allowing him to take a tour of the tops of your thighs, the divot where your folds meet your legs, your mound—soaked and slobbered on by his overzealous mouth.
Peering down your body, open-mouthed and desperate, you nearly mewl at the way his eyes are glazed over. He looks drunk on the taste of you. Completely and utterly wasted. What’s more, his face is covered in you.
All the way up to his nose, his skin shimmers in the light, glistening with your juices. But he doesn’t seem ashamed of the indecent display. Instead, he seems proud. Proud to wear you on him—like a badge of honor.
“Eddie, please. I want more,” you whine, breathless from the come-down.
“Pretty girl,” he purrs, nuzzling your thigh, “so desperate. Am I turning you to the dark side already?”
You shudder at his smug grin, but you can’t find it in yourself to care about his overly-inflated ego. Your mind is mush, and all you can think is his name prefaced by the dangerous word “my.”
“Please,” you mewl.
His grin widens, and you note the hunger no longer hidden in the dark brown of his irises. Because he’s not aiming for decency anymore. Not in the way he’s eyeing you like you’re a meal and he’s famished, and not in the way his words are rife with untapped desire.
“Alright, pretty.” He pats your thigh before backing away from you. “Up on the bed.”
It’s a soft order. A gentle command as he grabs your forearms and helps you scoot your hips all the way onto the mattress before letting go, allowing you to shuffle to the top of the bed.
Once your head hits the pillow, he watches you settle into place, shoving the untucked sheets out from beneath you and off to the side. Without taking his eyes off of your movements, he works to remove his jeans, shoving them down his legs, along with his boxers.
Now that your moans have ceased, the room is so quiet, he can hear your sharp intake of breath when his hard cock bobs free from its constraints. He bites his lip at the subtle shock shifting across your face. It’s flattering, but more than anything, he’s leaking at the thought of fitting inside you.
“That’s— You’re—”
Every one of your sentences seems to die on the first word, and he watches your thighs clench as your focus stays on his thick length.
Heat warms Eddie’s cheeks as he tries to stop the smile from overtaking his face. He shouldn’t be like this—he should be calm, cool, and collected, but clearly exceeding your expectations has him feeling a myriad of things. Giddy, confident, smug…eager.
Mindlessly, he wipes a hand down the lower half of his face, gathering your slick arousal on his palm, then collects the precum pouring from his ruddy tip, and spreads the combination of juices over the expanse of his thick cock. He grants himself a firm, teasing squeeze as he steps toward you, but quickly detours to the bedside table to rifle through the top drawer.
“I’ll make sure it feels good, don’t worry. You’re gonna help me with that,” he says lowly, then stills his searching hands as he looks to you for a nod of agreement. When you give it to him, he smiles fondly. “Good girl.”
A quiet huff of amusement escapes him when he hears your strained whimper—the way you so obviously try to keep yourself quiet, but can’t help it.
He’s starting to catch onto what you like. How you like to be spoken to. And your responses are addicting. The clench of your thighs, the pulse of your walls. The need that crawls up your throat like it’s fighting its way out of you.
He desperately wants to know what else his words can elicit. Or maybe even try something more than his words—
His body warms as he wonders what you’ll sound like when you’re wrapped around him. His mind conjures its best guess at the noises you’ll make when his thrusts knock the air out of you, like sweet rasping melodies meant to torture him.
He wants to know just how shrill your cries will get when you’re nearly there, searching for just a little bit more.
But most of all he wants to hear the sweet words that will slip past your loose lips, your mind too cockdrunk to stop the affection you’ll share. The secrets you’ll spill. God, he’s aching to hear you.
If he could, he’d lock you in his room and run experiments on you for a week straight—just to find out what makes you tick. He’d take you apart piece-by-pretty-piece, just to put you back together again. He’d hold you tight and play with you passionately, like you were his favorite toy.
His.
Drawn from his thoughts by your shifting body, his attention diverts to the box of condoms he manages to find deep in his bedside drawer. He tears at the paperboard and pulls one out, showing you the foil packet before ripping it open—
“Safe sex,” he declares, sliding the oily-feeling latex out of the wrapper.
His wry smile widens to a goofy grin when you giggle at his words, easing the tension.
“Stupid,” you mutter, knocking your shin against the side of his thigh as he hovers near the head of the bed, putting the condom on.
Once he’s done, he crumples the wrapper in his hand, glancing over at you before throwing it on the cluttered surface of the nightstand. “You sure you wanna do this?”
You roll your eyes, smirking. “Yes, Eddie. You already ate me out.”
That leaves him frowning—
“Sweetheart, just because we did that doesn’t mean you have to continue. We can be done. Nothing more needs to happen if you don’t want it to.”
You remain silent, only staring up at him with so much…something…in your gaze, it makes him want to fold in on himself like the discarded foil. And he thought the ease with which you crossed his wires was bad—
“I know,” you mutter softly. “But I want to. With you. Will you…. Will you take care of me?”
Eddie’s breath hitches, and there’s a stinging feeling behind his eyes—one he knows all too well.
You sound so small, so nervous. As if he could ever deny you something that was meant to be yours. His care. His devotion.
“‘Course I will.”
He nods one too many times, entranced by the way you seem so delicate under his watchful eyes.
Delicate because you’re asking him to take care. In the way he’ll touch you. The way he’ll guide you. The way he’ll—
Slowly, he steps closer. You scoot to the side, making room for him to knee his way onto the bed.
His hands brush your ankles, featherlight affection smoothing up your legs, stopping at your knees. With the utmost reverence, he gently parts them, settling between your thighs.
“You look so pretty like this. I mean…you look— Well, you look…pretty all the time,” he nervously amends, eyes flitting over your face, but never any lower.
He wants you to know he means you. You’re pretty. Beautiful. Gorgeous. Not because you have a gorgeous body, but because you are gorgeous.
You shift beneath him, avoiding his gaze and, instead, focusing on pulling him to you. Softly. Needily.
He follows your guidance, leaning over you until his hands land beside your head. And just like before, he’s memorizing the moment. Every twitch of your brows, every flutter of your lashes, every quiet breath from your pleasure-bitten lips.
Below, you glance to the side, find his wrists, and wrap your hands around each one, as if grounding yourself in his touch. Only then—when his pulse beats wildly against your fingers—do you meet his eyes.
Wandering palms—soft and unfamiliar in their affection—travel the length of his arms, pausing over black ink, then continuing up until they reach his biceps. He shivers as you hum, squeezing the corded muscles that lay twitching restlessly beneath heated flesh.
“You’re pretty, too,” you murmur, sliding your palms back down and rubbing at his wrists.
Eddie chuckles, then swallows. “No, I’m not.”
The subtle twitch of your brows, the split-second peek at the budding frown that says you disagree has him beating you to your rebuttal—
“Not like you.”
His heart leaps in his chest as your hands suddenly drag his face to yours, like you’re about to kiss him with overwhelming need. But you don’t complete the motion.
And neither does he.
Because he’s not sure he can come back from all of this if he kisses you.
If you allow him to have you in that way—
He’s not sure he’s strong enough. Not enough to feel you like that, to close his eyes and claim your lips like they belong to him, and then go about his life like he never felt it. The beat of your heart against his, pounding in nerves and want. The truthful desire dancing from your mouth to his.
He couldn’t go back to living a lie. To live like he doesn’t think about you every single day. Like he doesn’t wonder what you’re doing when you’re not with him. Like he doesn’t do the most mundane shit and spends the whole time thinking about how much better it would be to do it with you.
So he doesn’t kiss you. He can’t. Not when you’re not his to keep.
Instead, he leaves a delicate, chaste brush of an almost-kiss to the corner of your mouth. Again.
Another cop-out from a coward.
You struggle to contain your disappointment, resigning yourself to the fantasy in your head. The imagined taste of his tongue tangling with yours. And with wanton hands, you reach for his hips, subtly pulling him closer.
“Need you,” you mutter, hearing the hitch of his breath as you whisper the plea against his mouth.
“Fuck— Okay.”
You watch as he reaches for his length. Taking a strong grip, he guides the thick tip along your slick folds, gathering your wetness.
The raw combination of moan and a sigh leaves your lips—an accidental slip portraying just how much you’re aching for him.
“It’s gonna feel a little weird, like…pressure. Okay? But you gotta let me know if it hurts, sweets, you hear me?”
Your fluttering eyes, panting mouth, and rolling hips aren’t enough of a response, apparently, because his voice grows firm.
“Hey, pretty girl, you with me?”
“Mhm,” you whine, nodding your head.
“What did I tell you?” he asks, smoothing a thumb down your temple before tapping three times.
“Um, you— you said, um, if it hurts, I'll tell you.”
“Good girl.”
His muttered praise leaves you mewling, inching your hips closer to him, looking for more—yearning for it.
Your mind devolves into pure static as he presses his thick tip into you slowly. Through bleary eyes, you see his teeth sinking deep into his lower lip, like he’s fighting to maintain his composure. For a moment, you wonder what it must look like from his point of view—the way your folds open up to him, welcoming the intrusion, ready to wrap around him in a vice grip.
“Oh, god. Mmm.”
Your features crumble at the sensation of dull pressure—exactly what he warned you about. It doesn’t hurt, it just leaves you wanting more, like you’ll find reprieve once he’s fully inside you.
“How you doin’, baby? Need a break?” he rasps, kneading your thigh gently.
“Need more.”
“Fuck, y’want more? Wanna feel more o’ me?”
You whimper and nod, your heart racing as his slurred words drag you down into the flaming pit of desire.
Your mouth parts in a silent gasp when you feel him press deeper inside of you, his stiff length sliding past your walls. Your ribs contract and expand in raucous breaths the moment you see just how much of him is left. He’s just barely got the tip in—
As your gaze creeps up his body, you realize Eddie hasn’t looked down once, not to where you’re connected. You wonder if it’s self-preservation or if maybe it’s part of his care for you. The way he watches your face intently, like he’s monitoring every slight change in expression leads you to believe it’s the latter. Probably both, really.
But you’re thankful he’s looking, because he immediately notices when the pinch in your brows shifts from pleasure to a wince of discomfort.
His hand is on your face in a second, smoothing the crease between your brows and petting your hair soothingly.
“Baby, you okay? Is it too much? You feelin’ pain?”
You shake your head stubbornly, sucking in a deep breath, leaving your mouth open and panting as your gaze stays glued to the sight of him inside of you. You notice it’s not just the tip, he also gets impossibly thicker through the middle of his length, and you’re sure that’s what you’re feeling now—
“Hey, look at me.” His thumb catches your chin, guiding your eyes to meet his. “I can make you feel good, but I need you to help me out. Tell me what you’re feeling.”
Something flashes in the molten color of his irises and he leans down, brushing his lips against your cheek. You practically preen as he grants you a sweet kiss, and part of you—the rotted, selfish part—wonders if feigning pain would allow you to finally taste him properly, all smoky mint and dancing tongues—
“Let me make you feel good, baby,” he implores.
“‘S just a pinch, ‘s just— It’s fine,” you placate, rubbing your hands gingerly down his sides.
“Alright, we’re gonna wait here, and you tell me when I can move, or if you wanna stop. But in the meantime, try to relax all your muscles. Sometimes we get all tense, even when we don’t mean to.”
You nod hesitantly, taking a few more deep breaths, making a conscious effort to drop your shoulders and let your muscles rest. After a full minute of breathing, resting, and leaning into his soft palm on your warm cheek, you nod again.
“Okay, you…you can move now.”
But he doesn’t. Not yet. As if trying to discern the truth, Eddie just studies you for a moment. Then he moves, inching further into you.
When your jaw goes slack at the feeling of fullness, you hear a rumble of sound, like a groan that’s been cut off too early, and you have half a mind to ask him if he needs a break. But before you get the chance, your words catch in your throat as he rests lower on you.
“Pretty girl,” he coos, his hot breath tickling your ear, leaving your cunt pulsing with need.
Then a hiss—the kind that sounds like it’s bordering on pain, but is only one degree away from pleasure—escapes his lips, and you realize just how tightly you were squeezing him.
Then, suddenly, he bottoms out, the firm, jolting movement forcing all air from your lungs.
“Oh, good girl,” he huffs out, voice strained. “You’re doin’ so good for me, taking me so well. How’s it feel, sweets? Think you like it? Wan’ more?”
Struggling to turn pitiful mewls into actual words, you nod your head fervently, reaching down to press your palms against his hips. “Mmm, wan’ more. Please, Eddie.”
For the first time, he glances down, and you hear him choke at the sight. Electricity prickles across your delicate skin, and the sting of your teeth sinking into your lip does nothing to disrupt your giddy hum as you try to push him away.
In the dark shade of his eyes, you can tell he recognizes your movement as a very desperate, unsuccessful attempt at getting him to pull out—to chamber a thrust. And he seems utterly amused—
“Oh, baby, did you want something? You wanna do the work? Help me out like a good girl?”
Something deeply raw and needy peels from your throat in response, and you silently rejoice when he pulls back, aiding your efforts. Unfortunately, it’s only a couple inches because—to your burgeoning frustration—he’s following your guidance, and your arms don’t reach nearly as far as you need.
But you’ll take anything right now; desperation is cooking your nerves and boiling your insides.
So you sink your nails into his hips and pull him back to you with a sudden yank.
Your mouth drops open at his shallow thrust, unintelligible noises of debauched need tumble past your parted lips.
Clawing at his soft skin, you struggle to set up another thrust. “Please, please— I need more.”
“More? But you’re doin’ so well all by yourself,” he condescends, eyes twinkling with hunger as he lets you push and pull him. “Look at you go, pretty girl. Makin’ yourself feel so good. What an independent little woman.”
His teasing shakes you to your core because it’s so him. It’s your best friend, just in a new scenario with unfettered access to your body and pleasure. God, you’ve allowed him too much power—
“Eddie! Please! I’m— I need it. I need you…”
Amusement washes from his face and you pout as he pauses, as if admiring a view. Then he ducks down.
“Whatever the princess wishes,” he murmurs lowly, lips brushing against the heated skin of your cheek, syrupy sweet affection dripping from every word. Gently, he pulls out, nearly all the way.
The mewl that was halfway out of your mouth catches like a lock clicking into place. A loud, desperate cry comes out in its stead—a reckless, candid response to the deep gut-punching thrusts barreling into you. They’re not hard, not rough, but firm. Controlled. Resolute.
Like he wants you to feel it. Feel him.
You chase your breath in his rutting hips, surrendering to the affection he’s searing into you with every pass of his stiff length against your pulsing walls.
Red streaks paint his milky-white skin, blooming beneath your hurried hands like a casualty of your desire. Curses, groans, and harsh gasps fall from his slackened jaw. Heat bubbles deep in your core, rivaling the warmth of the salacious words he whispers into your flesh.
“Shit, you feel so good, sweets— Oh, god, wan’ you to be— Fuck!”
Tears flood your waterline as you stare at the ceiling, features permanently fixed in shattered pleasure. Your mind struggles to hold onto the hitch in his breath, the unfinished sentence you’re dying to hear. But the sensations are overwhelming. Every nerve in your body is sparking—all livewires itching to explode.
All you can say is his name, all you can feel is him, and yet, it’s still not enough—
“Eddie, n-need m-more, ple—aseee!”
“Ah, fuck, baby, I know. I got you—”
Eddie glides his tongue over the pad of his thumb before reaching between your legs and circling your swollen clit.
And suddenly, it’s like lightning has struck the furnace deep in your core, shooting high voltage shocks up your body until you grow so hot you’re almost cold. A sensation of fullness takes over, like you’re mere seconds from bursting.
Delirious with passion, your hand flies down to stop his movements—to stop what you know is coming.
“H-Hold on, I— Eddie, I need to— I wanna feel you! Please, please, let me—”
Your needy sobs have him slowing down until he stills inside of you, chest heaving and damp with sweat.
“What— You can feel me. Aren’t you feelin’ me, sweets?” He reaches his hand up to the space just below your navel, pressing in only slightly.
You whine from the pressure, and your cunt flutters around him in rhythmic pulses like it’s trying to entice him back into movement.
And, God, you can feel him—
He’s burrowed his way deep inside you, but it’s still not enough—
“No— Yes, I— Oh, god, I c-can feel you. I just—” Your words melt into a whimper as you squeeze your eyes shut. The feeling of warm wetness slides down your cheek.
You’re vaguely aware of a dip in the bed on either side of your head, and as you blink away the blur, you realize Eddie has dropped to his elbows over you, caging you in.
His lips trace the track of the tear in reverse, starting first beneath your jaw, then up the expanse of your face. But his mouth doesn’t open—it’s not a trail of kisses. Just a soothing glide of soft pink, collecting salt water.
“What do you wanna feel?” he asks patiently, like he’s ready to bring your deepest desires to fruition.
When you don’t respond, he brushes his lips against the thin skin of your eyelids in short, delicate kisses.
“I’ll do anything for you, baby. Just tell me what you want—”
The raw truth of his statement rings in your ears along with a prayer in the shape of your name—reverent, impassioned, desperate. The tone has you questioning when the god became the devotee.
Your eyes flutter open as you peer up at him.
“Wanna feel you. All of you. I don’t want— I don’t want anything in between,” you whisper, your gaze flitting between his earnest attention and his glistening lips, wet with your tears.
Eddie’s mouth parts slightly, a look of quiet shock mixing with curious disbelief as he tilts his head, like he’s observing you for any lapse in conviction. But there’s none to be found. You’re certain you want this. So he gives a single nod, yielding to you.
Before he can even shift his weight, you’re already pushing at his hips again. He lets you move him until he slips out, then your eager hands reach for his hard cock, sheathed in thin latex.
The calm Eddie found since ceasing his thrusts starts to dissipate as he watches your movements with rapt attention.
Acutely aware of the expansion of his ribs on every breath in, the scent of sex and your perfume permeating his olfactory receptors has any semblance of control quickly leaving his body.
The sensation is like a loss of inhibitions. Like he’s gorged himself on you and now he’s utterly wasted. And he knows from personal experience, he doesn’t make the best decisions when inebriated—
The reminder that he’s here for you—that he’s supposed to be the one guiding you—is hard to hold onto when you’re expertly drawing him back into you, teasing yourself with the thick, ruddy tip of his cock, painting your folds with dribbling precum.
He shudders at your wrecked moan, your eyes smoked out with hunger and desire and nothing else as you leer at his flexing length.
“F-Fuck, sweetheart, are you sure about this?”
You only hum in response, deep in focus.
“Unh, unh, look at me.”
Eddie’s thumb catches just beneath your chin, drawing your attention to his hardened features. The moment your far-out gaze focuses on him, he struggles to ignore the way your pupils have almost eclipsed any trace of color in the iris.
But then your attention falters, your eyes slowly glide down to his mouth, your lips parting like a call to him—
He adjusts his grip, his thumb and fingers digging into your cheeks.
“No, up here, pretty girl.”
Tipping your chin up, he manually fixes your gaze to his.
“Are you sure you want this?”
As if words are too difficult to drum up, you whimper imploringly.
And all it takes is one warning tilt to his head and you’re righting yourself. Forcing the words to come—
“Yes! God, please. I need you…”
Satisfied, Eddie nods, taking a moment to revel in just how gone you are for him.
“Okay.”
Another pitiful whimper escapes your closed mouth as you push harder into his grip—wanting, asking.
Knowing exactly what you’re missing—a quick learner in the language of your desperation—a smirk curls at his lips. “Good girl—”
Then he sinks into you in one quick, deep thrust that carves a half-scream, half-gasp from your chest.
His shoulders drop at the feeling of your wet heat, your greedy walls, hugging every square inch of his cock, gripping onto him like a lifeline.
“Oh, fuck, baby. Shit, y’gotta stop squeezin’ me like that. You’re not gonna give me enough time to pull out,” he mutters, dragging his hips back and slamming into you, starting a brutal pace.
Tears flood your waterline once more as you cry out for him, your hands touching, groping, and grabbing every bit of muscle you can get ahold of.
Your knees drop open as your hands blindly reach for his hips, pulling him in for impossibly deeper strokes.
“I’m— E-Eddie, I—”
“I know, baby. I know,” he chants, holding on desperately to the last shred of his sanity.
Ducking lower onto you, he shifts his weight to reach between your thighs and circle your clit. With an open-mouthed pant, he watches as your eyes roll back, your loud moans drowning out the vulgar sound of skin slapping.
His gaze flits across your face, memorizing your pleasure-shocked features like it’s the last time he’ll ever get to see this particular crease in your brows, this heavy-lidded trance. Panic fills his bloodstream as he realizes it might very well be the last time—
And if it’s the last time, maybe he’s allowed to be selfish. One time. Just this once—
“Fuck it,” he breathes out, dipping down until his mouth capture yours, swallowing every last moan.
Your palms fly to the sides of his head, dragging him further onto you until the range of motion in his hand severely shrinks under his own rutting hips. You lick into his mouth like you’re trying to taste yourself. Overwhelmed with desire, he begins to lav his tongue into you the same way he devoured your cunt earlier.
Your responding mewls leave him trembling, and he worries over the tightening in his abdomen, the coiling heat deep in his gut. He starts to pull away, but he feels pressure at his hips. You’ve wrapped your legs around his waist, locking your ankles, leaving him no way of escaping your hold. Fuck, you’re going to be the death of him—
“Baby, we can’t— I gotta— I need’ta pull out,” he slurs against your mouth.
“Please don’t,” you whine, spit-slick lips haphazardly forming around the pitiful plea.
Eddie feels his chest crack open with raw, tortuous longing. Hips faltering to a grinding rhythm, he lets his shoulders sag under the pressure of wanting—the weight of possession. All it would take to claim you, all it would take… is just to let go. To make you his.
He’s not strong enough—
“Please don’t,” you repeat, gliding your hands down his damp skin until you still at his lower back. With a foggy mind driven by the most basic desire to claim—or rather, be claimed—you muster all your strength and press your palms hard into his spine, dragging him to you.
Following a groan that sounds suspiciously like a surrendering cry, Eddie pulls his hips back just enough to shallowly thrust into you. They’re firm, breathtaking strokes that feel like he’s trying to permanently burrow beneath your flesh, and his mouth glides over yours in a messy, blind display of drunken need. It’s a thorough loss of all space and you revel in it.
Eddie’s thumb starts circling your clit with renewed vigor, sending spasms shooting down your legs so strong that your ankles unhook. Like two magnets repelling each other, they go flying to the bed, twitching and convulsing.
Deep in your core, you feel a magmatic pressure that just builds, and builds, and builds, until something snaps—
Arching into him, you cry out as your body goes weightless, and your mind floats into the ether once more.
His groans, his grunts, the smacking of skin on skin—every sound echoes as you move further away from your mind. Vaguely, you’re aware of his faltering thrusts, his hungry lips devouring. Your mouth might be moving in tandem with his, or maybe you’re babbling incoherently, it’s unclear—all your senses are fried.
All you’re certain of is the sinking of your body. Deeper than the mattress, deeper than the floor. Down, down, down—you’re dragged into the pit of sated desire while your soul soars high above you.
“Ah, s-shit, baby— I—”
By the time you find your way out of the depths—crawling back to him—you register the tail end of shivers wracking his entire being. His arms haven’t loosened around you and his softening cock is still twitching and flexing inside of you, goaded by every pulsing constriction of your warm walls.
Nosing into your cheek, Eddie pulls back for a second, just to get a look at you—to memorize.
What he sees is exactly what he expected—
Something he could never forget.
Something he could never be normal about.
In your eyes, in soft pants, in the flutter of lashes over mascara smudged skin—he sees you.
Just you.
A glutton for punishment, he licks his lips, savoring the taste of you before dipping down for more. One more.
Like he’ll never live long enough to see you walk out of his room—his sweat staining your skin, his spend safe inside you—he kisses you, slow and rottingly sweet. Swallowing every sigh, stealing every breath—he prays to you with selfishness in his heart.
“I felt something,” you mumble against his mouth, pressing your hands to his shoulders.
Ignoring the ache in his chest—the kind that blooms when space starts to grow between his body and yours, like a weed whose roots never truly die—he forces a laugh that crumbles to dust in his throat.
“Well, yeah…. God, I hope so,” he huffs, all strained amusement and bitter jokes.
A small smile pulls at your lips. “No, I mean.… I mean— You said, um, earlier, you said…”
While you struggle to find the words, his touch seems to act as a hindrance to your search. Your breath hitches and your eyes flutter as he smooths his thumb over your sweat-soaked hairline.
“You said if I was gonna sleep with— If I was gonna f-feel nothing with a stranger, then I should…feel nothing with you.”
Realization dawns on him, almost at the same time he decides this conversation shouldn’t take place with him inside of you—
“Maybe we should—”
“No!” You stop his movements, pressing your fingers into his hips before he can slip away. “Please, don’t! Don’t— Don’t go.”
Eddie watches your features soften from panic into an amalgamation of nerves and reserved urgency. The mess of emotions darkening your once-twinkling eyes are enough to stop his movements, but he still wishes every square inch of him could liquify and seep through the floor of the trailer until he reaches the earth. Maybe then he could be free of your dominance over his heart—
“Okay. Okay.” He nods, placating.
Shifting above you, his attention oscillates between your wide-eyed stare and the space on your neck he kissed like he owned it. Then, as if he suddenly forgot how to behave like a human, he sucks his teeth and fumbles to respond—
“What, uh, what did you feel?”
Your nails sink into him with a pinch, but by the way you seem lost in your own head, he doesn’t think you’re aware. Then—
“W-What— Um, did you…feel…anything?”
He stares for a moment, considering your evasion of the question, but then he looks to your neck once more.
A million thoughts zoom through his mind like advertisements on big city buses. He can’t discern all of them, but one has YOU written in what he’s certain is your handwriting. Another says everything in posh, looping cursive. A third one is void of any advertisements, and unfortunately, that’s the one that stops for him—
“I don’t think it matters,” he mutters, avoiding your frown. “It’s— I’m not the one who lost their virginity.”
You cock your head to the side, the kind of movement he knows means you’re not letting him slip by. “Yes, it does.”
Your tone bites at him, scrambling the illusion until he’s a clear picture of vulnerability, bare under your hardened gaze.
“I just mean, it matters more how you felt. If you— If I made you comfortable. Doesn’t matter how I felt,” he tries, wondering how likely it is that he could be struck by lightning indoors, on a sunny day—
Because you’re looking at him like he’s eighteen again. Like he’s stupid and boyish and easily breakable. But there’s something else in your eyes—
Something that makes him feel almost mendable.
“No, but it does matter how you felt. How you feel. It matters. I care how you feel. I wanna hear what you think,” you implore, holding onto his wrists beside your head. You press the pads of your fingers into his pulse and he worries you’ll feel it before he says it—
“But did you—”
“Yes, I felt good. Yes, you did a good job taking care of me. Yes, I felt safe. Now how did you feel?”
“I feel like— I don’t want you…to…” He closes his eyes, hanging his head. “I feel like I wish you were mine,” he says, letting a humorless chuckle float out of his mouth and electrocute the air with tension. “And I feel like calling up Jimmy and Chris just to curse them out for being the ones you thought of first.”
In the loll of his admission, something shifts in your features, and every molecule of air leaves his chest like you just rolled a grenade at his feet, unpinned and already three seconds deep into the fuse delay.
As if you have nothing better to say, you pluck the lowest hanging fruit—
“Well, technically you suggested Chris,” you half shrug.
Charged silence fills the room like rushing water until he blinks at you.
“Okay.” He begins to back away, ignoring your grasping hands.
Your face falls. “No, I’m sorry! I— That was a joke! ‘M sorry, it was stupid—”
“Okay,” he repeats flatly, peeling your fingers from his bicep. He pulls out of you smoothly, pretending not to hear the low whine deep in your throat—
“Eddie, no! Don’t— I love you!” you utter quickly, as if the words will act as a balm upon his burning skin—the skin that broils under your touch. And for a moment, he almost accepts it. He’s so selfish with you—
But when your eyes grow wide, like you hadn’t meant to let something so damning slip past your lips, he realizes the truth—
He was right.
He doesn’t leave you to explain yourself—doesn’t wait for you to quantify the secret.
“It’s okay,” he answers your worried gaze. “I told you, sex has weird feelings attached to it. Things get said in the heat of the moment, it’s all good.”
Hopefully, if he repeats the sentiment enough, he’ll start to believe it too.
But instead of appreciation, he sees indignation warp your face.
“I’m sorry, where have you been? The heat of the moment was five minutes ago,” you huff, eyeing him like you can’t even begin to comprehend his level of delusion. “True, I didn’t mean to say it just then. But I felt it. I have felt it. For…” you laugh, a humorless sound that grates Eddie’s heart, “years.”
And suddenly, he feels like he got his wish—
Every muscle in his body has turned to mush, every nerve is frayed, every wire is uncrossed—
“I’ve—” you pause, then scoff. “Like, Jesus Christ, Eddie! Do you know how long—”
He melts into you, his lips on yours, his hands on your face, holding you right where he needs you most—
Swallowing your surprised moan, he takes your needy grip in stride—every bite of painted nails against pale burning flesh, every tug and drag, seeking a closeness he craves to sate.
“I don’t care,” he slurs against your mouth, too intoxicated to hear how much time he’s missed out on. Then he pulls back a fraction of an inch, instead deciding he wants to know every single detail—even the painful bits—
Even if just to hear you talk—
“Well, I do care,” he amends. “I just—”
You peer up at him through heavy lids and a teasing grin, and he feels too far from you.
“Not right now,” he drawls, unable to think past ‘I love you, too.’
A/N: Please say nice things about this, it took so fucking long lmao.
pairing: eddie munson x fem!henderson!reader word count: 10.8k summary: eddie munson never expected dustin’s older sister to become his closest friend… or the muse for the most honest song he’s ever written.
a/n: a love letter to something, somehow, someday by role model <3 this is one of my favorite things i’ve ever written, hope u love it!!
eddie munson didn't have many girl friends. mainly because his interests included things like hardcore drugs, his rock band, and countless hours of dungeons and dragons.
he didn't mind it this way. he'd rather stick with his small circle than be made fun of by the prissy girls that attended Hawkins high. besides, he'd be out of there in no time. hopefully.
eddie waited outside of the highschool for the last d&d member to arrive to their meeting- the most important meeting of the campaign, might he add. he glanced at his watch, cursing under his breath.
he was about to start pacing when a car pulled into the lot. the passenger door opened and dustin hopped out, but it wasn’t him eddie looked at first.
it was you.
you hopped out of the drivers side, pulled your jacket closer, and brushed a piece of hair out of your face. simple. nothing dramatic. but for some reason, eddie's mind went blank.
dustin waved. “sorry, man. we had to run home because I forgot my character sheets.”
you looked at eddie then, recognition settling in like you already knew who he was. “you’re eddie, right?”
eddie blinked once, then again. “yeah. that’s me.”
you smiled. “good to finally meet you. dustin talks about you all the time.”
eddie’s brain short-circuited for a moment. dustin talked about him. to you. about him. he tried not to read into that, but his chest felt strangely warm.
“all good things, I hope,” eddie said, shifting the crooked cardboard dragon head under his arm.
“depends on your definition of good,” you teased.
eddie huffed out a breath that almost counted as a laugh. he wasn’t sure why he suddenly felt nervous.
you checked the time, "well, i should let you two get to it. have fun with... whatever it is you guys do.” you ruffled your brothers hair, "see you later twerp."
eddie watched you walk back to your car. only for a second, he told himself. only long enough to make sure you didn’t slip on the ice.
dustin started walking toward the school entrance. “come on, we’re late.”
eddie snapped out of it. “right. yes. lateness. tragic.”
he followed dustin inside, trying to shake whatever strange feeling had settled between his ribs. it didn’t make sense. you were just dustin’s sister. someone normal. someone who belonged in bright hallways and perfect friend groups and warm houses that smelled like cinnamon.
still, as he walked through the doors, he found his mind drifting back to the way you said his name. casual. kind. unbothered. like knowing him wasn’t strange or surprising.
he hated how much that affected him.
he also loved it.
and for the rest of the night, even while he narrated dramatic battles and threw dice across the table, something in the back of his mind kept circling back to you standing in the cold, smiling at him like he was someone worth meeting.
the next week, just when eddie had finally forced himself to get his 60 second conversation with you out of his head, he saw you again.
it was lunchtime, the cafeteria buzzing with the usual noise, fluorescent lights flickering just enough to be annoying. eddie was at the hellfire table, half-lounging in his seat while dustin argued with mike about some rule they absolutely did not need to be arguing about.
eddie wasn’t listening.
he was stirring the lukewarm mac and cheese on his tray, trying not to think about anything that wasn’t dice or music or how many more months he had left in this place.
then the room shifted.
or maybe he did.
you walked in with nancy wheeler, robin buckley, and a couple of the effortlessly cool kids who floated from table to table like they had all the time in the world. you were laughing at something nancy said, your hand brushing lightly against her arm, your whole face bright in a way he hadn’t noticed outside the cold parking lot.
today you were wearing a soft sweater tucked into jeans that fit you perfectly, boots that clicked against the linoleum floor, and your hair looked like you actually did something to it this morning instead of just rolling out of bed. your cheeks were warm from the heat inside, your makeup subtle but intentional, and there was a shine in your eyes when you smiled.
you looked put together.
you looked happy.
you looked like someone who belonged in warm rooms and soft places.
you looked perfect.
eddie tried to tear his gaze away, but it was useless. he watched you ease into the crowd like you knew exactly where to exist, like the world made room for you without question. every gesture you made was gentle, warm, sure of itself. you listened when people spoke, nodding softly, leaning in. you laughed with your whole mouth, not the tight, polite smile he saw on so many others.
it was painfully clear that you lived in a universe he did not.
sitting at that chipped hellfire table, surrounded by dice and doodles and crumbs from dustin’s granola bar, eddie felt something in him sink a little. not jealousy. not sadness. just… reality.
there was no version of life where someone like you ended up in orbit with someone like him. the gap between your worlds wasn’t just big. it was fact.
he told himself it didn’t matter. he barely knew you. you probably didn’t remember his name.
and then you looked at him.
not in a fleeting way. not in a polite, accidental way.
your eyes searched the room, landed on him, and softened.
eddie’s heart stuttered.
dustin noticed him go oddly still. “what are you staring at? do you see a ghost? is that why you look like that?”
eddie didn’t answer. he couldn’t. you were already moving, weaving around tables and backpacks, walking straight toward them.
mike frowned. “why is she coming over here?”
lucas shrugged. “maybe dustin forgot something at home again.”
dustin lit up. “hey! my sister’s here.”
eddie swallowed hard. he tried to sit normally, but suddenly he had no idea what his hands were supposed to be doing. his ring caught on the corner of his notebook as he shoved it aside, and he forced his gaze downward like maybe, if he didn’t look directly at you, he wouldn’t humiliate himself.
you stopped at the edge of the table, your smile as warm as it had been across the room.
“hey, guys,” you said, then shifted your gaze to eddie. “hi, eddie.”
eddie felt the word hi hit somewhere low in his stomach.
“oh. uh. hey.” he cleared his throat. “you’re… here.”
smooth. perfect. excellent delivery, he thought miserably.
you laughed under your breath, the sound soft and kind, not mocking. “just grabbing lunch. saw you over here.”
dustin elbowed him without looking. “say hi back. you look like you just got hit by a bus.”
eddie kicked him under the table.
you didn’t notice their bickering. your attention stayed on him, which was enough to scramble his entire internal wiring.
“how was your meeting last week?” you asked.
for a moment, eddie forgot what meeting meant. then the cardboard dragon head flashed in his memory and he snapped back.
“oh. hellfire? yeah. good. the usual. chaos and violence.”
your smile widened. “sounds about right.”
eddie nodded too fast.
you didn’t linger long. just long enough to say hi. long enough to look at him in a way he wasn’t used to. long enough to make the room feel warmer for reasons he refused to think about.
“i’ll see you around,” you said lightly.
and then you walked back to your group, effortlessly slipping into conversation with nancy again.
eddie watched you go, even though he knew he shouldn’t.
the distance between your table and his suddenly felt larger than the whole school.
mike leaned over the table. “dude. are you okay? you look weird.”
eddie dragged a hand through his hair and reached for the nearest ridiculous distraction. “mike, everything about me looks weird.”
dustin added, “yeah, that’s just how he is.”
but eddie wasn’t listening anymore.
you remembered him.
you sought him out.
you said his name like it meant something to you.
and that was the moment eddie munson realized he had a much bigger problem than a d&d campaign to run.
the next few weeks of eddie's life seemed to be that of a dream. he didn't know how or why, but you and him became friends.
real friends.
not the kind where you wave in the hallway and forget each other exist.
the kind where you gravitate toward each other without meaning to.
it started small.
a simple “hey eddie” in the hallway.
a smile when you saw him at his locker.
a conversation started in the cafeteria that made him choke on his soda because you were actually talking to him.
then the small things became normal.
you showed up early to pick up dustin and ended up talking to eddie for fifteen straight minutes about music.
you asked him what songs he was working on with the band.
you complimented a drawing in his notebook.
after that, everything shifted.
he didn’t say it out loud, but he started timing his walks between classes so he might run into you.
and somehow, you did.
almost every day.
you’d catch him leaning against a column in the hallway, pretending to be interested in whatever mike was rambling about. but the second he saw you approaching, eddie’s whole posture changed. he straightened. tried to look casual. failed.
“morning, eddie,” you’d say.
two words. simple. soft.
they held him together for the rest of the day.
after school became its own ritual.
if you were around when dustin finished hellfire, you stayed for a bit. sometimes you sat on the steps with eddie while dustin ran inside to get something. sometimes you talked through the open door of his van while he packed up his things.
the first time you leaned into the passenger window to ask him how his day was, eddie had to grip the steering wheel with both hands to stay grounded. you smelled like vanilla and laundry detergent. clean. warm. safe.
nothing in eddie’s life had ever felt safe.
he didn’t understand why you made him feel that way.
and then there were the conversations.
you talked to him like he was normal.
not like the freak.
not like the strange metalhead who lived in a trailer.
not like the kid who failed senior year twice.
you asked him things. real things.
what he wanted to do after school.
why he liked d&d so much.
what his songs were about.
and every time he answered, you listened.
eddie wasn’t used to that.
he wasn’t used to being looked at the way you looked at him. like he had value. like he mattered.
he knew he shouldn’t get attached.
he reminded himself constantly that people like you didn’t end up with people like him.
but he couldn’t stop soaking you in.
your smile became his favorite sight.
your laugh became a sound he listened for.
your presence became something his body reacted to before his brain caught up.
and the worst part, the part that hollowed him out a little more each day, was that you were just being friendly.
nothing more.
eddie knew that.
he felt it in every second he spent beside you.
you weren’t flirting.
you weren’t hinting at anything.
you weren’t like that.
you were just kind.
and kindness, for eddie munson, was the most dangerous thing of all.
he fell in love with the little things first.
the way you tucked your feet under you when you sat on the steps.
the way you talked with your hands.
the way you laughed with your whole chest when he said something stupid.
the way you didn’t hesitate to touch his arm when you were getting his attention.
one afternoon, you reached up to brush away a curl that kept falling into his face while he was trying to explain a campaign idea.
eddie forgot what a sentence was.
his brain simply shut down.
you didn’t notice.
of course you didn’t.
the obsession arrived quietly, disguised as friendship.
he found himself thinking about you during math class.
he replayed your conversations when he was alone in his trailer.
he carried the sound of your voice with him into every room he went into.
he thought about you during hellfire. i mean, how insane was that?
and every single day, the same thought echoed through him:
he didn’t stand a chance.
you were bright and soft and hopeful.
you were the kind of person whose future stretched wide and open.
you belonged in a big house with good lighting and holiday dinners and framed photos on mantelpieces.
eddie belonged nowhere.
so he kept himself in check.
he kept his hands to himself.
he never said anything that could be taken the wrong way.
because having you as a friend was better than not having you at all.
and he would take whatever scraps of your time he could get.
he wasn’t stupid enough to imagine more.
but late at night, staring at the ceiling of his room, he let himself ache.
just a little.
he let himself imagine what it would feel like to belong to someone like you.
to touch your hand and not pull away.
to sit beside you without feeling like he needed to hide half of himself.
dreams were safer than reality.
dreams couldn’t reject him.
so eddie dreamed.
and during the day, he smiled when you smiled,
laughed when you called his name,
and convinced himself that friendship was enough.
eddie had never put this much effort into getting dressed.
he would deny it if anyone asked, but he stood in front of his mirror for a solid ten minutes before leaving the trailer.
a clean black sweater.
dark jeans without holes.
actual product in his hair.
he told himself it was because it was a holiday gathering.
it wasn’t.
it was because you would be there.
the wheelers’ house glowed like it had been dipped in gold. warmth, lights, garland, the works. eddie stepped inside and immediately felt out of place - not in the sad, familiar way, but in a new, startlingly vulnerable one.
then he saw you.
and everything in him went quiet.
you were wearing a deep red sweater that fit you perfectly, soft and warm looking. the lights caught the shine in your hair. your lips had a soft shine to them. your face glowed in a way that wasn’t even fair.
eddie forgot how to breathe.
“eddie,” you said, walking toward him, eyes lighting up when they landed on him. “you look really nice.”
eddit blinked. “oh. uh… yeah. you too. you look…” he swallowed, “…yeah.”
you laughed softly. not at him. never at him. just warm, easy laughter.
dustin was across the room, watching.
staring.
squinting.
eddie didn’t notice.
as the night went on, eddie found himself drifting in and out of conversations, never quite grounded. not when you kept moving through the rooms like sunlight. every time you laughed, he glanced up instinctively. every time he heard your voice, he felt his heart do a flip.
and every single time, dustin saw him.
he watched the way eddie angled his body when you were near.
he watched the way eddie’s eyes softened around the edges.
he watched the way eddie stopped talking mid-sentence when you came close.
he watched the way eddie tried, badly, to pretend he wasn’t watching you.
dustin’s mouth slowly fell open.
oh.
ohhhhhhhh.
how did he not see it sooner?
Eddie Munson was in love with his sister.
Dustin stared at him, stunned, as if he’d discovered some rare, tragic creature in the wild.
Eddie didn’t notice. He was too busy pretending not to stare at you.
when the crowd thinned and the music softened, you found him near the staircase, hands tucked in his pockets.
“can i steal you for a sec?” you asked.
eddie nodded immediately. “yeah. anything. I mean. not anything. just- yes, you can.”
dustin, from the couch, slapped a hand over his face.
you led him to a quiet spot near the tree, warm light spilling over both of you.
“i got you something,” you said softly, like you were nervous.
eddie blinked rapidly. “you did? why?”
“because you’re my friend. and it’s christmas. i hear that people give gifts around this time of year,” you joke, lightening the mood a little.
he grins, and his shoulders relax a little. “right, i’ve heard that too.”
you reached behind the couch and pulled a guitar case into view.
eddie froze.
“open it,” you said.
his hands shook slightly as he clicked open the latches.
inside was one of the most beautiful acoustic guitars he had ever seen. honey colored wood. crisp steel strings. perfect.
he inhaled sharply.
“do you like it?” you asked.
eddie nodded, speechless. “i- wow. I love it. you didn't have to do this."
you stepped closer, heartwarming smile on you face, "sure, but I wanted to."
dustin, halfway across the room pretending not to stare, mouthed holy shit.
eddie cleared his throat once he could speak again. “i, uh… i got you something too.”
you looked genuinely surprised. “you did?”
he pulled a small wrapped object from his pocket. nothing compared to a guitar. nothing at all. he felt embarrassment flush his neck.
but he gave it to you anyway.
you opened the paper gently. inside was a hand-painted cassette tape, decorated with tiny stars and vines, the label reading: songs that made me think of you.
your breath caught. “eddie… this is amazing.”
he rubbed the back of his neck. “it’s really not. but… i wanted you to have something.”
you smiled at him. that soft, slow smile that always killed him a little.
you stepped in without hesitation and hugged him.
eddie froze, then sank into it, arms circling you carefully like you were porcelain. your cheek pressed against his shoulder. your hair brushed his collarbone. you held him tight.
and Dustin Henderson, across the room, felt his jaw drop even further.
because Eddie wasn’t just in love.
he was utterly ruined.
you pulled back, hands lingering on his arms.
“merry christmas, eddie,” you murmured.
he swallowed. “merry christmas.”
you left to join Nancy again, cassette in your back pocket.
eddie stood there, staring after you with the softened eyes of a man who had no idea how he was supposed to survive himself.
Dustin approached slowly, cautiously, like he was approaching a wild animal.
“hey man,” he whispered, looking up at him.
eddie snapped out of his daze. “what?”
Dustin studied him for a long moment. too long.
then he whispered, half horrified, half sympathetic:
“you’re in love with her.”
eddie’s face went white.
“no i’m not,” he said immediately.
dustin blinked. “eddie. i’m not blind.”
eddie cleared his throat, ripping his gaze away from where you stood laughing with nancy.
“she’s your sister, man,” he muttered. “just drop it.”
but dustin didn’t.
because he finally saw it.
every lingering glance.
every soft smile.
every skipped breath.
and for the first time, dustin didn’t tease him.
he just whispered:
“you're done for."
eddie closed his eyes.
“yeah,” he breathed, almost too softly to hear, “i know.”
he lay on his back in the dark of his room, staring at the ceiling, hands folded on his chest, christmas lights still faintly glowing through the trailer window. he tried closing his eyes. he tried breathing slow. he even tried counting goddamn sheep.
none of it worked.
his mind kept circling back to you.
to the way you looked under the christmas tree lights.
to the way you hugged him.
to the way your voice softened when you said his name.
to the cassette tape held tightly in your hand- a gift he’d been terrified to give.
to the guitar sitting in the corner, glowing even in the dark like some impossible dream.
he rolled onto his side, exhaling sharply.
he shouldn’t feel like this.
he had no right to.
you weren’t his.
you were never going to be his.
and still, you filled every corner of his mind.
eddie groaned and sat up, running a hand through his hair. sleep wasn’t coming. not tonight. not with the memory of your arms still lingering on his skin.
his eyes drifted toward the guitar case propped against his desk.
it felt like it was calling to him.
slowly, he climbed out of bed, crossed the room barefoot, and opened it. the acoustic guitar looked even more beautiful than it had at the wheelers’ house. warm wood, smooth neck, strings untouched.
you chose this for him.
you believed he’d make something with it.
that thought alone almost knocked him over.
eddie sat on the edge of his bed, pulled the guitar into his lap, and just held it for a moment. his fingers brushed the strings lightly, almost afraid to make sound.
then he reached for a pen and the battered pad of paper he kept under his bedside table.
he didn’t intend to write anything important.
he never did.
songs usually spilled out of him without warning, messy and frantic, fueled by adrenaline or rage or noise.
this one didn’t come like that.
this one came slow.
heavy.
honest.
eddie tapped the end of the pen against the page, staring down at the blank sheet, jaw tight.
he thought of you laughing from across the room.
he thought of you leaning into him without hesitation.
he thought of the way you looked at him like he wasn’t a disappointment or a freak or a cautionary tale.
his chest ached.
he wrote the first line before he could stop himself.
well, he’s a loose cannon…
eddie paused.
his throat felt thick.
he wasn’t writing a character.
he wasn’t writing a metaphor.
he was writing himself.
and once that truth settled, the rest came easier, like the pen moved on its own.
she’s a shoe-tied, blue sky, honeymoon vacation…
he scoffed softly, shaking his head, because of course that was you.
bright. effortless. put together.
everything he wasn’t and never could be.
he kept going.
he’s a fixer-upper…
she’s a friday night…
lyrics spilled out in uneven lines, scratched out and rewritten, smudged where his hand dragged across the page. he worked through the night, guitar resting against his knee, picking out quiet melodies under his breath.
every contrast he wrote was a truth he didn’t want to face.
you were warmth. he was cold.
you were gentle. he was rough around the edges.
you were hopeful. he was trying not to drown.
you were everything bright he never thought he’d get close to.
and he kept writing anyway.
hours passed like minutes.
the sky outside turned from black to deep blue.
eddie sat hunched over his notebook, hair falling around his face, eyes tired but burning.
each line hurt.
but each line was a truth he needed to face.
and somewhere between one lyric and the next, his hand stilled. he stared down at what he’d written, heart pounding hard enough to shake him.
because this wasn’t just a song.
this was him admitting something he didn’t want to admit.
this was him saying:
i love her.
i love her so much it terrifies me.
i love her, and she will never love me back.
but god, i love her anyway.
eddie closed the notebook carefully, almost reverently, as if shutting it might quiet the ache inside him.
it didn’t.
he set the guitar aside and lay back on the bed, staring at the dim blue light slipping through the curtains.
eddie went MIA for the next two days. no school, no dealing, no anything that involved leaving his trailer of solitude. he couldn't face you. not yet.
he tried distracting himself with television, with rolling a few dice, with reorganizing a stack of tapes on his desk. but every single thing he touched reminded him of you.
your smile.
your laugh.
your hug in front of the christmas tree.
your hands on the gift he’d made you.
the soft glow on your skin as you said merry christmas, eddie.
he had written until his hand cramped. he had played until his fingertips stung. he had replayed every moment of the past few weeks until his heart felt bruised.
and he still couldn’t breathe right.
so when someone knocked, sharp and sudden, he jolted like he’d been caught doing something forbidden.
he opened the door and there you were.
hood up. cheeks pink from the cold. worry written across your face.
“hey stranger,” you said lightly, even though your eyes searched his like you were looking for injuries.
eddie stepped aside. “yeah. hey. come in.”
you walked into the trailer, shedding your coat, glancing around the cluttered space with a softness that made eddie’s throat ache.
“you okay?” you asked.
eddie nodded. then shook his head. then nodded again.
“yeah, i’m just… tired.”
you gave him a look that said you didn’t buy that for a second, but you didn’t press. you just sat on his couch and patted the cushion beside you.
“come sit.”
he did, heart hammering way too hard for something so simple.
you talked for a while about nothing. dustin. school. the wheelers’ terrible eggnog. while you spoke, eddie kept glancing at the notebook on the floor: the one filled with lyrics he never meant for you to see.
which, of course, meant you noticed.
“what’s that?” you asked, leaning forward before he could stop you.
eddie scrambled, literal panic in his chest, and grabbed the notebook so fast it made you blink.
“okay,” you said slowly, smiling, “that was dramatic.”
eddie hugged the notebook to his chest. “it’s private.”
“so is everything you hide under laundry piles.”
he swallowed. “it’s… not ready.”
“is it a song?”
eddie stared at the floor. “yeah.”
you tilted your head, studying him. “will you play it for me?”
“no.”
“why not?”
“because.”
“eddie…”
he looked up (mistake) because your expression was soft and earnest and just a little pleading. he could never deny you anything. not even this. not even the truth disguised as a melody.
he sighed, defeated. “fine. but you have to sit still. no faces. no comments.”
“i would never,” you lied sweetly.
eddie grabbed the acoustic guitar— your guitar—and sat on the edge of the couch, hunched over it like he could hide behind the wood.
his hands shook as he positioned his fingers.
the notebook sat open beside him, pages full of the words he wished he’d never written.
he didn’t look at you.
he started to play.
softly at first, then with more confidence as the chords fell into place. his voice came next, low and careful, almost trembling.
and he sang the song you gave him the lyrics for, the one he’d poured his heart into without meaning to.
your heart began to pound as the words washed over you:
“well, he's a loose cannon, foolish man who needs some medication
she's a shoe-tied, blue sky, honeymoon vacation
he's a fixer-upper, skipping supper, hates an obligation
she's a friday night
he's a bad dream, nicotine, druggie complication
she's a peace sign, tea time, drinker on occasion
he's an east coast, jeans rolled, no communication
she's a welcome sign…”
you froze.
every line was him.
every line was you.
every contrast was painfully, beautifully obvious.
eddie kept going, voice wavering at the edges:
“but i believe they're meant to be
something, somehow, someday…”
your breath caught. the realization hit you.
he wasn’t just singing a song.
he was telling you a secret.
the secret.
the one he’d been burying under jokes and distance.
your eyes lifted to him.
eddie was staring at the notebook, refusing to meet your gaze, jaw clenched so tight it shook. his fingers trembled on the guitar strings. his breathing faltered only once, when your knee brushed his.
but he kept playing.
“he’s a ford truck, door shut, runs from conversation
she’s an open ear, souvenir, reads the situation…”
you knew.
you knew.
his posture.
his shaking hands.
the way his voice cracked right before the next line.
the way he refused to look at you even once.
this wasn’t a song about two fictional opposites.
this was about you.
and him.
and everything between you he had never said.
tears stung your eyes without warning.
eddie reached the end, voice barely above a whisper:
“…something, somehow, someday.”
the last chord rang through the trailer, vibrating through the air until it faded into silence.
eddie lowered the guitar immediately, setting it aside like it burned him. he still didn’t look up. his curls fell forward, hiding half his face, but you could see the tension in every muscle.
his hands twisted together.
his knee bounced.
his breathing was uneven.
your voice came out small but certain.
“eddie… it’s about me.”
his head snapped up, eyes wide with something between panic and heartbreak.
“no,” he said too fast. “no, it’s… it’s just a song. i just wrote it when I was.. drunk, and high. it’s nothing. you’re reading into it.”
“eddie,” you repeated softly, “it’s about me.”
he froze.
the truth hung between you, electric and fragile.
you waited.
eddie swallowed hard, eyes flicking to every corner of the room except your face. “i shouldn’t have played it for you.”
“why not?”
“because,” he whispered, “you weren’t supposed to know.”
“know what?”
he pressed his lips together, chest rising and falling too quickly.
“that i… that i care about you more than i should,” he said, voice shaking. “that you’re the only thing i can think about. that i wake up and your face is already in my head. that when you hugged me at the party i felt like i was dying. that i… god, i’m so in love with you it makes me feel sick.”
the words tumbled out of him before he could stop them.
silence.
your breath caught.
eddie looked like he’d just handed you the knife to kill him with. he gave you no time to finish him off.
“i know you don’t feel that way,” he said, voice breaking. “i know i’m not… i’m not the kind of guy you want. i know i’m nothing compared to the people in your world. but i had to get it out somehow. and the song was the only way.”
you stared at him, stunned.
eddie exhaled, shaking.
“so, yeah,” he whispered. “it’s about you.”
the room was warm.
the air was still.
and your heart had never beaten harder.
silence filled the trailer. warm, heavy, almost buzzing.
you replayed everything in your mind. every moment with him. every laugh. every touch. every look. every quiet shift that now made perfect sense.
eddie watched the silence stretch and misunderstood every second of it.
your shock.
your breathlessness.
your searching eyes.
he thought it was rejection.
he stood up quickly, pain slicing through his expression even though he tried to hide it. he nodded once, already backing away.
“it's okay,” he said, voice thin and breaking. “you can go. really. i should not have said any of that.”
you looked up, startled, and grabbed his wrist before he could take another step.
“eddie.”
he froze like you had pinned him to the floor with a spell.
you tugged gently, guiding him back down. he resisted for half a heartbeat before sitting beside you again, muscles locked tight, shoulders curled inward like he was waiting for the final blow.
your hand stayed on his wrist. warm. steady. not letting him pull away.
silence returned, but now it felt different. thicker. charged. full of something unspoken that neither of you knew how to hold.
eddie stared at the floor. “please do not look at me like that. like you feel bad for me. i cannot take that.”
you didn't answer.
instead, you moved.
you shifted closer, one slow inch at a time. then your knee touched his thigh. then your abdomen brushed his forearm. then you swung one leg over his lap and settled there lightly.
eddie went perfectly still.
your hands rested on his shoulders. his breath caught somewhere high in his chest and stayed there.
he whispered, barely audible, “you do not have to do this.”
you leaned in until your forehead nearly touched his. “i know.”
your fingers traced the curve of his jaw. he flinched at the intimacy, not out of fear but disbelief. no one had ever touched him like this. like he was wanted.
you looked at him for a long moment, scanning his face as if you were memorizing it. every freckle. every scar. every piece of him he wished he could hide.
you lifted his chin gently. “eddie,” you said, voice soft but certain. “look at me.”
his eyes met yours, scared and hopeful all at once.
you held his face in both hands. “i wish you had told me sooner. i care about you so much. more than you think.”
eddie blinked, stunned. “you… do?”
“yes.” your forehead brushed his, warm and grounding. “you're so good for me. you always have been. you're kind and steady and honest. you make me feel safe. you make me laugh. you are exactly the person i want to spend time with.”
his breath shuddered, disbelief flickering across his features. “i didn't think i could be that for you.”
“you are,” you whispered. “you have been from the beginning.”
his hands rose again, hesitant but drawn to you, resting at your waist like he was afraid you might fade if he held you too tightly.
you leaned closer, your nose grazing his. “you're perfect for me, eddie. you should know that.”
his eyes softened in a way you had never seen before, like something inside him finally settled.
you felt his heartbeat under your palms.
then, quietly, almost like he was afraid to break the moment, he said, “can i ask you something.”
you nodded, your thumbs brushing his cheekbones. “anything.”
he swallowed, voice trembling but clear. “can i kiss you?”
you smiled, slow and sure, your lips inches from his.
“i was hoping you would.”
eddie kissed you like he had been waiting his entire life for permission.
slow at first. careful. reverent. his lips moved against yours with aching gentleness, as if the world might collapse if he pushed too hard. his hands tightened on your waist, not to pull you in, but to anchor himself to the moment.
you kissed him back. fully. warmly. without hesitation.
eddie made a soft sound in the back of his throat, something broken and relieved and unbelievably tender, and the kiss deepened naturally. not rushed. not frantic. just two people finding each other in the quiet.
it was everything he had imagined and nothing like it at all.
it was better.
when you finally pulled back, breaths mixing in the small space between you, eddie opened his eyes slowly, like he was afraid this was a dream he might break by moving too fast.
your hands cupped his cheeks. his curls framed your fingers. his lips were slightly pink from kissing you and he looked at you like you had rewritten his entire world.
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your first kiss with eddie happens when you’re painting his nails for him and he has to try to resist touching you because the polish is still wet.
wc: 1.6k+ | warnings: kissing, sensuality, sexual tension, friends to lovers, mention of marijuana use, no use of y/n, not explicit but mdni, reader is out of high school/an adult, eddie is repeating senior year again.
author’s note: would it really be so crazy if i said this little drabble is one of my favorite things i have ever written? also this is dedicated to @dearwalker for no reason other than she gets me.
☾𖤓⋆✴︎˚。⋆ ☾𖤓⋆✴︎˚。⋆
You’re supposed to be helping him study for a biology test.
It’s the whole reason you came over.
But then he suggested ordering a pizza. And then he rolled a joint for the two of you to share. Then the pizza was delivered, and he turned on a horror film that you’re sure he’s already seen at least a dozen times.
Now an hour has passed and his biology textbook is still open to the same page that it was when you first arrived.
The movie still plays as background noise as he focuses all of his concentration on painting his fingernails to match his raven curls.
Maybe it’s due to the fact that you’re a little buzzed, but you can’t stop staring at him.
Maybe you just think he’s pretty.
“It’s getting late,” you hum, transfixed by the way he bites his bottom lip in the endearing way that he always does when he’s hyper focused on a task. “If you wanna pass your test tomorrow, you need to study.”
He snorts. You know him well enough to know that he’s saying we could study for the next six fucking hours and I’m still not gonna pass that test without actually saying it.
“Quiz me,” he says without taking his eyes off the tips of his fingers. “This is going to take a while. I can paint my right hand pretty quickly, but the left…”
You stare at him for another moment when you get an idea. If he were to ask, you’d say it’s to speed up the process, but it’s not quite so easy to lie to yourself.
You just want to be closer to him.
You scoot to where he sits near the foot of his bed and hold out your hand for the tiny brush. He freezes and looks up at you with wide doe eyes.
“Let me help you,” you murmur. “And I’ll quiz you, too. Kill two birds with one stone.”
He smirks, passing you the brush. “You always have the best ideas.”
You take his left hand in yours and pull it closer to you, your eyes drawn to the details of his rings as if you haven’t stared at them a thousand times before. With your other hand, you dip the brush back into the nail polish bottle that he still holds in his right hand.
“I know. That’s why you keep me around.”
When you look up, he’s already watching you with a half-dazed expression. “Among other reasons.”
The air suddenly feels heavier. You force yourself to drop your gaze back down to his hand in yours, bringing the brush to the tip of his index finger and mentally willing your hand to stay steady.
You clear your throat. “First question. Define commensalism and give me an example.”
“Too easy,” he laughs lowly. You feel the faint vibration of it from where his hand rests in yours. “It’s a type of symbiotic relationship where one organism benefits but the other isn’t helped or harmed. Like…barnacles on a whale.”
You smile and nod, not taking your eyes off of his fingernail for fear that you’ll smear the black ink across his pale skin. “Good job,” you praise, moving onto his middle finger. “What about mutualism?”
“Also too easy. Mutualism is when both organisms benefit from the relationship. Like bees and flowers. Like coral and algae. And like me and you.”
You freeze, your heart hammering in your chest. “Me and you?” You muse, glancing up at him briefly through your lashes. Maybe it’s the chemicals in the nail polish affecting your ability to think clearly, but you swear his gaze lingers on your lips for a loaded second. “How so?”
He grins, highlighting the crinkles around his eyes. “You know,” he shrugs. “You help me study for a test, I buy you pizza. I let you smoke my weed, I get to stare at you while you paint my fingernails. Win-win situation if you ask me.”
Perhaps it’s not the chemicals making your imagination run wild, then. You’d think you were dreaming if it weren’t for how uncomfortably dry your mouth suddenly feels.
You do what you’re so naturally inclined to do - deflect.
Dropping your gaze again, you move onto the next finger. “Sounds to me like you’re getting the short end of the stick.”
You mentally curse the slight quiver in your voice.
“Pshhh,” he scoffs. “You don’t actually believe that, do you?”
You shrug, moving onto his pinky nail. It takes every ounce of determination you possess to will your hands not to shake under the intensity of his stare.
“Hey,” he says softly when he realizes that you’re not going to give him a direct answer. Just as you’re finishing up the first coat of paint on his pinky, he takes the brush away from you. You feel you have no choice but to look him in the eye.
He’s looking at you with the same effortless softness as always. That’s what you find the most infuriating about it - he always looks at you just as fondly as he is right now. So why is it suddenly ripping the air from your lungs?
“I do not have the short end of the stick,” he says, almost defensively. “Not when I’ve got you in my room, sitting on my bed, holding my hand in yours. Anyone who isn’t me…that’s who has the short end of the stick.”
“Eddie,” you breathe, your brain short-circuiting. Suddenly, English is a foreign language. It may as well be your first day trying to string two words together.
You don’t have to worry about being speechless for long.
His eyes flicker to your lips again. He doesn’t even try to hide it. Then he shifts closer, his knees brushing against yours as he places the bottle of nail polish and the brush on his bedside table without ever looking away from you.
The Evil Dead playing on his television fades to static white noise as he starts to raise a hand to your face.
“Wait.”
He freezes when his lips are mere inches from yours. You grab his wrist in your hand right before it makes contact with your cheek.
The dejected look on his face is enough to make you wish you could go back in time by about five seconds and bite your stupid tongue.
“Shit,” he murmurs, pulling his hand away immediately. “Sorry. I’m sorry. I thought - I’m not sure what I thought.” He shakes his head, now looking anywhere but at you. “Can we please forget about—”
“No, no, no,” you say quickly, grabbing his wrist again. He tenses beneath your touch, an equal mix of confusion and disappointment on his face. “It’s not that. I want to kiss you. Of course I want to kiss you.”
He gulps. “You do? Then what—?”
“Your nails,” you explain, feeling silly. You just interrupted the kiss that you’ve envisioned more times than you can begin to recount over something as trivial as nail polish. “They’re still wet,” you huff a shaky laugh.
He stares at you with wide eyes. Blinks. Then, his shoulders drop in palpable relief and his lips quirk in amusement. “You really think I care more about my nails than I do kissing you?”
Your cheeks are burning. He’s too sweet. Always been too sweet. You shake your head, more at yourself than anything else. “Don’t want all my hard work to go to waste,” you murmur. “Just..let me. Okay?”
He nods, slow and dazed. “Yeah,” he whispers. “Okay.”
With his hands out of the question, he waits. Completely at your mercy.
You lift your other hand, just barely grazing the skin of his jaw before brushing a stray curl away from his face. His eyes flutter closed and he sucks in a sharp breath.
God, he’s pretty. Thick dark lashes against porcelain skin and plush lips that twitch in anticipation of you.
And you don’t intend on making him wait another moment.
The second your lips touch his, he all but sighs into you. His whole body shivers, shoulders trembling as he leans into you as much as he dares without moving his hands from where they hover at your sides.
His lips part under yours with a quiet gasp, and his head tilts just enough to deepen the kiss. You feel the tremor that runs through him when your fingers slide to the back of his neck, the way he tenses like he’s fighting the urge to sink his fingers into your waist, to pull you onto his lap, to touch you anywhere you’ll let him.
A soft whimper escapes him when your teeth scrap along the swell of his bottom lip.
“Jesus Christ,” he sighs against your lips, voice trembling with restraint. “Do you know how hard it is to not touch you right now?”
You huff a laugh, flustered and lightheaded. “Just a few more minutes,” you breathe. Then, because you want to touch him every bit as badly as he wants to touch you, you ease yourself onto his lap, steadying yourself with your palms against his chest. Through the fabric of his t-shirt, you feel his heart pounding. “Then you can touch me however you want.”
Another sharp inhale as you bracket your thighs around his waist. “Fuck, sweetheart,” he whispers, his breath fanning across your face. He swallows hard, his eyes even darker than usual with lust blown pupils as he gazes up at you. “You’re gonna be the death of me.”
Your cheeks burn hot at the way he’s looking at you. Awestruck. “You’re dramatic,” you tease. “You know that?”
“Am not,” he huffs, though there’s nothing but fondness in his expression. “I’m being tortured. This is torture.”
Your thumb grazes his cheekbone and he nuzzles the side of his face against your palm.
“….Worth it, though.”
☾𖤓⋆✴︎˚。⋆ ☾𖤓⋆✴︎˚。⋆
thank you so much for reading <3 i love you forever if you comment/reblog
I have been inspired lately and hope to start writing a series for my main man Steve ‘The Hair’ Harrington. But I don’t know if to do it as Reader or an OC character.
What do people prefer to read?