Finding Myself? What’s That?

Things I didn’t realize were strange most of my life…I didn’t look in the mirror much and when I did, I’d look directly in the eyes cause I didn’t relate to the person staring back. I have a memory of saying my given name over and over and each time it felt more foreign to me like it wasn’t even a name, like it was losing meaning. I even mentioned it to my dad once and of course he laughed at me. But maybe that was his standard reaction cause I once told him I hated being a girl

We’re a newly discovered system and life is so fukkin HARD!! Sometimes I wonder if it was positive or not to find out i had it but then the idea of still living in the prison I once called ‘home’ is absolutely horrifying but why is nothing i dunno…manageable. Took ME long enough to realize I was the new Host not even realizing we Merged and its so confusing and im a dude in a woman’s body and I don’t have an emotional connection to most people now and im supposed to ‘Adult’ and dont know who’s who anymore but there’s a Little that’s lit more positively grown up than me…i mean fuck im so tired