Premeditated Murda

“Don’t waste your love on somebody, who doesn’t value it.”

What’s the worst thing I’ve stolen? Probably little pieces of other people’s lives. Where I’ve either wasted their time or hurt them in some way. That’s the worst thing you can steal, the time of other people. You just can’t get that back.

I can’t sleep, just like that night. I stayed up, watching you sleep wondering what was on your mind. Wondering when the universe pictured us meeting, if our starts aligned. Wondering if there would be a last time for us to lay down just as we did that night. Time went by so flawlessly, so fast, I stared at you until my eyes grew weary and even then I couldn’t sleep. I wondered if deep inside you really wanted me to be there or if it was just so obvious that I was full of pain and ached for love, so you pitied me. In reality, I wasn’t full of anything. Well at least now I’m sure I’m not. Empty, vacant, unoccupied—Abandoned. Such a reoccurring theme in my life. Whatever. Somehow I fell asleep as soon as the light began to crawl. When everyone’s asleep, I’m awake playing with the lost and disregarded thoughts thrown into the unwanted pile of this world. They belong to me, they dance over my head until my soul surrenders and my body responds, then I sleep. Finally. All of a sudden I am awaken by the soft meet of your skin to mine. I felt your fingers gracing across the surface of my hip and slowly moving down to my leg. It was a wonderful awakening, my heart began to race, my lips quivered and I turned over to see that you were still sleep. I didn’t know whether to smile or to be disappointed. Were you dreaming of me? Am I on your unconscious mind? Or are you imagining the comfort of someone else? I could never know. I turned back over. I remember wishing you felt what I felt. Intensity. Every moment with you, I cherished and I feared. Even watching you sleep terrified me because it was like being on time out as a kid when all you really want is to play outside. Well, when you woke up, you took another piece of my away. Your hands wrapped around my body, your lips slither all over my skin, you travel to places inside of me unknown by the rest of the world and I cry aloud “I love you.” I wish I would’ve said more. I wish all the words I know went to use, I wish I found the right ones to say. But that probably still wouldn’t have stopped you from leaving. If you were poison then I was ready to die. What a fool.

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